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24 September 2014

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Series One, Episode One: FAGS, SHAGS AND KEBABS

First aired 26th February 2001

Two Pints

Jonny lives with girlfriend Janet. They can regularly be found lounging on their sofa, beers in hand, Janet happily picking her toenails.

Janet's best friend Donna needs to find a boyfriend so her acidic mother Flo won't think she is gay, celibate or repellant to men. With limited men at her disposal, her best friend's boyfriends' mate has to do.

Unfortunately Gaz, Jonny's best mate is reluctant, eventually agreeing when he thinks he is on course for a shag. Jonny and Janet double date with Gaz and Donna down the Mayhew (aka 'the girl's pub'). Gaz and Donna seem to be hitting it off, at least until Gaz admits that he would prefer to be at the Cup Final than with Donna. All ends well though and Gaz and Donna get to indulge in some bedroom aerobics even after Donna discovers that Gaz has enough porno magazines 'to keep the entire British forces from missing their girlfriend'.

Meanwhile student Louise finds herself short of fag money. Her good friends Donna and Janet convince the barman at the Mayhew to give Louise a job. Louise's career as a barmaid is short-lived - she quits after refusing to 'put out for a bag of peanuts'. Better luck next time Louise.

  • Key Facts

    :: Janet got her baps out on her first date with Jonny.

    :: Gaz once strained a bollock playing football.

    :: Jonny's favourite film is Titanic - but don't tell anyone!

    :: After her last boyfriend dumped her, Donna slept with his best mate and killed his budgie. She blames the Domestos.

    The Girls

  • The Wisdom of Louise

    Louise tells the barman at The Mayhew she would make a great barmaid because she used to play netball: 'Teamwork! See!'


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