Access to grandchildren: Does the law need to change?
When families separate, grandparents can find themselves unable to see their grandchildren.
Grandparents can be required to go to court twice to ask permission just to see their own grandchildren, reveals a report recently launched by charities Families Need Fathers, The Grandparents' Association and the Family Matters Institute.
The charities are attempting to promote the importance of grandparents and wider families, to highlight the problems they face after parents separate or divorce. They're calling upon the Government to give more legal rights to grandparents.
Should grandparents be given greater consideration when parents part? Does the law need to change? Share your experiences and stories here.
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Grandparents do lose out and so do the grand children. Grandparents can go to court for a contact order as can a child if of age an understanding. The court would appoint an offical to speak to all parties to ascertain wishes and feelings an present these to the court with a recommendation.
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i as a father have tried to get access to my two daughters for the last 7 years, i have been prevented by the disfunctional family courts and also my ex and her family, this includes the maternal grandparents who have been able to be a part of my childrens lives, sharing their birthdays christmases and even babysitting them, these grandparents have even pulled my children away from me in the street when i have seen them all out together and tried to approach them, they have also phoned the police claiming harassment when i have tried to contact my daughters when they have been at the maternal grandparents house.
lets sort out fathers rights of access first.
Terry
Worcester
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I think this is a terrible idea! The children are not the grand parents children they in no way belong to them. After my dreadful divorce, I was taken to court by my ex 28 times, he was a nightmare. His parents are not nice people either. Had they had such rights- they would have no doubt used them to take me to court over and over out of spite to! Not all grandchildren want to see their grandparents- mine certainly did not. Not all grandparents are nice people either....
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My son does not allow me to see his son or contact his ex girlfriend to see their mutual son. I don't know how to approach him to reconcile the differnces.
It hurts me badly, when I think so much is lost in nurturing each other with this breakup. I don't wish to go in to dispute and courts to get access. I'd like to see a community approach to mediate between member of the families and help them reconcile.
S.
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My parents divorced when I was 8 and although my grandmother on my mothers side was ill she still took me under her wing because i couldn't live with my parents completely. I am now 17 and my grandmother passed away just after christmas when i was 9. Although she is no longer here I sit and think about her when i need something and the memories it brings up make me happy that although i had a rather short time with my grandmother she has made me somewhat the person I am today.
I am glad i access to see my grandparents while my parents divorced and i do feel sorry for those children and grandparents alike who can not have access to one another.
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Do grandchildren have any legal rights to access their grandparents? My three children have never had access to their grandmother due to circumstances years ago when she cut off all contact with her family. She wanted to be 'left to get on with her life'. At the time she said that 'if I loved her' I would agree to this.
I feel that both she and our children have missed out on so much that can never be recovered.
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It is not just a problem when parents split up,there is also a problem when one's son-in-law or daughter-in-law brings about a family rift and prevents one set of grandparents seeing the grandchildren and vice-versa. The grandchildren are in this way prevented from getting a more rounded upbringing and view of the world, possibly grossly biased by the attitudes of the relevant parent.
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My parents went through a terrible divorce when I was 13 and I was denied access to my father until I was 16. The only grandparents I had a relationship with were on my father's side so I was also not allowed to see them either. During this time my granddad got cancer and the last time I saw him he was so ill, he could no longer recognise me. He finally died and I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral and my grandmother died soon after this. I desperately needed some impartial support during those years and I always feel so very sad that I missed out on those last years with them as I now have no other family of that generation. I think that if there were laws in place which allowed grandparents some power, this kind of situation could be avoided.
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My son split with his first wife and I lost contact with two grandcildren after a couple of years when their mother moved away. The boy was 3 the girl 1.
Not a day went past without me thinking of them, how they were, what they now looked like. The next time I saw them they were 12 and 10. I was so happy to have found them but within a few months I had lost them again. They had moved house again and their mother had not given me the new address.
Last year my daughter found them, through the internet. They are 19 and 17. I am overjoyed to be in contact. The boy came to stay for a week and was withme for my 60th birthday, the girl also stayed the next week. I never ever want to lose contact again. My family now feels comlete. But I can never forget the missing years. How much I have missed out on.
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agree totally that grandparents shud have access to grand children, my son and family emigrated to australia in 2007 and took our only grandchild with them who we brought up from the age of 8 months and until their departure when he was 8 when i say brought up that was almost full time babysitting. In australia rhere are thousands of children who dont have grandparents reason have left them behind in the uk, they are devising a scheme to adopt a grandparent, we miss our grandson terribly and constantly think of him. we have visited twice but the journey is a "killer" especially when you have advancing years. So yes you should have access and the grandchildren need grandparents
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I agree strongly that the law should be changed, my sister fell out with my parents over her new husband and moved away. She refuses point blank to let them see the children and that also includes me, so I don't get to see my nephew and niece. It is so upsetting not being part of their growing up.
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I am one of the many many invisible adult children of a parent with borderline personality disorder. My mother is in no way suitable to be in my children's lives and as such I have ensured she isn't. She is an emotional vampire and toxically abusive of the people in her life. Giving her a legal right to inflict emotional stealth abuse on my children is unthinkable. Sadly while borderlines are marsters of their art it is exceptionally unlikely that she would be considered a "danger" to my children by a court.
Not all grandparents are flower clad cardi wearing lovelies!
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my husband and I live in France - our daughter has been going through a particularly acrimonious divorce - and we have been helping with some of the fees - thus making life difficult financially for us - especially as we have suffered due to the exchange rate - no fault of our own (greedy bankers and mismanagement - I believe). We have therefore been unable to visit the UK as often as we used to. Our former son in law regularly takes the children to see his parents who live on the South Coast in England but unfortunately he has stolen his son's passport so that our daughter cannot bring them to see us. It would be lovely for them to come to our home here - they love it a proper holiday - sunshine - pool and lots of fun with us - we could even manage to pay for their fares - but no - sadly there is little we can do - other than sending the children constant reminders of who we are - sad isn't it?
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Felt angry listening to article. Have the team thought of the dreadful episodes of domestic violence involved in some cases making it almost impossible for grandparents to see grandchildren. Children can be bullied by grandparents in some of these cases making life very miserable for them. Agree with above comment. Surely childrens thoughts and decisions should be taken into account too.
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I am a very lucky Grandparent, I have access to my Granddaughter thanks to Social Services.My Granddaughter was adopted, due to my daughters mental health. The court, listened to Social Services and my wishes, and stated that I was to be given access, as I was the only stable person in her life at that time. I am happy to say that my granddaughters parents are now extended family, and have encompassed my other grandchildren, and my other daughter in the contact that we all have one with the other. It could all have been so different if it hadnt been for the Christian attitude of her parents
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Hello there,
I am against my own parents having contacts with my son who is almost 10 years old.
