It's Not Easy Being Green
Celebrity Profiles
Ever wanted to know how many planets we would need if the world was entirely populated with Lauren Lavernes or Alex Jameses? Each week Dick Strawbridge, the presenter of 'It's Not Easy Being Green', will be whipping out his mean green carbon calculating machine to measure a different celebrity's eco-footprint. Don't worry, it's not all bad news. Bloom is on hand to recommend carbon-cutting actions for each guest.
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Phil Tufnell - Programme 1
By his own admission, Phil's been a bit of a 'naughty boy' this year. He's partial to motoring down to the corner shop in the 'big fella' (a four-litre 4×4). And to make matters worse, Phil flew from Surrey to Cornwall to be interviewed by Being Green about his carbon footprint. The cheek of it. Obviously horse-drawn cart would have taken much longer, but not three weeks, Phil. More like 21.3 hours by our calculation.
Number of planet Earths it would take to sustain a world of Phils: 3.97
Phil's Bloom actions
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Alex James - Programme 2
What could possibly be green about an ageing rock star who used to own a plane and hoards washing machines? You'd be surprised. Offsetting, widely believed to be a waste of time, sets him off on a rant ('I flew to Columbia to atone for myself'). Begrudgingly car-less, his Oxfordshire farm supplies the locals with free-range lamb chops. He even makes an award-winning goat's cheese, which is incidentally one of the lowest-carbon dairy products on the market.
Number of planet Earths it would take to sustain a world of Alexes: 3.2
Alex's Bloom actions
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Lauren Laverne - Programme 3
A life-long vegetarian, she says she'd rather dine on gouache than goulash. But is that all that's green about Lauren Laverne? Right now, possibly. Having a child can contribute as much to climate change as taking 620 flights a year between London and New York, according to the Optimum Population Trust. And motoring around in a 'small' 4×4 could hardly be considered green, even if staying in to look after baby does keep Lauren's carbon footprint dainty. ('I knew not going anywhere and not having fun would pay off!')
Number of planet Earths it would take to sustain a world of Laurens: 2.73
Lauren's Bloom actions
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Julian Rhind-Tutt - Programme 4
He's showbiz through and through, but that doesn't stop Julian Rhind-Tutt finding eco-boilers 'strangely interesting'. Descended from a long line of builders, Rhind-Tutt is alarmingly clued up about green ways to heat the home. But that weakness for grooming products ('it takes a lot of money to look this mediocre!') and translatlantic flights is bound to take its toll on Julian's borderline intergalactic eco-footprint.
Number of planet Earths it would take to sustain a world of Julians: 3.84
Julian's Bloom actions
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Sam and Mark - Programme 5
According to a recent government survey, only half of British eleven-to-17 year olds are concerned about climate change. Sam and Mark are presenters on children's TV, so perhaps their nonchalant apathy should come as no surprise. What is surprising, however, is that Sam and Mark individually have an eco-footprint twice as large as that of Dick Strawbridge. With 60% of that footprint coming from flying, the fact that Sam grows his own veggies doesn't make much of a difference.
Number of planet Earths it would take to sustain a world of Sam and Marks: 4.65
Sam and Mark's Bloom actions
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Jilly Goolden - Programme 6
If tipple-taster Jilly Goolden were a wine, our guess is that she would be a New World Sauvignon Blanc. Elegant, charming and assertive - with a eco-footprint that will give you gooseberries. Flying from vineyard to vineyard accounts for over half of Jilly's impact. That said, Goolden's diet of home-grown greens is eco-exemplary. And her ruthless attitude towards central heating ('most of the time it's perishing') puts her on par with Lauren Laverne.
Number of planet Earths it would take to sustain a world of Jillys: 3.16
Jilly's Bloom actions
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Nick Knowles - Programme 7
Meet the carbon equivalent of Big Foot. Nick Knowles abhors buses ('they've destroyed London') and loathes trains ('far too expensive'). That said, he's giving the planet a much-needed breather by driving a hybrid car, even if it is a 4×4. All the better to creep up on cyclists, or so he says. All in all, we would need five planets worth of food and energy if everyone lived like Knowles. With the odds of Earthlings discovering a habitable planet 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000, you might want to start looking, Nick.
Number of planet Earths it would take to sustain a world of Nicks: 4.8
Nick's Bloom actions
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Phill Jupitus - Programme 8
Phill hasn't got the biggest carbon footprint in the world. That honour goes to David Beckham, says the Carbon Trust. But hats off to him anyway. 'Is that large?' he asks coquettishly, as he reveals that he drives a four litre diesel jeep. The fact that he has spent over 15 hours at 30,000 feet this year is also bad news for the carbon footprint of the artist formerly known as Porky the Poet. What's more, Jupitus has a weakness for high-end grooming products ('feel that skin. It's worth a planet'). You might think that owning pets is a climate no-no (Phill has two). But a poll by the Dogs Trust suggests that dog-walkers unleash far fewer emissions because they tend to shop locally on foot. In fact, we might have had you down as a child of Nature, Phill, if you hadn't left your outdoor pool's heating on all winter.
Number of planet Earths it would take to sustain a world of Phills: 4.1
Phill's Bloom actions
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