Very much in the spirit of Fenland fun, we're proud as punch to bring you the vegetable equivalent of the Athens Olympics. Let's face it, the true Olympics are elitist and exclusive – when did you last see a chubby, puffing athlete (apart from those fat geezers in the nappies doing their Sumo thing)?
 | | First gather your veg! |
With our vegetable games, you and your friends can join in from the comfort of your own garden, and when you've had enough you can lounge around in your deckchair marvelling at what you've achieved with a turnip. For sheer fun and pleasure this summer, you're sorted! BBC Cambridgeshire's afternoon show held its own version of the games in Cambridge, and you can see the gallery in our 'in pictures' section. Turnip Tossing (shot put)
 | | Toss that turnip, boy! |
You'll need a nice clean turnip for this. Here's the best way to successfully launch your veg: Begin by facing in the opposite direction with the turnip clamped against your neck. If you are right handed, stick your left leg up in the air behind you for maximum comic effect. Crouch down, then launch your whole body around so that it faces the direction of the throw. This is when you have to remember to let go of the turnip, otherwise you will just look stupid. Apparently you are supposed to "punch the air and flip your wrist", but we say just chuck it, baby. Furthest turnip wins. If turnips are unavailable, try the 'swede swing', or alternatively use an orange. Radish Relay (relay race) You'll need two or more teams for this game and one radish per team. The trick here is in perfecting the faultless handover of the radish (tiny little critters) between team members. Ideally you'd need to live in a field to play this one, but you can just run up and down the garden if you like. First team home wins. Leek Lobbing (javelin)
 | | Duck! |
For this you will need a proper leek – don't bother with those wussy prepared ones – you need one with a full head of bushy green stuff – it helps the leek fly through the air with the greatest of ease – rather like a dart – honest! A strong grip is essential, and don't forget that all-important run-up to the line. Experienced leek throwers can take up to 17 strides, but you may well have reached the end of your garden by that time, so don't forget to turn around and come back, otherwise you will be recovering your leek from your neighbour and they will think you are a bit weird. Release your leek. The optimum angle for this is 33 degrees. Furthest leek thrower is the winner. Cucumber Fencing
 | | Challenge your cucumber-wielding mates! |
Obviously you'll need two cucumbers for this – don't bother with those portions they sell in the supermarket – you need the real thing with a pointy end to inflict maximum damage to your opponent. Now, in Athens this summer they'll be using the Epee, foil and sabre, plus lots of high-tech bleeping stuff. You only have a cucumber, and the success of the event depends upon each participant shouting "ouch" when hit or touched by his opponent's vegetable. Five ouches and your opponent wins. Tomato Target (archery) A messy one, this. You'll need three squishy tomatoes per person and a homemade target. Use a large piece of paper or card and draw around a dinner plate. Inside that circle, draw around a side plate and finally in the centre, draw around a saucer. You will score 100 for hitting the outer target, 200 for the next and 300 for the bullseye! Stick your target to a tree trunk, back of a chair or side of your garden shed (not a window!) and get throwing. Highest score wins. Good luck, and remember, it really is the winning that counts…
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