The Slammer Returns: The Governor Answers Your Questions
Ask The Stars: The Slammer's Governor
19th November 2011
The Governor took some time off from locking up dodgy entertainers in The Slammer to answer your questions from the Messageboards.
Read on to learn some very interesting facts about the man behind the white suit as he reveals how it feels to be related to Gimbert and what his (very suprising) first name is!
The Governor: Hello Jailers and Jailbirds, your Governor here, looking forward to a nice chat with you all! But as you know, you have to be patient with me as all this technology with your old Governor gets a bit confusing... as confusing as Gimbert!
Hi, my name’s Rebekah. My question is: What do you think was the best act that’s been on The Slammer ever? I think it's Twist and Pulse but it’s up to you - GoldCreativeTurkey
The Governor: Twist and Pulse were very good but being from the old musical theatre background I rather liked the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain... I love the Human Slinky also.
Hello, my question is: On a scale of 1 to 10 how annoying is your nephew Gimbert? - SalmonCalmCricket
The Governor: There is no scale low enough to show how annoying Gimbert is. And the fact that he is my nephew is even more annoying.
Hiya Guv, do you have a hobby and what is it? - GingerChirpyChipmunk
The Governor: Apart from pies I am really mad on rugby. I used to play quite a lot as a prop forward.
Hiya Mr Governor, I would like to know how long you have been [working at] The Slammer and if you had ever worked in another prision before that? - CyanGlowingKing
The Governor: We have been in The Slammer for four years now and before that I worked at the Nottingham Nick, a prison reserved especially for people who wouldn't eat vegetables.
My question is : Would you ever do an act on The Slammer? If yes, what would it be? - RubyFizzyAnemone
The Governor: Well I was known for many years as one of the best ballet dancers around... sorry... belly dancers! But I have blown my trumpet on The Slammer before and Mr Burgess and I do an occasional double act. He sings Swanee River and I jump in.
What is your favourite type of doughnut? - IvoryOriginalSquirrel
The Governor: There is no such thing as an un-favourite doughnut! But I don't like the ones with holes in as the hole is a space that could be filled with dougnuts. Jam ones are really great.
Hey Guv, What do you put in your sloppy bloppy poridge? I wonder what the cellmates are getting up to, boy are they mischievous!!! I really like your suit it’s really cool! Tell Burgess to be more fun please - PurpleSpringyFoldee
The Governor: First of all, Mr Burgess loves being miserable. To him that is fun! And as for the sloppy ploppy porrige, the two most important ingredients are its sloppiness and its ploppiness. Glad you like my suit.
Hi Guv! What's the worst act you've ever seen and who would you like to see on The Slammer out of anyone in the world? - CrimsonSparklySwan
The Governor: The worst act that I have ever seen was Gimbert as Lady Gaga. It made everyone go Gaga. I would like to see a new double singing act called 'Beyonce and The Governor' singing groovy love songs.
Hi Governor, you are great, I love watching you on 'The Slammer' on a Friday afternoon! My question is: How many white suits do you have? Thank you for answering my question! Daniel - LemonCelloRose
The Governor: I did have two white suits but it started to get very dirty. So now I don't bother cleaning one, and have a black suit and a white suit.
Hi !!! I'm Lily and here is my question: If you were an animal what would you be and why ? It's a bit of a random question but plz answer it !!! Lily x - LemonFunkyToucan
The Governor: I would be an ant and then a medium size pork pie would loook absolutely massive. A bit more seriously, I used to work with dolphins. They're great.
Hi I’m Amy. Would you ever give me your job and you could watch in the audience?? Oh and I think i might make a good comedy act!! (I’ll give u time to consider) Plz answer!!!!!!!! - LimeWavingHedgehog
The Governor: It's alright Amy. Give me your best joke and I will consider it. It must be up to this standard: I have a clever cat. I say "Put the DVD on." It says "Me? How?" (meow)
Hey I’m Vikki and my question is: What do you do in your spare time when you’re not at The Slammer? - OrangeGlossyStarfruit
The Governor: Being married to Mrs Governor, I have no spare time whatsoever. If I do get a spare seccond I love to cook sloppy ploppy porridge.
Hi Guv, I love The Slammer. My question is: What is your favourite food and what is your worst? - TopazPuffyLily
The Governor: My favourite food is a big bag of chips. I asked for some at the chip shop the other day and the man said "75 or 90?" I said "If you're going to count them I will have a pasty!" (In the old days you could buy chips for 75p, but it doesn't work like that anymore). As for my worst food, there is no such thing. I haven't met a calorie I didn't like.
Who do you prefer Gimbert or Mr. Burgess? - OrangeEarthAnteater
The Governor: When I am with Gimbert I prefer Mr Burgess, but when I am with Mr Burgess I prefer Gimbert. They can both be equally annoying.
Hi, I would like to ask: What is the funniest act that has been on the show? - MauveCheekyChimp
The Governor: Oh, there have been a few. Bob Golding the World's Worst Liar and one of his lies was an answer to the question, "Why are clouds white?" He said, "Because they are made of milk and piano keys."
What is your first name? - PurpleGrinningConker
The Governor: Until this day I have never told anyone of my first name becasue they would laugh. But as you are all my friends, Jailers and Jailbirds, I can now reveal my first name is... Shirley!
It has been lovley talking to you all, I have to go now to make sure that everyone is tucked up nice and tight in The Slammer and then Mr Burgess and Gimbert and Pete and I will all have a nice mug of hot chocolate. The perfect end to a day... along with three doughnuts with no holes in.
Thanks for watching The Slammer, all be nice to each other and I will see you soon in The Slammer.
Your loving Governor,