Part 24: Bank Holidays, I just don't get them People always moan about bank holidays being wet and miserable as if Mother Nature is against us when we have time off work. There's a reason why bank holidays are always rubbish, though. It's because they're held on stupid days.
 | | Brighouse blogger Rob |
Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year's Day. Fair enough, we can't expect the weather to be decent during the middle of winter. If we'd known those days were going to end up being bank holidays we would have left all the convicts here and all emigrated to Australia ourselves – though I don't think I'd ever be able to get my head round a Christmas dinner beside the barbecue. Good Friday and Easter Monday; the four-day weekend. That's all very nice and good but it's usually in early April, sometimes even in March. Maybe a slight chance of snow and you're always guaranteed some showers. Hopeless. May Day and Spring Bank, now it's making more sense. Usually decent(ish) weather and the days are long too. Plus two bank holidays close to each, and the fact that summer is on the way. You can feel good about yourself. | "Maybe it's a good job I'm not in charge, but I am right about Bank Holidays." | | Rob |
August Bank Holiday, this is the one I really don't understand. It's at the wrong end of the summer and you're so fed up with kids by this time that you can't be bothered doing anything anyway. There are three months - the best months of the year - in which not a single bank holiday exist. The Republic of Ireland has one in June, Northern Ireland has one in July. Scotland has its summer bank holiday at the start of August, rather than at the end. It makes perfect sense to everyone, except the English. If it was up to me – and it will be, one day – I'd stick two Bank Holidays in June and July. Hell, if we're going to go the whole hog we might as well have a whole bank holiday week. And I'd make sure everyone either got it or was paid ridiculous money to work it; prevent all those nasty retail firms exploiting their workers.
 | | Cigarettes? Tax 'em! |
And if it was up to me I'd introduce four-day working weeks and no one would have to work more than 30 hours a week. If it was up to me I'd tax cigarettes out of existence. If it was up to me I'd sell all our nuclear weapons to Switzerland and use the money to house the homeless. If it was up to me I'd ban parsnips. If it was up to me I'd make ten-pin bowling the national sport. If it was up to me I'd remove foreign languages from the national curriculum and have everyone learn Yorkshire. If it was up to me... Maybe it's a good job I'm not in charge, but I am right about Bank Holidays. Oh look, it's raining. It wasn't in the middle of July. Rob Wilson Random thought: Before 1834 there were approximately 30 days set aside as 'holidays and festivals'. Lucky devils. | 