I have suffered of emotional and physical abuse during my childhood while living with my parents during my whole childhood and teenagehood.
My parents, who I do not have direct contact with any more, have established regular contact with my son via my ex-partner, by making him beleive that they are as sweet as lambs, and are in deny of the abuse I was subjected to.
As I do not trust my own parents, knowing how they are able to pervert reality to the eye of a child so easily, that I cannot allow my son to be close to them for his own safety.
They claim that they would never treat my son the same way, and have used compassion from my ex-partner's parents to get in touch with my son, but yet again, haven't given them the full picture.
The issue is also that they have no respect for me as a person therefore it would be very upsetting for my son to be in contact with people who will have such low opinion of his mother.
The diffences of values from one generation to another can create conflicts of interests for the grand-children.
Kind regards
Anne-Charlotte, from Bristol
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after a relationship breakdown between my fathers parents, my grandparents didnt want to know their grandchildren, they would ignor us in the street and cross the road. even later on in life my father was on speaking terms with his mother but still she didnt want to know us. even now i dont understand why, i was only 8 years of age and feel that some part of my life is missing, i feel that children should be given the choice not just granparents
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A few other things need to change regarding grandparents rights. I was horrified when I was told if my child had an accident and had to have an operation, my parents were not allowed to sign the forms to allow my child to go into theatre, they would only accept mine or my partners, this is extremely worrying when my children are left in my parents care
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I think grandparents should be allowed to see their grandchildren,as long as they agree not to interfere in the adults' business.
I decided to let my father continue to see my children after he was twice very derrogative of their father to me- I felt my children had a right to know their grandfather. I hope I would have felt the same towards my husband's parents even if my husband and I had split up.
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I am an 18 year old and i have a 15 year old brother. My mum and my brother's dad divorced after a very bad relationship through his part. Because of this we have stopped contact with my brother's grandparents. Because my brother's dad was abusive towards me, my mum and my brother, we ended up having the police involved. We did keep up contact with my brother's grandparents but hey would be sneaky and get his dad to come by and see how me and him were....even though he wasn't allowed to see us. The reason we stopped contact was because my brother's grandparents had given away our home phone number to my brother's dad. They abused our trust with our phone number and we got lots abuse from my brother's dad. Plus my brother's grandma found out where my step-dad worked and started leaving messages for me and my brother. She then came to our house after a month of this and said that she missed us and wanted to see us. Both me and my brother said we wanted nothing to do with her as she had abused our trust. Instead of staying neutral like my grandparents, (Mum's side) she wanted to get my brother's dad involved with us again after abusing me and my mum and for a very short time my brother. No matter what the statistics say, not all children/teenagers want to see their grandparents because of them betraying parents and grandchildren's trusts. I do agree that children should be able to go out with their grandparents and i do admit that i miss going out each weekend too, but in the end it should be a joint decision between children, parents and grandparents whether they can come to an agreement. In my case it wasn't that easy but with other families the parents just point-score off each other.
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In 2004, our daughter-in-law took against us for reasons of her own, and gave her husband (our son) an ultimatum - his family or his unborn child. Naturally, under the circumstances, he had to choose his child, but since then they have had a second daughter, and we have not been allowed to meet either of them! They have even given the children their mothers MAIDEN NAME!!! My husband was devastated - this is our first born son and he has effectively cut us off!!
Our other children also miss their brother, and have children who would love to meet their mysterious cousins!! I dont think we have a leg to stand on.... Sue P (Lincs)
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I have to agree with Terry. My partner's ex-wife did all she could to cause problems with him seeing his son. He had to go to court many times. She got away with manipulating the child, breaking the court order, threatening violence towards me etc. I have much experience of the court process in this issue and I am nothing short of disgusted with it. The 'old boy's club' remains and in my experience, the woman is always viewed as the victim. If she wants to cause trouble, she will. The courts are not prepared to enforce orders or to take steps against women who abuse the system. They aren't interested. The legal system is a disgrace. We do need to sort out father's rights before we concern ourselves with those of grandparents, and more specifically, dealing with so called 'mother's' who break the rules. Once there are some real financial implications of their behaviour (and I'm sure my experience isn't unique) or custodial sentences, this situation will continue. But how likely are we to hear stories about these people on TV? Not very. Good luck Terry.
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my son and his girlfriend , let me see and have my grandson for the first five months then it stopped , he is 13 months old now,we were not allowed to give him birthday or christmas,cause his girlfriend and me had a row . but she got a wee girl to another man and she done this to them as well ,
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I am a Mother who went through a dreadful divorce 2 years ago. Since that time i have tried to facilitate my 4 yr old son to have access with his paternal grandparents.
After many aggravated and argumentative hand overs, in front of my son, i decided that these visits were more detrimental then good.
I understand that all grandparents should have maybe visiting orders but feel that rights would be a bad option. I'm afraid there are some grandparents who can't help but get embroiled in the bitterness of their children's divorce and work more as a detrimental force in a grandchild's life than a good one.
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Our son Michael died in Oct 2007 aged 27 from the effects of the chemotherapy treatment for a childhood cancer
His partner being unexpectedly pregnent, at his death we had an extremly good relationship with his partner (we thought)
Yet she has despite requests not allowed us to see the child and never keeps us in touch with his development,
No child could replace Michael, but it would be a small compensation to be involved in his growing up
Yet we are completly cut off without explanation
Barry & Eileen Scott of Yeovil
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Comment 14. Agree with comment 3 (not one above )
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I was sexually abused by my father for years and came around from complications in labour which led to me nearly dying. My friend with good intent called my parents and I awoke to find my father who I had no seen for years, holding my newborn. I went bonkers in the ward and they said I was mentally ill to all and my family. You see I have to protect my children from them.
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I support grandparents who do not see their grandchildren wholeheartedly. I see 3 of my grandchildren, one of whom lives in the States, but I have 2 grandsons I never seen. My eldest son married a woman who did everything in her power to take my son away from his family, and he chose to do as she wished. This means that he has nothing to do with me, his mother, or his brothers, but most heartbreakingly of all, he and his wife do not allow their boys to have anything to do with us either. The boys are now coming into their early teens and they know nothing of their father's family. I do not fight it as I found it upset me so much in the early days I could not cope with it at all. What a desperate situation it is for all concerned and how sad for the boys.
