 |  | It's not easy starting again after a divorce or a split. Your mutual friends avoid taking sides by staying away, it's been years since you went out alone, you're not on the pull but may look like you area and you don't know anyone else who's single.
It's a scenario familiar to many but still people feel lonely and confused and really don't know how to start again. One person very familiar with that feeling was Barbara Lonsdale, who lives in Coventry.
She divorced after a long marriage and found herself in that unenviable position of being alone and not knowing what to do.
"I saw an advert in the paper about setting up a group for people like me and I went along. There were about 12 people there and we set about forming a club".
That first meeting of what would be the Coventry branch of the Phoenix NCDS (National Council for Divorced, Separated and Widowed People) spawned a hugely successful club, which helps people who find themselves on their own get back on the right track.
| |  | Barbara Lonsdale, one of the founder members
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There are now well over 200 members of the club, of which Barbara is treasurer, and all have found - or are in the process of finding - their feet after the stress and trauma of a relationship ending at meetings and special events at Coventry's Tam O'Shanter Club.
"The group is specifically for those people who have come out of long-term relationships and we are very strict on this," said Barbara.
"We are only open to mature people who are long-term single as there are lots of places younger people can go to meet people - we cater for a group of people who find it much harder to get out."
And the club is very strict. To ensure predatory married people or those in a relationship don't turn up to try and engineer an illicit meeting, the club committee vet all people who come to join up by checking divorce certificates and other documents proving single status - including Council Tax bills!
It sounds draconian but is absolutely necessary, according to Barbara, because all it takes is one unscrupulous or dishonest soul and the confidence of their potential 'victim' can be rocked even further.
The main point these relationship 'sharks' do not realise is the aim of the Phoenix Club is not to pair people off.
| |  | The Phoenix NCDS provides an environment in which to make friends
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"This is not a singles club, there are other organisations that do that and that is not what we want to do.
"What we do is restore the confidence of people who find themselves on their own by giving them a chance to meet people in the same situation, Many people are not interested in finding a new relationship in that sense, but they do need to make new friends."
Of course, many people do end up in a relationship purely by chance through the people they meet at the club. Barbara herself met Robert at the club and they married in 2001, providing a shining example of how restored confidence can change your future.
Couples who meet at the club - or those who form relationships outside - are still welcome at Phoenix events and those who are a bit nervous can bring attached friends with them when they come along for the first time.
However, the chances are those who make those first tentative steps through the door won't need someone with them when they arrive as the committee goes to special lengths to ensure no one is left standing nervously alone.
"We meet new people and they can come and sit with us (the committee) and talk to us or we will introduce them to members they may have something in common with, though no one is forced to and if you want to stand on your own, you can," said Barbara.
You don't have to sign up to the non-profit making group straight away, either. Potential members can pop along to have a look around and see if it's for them.
For more information on joining up, call Barbara on 024 7646 1934 and she can offer advice on how to take those first steps away from a life alone.
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