Sex education - your comments
(Click here for the results of our questionnaire and other sex education content)
We received dozens of interesting comments about sex education when we asked for your views.
Many of you called in to have your say on the subject. You can listen again to the debate by subscribing to and downloading the 5 live News Phone-In podcast.
Here are a selection of the best.
How did you first raise the subject with your children?
Let the child lead, don't avoid the questions and most of all DO NOT tell little lies! Avoiding answering and giving misleading info will be found out and makes it more difficult later.
Having got over the shock and hilarity of what bits go where ("you did WHAT? Yuck."), there has never been any embarrassment or mistaken assumptions.
My children were never curious about sex until it was brought up at school.
I am lucky and have a boy and a girl; as soon as they noticed the difference in each others bodies I explained the whys and wherefores.
Both my girls brought it up at about the age of 10 when they asked me questions about periods and I just took it from there.
When I knew they were ready. I used a Babette Cole book to help - it is very funny and helped break the ice. It is called Momma Laid an Egg.
I was given a joy of sex book by my parents and told to read it and then ask my parents if I had any questions I am not taking this approach with my kids.
Some general comments:
Many of my daughters friends ask me questions instead of their own parents
Sex education should not be given in a classroom full of children at different stages of development and moral upbringing but should be done at home in a loving and understanding environment.
The amount, quality and timing of sex education is a total lottery dependent on parental ability, the school priorities and chance events.
I would much rather my children heard it straight from me than the giggly or slightly disgusted version they get from each other.
If discussions of sex became part of everyday life from an early age, so it wasn't a taboo or mysterious subject the world would be a much better place.
My school ran no sex education and my parents would have died of embarrassment long before discussing it. I would hate any other child to be put in that same position.
How honest should I be about my own sexual history? They ask me "did you do that" and most of my truthful answers would be quite inappropriate.
The bottom line is that parents should be responsible for their kid's sexual well being and not blame society, teachers etc. WE are the grown ups after all!
I feel they are exposed to so much more information/experiences and media than when I was a child, so naturally they are asking questions earlier than in previous generations.
People talk about taking away their innocence by telling them the facts of life so young. I disagree, my children haven't 'lost their innocence' by knowing.
I also think it's important that any discussion on sex has to be based in an emotional and values context so that a young person grows up to have a balanced attitude.
I am a school teacher and I taught my first sex education lesson last week. I was shocked at how little the group I taught (aged 14) knew, especially about STIs and contraception. We need to accept that young people are having sex younger and younger and we need to arm them with as much information as possible so that they can make well-informed decisions.
I thought I was reasonably clued up about sex when I was younger. However a lot of what I thought I knew, was wrong...
When the time came for me to have a chat with my son he was about 11-12 yrs old. It was a bit awkward until we both started laughing! I think he knew more than I did from his mates.
2 years ago I attended a 'Speak-Easy' course, (otherwise entitled - 'how to talk to your kids about sex and relationships), held at the local primary school. I would recommend this course to every parent.
As a child I was brought up on a farm hence sex education was all around me.
I think kids should be taught the facts and the consequences of sex without consideration of emotions and unwanted pregnancies and STI.
I have 5 boys, 16 and under. I want them to have good relationships but safe ones so I it is down to me to make them aware. Last thing I need is regrets about "wish I had said something" and "if only's"...
Starting sex education earlier in school will not decrease the teenage pregnancy rate it will probably increase it. Just because they are taught about it doesn't mean they understand it. They are taught maths and English but they do not all get an A* pass.
Too much sex education makes them aware at far too early an age, encourages them to experiment.
My parents gave me two brilliant books about sex and sexuality the summer before I started Secondary School (in the early eighties). They wanted to 'get in there first' before I heard any nonsense from the other children.
You will not stop teenagers having sex if they want it. What you can do is help them achieve a sense of personal responsibility, self-respect and the confidence to be able to say no.
If you don't talk to your children about sex then someone else will.
I am frequently stunned by the timing of my children's' queries, eg in Sainsbury, but always try to deal with them honestly, if quietly!
I think education in schools should be delivered by youth workers and not teachers and that no school should be exempt from delivering sex education.
