Chanel 9 is a combination of every bit of dodgy Mediterranean telly you've ever accidentally seen on holiday.
Presented by the amazing brown-clad, sometimes mustachioed Paul Whitehouse and Paul Shearer, Chanel 9 shows news, sport, weather and the occasional rock opera.
Sport is presented by Simon Day at a very low desk, whilst Caroline Aherne's weather girl, Paula Fisch, is constantly surprised that the forecast is 'scorchio'. Wherever possible, semi-naked women are wheeled on, and the programme is frequently interrupted for adverts for gizmos of all kinds.
The presenters of Chanel 9 speak a bizarre mix of a large number of languages, with regular reference to the unfortunate Chris Waddle. Highlights have included a Christmas disco rock opera called Sprog and a special version of the Singing Ringing Tree.
Boutros Boutros Ghali.