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Surely the world's gone mad? Health and Safety legislation seems to be creeping into every corner of British life, and now, the Elf and Safety Executive wants to ban that great festive tradition of throwing sweets to children at pantomimes. Have they had one sugar fix too many, we ask?

"Are you lookin' at me?"

Apparently, there's a very real danger of maiming or injuring the little darlings. Personally, we think the biggest danger is posed by them shoving each other out of the way in order to get their mitts on the goodies, but hey, no doubt they've carried out copious research over the years before reaching this conclusion.

So, we asked regular contributor to BBC Radio Cambridgeshire, Johnny Dee, to put the acid drops to the acid test. Brushing risk of personal injury aside, Johnny braved the streets of March, in Cambridgeshire (where the locals are well-known for their sturdy throwing arms).

Armed with his trusty 'Ouch-o-Meter' (patent pending), which registers pain on a scale of 0 to 10, Johnny takes it on the chin in the name of science and sugar-coated entertainment.

Here's Johnny's scientifically-tested guide to Combat Candy

Cola bottles - a pick 'n' mix classic, all sugary and sour. Even if Geoff Capes chucked one of these at you, you wouldn't feel it! Ouch-o-Meter score: 0

Pink shrimps - A foamy recreation of a sea crustacean, made of polystyrene as far as we can tell. Ouch-o-Meter score: 0 - not even a small 'ouch'

Dolly Mixtures - Their colourful appearance conceals a sinister killing instinct. Many dictators see these little devils as 'chewy shrapnel'. Ouch-o-Meter score: 3 (1 'ouch' per Dolly Mixture hurled in Johnny's direction)

Chocolate eclairs - NOT the cream filled pastry delicacies. Ouch-o-Meter score: 4, and a discernible 'ouch'

What's your weapon?

Toblerone - A three-edged bar of terror. You could say, a triple whammy of a weapon. Ouch-o-Meter score: 4.5

Spearmints: Hard as granite, white as snow and if they hit you hard, they can lay you low. Ouch-o-Meter score: 4.9

Bon-bons - Like marbles, only twice as hard. Ouch-o-Meter score: 5.9

Liquorice torpedoes - Chewy liquorice in a rock hard shell - a design based on Barns Wallace's bouncing bomb - lethal in the right hands. Ouch-o-Meter score: 7.2

Curly Wurly - The daddy of them all, the exocet of confectionery weaponry - it's deadly - 26 grams of pure hell. Ouch-o-Meter score: 7.9 (but the impact on our Johnny caused the Wurly to lose its curl. "It's gone all floppy")

Taking it like a man...

You can listen to the assembled dignitaries of the town of March assaulting Johnny Dee by clicking on the link below:

WARNING

Do not try this at home. The BBC in no way condones nor does it recommend throwing sweets at small children. It's a waste. And it's mean. Just eat them yourself, ok?

Panto guide

For a list of pantomimes where you probably WON'T be thrown any sweets (but we haven't checked, so you never know) - click the link below: