College 3
Life is unusually quiet in College towers. Time to sit back in the leather armchair and enjoy the wood panelling, or take a turn around the cloisters while meditating on why words with a 'k' in are funnier than those lacking the hard consonant.
Last week was quite frenzied as I wrote to people who nearly made the final cut, nearly all of whom responded graciously and wished the scheme well. A few people expressed their disappointment quite forcefully, which is understandable.
However, the important thing to realise is that this is just one scheme. Failing to make the final six, or even the long-list, doesn't mean the end of a career, or indicate lack of talent. Since the entry requirements called for some record of achievement, then talent is a given. For the unsuccessful, it's a matter of keeping going, and recognising that rejection is an unavoidable part of the writing life. Of course, that's easy for me to say. What hasn't been easy has been the process of putting applicants in categories, recognising the hope and expectation which accompanied every submission.
The final 20 applications have now been given to senior colleagues in the comedy department and the writersroom, and all being well I should have their views by the end of the week. We will then be able to invite people to come and meet us to talk about their ambitions and what they want the scheme to give them, as well as what we want to achieve from it.
It's good that this blog has been collecting comments, and I'll continue to respond as and when I can. It's particularly helpful to hear how the scheme could have been run better, because I hope it will continue. Ambiguity in entry requirements and more clarity of communication can certainly be addressed.
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~40~RS~)
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Appreciate the blog posts, Micheál, especially as am I one of that large group who was not long-listed and so received nothing in direct response to my application: learning how large the applicant pool was does take the edge off---just a little.
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It must be so wonderful to be one of the chosen few.
Thanks from me too for the blogs, they great
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Hello, I think i may be a little thick, but you have emailed the 20 people that came close...i understand that. But have you informed the people who's work has been handed to senior colleagues???
Thanks again for the blog i have loved reading all the comments, and enjoyed writing and submitting my work to the collage! I hope hope hope you run this again next year
Many Thanks
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Hey Michael,
Nice to see the College is collecting as many applicants as possible.
I went to the Matthew Graham and Ashley Pharoah talk about a week ago, and Kate Rowland mentioned about an oppurtunity for writers who aren't already in the business. Do you know anything about it? She said a possible date for launch was 24th April, but nothing seems to be around as yet!
Any ideas? I'd love to apply, but I haven't been commissioned for anything in the business as yet.
Thanks (love the blog, too)
Gareth Giles
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@Gareth
We're just crossing the tees and dotting the eyes on the new initiative, and will be putting it up on the opportunities section of the site (and announcing it HERE ON THIS VERY BLOG) as soon as we've got everything ready to go.
Signoff, eh? Pshaw.
Shouldn't be long now. No later than next week. Sooner, if the stars are right.
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@rufusdog
They're the same people.
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@rufusdog and MichealJacob
I'm now even more confused than I was before.
In simple terms - yes or no answers only - have all the people who were shortlisted, long listed etc been informed?
thanks
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Yes.
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Thanks for the blog - it's been great following the process, and knowing exactly when to give up and move on!
Also, want to say it's good to have a writing opportunity that isn't limited by age or region, as so many seem to be.
Look forward to other oppos in the future.
Thanks
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Please could you advise me on the following. On the BSG forums it states that i should have received a receipt of my submission for the college of comedy. I submitted my entry on the 12th of April but did not receive a confirmation of receipt.
Does this mean you did not receive my entry? I fully understand if i did not make the cut due to my writing, but if i missed it all together because of faulty email then that would be crushing.
thanks,
benjamin Liversidge
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The same thing happened to me, I submitted my application on 13th April and requested an email receipt but did not receive one. Now I am going slightly insane that it may not even have been received?
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Although the automated message worked consistently, some ISPs treated it as spam, and thus the acknowledgement failed to get through. If you want to email the college address, we'll check for you.
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Thank you, I have sent you an email to the college of comedy email address.
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Michael
If you can find time between chuckling over Hedi Klum and the Klu Klux Klan, I'm sure a lot of us would appreciate knowing what the most common mistakes the thousand or so unsuccesful entrants made?
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@AspieBoy
I'm not sure 'mistakes' is the right word. People sent what they felt was their best work, and some of it wasn't good enough to get through. The ones that didn't work fell into several categories. Some were too conceptual, relying purely on a comic idea. Some were re-treads of stuff that has already been done. Some were competent rather than inspiring. Some had characters with identical voices. Some tried too hard to be funny and smelt of desperation. These aren't necessarily mistakes. The best comic writing always takes you by surprise in some way. This isn't a very helpful answer, I'm afraid.
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I would like to ask the Dean if there is any truth to the rumour that a whole faculty is being set up to analyse ways of poking fun at the French.
And also.... did any Actors make the shortlist?
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Non.