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My daughter became pregnant by a man she met and had only been going out with for a short while. He seemed to be a wonderful man and proposed to her shortly into her pregnancy. The pregnancy was tough as she grew quite big and couldn't sleep properly. She became angry with the world and I understood this to be because of her lack of sleep. However the relationship between my husband and I and this new man and my daughter broke down, reasons for which I still haven't understood nor has she explained to me. I have never met my grandson and he was one year old two days ago. I have sent him presents and cards for specific events throughout the year but have not heard anything from her at all. I have also sent texts, emails and letters pleading with her to contact me again and let me develop a relationship with my grandson. I feel as if she has wiped me out of her and her son's life. It is devastating. I would dearly love to meet him and see him grow up but now feel that I never will.
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I know only too well the importance of grandparents in a childs life I grew up across the road from my grandma who had a very positive and active role in my upbringing sadly my own two year old misses out on this special relationship so I would like to adopt grandparents for him I just wonder are there any scemes for this in the kent area?
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I saw my grandson every single day of his life until my son moved back home with me & my husband. I did all i could do for my grandson & my sons ex, i furnished & carpeted their flat bought the baby anything she asked for,we love the baby with all our hearts. All we want to so is be in his life but then she just suddenly said we were no longer allowed to see him. It has been 2 months since i last saw him, he will be 2 in July.I have tried to appeal to her but she just says no. I cry every day it has broken my heart. We will just have to wait till he is old enough to say if he wants to be part of our family. I don't think theese young girls realise what they do to grandparents when they cut us out of their lives. You love your grandchildren like you love your own children so why is it so difficult for us to get acsess to them
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well ive not seen my grandchildren for 7 years i miss them ..and would give my life to see them ...and my god ive been put in hospital its made me so ill not seeing them ..maybe one day when there 18 they will come see me ..why dont the parents think that children DO NEED the grandparents to
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I got divorced twelve years ago. Initially I didn't get on with my inlaws, obviously they took their sons side of our divorce. I gradually started visiting my inlaws regularly as my ex husband moved away and I felt my son needed to see both sets of grandparents.
Soon we were visiting my inlaws every weekend and have remained close ever since. They have taken him on numerous holidays and they look upon me as the daughter they never had.
Recently, my mother in law has been very poorly in hospital and I have been trying to help my father in law as he doesn't drive. The kindness they have shown me and my son over the years has been fantastic. My son is now fifteen and has grown into a lovely young man. My father in law takes him to play bowls and he has contributed greatly to the way he has turned out, as have my own parents.
I would encourage anyone going through a split or divorce to think about the child/children. Grandparents aren't around forever and it's such a shame if the children miss out.
Remember, it's not the grandparents fault if you split with your partner.
Life is too short to be bitter.
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our daughter stopped us from seeing our grandson when he was 3 years old.she has had another son since and we have never seen him.
the 3 year old is now 20 and the youngest is now 16 i believe.the best of it all is that our daughter will not communicate with us or tell us what we have done to warrant this.
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In addition to post 27, I meant to say some grandparents are not automatically fit to be near grandchildren, due to the way they brought up their own children. The mother and father of children should be able to make the final descision. My father was serving police officer on child protection squad for period of time and still though it 'normal' to abuse me. I am now 40 and cant bear the thought of him going within a county of my daughter let alone a room.
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unfortunately grandparents do not and should not have rights-its one thing if they're stable and caring but if you've got an abusive husband who comes with a dysfunctional family who are poisonous to the stability and happy life of children then its just as well they don't have rights- i moved away from the lot of them and my children are better off without their twisted world.
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When my ex and i separated I put a special provision into our contact agreement, as the mother-in-law was seeing the children for more weekends than either parent- I felt it was unfair to have her see my children for more time than me so I limited the visit to one visit for one day a month. This gives a happier balance as all grandparents get to see the children that weekend and I still get my weekend and dad still gets two to make up for lost time in the week. This was the fairest way I knew to work it HOWEVER- if i went with my gut feeling I would have cut everyone out as I feel that grandparents whilst useful for their surface value, are no value at all to the parents if the grandparent goes against the very wishes of the parents.
Following healthy eating advice from specialist dietitians and My husband asked our eldest not be fed chocolate until 2 years of age, however during a hour visit to nanny's she returned her with a weeks worth of jarred baby food (we make our own) and amongst them was a chocolate sponge desert jar. I was angry and shocked that the one thing we felt strongly about was not listened to.
It did not stop there, buckets of haribo, three puddings, plates piled so high they gave my daughter nightmares, sweet snacks toys upon toys, books, clothes, advice, tutting. And the final straw that broke the marriage was when i was pushed aside by nanny and prevented from comforting my own child after a fall. The whole family disagreed with her behavior and I disagreed with salt and sugar being highly used and abused. It upset me to have this happen to my family and as my ex had a weight problem I felt I had to act in the interests of child safety.
So after all that I am still fair and allow access, but I don't agree in grandparents having more rights, quiet simply they had their turn to raise their children and just because they think they should be raised different to the mothers wishes doesn't mean they should be allowed to. They had the right to tell their mothers and fathers to back off and if mothers of today feel the same way it should be allowed. Divorce changes nothing, if the father has access then visiting the father whilst its his turn doesn't seam unreasonable. Grandparents shouldn't be given any more rights to access through divorce as they have no rights to see the children if there is no divorce. Discriminating against the divorcee's is unfair and creates an even bigger fight for continuity of care for a child of any age.
I want my child to be given the choice however other parents may just wish to protect their children from the common attitude that Grandparents can and will spoil their kids despite parental wishes. 'It's there job isn't it?' Ask yourselves first who's job is it to raise the child?
A nation raised by nanny's is such a silly concept when there are mothers out there capable of doing it themselves. We all have the right to tell grandparents to back off why should that right be taken away because of a marital breakdown. Continue along this concept and you end up with a nation of children who are fat with rotten teeth and don't want to lift a finger for themselves. And the reason this has changed to previous generations is simple ... Money the mother has none and the grandparent has loads and knows not what to do with it. We all forget what children actually need is love not monetary gifts to buy affection!
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For several years our then daughter-in-law had numerous affairs, when our son found out he was devastated and begged his wife to stop the affairs, she refused and finally, in June 2007, had our son removed from the family home stating that he had attacked her. It took an appearence in court for my son to get access to see his three sons. On New Years Eve 2007/8 my son was invited by his wife to attend a New Years Eve party with her and his sons, after the party his wife invited our son back to the family home and eventually to her bed. While he was in the bedroom he found her phone and a text message showing she had again arranged a liason with another of her boyfriends, our son was so upset by this that he left the house and committed suicide by hanging himself. Up until December 2008 our ex-daughter-in-law refused my wife and I permission to see our three grandsons and it was only under her strictess observation were we allowed to see them, we have seen them 5 times since then but now she has broken off all communication again and we are unable to see the only contact we had with our son and likewise the only blood relations our grandsons had with their dad.
