The new season is almost upon us and already the Ferguson mind games have begun - not from Sir Alex but his wife.

As the Man Utd supremo prepared to study his troops for the final time before the big kick-off, Lady F insisted the only notes hubby would be taking were attached to the piano he'd be shifting into their new house. football.guardian.co.uk/News...

Poor old Fergie was even more red-faced than usual when he explained why he would be absent from the games against Glentoran and Dunfermline. "I told her I had a match but she wasn't having any of it," he confessed. Now we know whose hair-dryer he's been borrowing all these years.

All of this must be music to the ears of rival-in-chief Jose Mourinho. Although isn't that the same Jose Mourinho who dashed out of Chelsea's player-of-the-year dinner after taking a call from the missus about their distressed Yorkshire Terrier?

Talking of footballing men under the thumb, David Beckham's Hollywood honeymoon appears to be over after LA Galaxy fans booed him for daring to still be injured a whole four weeks after joining them.

Opposition supporters have delighted in the backlash - witness the banner from a creative Toronto FC diehard at the top of the page. Not to be outdone, Dallas fans carried a flag into their Pizza Hut Park stadium bearing the legend 'Bench it like Beckham'.

Becks has also come under fire for his eating habits after being snapped by the paps in a burger joint. If his fall from grace in the fickle world of Laa-Laa land continues it won't be long before he's asking: "Do you want chips with that?" Although not to his wife, obviously.

Becks tried to appease the fans with a 15-minute cameo against DC United on Friday but could not prevent his side losing 1-0. Oops. news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/foo...

While the MLS season is in full swing, the Premier League has yet to take its bow, but already Wayne Rooney is in trouble for allegedly flashing a finger to Chelsea fans chanting "You fat b******" throughout the Community Shield.

Perhaps more alarming was the flashing of his newly shaved chest. One hopes, in keeping with the spirit of the day, it was all in the name of charity. www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,...

Leeds lost their appeal against a 15-point deduction in League One and just when fans thought things couldn’t get any worse, they now have to get their heads around the smoking ban at Elland Road.
news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/foo...

A survey by Nicotinell unsurprisingly revealed Leeds supporters get through the most tabs during a game, closely followed by Yorkshire rivals Sheffield United, who were also relegated, and Yorkshire rivals Rotherham, who were also...can you see a pattern emerging here?

Over in F1, there was further evidence of the loathe-hate relationship between Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso after the Spaniard refused to let his talented team-mate out of the pits at the Hungarian Grand Prix. news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/mot...

Hamilton's response was a furious expletive-ridden exchange with McClaren's head honcho Ron Dennis, culminating in the glorious line: "Go ******* swivel."

Prior to the race, young Lewis was the boy every girl wanted to take home to meet their mum - and judging by his antics in the sea a few days later, he might get to meet quite a few before he settles down.

Hamilton appears to have McClaren by the short and curlies, with reports of Ferrari sniffing around. But he's got nothing on rugby league star Leon Pryce, who rearranged the meat and two veg of rival Sam Burgess with his bare hands during the Challenge Cup semi-final.

Pryce landed a three-match ban for his troubles, while Burgess is considering an offer to sing falsetto with his local opera company. news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/rug...

In the other code, Nick Easter scored four tries as England battered Wales 62-5. It can only be a matter of time before opposition fans begin chanting the mantra directed at Wycombe namesake, Jermaine..."You're not as good as Christmas."
news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/rug...

Elsewhere, Tim Lovejoy made a successful debut hosting Five Live's 606 this week, although the promised guest appearances by Tinker, Eric and Lady Jane failed to materialise.

And finally, just days after Lee Cook donated his £250,000 signing-on fee at Fulham to 'cash-strapped' QPR, news emerged of a takeover at Loftus Road by billionaire Bernie Ecclestone. What's the betting Cook will ask for his money back? news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/foo...

Videos to look out for this week:

Diego dances: www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJmf...
The best own goal ever? www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHhO...