This was the week Jose Mourinho climbed out of his laundry basket to wash his dirty linen in public.

Within hours of the revelation that he had been smuggled out of the Chelsea dressing room among the smalls and the jockstraps to beat a Uefa ban, the Special One was shooting from the lip at anyone within range.

Benitez and Ronaldo were among the targets, but Mourinho saved his greatest contempt for the minimal amount of penalties Manchester United have conceded this season compared to Chelsea (United 4, Chelsea 2, since you ask).

Even better was the post-match outrage concerning the 'stonewall spotkick' the Blues were denied against Liverpool when Arbeloa handled the ball - conveniently overlooking the fact it happened at least half a mile outside the box.

But even the most ardent Mourinho-hater could not have failed to have had a bit of sympathy for his poor kids when they turned up with dad to the wrestling and had to listen to the chorus of boos as his name was announced. A career as a pantomime villain beckons.

Thankfully it's not all bad for Jose after Girls Aloud stick insect Cheryl Tweedy admitted she had a bit of a thing for him.
"He has a presence and a lot of charisma and I think everybody loves a little bit of bad-boy arrogance...he’s stylish and a little bit older, so yes, I’ve got a twinkle in my eye for him," she said.

That's Cheryl Tweedy, married to Ashley Cole, who plays for Chelsea. Could make for some interesting banter on the training ground next week.

They don’t call it the beautiful game for nothing and love was definitely in the air in Brazil, where Cabofriense star Cleberson responded to the referee giving a foul against him by planting a smacker on the official's cheek.

Cleberson earned a yellow card for his troubles, despite protesting: "I didn’t know it was against the rules."

Next week, Paul Jewell goes out for a candlelit dinner with Phil Dowd and David Dein enjoys a spot of ballroom dancing with Peter Hill-Wood.

And there's more. In Madrid, a teenage fan was fined £2,000 for invading the pitch to hug David Beckham. Becks meanwhile was dubbed 'Marilyn' by his team-mates after unveiling his latest hair horror. Mr C from The Shamen or any member of the Bad Girls cast might be nearer the mark.

The biggest, and saddest, story of the week concerned the death of Alan Ball - a true legend recognised as one of the finest players these shores have produced.

A group of Arsenal fans are planning to honour the great man by turning up to the Emirates wearing his trademark white boots, while the FA announced that in every ground across the country there would be a "Minute's silence filled with applause" - we know what they meant.

And finally, there was only one contender for comedy superhero of the week - step forward Shaun Murphy. The 2005 World Snooker champion posed for pictures in a Superman outfit he bought for himself on the internet.

He said: "As a kid I had a Superman outfit and wore it under my uniform at school...it's a childhood fantasy that I have never quite grown out of but I don't wear it much - honest!"

Is anyone else getting disturbing images of Murphy standing on the top of his wardrobe, waiting to leap off? And does anyone know how you get rid of them?