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I also have a Granson that I don't see. I am afraid even with court approval at the end of the day it is down to that parent whether or not you get to see the child. My grandson had so much aggravation from his Mother and stepfather on the days my son was supposed to have him, in the end he decided it would be better for him not to see us. What a decision for a 9 year old to make. So, much as I would love to see him I feel I would be wasting my time going to court. Unfortunately there is no way the court can MAKE the parent let you see your grandchild. They can use so many excuses, going out, not well etc. I wish Gloria Hunniford all the luck in the world and hope that at least some Grandparents have more luck than I have.
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My ex wife refused point blank to allow any access for my parents to see their grandchildren after the divorce. I made many attempts to reunite over the years however my ex wife even went to court and threatened to cut access of my children to me. My parents were tempted to go to court to try to gain access but felt it would just cause emotional turmoil for my children That was 12 years ago my children are now 20 and 14 and have no interest in there grandparents at all. I feel they have missed out on a fundememntal part of there child hood development ....especially love and emotional support from the family. My father died in February this year I am very sad he did not see them before he died. I think the courts and moral justice should prevail and grandparents should have the same rights as parents
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My brother died shortly after his son was born,his wife informed my mum & me we were not allowed to see him again. I think the law should change after going through the tragic circumstances of losing a member of our family, to then be confronted with this was awful, mam was never able to do anything about it,this was her second loss in two years apart, i tried talking to my brothers mother in law but she wasn't interested.
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I agree that children do miss out if they are not allowed to see grandparents, I had a good relationship with my grandchildren, I helped them with their homework,I took them on holiday had them at weekends they spent christmas's with me and then suddenly I was told I couldn't see them again because their dad had returned to live in the same area,it was all very distressing, I have now joined a Grandparents Association Group and can't believe the number of people in the same position, I'm sure most grandparents would agree that this should be a lovely time in their lives when they can pass on so much to their grandchildren. I hope one day that a law is passed for access.
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Grandparents should be given rights to the children. Our granddaughter was taken by her mum when she split from our son. that was 3yrs ago she is now 6yrs old and after we had contact with her for 3yrs she just left us with not a word of her whereabouts. We think about her constantly and it breaks ours and my sons heart
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I helped bring up my eldest grandson until he was seven. Then my son and his first wife got divorced and I have had no contact with my grandson and he is now over 20. Each year I have written to him but I do not know if the letters have been passed on. It has made a difference to the way i have been with my other grandchildren because I have the fear that it could happen again, even though it probably wouldn't. He left a big hole in my life and nothing could ever replace him.
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mummanan
I completely know where your coming from but as we have just been told we have no rights! I hop the law will change as i can not go 7 years without seeing my grandson. It really does make you ill. my husbands parents say you'll just have to learn to live with it, but until it happens to you, you will not understand
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My story is slightly different in that my son was tragically killed in an accident. His daughter was two and a half at the time. I tried to support his fiancee, but was often told that she had to do things her way. We tried to have as much contact as possible. She is in a new relationship-I have no problem with this-life has to go on. I have met her new partner and he seems a decent chap. So long as he treats my grand-daughter well, I am happy. Now it seems that whatever I do is wrong. I've probably seen my grand-daughter less than 20 times since my son died. On my birthday, I received a very hurtful email stating that everything was my fault and this is why none of my family will see my son's daughter. I have been told not to write or phone. It seems she can be full of venom in an email, but is not willing to discuss things face to face. Frankly I no longer care if I see her mother, but I do want contact with my grand-daughter-she is all I have left of my son. I can only hope that she will see sense.
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Have to say I can see both sides of the story, as paternal grandparents to my children have done nothing wrong and are still thought well of by my children. Just after a nasty split up with ex time flew with just getting on with life. Before I knew it years had passed, but they will allways be welcome to contact as have lost phone number and new adress, I am still at same adress. Just sometimes break ups become embaressing with the nastinesss that can ensue, it becomes easier to switch off from the past.
However if you realise who I am from my name 'paternal grandpaernts' get in touch, you are welcome xxxxx
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I thought that my husband and I were alone not being able to see our granddaughter, my daughter-in-law turned against us and my son had to make a choice where his loyaties were, I am proud of him that he backed his wife which I would expect him to as she is a very good mother and loves him as he does her. He I know found this very difficult to do, but he now no longer answers our phone calls or emails. He also ignores his sisters calls, (they used to be very close) We know he stills cares as he will speak to us as if he sees us when we meet him in the street.We approached a solicitor who told us that as we lived very close to our grandaugter that my son and his wife where contrivening their daugters rights by not allowing her to see us as she could come across us anytime in the future. We could of gone to court with this but my husband unfortunately became ill at this time and he could not handly any stress or afford to do so. Time seems to be against us now as she is growing up very quickly and is not allowed to know us. We always take her a birthday present, this year she came to the door with her dad but he did not say who we were. I was so happy just to say hello to this very special little girl. Perhaps one day I could sit and read her story play with her or perhaps take her out. Maybe one day.......
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i understand what that lady going through in post 28 , my son has nothing to do with us either , or anyone on his side off the family.his girlfriend had done everything in her power to make sure , and we only have the one grandson , but lost both son and grandson.
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My husband and I were prevented from having any contact with our grandchildren for 14 months while their mother and our son were going through their divorce a few years ago. My youngest grandaughter,(my son's child), was just 8 years old. We went to a solicitor to be told we had no rights at all and it cost us a fortune to have him write to our ex-daughter in law's solicitor but to no avail.
When finally we were allowed to have our youngest grandaughter to stay with us , she said as she got into the car "I never thought this day would come. Why did you stop speaking to me?" We found this heartbreaking and wondered what she had been told. Over the years we have talked about this and now she knows the truth and once more we have a wonderful realtionship with all three grandchildren but for what seemd like a long time we were bereft and fully empathised with the Grandma in tonight's programme.
We're so glad that Gloria Hunniford is supporting the campaign to give Grandparents rights in such cases. Children need their granparents at such times for stability and love.
