Two Quotations
From time to time I get sent copies of books dealing with Northern Ireland, most of which are academic tomes. But in recent weeks I've received two books which are rather lighter in tone, both of which I've enjoyed flicking through.
So here's a couple of quotes for a "name that book" competition. Answers at the end of the week. Authors banned from taking part.
1. "My memoir will present you with almost everything that you could wish for in such a narrative. It has orgasms, phantasms, fanaticism, witticism, ostracism, osteopathy, empathy, energy, synergy, misery, mystery, history, hysteria, wisteria, wisdom, condoms, cordons, organs and, last but not least, orgasms."
2. "While I often heard it said that politics is a beauty contest for ugly people, I never thought that so many people would actually set out to prove it true.....There are some particularly unfortunate photos. Sammy Wilson has foregone a tie in favour of a black Aran jumper which, and let's call a spade a spade here, almost makes him look like a Fenian. As for Mickey Brady, well, suffice to say, it is not for nothing that he is known in these parts as An American Werewolf in Newry and Armagh. Then, capping them all, you have a sheet-white, terror-struck John O'Dowd, who clearly has just seen a ghost - or been asked to give evidence to the PSNI's Unsolved Crimes Squad."
Not my words, I should stress. So whose are they?
I'm 
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~14~RS~)
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1. Cathal Daly
2. Peter Robinson
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MARK'S BOOK REVIEWS
1. Sounds like a script for Sex and the City (Belfast version). As orgasm is mentioned twice, so my guess is it must have been penned by a female. My suggestion is Mrs I. Robinson. Book title: Last Tango in Belfast.
2. This one perhaps by Lindy McDowell and Gail Walker. Book title: Prats, Plonkers and MLAs.
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Mark
DEVENPORT BLOG GETS DOWN AND DIRTY
RJ and Pandora offer interesting, if at times unlikely, answers to your "Name That Book" competition. Quite frankly, I don't think either of them has taken this competition seriously enough.
Book 1: RJ is wide of the mark in suggesting Cathal Daly because Book 1 refers to multiple orgasms and condoms. Rather implausible, I feel, given that Cathal has no working knowledge of the former and wouldn't dirty his hands on the latter. Pandora's suggestion that Iris is the Author is a possibility because one gets the impression that beneath that hard-nosed exterior she harbours thoughts of an unconventional nature. Could this be an extract from her Autobiography?
Mark, your quotes from Book 1 suggest that the author is a passionate individual who lives life to the full in every respect. After long and careful consideration I'm plumping for DOLORES KELLY who is always passionate in Assembly debate and I suspect she is no less zealous in other aspects of her life. Yes, it's definitely Delicious Dolores!
Book 2: Pandora could be correct as regards the Authors but she has gotten the title completely wrong. A more likely title would be: "Most MLAs are Prats and Plonkers".
The excerpt from Book 2 denotes someone with an acerbic sense of humour, always willing to land a telling verbal blow on opponents. I am torn between Sunday World's Jim McDowell and former DFM, Seamus Mallon. After long and careful consideration I'm plumping for SEAMUS MALLON who, unusually for a local politician, is expert at delivering barbed criticism laced with wit in his putdowns of political opponents. Yes, it's definitely Sharp Seamus!
Mark, I never thought I'd read a Blog of yours that mentions "orgasms" and "condoms" - whatever next? How did you get it past the pre-Moderators?
Susie
Disgusted, Carryduff
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MARK'S BOOKS REVIEW
If you expect to be taken seriously Mark with your competition, you will need to give a few clues.
Rumour has it that prizes for guessing the correct authors are:
First prize: one night out with Mrs I Robinson;
Second prize: two nights out with Mrs I Robinson.
My friend Epimetheus says he would settle for three nights out with Ms Purdy with the BBC footing the bill!
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NIGHTS OUT
Just for the record, forgot to mention that I hope I do not win any of the rumoured prizes!
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