And to the second part of your post -
Oui.
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Quell fromage et...
Aha... I thought there would be.
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Pourquoi?
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Michael
Can I just ask a serious question about producing comedy? You've been involved with shows that have been critically succesful, and shows that haven't gone down quite as well. When does it become apparent that a show isn't working? Is it during the filming, or is it only when it's broadcast that you think, "That wasn't quite what we'd hoped for."
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Well it seems like the scheme is to perhaps cross fertilise talent. And actors are always keen to nick work from proper writers :)
And if you look over the years at people like Dawn, and Jennifer and Ade, and the Nighty Night people and Steeve Coogan and Rob Brydon and Now Gavin and Stacey... even Lenny Henry sort of... well you get the point.
Seemed to me that it was likely a couple of a comedy, and drama, actors would be having a stab here.
I'd give em a stab!
Only kidding.
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@i_am
I see what you mean. Yes, there are some writer-writers and some writer-performers.
@Aspie
That's a good question! Sometimes you realise it's not going to work before you even get into the studio, but by then it's too late. Sometimes you think it's a funny show, and the studio audience tells you otherwise. We've all experienced tumbleweed. In a single camera show, you sometimes discover that an actor is never going to give you what they gave in the audition and is going to leave a black hole. Sometimes you feel a show is going to be a popular success and discover that it only appeals to a niche audience.
The best way to tell whether or not a show is working is to sit at home and watch it on transmission. I worked on one show where we all had hysterics in the edit and sat in unbelieving silence when it went out.
The mystery is that a group of people who have produced a hit can get together and produce a miss, never mind the stages that any show has to go through to be commissioned.
If anybody knew how to create hit after hit, then they'd have bottled it and sold it.
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Micheal, why do you not 'workshop' a first episode in front of an audience and if it doesn't work not a lot has been spent?
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We do various kinds of workshopping, and read-throughs with an audience, but even that isn't necessarily indicative. When we pitched The Smoking Room with an audience there was very limited laughter, and it was a successful show. Equally, there have been unsuccessful shows where an audience has howled. It's also possible to shoot a pilot and research it, but Cheers researched extremely badly. A mystery inside an enigma!
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It is an enigma.
I found this with the film 'The Full Monty' I just found it hilarious in the cinema. When it came on TV I begged my hubby to watch it, I didn't laugh once [neither did he] and it's not because I'd seen it before because I've seen 'The Life Of Brian' several times and still am in stitches at it.
Strange, but it seemed to be that on a small screen it just wasn't funny.
Maybe what is funny on TV isn't in 'theatre' when you workshop and vice-versa.
I also acted in a short, and watching it on small screen I was so embarrassed it wasn't funny but then it was on at a festival, large screen, I was doubled up, I was hilarious, she says modestly.
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Does the professor of puns profess too much.
I was just wondering... the original blurb re the college mentioned there would be a showcase at the end of the year. Either a performed reading or pilot type thing I imagine? Would the nearly there people you contacted be perhaps invited to form part of the audience?The ones who responded graciously I guess, as the others may bring eggs etc.
Just a thought?
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@MisterP
Blimey, I hadn't really thought in detail about the showcase, which will be in March 2009. It will either be live bits or filmed bits, and in a venue which will accommodate an audience, though probably not the o2 (nor the Emirates). Letting nearly-there people know is a good idea. Thank you.
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Dear Bloggers,
Have just witnessed one of the most horrendous pilot sitcoms on the BBC in years, I thought I would share my thoughts with you. PLACEBO was a pilot on BBC three set in a clinical trials unit and after viewing it I was desperate for ANY substance that would assuage the pain.The script was full of ridiculous over the top, poorly thought characters and the text so flat and blunt it could have been written by a former Army Captain with a high pitched mundane voice and a penchant for writing crap songs - yes, that's how bad the gags were.
The script was packed with all manner of references to the male appendage:
One of the potential side effects is of taking the trial drug is 'Penile seepage'.
Actor#1: Penile seepage. Does that mean your penis seeps stuff out of it or do you seep penises?
Actor#2: How can you seep penises?
Actor#1: Like little ones out yer bum and stuff.
Actor#3: I think I am suffering a side effect of the drug
Actor#2: yeah,he's seeping little cocks.
Priceless!
Then we had the lead actor claiming that the new drug was giving spots before the eyes and this was just the perfect set - up - when he tells a nurse - who has bad Acne and naturally she thinks he insulting her.
Highly original - just did not see that one coming.
Then we had Actor 3 going into the bathroom where Actor#4 was in the bath with a huge erection. Later #4 apologies to #3 about his erection and #3 says 'No hard feelings'
One of the funniest and seminal retorts I have ever had the pleasure to witness on TV.
Then towards the end of the show we had a whole section about willies shrivelling up and dropping off.
