I spotted a bestseller list of footballers' biographies and was pleased to see Ashley Cole wasn't selling nearly as well as his England team-mates’.

The serialisation in the papers hasn't tempted many of us to look any further into the left-back's past which is no surprise - there's only so much empathy you can have for a bloke who's unhappy on 55k a week.

I'm no great reader but I have to say I am not interested in reading about footballers' lives til they've lived them.

Wayne Rooney's book is called My Life So Far. All 21 years of it.

'Was born, grew up in Scouse version of Desperate Dan household, learnt to box, realised I was brilliant at footie, grew first beard at 11, had Evertonian blood pumping through me, got a quick transplant and joined Man U, broke me toe while playing unbelievably for England, broke me foot again, went to Germany 2006, trod on testicles, sent off. And some stuff about Coleen.'

There, now you don't need to buy it.

Steven Gerrard's book, subtitled I Don't Want To Go To Chelsea... yet, is selling really well.

People are probably hoping for a chapter on what it feels like to carry 10 players on your back for 120 minutes of a Cup final.

All right, mebbe they want to know what it's like to lift the Champs League trophy.

Whatever, I'd prefer his book rather than Lamps' or Rio's. I can't imagine either of them being a riveting narrator;

'Obviously, at the end of the day, I was gutted, and after giving 120% we was definitely reckoning on coming a way with the three points but at the end of the day, obviously, that's football.'

Of course there are some books I'd love to read:

20,000 Leagues Under the Premiership - the story of Leeds United in the 21st Century

The Rise and Fall of Roman's Empire - the story of Chelsea in the 21st Century

From Beer To Paternity Tony Adams' guide to modern fatherhood

Malice in Sunderland - Roy Keane's new book

Tumbledown - a season in the life of Arjen Robben

Tender Is The Bite - Tottenham Hotspur fans' tribute to Jermain Defoe

The Invisible Man - Jermaine Jenas' World Cup 2006 diary

The Days of the T'riffic - Trevor Brooking's nostalgic look at the Hammers team of the 70s and 80s

And finally the book I'm desperately trying to get hold of.....

How To Be Successful In Football Without Really Trying - by Francesco Totti.

Seriously though, on me Christmas List is that Ian Ridley book about Weymouth FC and the history of Italian football Calcio.

I also wouldn't mind reading the book on Shankly. He really deserves a book to be written about him.

I'll read the England lads' memoirs in 10 years when they've retired and they can, like Keano, let rip.

For now, I'll make do without knowing which cars they own and how many dobermans patrol their estates.