Operation Hamlet
With military planning, this morning at 1000 hours exactly, Operation Hamlet began. Three phones on constant redial and a broadband PC logged in to the dedicated server, my mission was simple enough: to purchase four tickets for the current RSC production of the greatest Shakespearian tragedy.
"The play's the thing, wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king".
And tragedy was pretty much how one might describe the outcome.
Three hours later, I have managed only to spend vast sums listening to Greensleeves on my mobile phone. Once perfectly hummable light jazz tunes have become so burnt into my synaptic mesh that their cadences now make me shudder. My temper is shot. My hopes of a family-sized dose of culture - dashed.
"What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty!"
Apparently, infinite faculty has brought us to this. Modern technology in the communication age results in thousands of people in homes and offices all over the country, desperately calling and re-calling, trying at the hundredth attempt to get past the engaged tone, hanging on and on and on and on, then - just as a horribly calm voice advises us to have our credit card details handy - getting cut off.
"The rest is silence".
Meanwhile, the internet site mesmerises me with excruciatingly slow progress towards the promise of a ticket booking. Is the machine still working? It is hard to tell as the connection bars appear frozen but I dare not touch it or else I am bound to find myself at the back of the line. Or locked out completely. And then, just as the clicks suggest I might be about to get four partial view seats in the balcony on a Wednesday, an "exceptional error" reveals that the server is overloaded.
"O, woe is me, to have seen what I have seen, see what I see!"
This is not some one off bit of bad luck. I have been here before. Wasted mornings trying to get my son into the family enclosure at the Premiership club he supports. Hours of fruitless effort leaving me intensely aggravated but with no-one to moan at. Even the complaints department number is busy.
"Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me".
I find myself shouting at recorded messages. "You are fifth in the queue" a bright voice tells me. Moments later - "you are ninth in the queue". Queue barging on the phone! How is this possible?
"'Tis a fault to Heaven, a fault against the dead, a fault to nature, to reason most absurd".
So long have I been listening to Strauss waltzes and hideous orchestral versions of middle-of-the-road pop classics that I have to ring up my mobile phone company on another line to top up my credit. Does anyone have any notion just what slings and arrows this ghastly system forces us to suffer?
"That it should come to this!"
I give up. The internet updates to tell me the production is now sold out.
"Now cracks a noble heart".
I'm 
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~46~RS~)
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For what it's worth, more people than ever can hear you lament about the oppressive nature of technology in your life.
Of course, you could take a stand against technology and throw a soapbox down at the nearest intersection; I'm sure it would work nearly as well as the Internet.
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Also, the above comment is largely baseless and not even oriented at the focus of your piece. Let's just say it's a bad idea for me to attempt coherent though early in the morning, pre-caffeine.
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Mark,
I am afraid you have answered your own question. If RSC can sell out a production without a decent working system, why should they bother to invest in an upgrade? That a world class arts organisation operates a sub-standard booking service in a national disgrace but they will only address the problem when people like us give up trying in sufficient numbers that they do not sell out. Until then, I fear we have to suffer.
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threnodio:
Actually, tickets were sold directly by the Novello theatre. The RSC proved more than capable of coping with the demand for the run in Stratford-Upon-Avon, as well as the member priority booking for the London run, and have been professional and courteous throughout what I'm sure has been a very stressful time.
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3. threnodio wrote:
"I am afraid you have answered your own question. If RSC can sell out a production without a decent working system, why should they bother to invest in an upgrade? That a world class arts organisation operates a sub-standard booking service in a national disgrace..."
You've got it all wrong. The question to ask is; If their ticket booking system can make Hamlet look as popular as Glasto and get them a big advert like this on the BBC website, why should they bother to downgrade to something that justs sells tickets?
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"Queue barging on the phone! How is this possible?"
It's possible because the system knows your phone number, therefore it knows your address. From your postcode, it determines your likely socio-economic status. Then if someone it considers more potentially lucrative calls, it bumps them up the queue.