Clearly , I realise where I went wrong in the sample I sent to college of comedy because there were just not enough KNOB gags. Which is just the thing you need to impress the twenty-something media studies graduate who has been given their first job of wading through 1400 ten-page samples looking for comic diamonds.
So, to help you in future submissions I have pasted below a variety of slang names for a penis. To ensure any chance of success - try and use them are liberally as possible - because, it transpires, that the media graduate is to replaced with an Optical character Reader that will scan your sample for potential comic value - just by counting the knob gags.
PLACEBO was an insult to everyone and just rubs salt in the wounds of those of us who can write, witty, intelligent comedy that is FUNNY, with well-thought characters and real situations.
Please tell us you had nothing to do with PLACEBO, Micheal.
WORDS TO ENHANCE, EXTEND AND TAKE YOUR COMEDY SAMPLE TO NEW LENGTHS
Lovestick, Joystick, love tube sausage, weapon,john Thomas,winkie,snake,pecker, lighting Rod (premature ejaculation), boner, hard-on, Pork Sword, Man meat, One-eyed yogurt chucker, prick, dick , dong, Stiffies, hofties, pecker and wingwong,
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It was BBC Manchester so I doubt MJ had anything to do with it. And I didn't think it was as bad as you make out.
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I've heard that a well crafted knob gag can open a lot of doors in comedy.
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And maybe I got it wong but isn't it whang?
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Iammister - that IS a decent knob gag.
Aspieboy - Oh, dear. I would suggest you look at PLACEBO more analytically [ or should I write ANAL ytically ]. It's still on BBC iplayer for anotherweek...regretably.
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kroggy
It's just a pilot for a show that will almost certainly never get commissioned into a full series, and as such hardly worth getting too worked up about.
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@Kroggie
As AspieBoy says, Placebo was made by my good friends in Manchester, so I wasn't involved with it - and I'm afraid haven't yet seen it.
@MisterP
I think it's wang.
I'm delighted that everyone is spelling knob correctly. I see 'nob' quite a lot, and 'draw' instead of drawer, which I find surprisingly annoying.
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@ Aspie,
I agree that it will never be made into a full series - thankfully. But that is not my beef - it's that it actually got to the pilot stage - when probably thousands of better-crafted, funnier comedy narratives will never, ever see the light of day - probably yours included.
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Mine's the longer version Mister J ;)
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Hi Micheal
Were all the scripts read even after they were deemed as 'under qualified' according to the attached writing CV?
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@ G-bhaker
That is an interesting point - because I don't think that the scripts actually were read. I can't believe for one moment that Micheal actually looked at 1400, 10 page samples - you would go insane. So, therefore, they must have used some sort of rapid filtration process that didn't allow full evaluation. Obviously positive criteria: Knob gags ( Vide supra), under-represented minorities, age ( you can't be funny over 35) and if you know a few people at the BBC club.
I wish people would wake up and realise that this is just a publicity stunt - The BBC pretending that it is open to everyone - open to discovering new talent; It is all lip service. The BBC is a clique and will always remain so.
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Kroggy
Prime example of knowing people at the BBC club - Lily Allen!
I recall reading on blog week 1 that 100 people were unqualified so were uneligable.
I also read that you were eligable if you had completed or are attending a writing course in a recognised institution. It wasn't stated what level the course had to be, such as whether it had to be at degree level or not. The writing course I completed was at level 1 with the Open University. Doubt that was enough to get the script read, or even worse if it was an insult to the BBC!
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Kroggy, you are increasingly coming across as bitter. Perhaps you should take a step back and put things in perspective: You were 1 applicant out of 1400 so the odds of getting through were stacked against you. This isn't the only opportunity or avenue out there so why not keep going?
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@Kroggy
It would be a pretty elaborate and pointless stunt, Kroggy. Why invite people to submit work and then ignore it? Yes, I read everything, I always do. Others have to judge my sanity.
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I for one shall apply for the latest scheme and hopefully something will come out of it. If not then as I said before, the BBC is not the only avenue.
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Guilty!
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@GB
Precisely GB, year in year out we - the licence -payers - subsidise nepotism and back-slapping leg-ups. 'Thank you very much for your subscription to our club - but unfortunately you have never personally helped my career, so you can't play with us. na.na.na.na.na.'
I would like - and it would be interesting to see if I get a full response - or will I be blocked from this blog - for Micheal to give us an full honest and truthful description at how the 20 were selected and why? Come on Micheal - let us see what were the rib-tickling, guffawing 'Dont' do that again or I'll wet myself' samples that secured them a place and why? Give us something that we can all aspire to.
[ Sorry, finished a sentence with a preposition].
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If he shows his Kroggy will you show yours?
