Tiger down under
With news choppers circling overhead, a scrum of reporters waiting down below and a barrage of puns waiting to be unleashed, Tiger Woods flew into Melbourne on Monday, where he will take part in the Australian Masters golf tournament, attend a gala dinner, play in a charity event for victims of the bushfires, promote Victoria as a golfing destination and pocket a personal appearance fee of A$4m ($3.7m ;£2.2m) for his trouble - more than 10 times the prize money for winning the tournament.
His first visit to Australia in 11 years has the feel of a presidential and royal visit all rolled into one. But then, Tiger has the star power of Barack Obama (I think that a strong case could be made that Tiger helped pave the way for Barack by dominating, and thus winning widespread acceptance in what was long regarded in the US as a whites-mainly sport). He is the undisputed king of golf and, arguably, of world sport.
Awaiting him in Melbourne are an array of tiger treats. A suite at a posh hotel in the central business district which has played home in recent times to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Tickets to the hottest show in Melbourne - Jersey Boys. And the prospect of playing without the jarring staccato of hundreds of clicking cameras. The course has banned spectators from carrying them.
I happen to be in Melbourne covering another story and the front page of the city's tabloid, The Herald Sun, pretty much sums things up: TIGERMANIA.
Admittedly, there are numerous ways to spin this story. Should taxpayers' money be spent on Tiger's appearance fee? Seems like a worthwhile investment, seeing as the four days of the tournament are already a sell-out and that it reaffirms Melbourne's position as the sporting capital of the southern hemisphere, if not the world. State Premier John Brumby, who lobbied Tiger personally, claims his visit will be worth $19m for the state's economy. A figure plucked out of the air, perhaps? But it sounds plausible.
You could view it through the prism of civic rivalries. Sydney tried hard to lure Tiger, but he went with Melbourne instead - a familiar story since the 2000 Olympics, where the Victorian capital has outstripped its long-standing rival.
But I'm going to go with what I reckon is a legacy of the old "tyranny of distance" syndrome. The way that the country lapses still into "aren't we lucky to have a big celebrity visiting little ol' Australia" mode. As I write, I'm watching a news bulletin which is not only featuring Tiger Woods, but the arrival in Melbourne of Britney Spears.
And it's not just big-name entertainers and sports stars. This year we have already had "Christopher Hitchens week", when ABC handed over large chunks of its output to the visiting British polemicist. That followed "PJ O'Rourke week" earlier in the year, when the American satirist was granted the same airtime. Both are brilliant authors, but they hardly merit the red carpet treatment in a country with writers, public intellectuals and polemicists who can rival them. Early next year, we will no doubt witness Prince William week, as he makes his first visit to Australia since crawling around on a picnic rug in one of the happier photo-ops staged by Prince Charles and the then-Princess Diana (there is still a lively Republican referendum debate: ten years on the thread is still going on, by the way).
During my first Christmas in Australia a couple of years back, I was astonished by the blanket coverage devoted to Paris Hilton, who had jetted in to celebrate the New Year in Sydney. Why wouldn't she? The pyrotechnics are worth the trip alone.
The tyranny of distance used to come with a felony of international neglect. But that is no longer the case. As the world has got smaller, Australia has got bigger. Tiger's arrival down under, and the media-driven mania which has surrounded it, speaks of both.
I'm 
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~53~RS~)
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As usual I reckon your blog provides a much more objective view of events that I can ever find in the Australian media. After living in the UK for a few years I recently returned to Melbourne and have found a few things maddening. That there is no difference between front & back page news is one of them. 'Sport, sport, sport' instead of the Swedish Chef's 'bork, bork, bork'. Forget disasters, wars and politics around the world, Tiger's in town!
A classic Melbourne statistic: There are 8 sports stadiums in the world that have closing roofs. 3 are in Melbourne.
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Nick,
I'd agree with you up to a point,however I'd blame Oz journalists, rather than Australian society.
There are many Australians who don't give a rat's for visiting "celebrities" and we're annoyed by the media reporting of individuals whose claim to fame is proficiency in some ridiculous sport or famous for being famous.To what extent the media coverage of their visits reflects the interests of the average Australian is highly debatable,our journalists are either very bored and attracted to any kind of "event" or still infected by the notorious cultural cringe.
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I agree with what you've said about Tiger possibly paving the way for Obama, though you certainly wouldn't have heard it from an American; that seems to be the kind of though process which could only have come from spending so long in a country like Australia. I recall a Melbourne friend of mine from a political discussion forum expressing hope some months ago that Obama's time in power would be spent like Tiger Woods: "A talented black man, in a white man's game, utterly dominating".
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Ah this blog post takes me back. Back to Christmas a few years ago. The family was gathered around the television, all watching intently as the great lady arrived from that magical place long revered by Australians....the land of "overseas". The Christmas turkey was caked in an ochre dust and the ambrosia had long since gone to the flies, in fact the entire Christmas spread had been abandoned. Suddenly...a glimpse! It was finally her. I did but see her passing by, but I'll love Paris till I die. Cole Porter could not have composed it more perfectly. It was Hilton herself, emerging from a stretch Hummer, sporting a pair of bejewelled stockings under a white polymer mini-dress. It literally stopped the nation.
The media went mad, perfectly capturing the mood of the nation. It was truly Paristerical.
Okay, okay, as you MIGHT have guessed I was overstating things a little.