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As this has now been on the One Show that help is there for us to get a better deal for grandparents. My daughter died in 2006 when my grandson was two months old she had a brain tumar the father would not let me see Noa so we went to court on 4th Jan. 2007 got a court order to see him regularly and him to bring him to us but the father was never available and never kept to it so now I am spending money I dont have to go back to a solicitor. So if there is help out there for our rights then maybe Legal aid as well would be good as he gets it and I dont because I have not enough money coming in but I have a house.
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Maybe for some people they want to see their grandchildren and i want that to happen for them. But for me i couldn't be happier not seeing my grandparents, thinking about them makes me so mad, as a grandchild to them, i never want to see them, ever. You may be thinking that im mean, but for me no, they've been so horrible in our lives.
My other grandparents, (Nonna and Nonno) have passed away and i would have definetly wanted to know them, no question about it. But this comment is just to say that not everyone wants to see their grandparents.
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How many Grandparents have paid expensive legal fees - in my case £2,000.00 plus - to gain access to grandchildren only to be told by lawyers they have little to no rights to their grandchildren. The 'Grandparents Rights Bill' in the nineties is not worth the paper it is written on. I was informed 'No court would dictate conditions and visitations; these would be entirely at the whim of the custodial parent'. Even mediation failed!
Yes! I think Grandparents should have more rights, I have lost eighteen years with one grandchild and sixteen years with the other. They gave me something to look forward to after the death of my husband. Over the years I have greived deeply, reluctantly I now consider them dead too. Is this form of termination to be expected of all other Grandparents who have NO RIGHTS?
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We are in the position right now of being denied access to our grandchildren. Their mother is telling her solicitor they don't want to see us, or my son. We are being forced to go to court even though we have been very active in their lives for 13 years, we saw them almost every day of their lives even after the split, till my son met someone else, since then we have had very little contact, the last time their grandad went to see them at their home they were so pleased to see him, and said they thought we didn't want to see them anymore. This is heartbreaking to us, how can anyone tell children their grandparents have said this, a downright lie. They phoned a few days later and arranged to visit us, grandad asked them to ask their mother could we take them out to buy them some clothes (something we have always done) and they didn't turn up. The following week we got a solicitors letter telling us they don't want to see us and to stay away and stop harassing her and them. We are not giving up on our grand children, no way. No matter the cost they will know we want them.
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I think access to children through law enforcement, is not the solution. It brings more disharmony between the granparents and the parent of the child. Law enforcement only makes the courts and solicitors rich. The money is better spent, if good quality mediation between family members is given, to train members of families to learn to live in unity with each other. Treat each other well and be source of happiness.
What if this item was always built in divorce procedures?
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These matters are extremely complex,far too complex to be resolved in a court of law, these things last for a lifetime. The parties involved have their own agendas. Some fathers should not be allowed anywhere near their children, come to think of it some mothers shouldn't be allowed near their children either. I was presented with a grandaughter in 2001, I am not normally the emotional type, but I fell head over heels in love with her. Then the bombshell, when she was 18m old her mother and father split up, no more grandaughter she has just turned 7 now. When she was taken out of my life I was gutted-shattered-holed beneath the waterline. Being a grandparent can be extremely dangerous I have recently had a quad heart bypass my theory is it was a broken heart, but the child comes first always and that is how it should be. I also believe that if you wrong someone you will reap the rewards of your wrong doing, if the person who has separated us has done so because that person truely believes it was in my grandaughters best interest then I can understand that, but if it was done out of malice, then I believe it will come back to haunt that peron one day. The problem is that some parents and grandparents are totally incapable of putting their own differences to one side and properly considering what is best for the child, I would go as far as to say they are no better than children themselves, in these cases the only way forward would be mediation by people who have the competency, experience and understanding to deal with these very complex life issues. Grandparents Rights should be brought to the general publics' attention and be properly debated, it is good to know we have a high profile figure involved, Gloria Hunniford.
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After watching The One Show tonight I felt that I must let you know about the heartbreaking situation my husband and I are in as 'grandparents'.Donna is my daughter from my first marriage. I have been married to Ted, a wonderful man, who treated Donna like his own daughter, for 21yrs now.
Donna is a very jealous girl, with serious psychological problems.
She is my only child and has craved attention for most of her life by having health problems.
She was first married to John,which lasted 8mths, then setup home with Sean, Johns older brother, who had been lodging with them after the break up of his mariage. We felt at the time that Donna and Sean had formed a relationship, which had led to the breakup of her and Johns marriage. We were never told the FULL facts. Never the less we only wanted Donna to be happy,so when they began living together, we supported them.
Donna suffers from severe mood swings especially when she doesn't get her own way, and so when my father was terminally ill and I asked her why she'd had no contact with him or even asked me how hw was, she took offence and didn't speak to me for 4yrs. She even attended his funeral and ignored Ted and myself.
Eventually, out of the blue, I received a phone call from my sister in law, who told me that I was a grandma, and that Donna really wanted to get in touch with me.After 4yrs I was very apprehensive, but talked it over with Ted, who was happy with anything I decided to do.I decided to send Donna a congratulations card and from that we met up. It was love at first sight with Molly. She was a gorgeous baby and we got to see her as much as we could, even though we were living in Herne Bay, Kent, and they were in Coventry.
During the next 2yrs Donna had back problems and needed surgery, so every time she went into hospital I had Molly stay with me, even though I was working full time managing a retirement developement.
We could see that during this time Sean was suffering bouts of depression and drinking quite heavily. He tried on 3 or 4 occasions to take his own life. Little did we know at the time why.On the 24th October we received a call from Sean to say that he was on his way down to us with Molly. Donna had been admitted to hospital once again and we thought he wanted us to look after her while he worked. He had to work because they had so many debts due to Donnas constant spending. If she couldn't manage to get out she'd do it over the internet or through her catalogues.
When they arrived Molly only had the clothes that she was dressed in. Sean looked pale and scruffy, as if he hadn't slept.He told us that he'd found out that Donna was having an affair with his boss and he was devastated. We tried to convince him that he was probably wrong but he was sure. He even had the evidence on her mobile phone were she'd been sending his boss text photo's of her private parts.
Well, to cut a long story short, when Sean left us to go back to Coventry an hour later, I told him not to worry, that we'd take care of Molly and to drive safely going home. To which he said 2I know you'll take care of her, that's why I brought her because I know she'll be safe". Exactly one week later those words came back to haunt me because they were the last words he said to the policeman who found him after he'd taken a massive overdose of Donna's tablets, then tried to chop of his hand!
For the next few months we went to hell and back, and all Donna could think about was herself. She must have been eaten away with guilt.
It'll be 5yrs this next 31st October, and over ayear ago Donna cut all ties with us because I had the nerve to disagree with her. She has turned Molly against us and even reported me to the police for stalking, just because I tried to see the back view of my granddaughter from a distance, going to school.