:)
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@primark,
Not bitter - just irritated by the lot of you who seem to have this almost mystical reference for the BBC. Primark, please do apply for the scheme - I sincerely wish you well, but you know what, I reckon you'll still be on here next year - hoping.
@Micheal
Of course you do ignore work - the writersroom is just lip service. You are not going to tell me that when you have a whole host of commisions waiting in the pipline that you are going to leap upon an unknown writer and say Wow! No, of course not. You are always going to go with the safe.
The BBC as part of its charter was told that it had to open itself up - not only to independents but also to other talent. part of your remit - and to partly justify the licence fee is to say - well, 'Look, we are open to everyone - this is what we are doing to encourage new writing' but the reality is that you put in place all the hoops and hurdles to conveniently discard new writers for the ones you know about; even in this college of comedy there were criteria.
So, do you think that you will honestly answer my question posed in my last blog - or ban me for being an irritation.
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@Kroggy
Maybe you're right, I am new to this so perhaps my glasses are rose-tinted at the moment but I still stand by my earlier post when I say I have an open mind about other avenues. Trust me, the BBC is not the only option i have my sights on.
P.S. You read like a very witty, insightful and funny person so i sincerely hope that one day your time will come. :-)
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@kroggy
I don't believe in banning people, Kroggy. Comment is free. I will aim to do a blog today or tomorrow.
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Thank you for your kind comments magnificent Primark - Are you female, single and over 35? Maybe we could turn this into a dating blog and give it some real value :)
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@Kroggy-Yes to two of your questions.
Well, if nothing this forum provides us with a makeshift outlet. I believe we are at our most creative when we are royally pissed off about something!
:-)
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It would be great to have a similar blog-style update on the Drama Academy selection process too...
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@MP two out of three isn't bad. :)
Agreed with your sentiments so come on , MP give us your invective prose; your literary vitriol - come let's change things on his site through the power of the written word. Let's start a movement that brings about change and gives voice to our comic talents; a movement that gathers such momentum that it sweeps us as far as the TV centre and right up to the Costa coffee stall in the foyer.
Or you could just give me your e-mail address :).
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TVC is being sold isn't it?
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@Micheal
What level would you say were the academic requirements for eligibility?
Kroggy + Primark - 'will they, won't they?'
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@ GB
You don't need academic requirements to write comedy: Stan laurel; John Sullivan; David Renwick didn't have qualifications that stated an A+ in gag writing - but, that siad, clearly some unfathomable criteria were set re the eligibility of this 'course'; But, hey, let's wait and see if we get a chance to look at what the 20 'successful' samples were - assuming that Micheal kindley accedes to my earnest entreaties.
Also, please don't embarrass MP...
@ IAMP
TVC has a very nice Costa Coffee stand and it's future is uncertain.
Please consult followng link.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/mar/05/bbc.television
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@Kroggy
Ok but in my defense I am currently a very happy bunny so apologies if my vitriol comes across as rather lame:
The Comedy College scheme..er what's THAT all about eh?
Um.. Micheal Jacob, what's with him and his piecemeal info on how candidates are chosen? Um..*raises one arm and shakes fist angrily* Grrrr.
Yes and er...Little Miss Jocelyn. Why? Is it cos she is black?
That is all.
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For now. :-)
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@MP
Glad you are a happy Oryctolagus cuniculus [ Cuniculus - ooo err sounds a bit rude could have come straight from that sitcom PLACEBO].
Vitriol - yes, a little lame but made up for by the angry fist.
Defense? With an s? Are you one of our North Atlantic Cousins?
Agree about piecemeal stuff and Little Miss Jocelyn -
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'but, that siad, clearly some unfathomable criteria were set re the eligibility of this 'course'
Why do you say that?
I presume you mean eligibility for entry to this course?
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Yes, I refer to Micheal's comments from above. which were:
' Ambiguity in entry requirements and more clarity of communication can certainly be addressed.'
And I think there was ambiguity - in fact mud would be a closer description
That is why it would be good to know who was selected and why - What's their background and their experience? - What did they actually write for their sample? How many of them are already actors and performers and all ready know to the BBC comedy Factory? How many actually and genuinely came through as previously totally unknown?
It would be good to make this information available but I suspect that in doing so it would - regretfully - become rapidly apparent that of 1400 - less than 5% were eligible for entry.
If I have got this wrong - then I hope I will be put right - but I suspect that we will be told that 'due administrative pressures, blah, blah...' and all the usual platitudes that we will never find out.
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I was asking what was the bit about entry requirements that that you were confused about?
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@ IAMP
Can't remember all of them, to be frank but I know a lot of blogs have suggested confusion. As for myself - I fulfilled all of the criteria - fully and more.
What about you?
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What about you?
Yes I had no problems understanding the entry requirements. Seemed pretty clear to me.
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