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Presumably an 0870 number? If I were ever to stand for election my sole ticket would be to ban premium rate call lines.
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#4 - darkshinelight
I do not doubt it. But the reputation of RSC was entrusted for the duration to the Novello which, it appears, failed to provide a satisfactory service. It may not be the RSC's fault but mud sticks.
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I would just like to make it clear that any blame for the ticket fiasco this morning should be solely directed towards the Novello Theatre/Delfont Mackintosh and not with the RSC.
The RSC staff have been friendly, helpful and polite at all times with the public over the last few weeks, unlike some of the staff at the Novello/Delfont Mackintosh this morning!
I, myself, was told to 'hurry up' when, literally, pausing for a breath when considering which one of the two nights I had been offered, I should opt for!
I have also heard that one Hotline operator told a member of the public that, 'yes, of course there are tickets left', only to then be laughed at and told 'only joking, of course there isn't' - hardly what you would call a professional approach to work!
I was one of the lucky ones this morning, who managed to obtain tickets! I feel very sorry for all those who were disappointed due to the inadequate systems in place!
One would have thought that The Novello/Delfont Macintosh would have been better prepared for today considering how quickly the Stratford run of the play sold out!
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Whilst I'm sure this wasn't your intention, you bring into question the issue of subsidies to the 'arts'.
In these tough economic times, when people will be choosing to eat or heat this winter, does it make sense to throw billions of pounds into the 'arts' so they can offer tickets at such such artificially low prices that people who can afford to have multiple phone lines devoted to the task still are unable to book.
I hope Messrs Brown and Darling are reading; a dramatic cut in the subsidies to the 'arts' could provide enough money for the £25 a week severe weather payment to be extended to all households in the UK.
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Oh Mark, you have just described my exact experience!! I started calling at 10am (two phones at the same time in the end - landline and mobile plus internet)and was slowly driven insane for over two hours with dead tones and BT announcements, engaged tones and that god awful muzac for a hour before I hung up and had to start again. Just when I was contemplating mass murder at 12.30 I got through to someone and managed to get 2 tickets in the balcony! The lad on the phone was very sweet and said I was the only nice person he'd spoken to in about an hour. I know it wasn't his fault per se (which is why I hadn't blown up at him), but the whole morning was a stressful experience like nothing else. If I never hear muzac again it'll be too soon...
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Consider your bank balance lucky Mark.
If you had got through to buy tickets in addition to the ticket price and the call charges (including the box offices cut of the premium rate) There was the Secvice Charge, £5.00 per ticket, the Credit Card Charge £1.50 per ticket and the Postage Charge £3.50 waiting for you to pay.
All these are unrefundable.
Didn't the Office of fair Trading have something to say about this type of behaviour from the budget airlines?
All these charges should be included in the advertised price of the ticket, you can't get a ticket for many events without them being paid! They should be refundable in event of cancelation by the Promoter. They should be fully refundable in the event that the purchaser can't attend (or totally resaleable without restriction)
As it stands the rigged system that forces people to spend ages on the phone booking tickets that might not be useable or right but "it's the only chance to get them."
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I was not fortunate enough to get tickets for it. The thing that has most annoyed me is that it seems that half the people that DID manage to get them seem to be selling them for £300+ on ticketmaster or eBay. Hardly fair!
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Apart from the charges levied on those who got through and apart from the scalping by ticketmaster etc., what is also depressing - for those of us who were unsuccessful - is the certain knowledge that there will be touts outside the theatre on every night of the run flogging tickets at hugely inflated prices. I hope the BBC might investigate what has happened with this production.
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Mark, the only way would have been to become a member of the RSC and get advance notification of the play in Stratford and London. That's what I did. My full membership costs me about £36. Then I just sent in my request form and got a second row stalls seat at Stratford for the first performance of Hamlet in Stratford. I've also got the same seats for the first performance of Love's Labour's featuring Tennant in October. Sidestep the rat race. Think ahead!
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