Ask Howard Martin transcript
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| This event took place Tuesday 5th February, 2002 |
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Howard Martin
Anti-bullying advisor Howard Martin, joined Onion Street for a Live Chat and helped you with your queries and problems, including why people bully.
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Question from Buffduff: I keep getting bullied by many different boys in my school about being fat, what can I do?
Howard Martin: Well, the first thing is to make sure someone else knows, a friend or adult, and try telling a parent or teacher. Keep telling until you're sure they've listened. Don't for a moment blame yourself. Bullies will always try to make you think it's your fault, and that there's something wrong with you. But don't believe it.
Question from Melanie: Why do people bully? Is it because they are being bullied themselves?
Howard Martin: Sometimes it is. It can be all sorts of reasons. It can be envy, jealousy, it might be that they are spoilt. It could be that they're bullied themselves, by an adult, other children, or even a teacher. But usually we find it's that they have a problem of some sort, and that they feel inferior. They might not look inferior to you in any way, but often they don't feel good about themselves which is why they have to make someone else feel worse. And you might feel scared or sad, or horrible inside, but don't judge your insides by their outsides. What I mean by that is you don't know what's going on inside them, and they might appear confident and popular, and so on, but very often bullies have friends who are frightened of them. Not real friends.
Question from Jo: Howard, how can I as a teenager prevent bullying for myself?
Howard Martin: Hi Jo. There are a number of things you can do. I'm not sure if you mean in the school as a whole or just for yourself. But for your school, you may be able to start an anti-bullying campaign, talk to a teacher who might be interested. For yourself, you could try assertiveness, and there are books about it. Try the library or bookshops, and if it's physical bullying, always make sure someone knows you're being bullied. Silence is the bully's biggest weapon. If they're relying on your silence, then they're winning. If it's physical, you might try some self defense classes or a martial art. It doesn't mean you become aggressive, it simply gives you the confidence to deal with physical bullying.
Question from Sam Timmles: I am a member of my schools anti bullying club. How important do you think it is to help and advice victims and bullies in school?
Howard Martin: Hello Sam. I think it's very important that both the bullies and victims are helped. I think we need to concentrate on helping the victims, because sometimes victims can think it very unfair if bullies get all the attention.
Question from Doug: What do you think is the single most important thing as a training issue for staff who are required to deal with bullying in their career?
Howard Martin: Communication is the biggest one. They need to communicate with children and teenagers, and they also need to let other teachers know what the situation is, so every teacher can be aware of it. Communicating with parents is also very important. On our helpline we find that the chief complaint from parents is that the school are not communicating with them.
Question from Susan: What approach do you think works best in the school, such as circle time or the pikas method?
Howard Martin: I think a variety of approaches. Basically a whole school policy, which has been developed by children, teachers, parents, and governors together, so everybody is involved in that from the beginning. And I think Circle Time can be important, doing friendship exercises in the class, talking about bullying so everyone knows what it is, and that they're also responsible for reporting it if they know about it. And the Pikas Method, or the common concern approach, can work if it is properly applied. We sometimes hear that that approach, and the 'no blame' approach is being misused, or applied in the wrong situations. And almost every day, I hear on the helpline that the 'no blame' approach is being used but not working, sadly, because the reconciliation between a bully and victim is being forced on the victim against their will. So we have a terrified victim and a bully who is still sometimes lying.
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