I have become a complete hypocrite. Increasingly, I find myself thinking of 'the good old days' when I was at school, when everything was so simple, forgetting the years of angst and stress that school life brought on for me, and the fact that I spent my whole school career desperately trying to get out of the oppressive regime, promising myself I'd never ever go back ever...until maybe I had children.
 | | Debbie |
I was one of those children at school. You know the kind, the Hermione Granger of the nineties. Always sat at the front, homework always done and hand always up. I had a plan, often a plan 'b' and more often than not a plan 'c'. Firstly I was going to be a teacher, then hairdresser, then hairdresser and childminder (that way I'd have to choose Child Development and get to take home the creepy robotic doll thing), then actress (turns out I'm OK at Drama) and then TV presenter (easier and more glam than acting). Even when I was doing my GCSEs I knew what subjects I'd be doing for A-level, and at A-level I knew what subjects I'd do at University. At university I had an idea, well more of a vague plan. I would do my three years - sounds like a prison sentence doesn't it? And when I got out I'd go straight! - and build up my portfolio by doing work experience every summer and then coz I had loads of work experience I'd walk straight into my dream job... | "The decisions I have to make now are proper adult decisions - or feel like them." | | Debbie Read |
Only, I'm not quite sure what my dream job is. (Obviously working at the BBC where they do excellent work experience packages for anyone interested). After doing work experience literally everywhere, and trying literally everything, I'm lost, and I've never really been lost before. At university I had an idea, well more of a vague plan. I would do my three years (sounds like a prison sentence doesn't it?- and when I got out I'd go straight!) and build up my portfolio by doing work experience every summer and then coz I had loads of work experience I'd walk straight into my dream job…. Only, I'm not quite sure what my dream job is (obviously working at the BBC where they do excellent work experience packages for anyone interested). After doing work experience literally everywhere, and trying literally everything, I'm lost, and I've never really been lost before. I think this is why I long for my schooldays. I don't long to be back there, I long for the decisions, the ones that seemed so big at the time (Sociology or Theatre Studies?) but were actually tiny, and didn't really have big repercussions. So I didn't get Psychology, I got Sociology. Luckily I have a teacher who will happily help me every lunchtime in order to get a 'c' so I can get to university (thank you Mr Needham) so I failed the exam, I can re-take the module, the term, the year if necessary - no big deal.
 | | Rose-tinted: Was the past really better? |
The decisions I have to make now are proper adult decisions (or at least feel like them). Do I eat or pay rent this month? Do I visit my friend who's going through a really rough patch or do I save what little money I have for the inevitable rainy day that I'm expecting anytime soon? Do I accept the job which I know I'll hate with every fibre of my being but the pay's OK or do I hold out for the job which is a little beyond me but I've got to try because this job means something? And if I do do that, will I be strong enough to pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong and continue without regret and without beating myself up too much? I think I'm looking back at my school days with rose-tinted spectacles, because my childhood really was where I had freedoms that I didn't even realise I had. The Bank of Mummy and Daddy was usually always open (except when they tried to teach 'the value of money') and the world really was my oyster...well, maybe it still is. This article is dedicated to Sam, and everyone who is having a rough time with job hunting. | 