It has also cost me £1,450 for a solicitor to try to get to see her, but as Donna has poisoned her against us, she has said she doesn't want to see and we don't know what else we can do.
As you said in your programme we are just two of thousands in the same situation.
Glynis Austin, Heartbroken Nanny.
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My ex sister-in-law also had us convinced that my brother was suffering from a "mental problem" it was only much later we found out that this was not the case he was in fact a battered husband, who after years of abuse both psychological and physical reported his suffering to the police, they asked if he had some-where safe to go- he did to his parents. As a result of my parents doing what any parents would do in these circumstances, they are not allowed to see their 5 grandchildren. The ex-wife has also changed the childrens' surnames without his knowledge or permission, and has become a member of our local Church although her interest was more the Jewish Faith.
Wonder if Sharon P.... from Moodiesb.. would like the truth to come out?
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I found out 18 months ago that my granddaughter was being abused by my ex-husband, by her screaming in the middle of the night and begging me to keep her safe from him, she wasn't even 3 at the time.
My new husband and I spent 6 months having both my grand children friday till Sunday afternoon to give my daughter a break, as well as a weeks holiday, to keep them safe from my ex-husband but even though we did everything we could my daughter still protected her father.
We last saw the grand children 12 months ago. We have no contact, no support, and my daughter has tol us to stay away. What hurts is that my daughter is on her own and since she had her first child I/we saw them every day. We were her only support.
We have been so lucky to have had the support from our doctor plus further help in trying to come to terms will all the evil that surrounds my ex-husband, and his family.
It is hard! But we have had no choice. I promise my grand daugter that I would keep her safe and I can't! I would love to hold her and tell her it will all be OK, but what can I do?????
Nothing!!
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I was stopped from seeing my two young grand chlidren by my son and his wife four years ago over the break up of my relationship with my partner of three years, This was mainly due to my ex partner being very bitter and telling untruths about me even though she also wanted an end to our relationship also my daughter in law interferred with issues that had nothing to do with her, I send cards and money to my Grand cildren every year for birthdays and Christmas.
I feel deeply upset about being denied the opportunity to see them growing up and being able to bond with them like I have done with my other granddaughter who is now 19 and I am very close to, I cannot see any way around this situation and I get very cross and distressed at times as I feel the years are slipping away and if they ever saw me in the street they just would not know who I was,
From a very sad upset Grandad
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We lived as extended family 18 years House extended to fit at our expense. Only have one son, no daughters. Then acrimonious divorce. Grandchildren at time 14, 11 and nearly 8 years = Therefore had known children intimately. Son left Oct. 2007, daught-in-law immediately said 'You will never see these children again' and left. Problem is that are only just over legal limit for legal aid, therefore cost of court order prohibitive. Took legal advice but warned that getting access visits would be expensive £5000 to £7000 with no guarantee of success, even if judge awards visits, judge's will not necessarily be obeyed over time and further court sessions needed. The lady on show: 'It really hurts so much' says it all, but being able to nothing about it hurts even more. The main questions are: What do grandchildren want? What of their rights? What of brain washing (also knowm as alienation)? Our grandchildren are also prevented from seeing their father.
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I would just like to say that sometimes you are denied the right to see your grandchildren when the marriage has not broken down. I have not been allowed to see my grandchildren for almost a year. My son and daughter-in-law are still married. But for reasons I cannot understand (although I have tried very hard) my daughter-in-law wont let or my daughter see the children. She has said that she has issues with my son and the only way she can hurt him is to stop me seeing them. So by hurting me she is hurting him and apparently the more I hurt the more she is punishing him. He is verbally abused and she is very controlling. He won't stand up to her as he is afraid she will leave and take the children with her. I am on good terms with my daughter-in-law's parents and they understand how I feel but their daughter wont listen to them. I have tried talking to my daughter-in-law but never get anywhere. It hurts so much - I just dont know what to do.
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
I fully understand blog 57's feelings. My daughter is from a previous marriage and I often wonder if she is trying to punish me for breaking up with her blood father. I did it to try and retain some sanity in my life for her and everything I did for her after that was with her in mind. Even my now husband - 30 years - took her into his heart and became her 'real' Dad as her blood father live overseas. However whenever he came over to see her, we were excluded from any celebrations - and there were three very big ones. I still love my daughter implicitly and, as a mother, this love will never cease. All I have ever wanted is to be a part of my grandson's life. I truly believe that her new partner (he has no parents) is a part of her newfound 'persona'. I seriously want Grandparents to have rights. My husband and I would make wonderful Grandparents. I look every day to see if she is around although she doesn't live close. Every child I see I imagine what my own Grandson would look like. Its totally devastating. Here's to Gloria Hunniford's campaign, I say.
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I am a grandmother to 8 children altogether. My daughter has four children, and my son has three children by different women only one of whom is his wife! I used to have a great relationship with my daughter, was there when all the children were born and genuinely thought I was part of their life in a big way, we were really the best of friends in every way!
However, five years ago my daughter suddenly changed and became quite unpleasant and very offhand. To this day I honestly do not know why as she has not had any contact with me from that day to this. I have tried every possible method of communication I can think of - many, many times, but all to no avail.
I have not heard from any of my granschildren either, although the eldest is now almost 19 years old.
My son did continue to be in contact for a while, but he was never a good communicator and certainly would or could not shed any light as to why his sister had acted in this way as (he said) she would not discuss it with him.
He was married for some 16 years and had one son, who is now 14 years old. I am (thankfully) in contact with this one grandson (through his mother's good advice no doubt), and I do see him and his Mum from time to time, and we keep in touch.
My son left his wife for someone else last year, and I understand he now has a new baby son. I have no idea where he is living now, as he has not been in touch now since it happened.
I also understand he had an affair some years ago now, the result of which was a daughter, but he never had any part in her life at all.
So there we are, I am now retired and live in France. I decided to treat my daughter and her family's sudden departure from my life as some sort of bereavement, as otherwise I don't think I could bear it.
She knows that my door will always be open for her to get in touch, with no recriminations at all - I would be too delighted, but I am sadly not at all hopeful of that ever happening now.....I just wish I knew what happened to her five years ago to make her feel like that!
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As a grandparent who has been bringing up two early teenage children for the last two years and who has been juggling their free time, may I ask what about the children? They pack their bags each holiday to go and see their paternal grandparents,their father and their mother who all want to see them.Children who have two parents can accomodate this easily but these children find it very difficult to have free time, time to chill out and time to be just at home. We as granparents have rights but not at the expense of the children.
