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24 September 2014
The Fast Show

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Ted and Ralph
Ted and Ralph

Country squire Lord Ralph Mayhew has spent three series and a special trying to get closer to the object of his desire, his Irish estate worker Ted. His carpet-gnawingly embarrassing attempts to strike up a more intimate relationship are amongst the most touching moments The Fast Show ever produced.

Most of Ralph's approaches are brushed aside with the words, 'I wouldn't know about that, sir,' or some muttering about the drainage on the lower field. Classic moments include a fireside joke about Rudyard Kipling's very fine cakes, Ralph's gushing birthday poem, read to Ted in front of all his mates in the pub and, of course, the drinking game where Ralph has to tell Ted, 'Tomato - Ted - aubergine - your - potato - wife's - turnip - dead.'

Ralph chooses Wendy over TedChristmas 1998 saw a show entirely devoted to Ted and Ralph, where Ralph's worst nightmare came true in the form of a bizarre twist of inheritance. Faced with the choice of marrying before the age of 35 or losing the estate to his deranged Aunt Cecilia, Ralph went wife-hunting. In spite of being cruelly dropped for Ralph's new love, Wendy, Ted showed he cared by making a valiant attempt to save Ralph from a marriage worse than death.

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