My point is - Nick, to take the ravings of the Melbourne media and then make a sweeping judgement on the character of the nation is phenomenally unfair, even by the standards of that endless parade of Britons who start conversations with "The problem with you lot is.....".
I don't care about Tiger Woods, or Paris Hilton, or indeed any other visiting celebrity. I am embarrassed by the way the media is focusing on these people, and I think most Australians would proudly exclaim their disinterest if they had an opportunity in between the infomercials and the special features on TomKat that feature so prominently in the nation's tabloid news.
And dare I say that I find it a little rich that we are being criticised in this way by you, a representative of the national broadcasting company of a nation that obsesses over celebrity to such an incredible extent that Big Brother contestants can be elevated to popular sainthood.
All this in the week that the new British High Commissioner to Australia, Baroness Valerie Amos, commenced an incredibly patronising media blitz featuring an unprecedented lecture to the Prime Minister and the Australian people about climate change.
Too much!
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I hope and I pray that one day I might be as erudite as Whitlamite
Hear him...
BTW I am using that "Hear him" in the way that that gorgeous and transcendent writer Patrick O'Brian used the expression in the Master and Commander Series.
Though more attuned to the 2nd Napoleonic War I love it in its "Early Century" argot.
The way Aubrey and Maturin say "The year two"...referring to 1802.
I also like the way Bernie Eccelstone says 2...10...referring to 2010.
There is something special about being at the start of a new century and, dare I say it, a new millennium
Gosh...it's biblical.
Tiger...what a name..."on the golf links in the night"...is all that WE have made him...God bless him.
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Whoah whoah wait, hold on a sec... Uh...
Did you just call Golf a 'sport'?
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Whitlamite, didn't you just do another "the problem with you lot..." post?
While it's true that UK media (other than TV) is celebrity obsessed, probably to a greater extent than here in Australia, I think Nick was looking at the relative importance that international celebrities are given here and whether that importance is now overdone given that Australia is now not that much of an effort to visit.
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I daresay the tabloid editors and their TV counterparts would retort that they don't publish celebrity stories despite a lack of public interest, Whitlamite, but because of it. There are millions of Australians who buy the Tele and the Herald etc and tune into Chs 7, 9 & 10 every day because they enjoy the product, including obviously the coverage of visiting international 'celebrities.' Each to their own I say.
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I agree that you cannot sum up what we all think from the what is in the paper - although its clearly a coup having Tiger Woods here,its not the second coming!!!! The fawning of the press has, however, been outshone by the fawning of our state politicians, which has been embarresing in the extreme. I wish they could get so excited about public transport or funding our hospitals...
But we all do have the choice to watch or not and it is possible to ignore the whole circus! (Although, as someone who lives close to the particular golf course, probably not possible......)
Britney who? Paris who?
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Baa Humbug. Australians are not besotted by someone just because they're from overseas. In fact, our distorted obsession with some of our own "sportsmen", is what I have a problem understanding. Case in point, Greg Norman. That choker seems to get headlines no matter what he does. All he ever did was choke but people and the media think he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. At least Tiger is good at his "past-time". I don't like to call golf a sport because I think any sport should require the participant to have an elevated heart rate. Also, if someone like John Daly can play golf then it can't be a sport.
If anyone wants an example of Australians not being blinded by overseas celebrities I would put forward the case of Britney Spears. From what I've read people are walking out of her concerts because they're lousy. Also, tickets are being scalped at a dollar a throw. Prior to Britney Spears Pink was over here and she was a huge success. In other words, we're not star struck drones and, with the exception of The Great White Guppy, we respond according to what's on offer.
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Nick Robinson:
That is good news, for...Tiger Woods visiting Australia...
=Dennis Junior=
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Tiger Woods? it's a familiar name. Is he one of Bob Geldoff's children or maybe the former gay lover of Alex Reid the boyfriend of Katie Price otherwise known as Jordan?
Sometimes we need a celebrity but the media need celebrities more. I'd say most people really don't care that much about Tiger or golf but he is worthy legend and if enough care then it's worth the story.
Also, Australians like to win and I suppose getting Tiger is considered a win. I wouldn't think he is a better athlete than Federer who comes every year but Federer needs to come (to get a major), Tiger wanted to come (for 4 million????).
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Even after living in Australia for over a decade it still never ceases to amaze me how the locals put up with the poor quality of commercial television news. The reporting is so subjective; it's like The Sun with moving images.
Not only that but everything is so Aus-centric. Watch an hour of breakfast TV (I admit I did once) and you'll hear the words "Australian" and "Aussie" shoehorned into every possible gap. Add an unhealthy dose of Pommie Bashing in just about any news broadcast and you'll get the picture.
As for Tiger Wood's recent visit, words almost fail me. Upon his arrival he was interviewed for the news and was asked how much he likes Australia (do the locals really have such low self esteem that they need the love of foreigners to be beaten into them?) and he replied with the obvious "yes, I love coming to Australia". Ever since he has been praised as a true Aussie-lover despite it being 11 years since his previous visit and it only took a $5million "incentive". I wonder how much he'd need to be paid to visit Iraq or Afghanistan?
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Wilbur No. 6
Sad to say you show your ignorance. I've played many sports(obviously unlike you)Golf is the most universal, challenging, difficult, enduring and enjoyable of them all. Almost everyone I've ever met (of thousands)on the golf course - who took up the sport late, regret it. Give it a try sport - then HYS again.
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