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I agree that grandparents should be allowed access to their grandchildren, however going back to blog 2 I would like to share the experience my father and I went through regarding legal rights.
I lived with my parents from birth. They were not married but they lived together as a couple. My father was put on my birth certificate. Ten years ago, when I was 6, my mother died of cancer. My father has brought me up single-handed from the day she died. I have never been placed in care or lived with any other relatives or friends. At the time, the authorities had no issues they wanted to discuss with my father.
5 years ago, I had to have an operation on my arm. My dad signed the necessary paperwork, yet again there were no issues.
However, when applying for my first passport last year, my dad filled in the forms as I was 15 and applying for a children's passport. On the form, he clearly wrote "mother: deceased". My dad then received a letter from the passport office, asking for a letter from the child's mother giving permission for the passport to be made as my father had written the forms.
Naturally, this confused us a little. My dad phoned the passport office, explaining the situation. The person on the phone apologised for the obvious mistake, and said the problem would be resolved immediately.
My dad then received a letter, stating that he would need to provide evidence of his legal responsibility towards me, in the form of either a statutory declaration or a court order.
This seemed a little confusing, so my father phoned the passport office and explained the letter he had received. The man on the phone told my dad that, as he and my mum were not married, he did not, and never did have, legal parental responsibility.
The news was unexpected, to say the least. It angered me, shocked my dad and surprised eveyone we knew. My dad would have to go to the courts, or pay hundreds of pounds just for a piece of paper which says "Sarah, I am your legal father".
The government must have eventually spotted the giant loophole in this law, as this no longer applies to children born after 1st December 2003. However, up until 2019, another 10 years, thousands of families around the country will go through the same shock and pain we did.
People say there is no longer prejudice against unmarried couples and fathers. This experience has shown me that there most certainly is.
Sarah Thomas (aged 16)
Swansea
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My daughter died from cancer in Feb 2003. She went through the misery of her treatment at her mother's house - we are divorced - and her daughter, then 2 lived with them. The father had left them some time earlier. As soon as my daughter died the father was in court demanding not only the return of his daughter, to which we were not opposed but also attempting to block any access for us. He moved far away - the opposite corner of England.
He misbehaved time after time by not complying with Court Orders regarding our contact and we had to keep returning to Court 300 miles away to have them enforced. He still defied the Court and eventually the Court just gave up and decided to stop our access to our granddaughter. I have very little faith in Courts bringing justice to our situation and although my ex wants to keep trying, frankly I just see it as a waste of time, money and considerable emotion
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i dont think grandparents should have legal rights to see their grandkids. Im currently going through a divorce and in no way would it benefit my child seeing their grandparents. my child gets all the love and support they need from me
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I have to agree with Terry (comment 2) but i can relate to other peoples opinions/comments aswell.
I am a father seeking contact aswell and i think this problem needs looked at first.
Over the last 2 years i have been physically and mentally assaulted by my ex partners father, i have contacted the Police on 2 occassions with nothing being done. The last time i called the police on them there was a report went into court 5 months later from a domestic abuse worker who got involved after that incident, even though my mother and i were receiving verbal abuse from my ex and her father i lost the right to see my Daughter for 2 months! I wasn't even consulted for this report, even though it was me who had made the complaint! I wrote to the person who had written the report asking why i wasn't consulted and 4 months later I'm still waiting on a response. Also the other week my ex's 'new man' threatened to STAB me and I've been charged with Breach Of The Peace/Affray(england&Wales)!!! So i think all these points prove that the judicial system is almost always in favour of the mothers, and the Fathers side just have to rot through a pointless court system.
My ex partner has done nothing but lie, do the 'puppy eye's' and tears thing for the past 22 months and she gets away with it because i'm the big bad wolf, i apparently don't help with the upkeep of our Daughter so what is the CSA doing taking money off me every week??? I also have £££££'s worth of receipts for things i've bought but have probably been thrown out by now.
This may appear as though i'm only considering my point in all this but the person who has missed out the last 2 years is my Mother.
While my Daughter is being corrupted by my ex and her family we are not even being considered, but the judicial system is flawed and won't do anything to rectify these problems. Whilst i'm being judged by judges and other non qualified people,(like the people who do one sided reports for court) drug abusers, alcoholics and mentally irrisponsable/immature peolpe are being entrusted with their kids more than a decent loving Father and Grand Mother.
So we all have our stories. Yes some grandparents probably shouldn't be involved with their grandkids, but what about the unsuitable grandparents who get the oppertunity and the suitable grandparents who don't???
P.S. I'm sorry singlemum12 you are being very selfish and are probably smothering your child with only your love, there is no trust left in this world and i'm ashamed to be part of it and the only reason i'm still here is because i love my Daughter.
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I listened with interest all the comments made and would like to offer a different slant.
After 23 years of marriage,my wife and I seperated in 1996 and went through an acrimonious divorce.Our two daughters were grown up but relationships between us were strained due to my ex-wifes hostile attitude.In 2004,our daughters,then aged 25 and 27,were murdered by my eldest's husband ( he committed suicide in prison two weeks later )and my ex-weife was severly injured.At this time my eldest had two daughters of her own ( now aged 12 and 9 )and on the day of the murders they were placed with a foster mother.Social Services had either overlooked or were unaware of my existence.I was made aware of these circumstances the day after the murders but was not informed of my rights as a grand-parent.In due course, I was allowed to see my grand-children,have them for weekends and holidays both in the UK and abroad.Eventually my ex-wife recovered sufficiently and there began custody proceedings for the grand-children.In the main I supported my ex-wife's claim for the children,but as I still wished to see them,and the Judge made it perfectly clear that he did not wish me to see a court order,I settled to have the custody document annotated agreeing that I could have access at least three times a year.My ex-wife was granted legal aid and I had to spend more than £5000 in order to get this part of the court ruling.I should add that at one stage I did apply for custody but by the time this matter came to court I was in the middle of moving to Scotland,and as such,thought it a little unfair on taking my grand-children away from friends and a familiar area ( provided I was likely to be granted custody ) so cancelled my own actions and supported my ex-wife.
As one can surmise,due to the acrimonious break up,which had not healed over time,there was not going to be a great deal of encouragement from my ex-wife's side for me to see or have my gand-daughters to stay.Phone contact has always been frustrating as I can only ring a mobile number,land line being withheld.The mobile line breaks up or goes dead so I have taken to writing.Besides trying to arrange visits on the subject of hoildays,I am usually telephoned by my ex-wife who then puts my eldest grand-daughter on the phone who says that the journey is too long.I would expect to pay for any travel costs as well collecting/returning them to their home.