As a 19 year old student going to do teacher training, I do think schools should inform children because some children don't have a secure home in which to ask the questions and also some parents are ill-informed.
It's a topic that I find embarrassing to discuss with our children. My wife is more adept at this, and lets me know when she has had discussions that I should know about.
Other kids, as well as their parents, benefitted from the candour of my girls.
Education empowers & is more likely to promote responsibility.
Looking back on myself at 18, when I first had sex, I realise how comparatively ignorant I was.
It's best talked about with parents but realistically a good number of parents will fail to deal with it. Therefore primary teachers like me need to ensure all children receive the essential knowledge
Being a teacher of SRE it doesn't make it any easier. Teaching 30 strangers is so much easier than teaching your own kids.

~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~27~RS~)
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Thank god a few people are finally talking abut STI/STDs The program started with people simply talking about sex.
young men are the main worry and need to be targeted better. They are so driven by hormones at that age that even if they don't have a condom they will apply pressure for sex.
Emotions are not a major factor in sexual exploration for youngsters, nor do they fully understand the emotions they do feel.
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As a secondary school teacher who has taught sex education for 15 years I think we are missing one key point. All my students are able to have rational and informed discussions about relationships, contraception, self-esteem etc but once they get out on a Friday night and consume vast amounts of alcohol their common sense and ability to protect themselves and make the right decisions go out of the window. The sex education we deliver has been excellent in all the schools I have worked in but the effects of the teen alcohol culture means that it is forgotten when they find themselves 'in the heat of the moment' and under the influence.
Parents who drop off their children with alcohol (often alcopops and spirits) to hang out with mates fail to realise they are massively increaing the risk of their child getting pregnant or catching STI's.
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Only last week there was a long discussion on the show in which everybody seemed to agree that it was vitally important to teach children to compete.
But when young people compete to have sex as early as possible, suddenly competition doesn't seem so virtuous!
In fact, when negotiating the absolutely central areas of human life- loving and raising families together - co-operation is the only skill/ outlook with the slightest value.
Don't blame kids for learning their lessons too well. Blame the ridiculous attitudes that adults try to inculcate.
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As a group of year 7 students we would prefer to be taught at school. We would be embarassed talking to our parents about sex. But we think it is our parent's responsibility to teach us. It should be someone who we trust and like.
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I think it is sad that parents believe that knowledge is a problem! Education is freedom, it is choice and its developing your own viewpoint. I think curiosity is the biggest problem in my opinion, rumours at break times will only stem this curiosity further.
There are many dysfunctional families out there and I think for our society to develop and grow regardless of your background I think this is one issue that seriously needs addressing.
I agree with those comments that it should be taught by someone outside the school environment. Maybe an outside group of teachers/doctors/nurses that go round visiting schools. Small groups and single sex I think are things to be taken into account and defiantly in a comfortable environment.
Age is a hard one for me and my opinion varies as to when is appropriate. Though I know one thing for certain that 'relationship studies/sex education' should be a compulsory subject along side maths or English. One off sex education doesn't work this is shown in the statistics of high percentages of unwanted pregnancies and abortions.
I think that our culture is going through conflicting times with so many from different backgrounds combined into one. Not to mention media having such a huge effect on our life's. Sex education should also include all of these views, religions and their beliefs, students at uni and there thoughts and just a general broadening of peoples knowledge. What you don't know wont harm you is NOT something that works.
As I am (not yet) a parent myself I would in fact congratulate those parents who have successfully brought children up with the knowledge and morals to know what is best for themselves. I think that one of the problems is conflicting views of right and wrong, of who you really are.
I guess I will leave you with some awful question of: what is compulsory education for? How do we know what to teach? Should different schools hold different opinions of sex ed or should it be forced into the curriculum along side algebra and literature? Is is the parents responsibility or the schools? What about those who don't have a good home to find things out? Do we need to educate parents?
I will sum up my ranting. But would love to hear any feed back from what I have said here. I am so unbelievably intrigued in this debate. I know one thing for sure something does need to change to make things better and I hope to be part of that somehow. Thanx.
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