"Gooo-allll!! Messi, Messi, Messi, Messi, Messi, Messi - gol, gol, gol, gol, gol, gol, gol, gol...."
If you're wondering what I've put on my cornflakes this morning, you obviously haven't seen Lionel Messi's spectacular goal for Barcelona against Getafe, which is being mentioned in the same breath as Maradona's wonder strike against England (the one that didn't need assistance from the man upstairs).
Like Liz Hurley's dress and Shane Warne's opening delivery to Mike Gatting, in future years Messi's effort will simply be referred to as THAT goal.
But don't take my word for it that he dribbles past five players from the halfway line before coolly rounding the keeper and slotting home, take a look for yourself.
Unfortunately we can't link to the footage, but there may well be certain video websites that are featuring it.
The crazy commentary on one TV station is worth the entrance fee alone, as the world record for the amount of times 'Messi' appears in one sentence is well and truly shattered. "He's 'avin a Getafe" as one colleague put it.
Elsewhere, David Beckham's tattooist has nicknamed him 'Big Balls' for the way he casually watched football as he had the latest monstrosity inked on his arm. 'Bad Taste' might be a better description - although as we all know by now, when it comes to nicknames no-one can touch Monty Panesar's alter-ego,Tony Parmesan. www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/A21721...
Talking of cricket, England's shocking performance in the World Cup (now where have we heard that before?) was making all the headlines.
We've already had one national coach superimposed on to a sugary cake, now expect the unveiling of ‘Duncan Donut’ in the tabloid press.
Former players queueing up to demand Fletcher's removal appear to have got their wish - and the captain's zombie-like performances at the crease should lead to him being re-named Vaughan of the Dead.
Even Tony P found the going tough against the Boks, while Freddie was about as much use as a p***head on a pedalo.
And finally, spare a thought for the players of Inverness Caledonian Thistle, who've had the rug pulled from under their European dreams by Elton John.
The director of football put a stop to any planned Intertoto campaign when he realised the dates would clash with Big Elt's gig at their stadium.
If the former Watford chairman fails to deliver the goods on 15 July, expect The Sun to tweak their famous headline... Loopy Cally Go Ballistic, Elton Was Atrocious.
Don't forget to check out Radio 4's hilarious new tongue-in-cheek sports show Look Away Now. You can listen to the show on Thursday evening (1830-1900BST) - and it is repeated on Friday (2300-2330BST). To find out more and to win tickets to see the show, click on this link. www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/comedy/...