posted Jun 8, 2007

Oldie but goodie;

Rafael Benitez sends scouts out around the world looking for a new striker and hopefully win Liverpool the title.
One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar.
The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.
Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Manchester United with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.
The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
Hello mum, guess what?" he say's. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
"Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters while you were having a great time."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?’ says his mum, "It's your fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"

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posted Jun 8, 2007

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posted Jun 8, 2007

Very good

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posted Jun 8, 2007

Your poking a hornets nest with a stick.

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posted Jun 8, 2007

What beautieeeeeeeees as would say blue nose Gray

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posted Jun 8, 2007

so true its unbelivable!

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posted Jun 8, 2007

Rafa is hosting a celebration party for the team at an Anfield local after the PL victory against Arsenal. He is behind the bar pouring a glass of rose wine when a sexy girl in a Chelsea shirt approaches him seductively caressing his face with her hand. "Can you tell me who the host is" she asks stroking his shirt and opening his mouth with her fore finger and suggestively tickling his tongue. "Why do you want to know he asks" as she continues playing with his face, mouth and hair . Rafa is embarrassed but is not unphased by this inebriated behaviour, not uncommonly experienced by the players from female supporters. He just didnt react, continuing to smile at her at the same time trying to step back as she aggressively maintained her fumbling." I need to see the host", she finaly replied" to tell him that there is no towel in the ladies room and the loo paper has run out."

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posted Jun 8, 2007

Rafa was spending a quiet day fishing (sulking about the CL final defeat) when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip,
the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. The monster then opened its mouth while waiting below
to swallow man and boat. As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" Suddenly, the scene froze in place. As Rafa hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!" "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!" "Well," said God, "now that you are a believer you must
understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?" Rafa thinks for a minute and then says, "God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You also." God replies, "So be it." The scene starts in motion again with Rafa falling towards the ravenous jaws of the ferocious beast. Then the Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided....."

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posted Jun 8, 2007

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men (Rafa and Gerrard) who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity, watch as this man plummets to certain fatality. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. Rafa and Gerrard at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground. Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ------- when you're drunk!"

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posted Jun 8, 2007

A family of bin dippers go out in their stolen car to nick their Xmas Shopping. In the Sports section of a huge dept store..the lad cheerfully announces to his older sister..I've decided to become a Manc!!...His sister goes potts..and says ssssh mum will go mad!!..but he grabs a Man U shirt off the rails and stuffs it up his jumper...Mam Mam the sister says Joeys sex heez supportin Man U!..His Mum cuffs him and say ssshh your Dad will have a fit if He heres you sayin that...but He just lifts a Man U baseball cap to go with the shirt!... Dad Dad says Mam Joeys become a fookin Man U Fan!!...The Dad goes ballistic...The son starts singing Manchester La la la la..so his Dad biffs him...by now they are attracting attention from the store detectives...so the family hurry out..The dad still hitting his son and ranting..Our family have supported Liverpool since day one..you cant support them mancs..think of the family tradition son!!...the son says nothing except alright Da and they all get in the car...as they are driving along..the father Calmed Down says to his son with the women looking on...I hope you've learnt an important lesson today son??

and the son says I have Dad! I have!....Good on ya son!..yeah I've only been a Man U supporter for 30 minutes and I already HATE youse Scouse BarrStarrds!!

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