Alan had a chauffeur who was also called Alan.
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 Alan makes a new friend at the B.P. station: Dan Moody. Dan owns Planet Kitchen, 10,000 square feet of sheer kitchens. Alan and Dan both love Directors Bitter, use Lynx deodorant and drive Lexi (plural for Luxus). Through Dan, Alan is introduced to the elite of Norfolk; specifically Mike Yapley, owner of Car Supermarket on the a47 and Karen Colman of mustard fame.
Alan visits Dan and his wife Ceri at their palatial Norwich mansion. The new friendship is sorely tested when Ceri let’s her wandering hand get within 30mm from Alan’s ‘gland’ and Dan puts on a video of him and the wife having sex on a kitchen surface.
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Dan Moody
He has much in common with Alan but is rather more broadminded. Owns Planet Kitchen and likes a Flavia. Like Alan he wears blazers and drives a Lexus, the Japanese Mercedes. |
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Karen Colman
The woman at the top of the mustard tree and philanthropist behind The Colmans Mustard Norfolk Bravery Awards. To Alan she’s the Grace Kelly (with black hair) of Norfolk but seemingly impossible to get near. |
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Ceri Moody
Dan’s sexually enterprising wife. Not a shy woman, she enjoys the feel of cold granite-effect kitchen surface on her back. |
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Lynn has had a date with an ex-policeman called Gordon. They met at her church. She seems very happy.
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She gone mad on practical jokes. Rubber hammers, fake beards, plastic fried eggs, eyeballs on springs and ‘a cushion that simulates rectal gas’ have all proved hilarious fun. Sonja was also invited to a ladies only party at Karen Colman’s house. |
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Michael makes a ‘cup of beans’ for Alan. The deluxe version of this dish is a cup of beans with a sausage in it. You can use the sausage as an edible spoon. It’s a sort of savoury 99. |
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This episode introduces Alan’s Deep Bath and a lively chat about how people want to be disposed of when they die. |
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