Recently I have been offered a few hours after school and have been turned down on the anniversary of my daughters passing when I annually come down to the grave.They live locally to that area so distance is no problem.
Financial resources are not endless and I despair at how I can enforce the Court ruling and have my grand-daughters to stay once or twice a year for some quality time together,and hopefully reinforce the bonding which we had acheived after the tragic events of 2004.Access is being denied (cunningly) and I feel it is important in the coming years that the grand-children know they have a grandfather and that they are free to come and visit,or contact in any other way,especially given their circumstances.
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I agree with comment 2 Terry from Worcester. Look after Fathers. An old friend of mine, her Mother told her all sorts of lies about her dad and poisoned her mind against him when he is the better of the 2. He now thinks it is his Daughter that does not want to know him, whereas she does not even know it was her Mother in the wrong. Her Maternal Grandma was just as bad if not worse.
I say Justice for Fathers.
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My son was divorced in 2002 and had 2 children and was adamant that they kept in touch with my husband and I. We live in North Wales and they lived in Birmingham so, on the weekends he had custody, he would bring them to see us. If he had them for a week during the school holidays I would go and stay with them while he worked. This worked very well and we all enjoyed the time we spent together.
Tragically, my son died in a road accident on 21 July 2005. We had contact with the grandchildren until Feb 2006, which was just before the inquest,but nothing since. Our phone calls or letters were never answered and they have now moved house without giving a forwarding address. I send Birthday and Xmas cards to the other grandparents address but no one ever acknowledges them and I wonder if they ever reach the grandchildren.
We love them very much and find it doubly hard to bear to think that a human being can be so cruel to another who has gone through such trauma and has lost so much.
I do hope Gloria Hunniford will make a difference to the rights of grandparents, especially the ones who want to see their grandchildren but can't.
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I have not seen my 2 grandchildren for 2years now, because of a dissagrement with my daughter in law. I used to see them maybe up to 3 times a week, and then no contact at all. I am at the moment going through the courts this has been going on for nearly 2years. The court has supported my application all the way and the final hearing is next month.
None of this is the childrens fault, what must they think from seeing me nearly everyday to nothing. This did make me ill and i had to visit the doctors. Hopefully by the end of June some contact may be offered.At the end of the day all of this could have been avoided if the mother had been grown up enough to talk.
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I am a grandparent to 11 grandchildren i am 51 years old and became a grandparent when i was 40. When my first grandson was born my daughter in law asked me to be there which was an honour, I was also there when his brother was born nearly two years later. I saw them nearly every day and most people thought that thier mother was my daughter as we were so close.
Then my son and his partner split up not amicably sadly, and since than access had been on and off, this has been over a period of 7years, for the last 2 years i have had no access to them and the pain of this NEVER goes away.
The boys mother and I arranged our own access times to see the boys, this lasted one good weekend visit, on returning them home I was told i could"nt see them again, and since then, two years on i have not seen them, niether has thier father his wife and three brothers.
Thier absence never gets easier for me and i will always miss them,
actually i am heartbroken,always have been always will be. The years that we have lost we can never regain, thier sports days christmas plays, all of it so far gone, they are 8 and 10 and i miss them.
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MartynFl77. i am not being selfish i am thinking of my daughter. for two years my daughters father and grandparetns have not shown an interest in my daughter and if they were to take me to court now it would be wrong. i dont see why they should be allowed to take me to court when they havent bother about my daughter. i still keep in touch with her great grandparents and i am trying to get my daughters dad interested in her but court is no place for grandparents. I have not stopped any of her fathers side from seeing her these last two years we have been on our own and if they wanted to see my daughter i would have to talk to them and decided at the time and in the long run if its the right thing to do.
i have always been a strong believer in family and extended family but every situation is different. If a non resident parent wants to have access to their children the two parents should sit down and talk about it and not get any other family involved.
As much as my family would like to get involved and tell my ex what a complete d*** he is they havent because its not their place.
It should always be about the parents and the child first. i know that if my ex husbands parents took me to court for access it would hurt my daughter because she would be reminded that her father doesnt bother with her.
i hope you do get to see your daughter because if shes anything like mine she needs her dad
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After my daughter's marriage, she and her husband severed ties. Their child is now eighteen months, but my husband and I are denied access and have never been allowed to know our grandchild and have been informed "We will never know their children". We mean no harm or interference, just an occasional contact; yet we are being punished purely out of spite.
Our government, and the legal system do not support family friendly policies; it appears totally divisive. They state that is in the best interest of the child, but this is blatant ageism, putting the needs of the child, who cannot speak for himself above those of senior citizens, who are increasingly leading impoverished lives. To bring a little bit of sunshine in their lives is a bonus; so if times are hard economically, then some human, loving contact would be greatly appreciated.
There is a general antipathy to older people in this country; ageism is rife. If we truly placed some respect and value on older people, then our legal system would reflect this and respect the rights of grandparents as well as grandchildren
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i have two children louise 6 and jack 3, when i got together with my ex (darren) louise was only a baby and so up until we split last year she has grown up thinking he is her father as her own father didn't want to see her, we also had a baby together. Now Darren's parents never really accepted louise and rejected her even more when jack was born. One day when darren was taking jack up to see the grandparents louise got upset and started crying as she was left behind because of her age she understands, darren has always been a good dad to both kids but he is now allowing his parents to push the children apart which i cannot understand of him. the day she was crying i rang darrens mum to ask to leave seeing jack today because louise was upset she then said that she knew this would happen and put the phone down on me. i saw this as the last straw so i went to see them with darren and both my children. i asked her why she wouldn't accept both kids and she replied "why should i". at this point louise had a toy in her hand as we walked out the door and she snatched the toy off her saying "that stays here". me and darren then split up and the grandparents fell out with me. since then they have tried to get jack taken off me by ringing the social services 4 times with false accusations and are taking me to court to get access to my son but not my daughter, and while all this is going on darren is backing them all the way. because they didn't get what they wanted they have tried everything to get what they want through lies and intimidation.
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I think the rights of grandparents should be respected. They love their grandchildren like their own children, particularly when many of them have taken on childcare responsibilities in an age when both parents have to work, some fulltime. To have communication severed like they have committed some terrible crime is very, very wrong and totally distressing and bewildering to both the grandparents and the grandchildren. I feel very strongly that during family breakups grandparents are very important in providing stability to the children during this time of grief and heartbreak and they are vital in the healing process. I do not think it is a parent's right to bring to an end this relationship whatever their own feelings.
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