Tuesday 12 April 2011, 14:15
I hadn't realised quite how contentious the subject of breastfeeding is.
After I had my daughter I tried to breastfeed and ended up with mastitis - a breast infection - and was admitted into hospital.
I was quite defensive when I gave up breastfeeding. I made sure everyone knew that I'd been in hospital, that I'd had an infection and that I'd tried really, really hard.
This all stemmed from my guilt.
Whilst I was ill-informed about the mechanics of breastfeeding, I was well aware of the breast v bottle debate.
With slogans such as breast is best and research showing the benefits of breast milk, I felt that I had failed and potentially put my baby at risk.
I realised that I was incredibly ill-informed about how breastfeeding actually worked.
I wondered, was I alone or were other women also struggling with, as I had assumed, this easy and natural act?
I wanted to find out whether the guilt I felt at not succeeding was valid or unnecessary.
Over the course of three months I spoke to a wide variety of people, all of whom felt passionately about this subject.
I quickly realised I had greatly underestimated how strongly people felt about the topic.
Breastfeeding pops up in the media fairly regularly but almost only with regards to the debate between breast vs bottle.
If our breastfeeding rates are to ever increase - they are one of the lowest in Europe - then it has got to be more visible.
I don't think I have ever seen a picture or footage of a woman breastfeeding on television or in a magazine. It is utterly bizarre.
I even met a woman who thought it was illegal, in the same way as indecent exposure, because she'd never seen it being done in public.
The first time I saw breastfeeding was when I was 26 and I didn't know where to look.
I felt embarrassed yet was confused by my reaction.
This was clearly a natural act yet I felt so uncomfortable.
Whilst making the film I met a group of teenagers who, like half of women and girls under 20, didn't want to give it a try.
For them, boobs are for one thing only: sex.
They admitted that they are greatly influenced by what the celebs are doing and they had never seen a famous person breastfeeding.
To them it was clearly not something to celebrate
And it wasn't just the teens that felt this way.
I also met older mums who felt so embarrassed at breastfeeding in public that they would find some ingenious ways to conceal it.
Whether we like it or not, the media has a huge influence on our cultural trends, and perhaps if breastfeeding was more visible on television it would begin to lose its social stigma?
However, while making the film I found that my feelings of guilt waned.
Sadly, I discovered that my experience was a very common one - I actually felt very reassured that many other women find breastfeeding really tricky.
I also realised that, even with the best will in the world, without support and information, women who encounter problems are often fighting a losing battle.
But there is good news. In the UK there is actually a huge amount of breastfeeding support available - if you know where to look. (A good starting point is the Bringing Up Britain help and advice page.)
One of the most prominent lessons I learnt whilst making this film is not to suffer in silence.
I also realised that if you can't breastfeed, for whatever reason, then feeling wracked with guilt isn't useful.
Most mums make the best decision they can with the information they have at the time - and so subsequent guilt isn't constructive - increased information is constructive.
I do believe that the best, most effective support comes from women sharing their experiences and learning from each other.
Plus, women often have very funny tales - leaking milk in meetings, spraying family members and cabbage leaves in bras - just to name a few.
Cherry Healey is the presenter of Is Breast Best? Cherry Healey Investigates.
Comments made by writers on the BBC TV blog are their own opinions and not necessarily those of the BBC.
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