Is 66 too old to have a baby?
Elizabeth Adeney, 66, is set to become Britain's oldest new mother. Elizabeth is eight months' pregnant after undergoing IVF treatment in Ukraine, according to the Sunday Mirror.
The news of the pregnancy has reopened debate about older motherhood.
"There's a reason why women can't conceive naturally at 60. I think you have to respect that." said one mum who spoke to The One Show.
We were also told, "I think she's being selfish. I think it's more about what she wants, than perhaps the needs of the child."
But, of course, there are opposing views. Other mums told us:
"As long as you can give the support... I just don't see the problem", and
"I think that every [woman] has a right to be a mum, so good luck to her."
Is sixty six too old to have a baby? Do you think women should be able to have children at whatever age medical science will allow? Share your experiences and stories here.
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~32~RS~)
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I don't see this question being raised when an aging 'male' rock star or millionar has a baby?
In fact John Simpson has had a baby in his 60s. Where's the show about this?
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My mum had me when she was 43, I was always being asked if she was my granny. I lost my dad on my 28th Birthday, but growing up i lived with the fear that they may die at any moment because in my eyes, they were old.
My Mum and Dad never took an active role with my kids and infact my dad never got to see them grown into the great boys they are now. I personally would not have a child later in life, as i know how much i missed out on. I wouldnt change my childhood as it was a really happy one, but always wished my parents were younger.
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I think she's thinking about herself, not the child. She may well be a capable parent, but lets face it, when the kid is 14 (a difficult time for most people anyway) - how does she think other children are going to react when their grandparents are in their 60s and her MOTHER is in her 80s.
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I don't think it's right to have a baby when you are nearing a age where you may not be around in 20 years, I think the child will be on it's own in later years or even may become an automatic carer when the parent/s become too old. I think it's sad and selvish and feel very sorry for this child that will have pain to come.
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My stepmum is 44 and having twins, my dad is 58! She had IVF and we all are shocked but are very happy for them!
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Well, personally I don't think its a good idea.
I lost my mum when I was 29 (she was 68) and It was too soon. I know that nobody knows whats around the corner but I think you need to be reasonably confident you can live to see a child to 21. Anything else seem irresponsible to me...
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My parents were great but I was in my early 20's when they both died. so I think that she is wrong.I missed not sharing my kids births, grandchildrens births, Kids marriages...... They were great parents and I was concieved naturally but this woman should not be allowed.
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I too was an only child of older parents. My father died when I was 28 and my mother when I was 42. Now aged 60 I desperately miss the support and friendship of close family. prospective older parents really should consider the full implications of their childs later life before they go ahead with what I consider to be a very selfish action
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It appears to me that having a child as late as your 60's is a purely selfish decision. What about the child, when quite possibly it will be an orphan when it is only in it's early to mid teens.
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My mum was in her 40s and dad almost 50 when I was born. As such, I lost my mum when I was quite young. I'm now stuck caring for an elderly father.
I think this woman is very selfish. The odds are she won't be alive to see her child leave school. Why is parenthood considered a right by those who seemingly can't be responsible?
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P.S. They are hiring a nanny!!!!
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I have been trying for a baby for two years nearly now but I wont be able to get IVF on the NHS until I am 35 (I am 33 now). I am adopted...... if she wanted a child so badly why didnt she adopt. there are so so many children that need a home now.
Makes you wonder what her thought process is behind having a child....The poor child will struggle with ageing mother and the turn into a child/young adult carer. As much as anyone thinks that wont happen but not many children walk out on their parents!!!
As far as old rocker go..... most of the mothers are 20-30 and the fathers normally leave anyway!!!
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One word; yes. As it has been pointed out, there is a reason why women cant naturally concieve at 66. Even if she does have enough energy to keep up with the baby, whats she going to do when he or she is 14, and shes 80? On the other hand, everyone has the right to be a mum regardless of age, so good luck to her.
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I don't want to sound morbid, but what happens to the child if this lady dies within the next 18 years? This child will be left with the scare of losing its mother at a young age. I know this could happen to anyone, but surely she, and people like her, are increasing the probability of the child being orphaned.
As well as being an orphan, this child could end up as yet another child in the Care system. All of this could be very damaging and heartbreaking for this child! Let's pray it doesn't come to this!!
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i think it's very selfish to have a child at that age. I'm 16 and people in my last year of school get stick for having parents in their 50's nevermind parents in their 80's. She isn't thinking of the childs quality of life at all just herself.
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I'm nearly 47 - I have four children aged betweem 12 and 6. They ALL worry if I'm going to die - it's part of being a child. I tell them that we're all going to die but, subject to health, they are going to be in their 40's before I die. I sympathise with the desperate desire to have a child but not at the expense of the child's best welfare - both physical and emotional. What is this woman going to tell her child at that moment when she says "I love you, I don't want you to die Mummy". Nature has a cycle for a very good reason - to allow us to care for our children to a time when they can take care of themselves both physically and emotionally. Even with long life she will not be there.... and long life brings other problems. She could be burdening her child with caring for an elderly parent and leave her unable to build a proper life of her own. This is purely selfish - there is a time when the desire for a child should be put to something like fostering.
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I think that it is perfectly fine for a woman of any age to have a baby if her body is still physically able to without the aid of medical science. If this is not the case then I think that it is wrong and should not be allowed. It cannot be in the best interests of the child for their mother to be in their 50s or 60s when they are born as for most children, it is more likely to be in the best interests of the parents. I think that people should realise that having a baby is not a god given right and unfortunately there are some people who are not able to or should not have children.
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When you have children, mothers need all the help they can get. Especially their own mothers as they can provide emotional and physical help and guidance and I think it will be sad that they cannot be around to help them when their child grows up and needs that mother figure around them themselves.
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Never too old!!
I had my child at 46 years and he was a wanted child, he has brought such joy to our lives, we have four other children who are grown up and they love him, he is now taking his GCSE 's and he is a pleasure. he is well mannered and very clever, he could teach me a thing or two, and we love him vry much, we do things with him that at our age we would most prbably be sat at home.
Ther si so much enjoyment , and so much love you can give to a child a tour age, we are happy, our child is happy and very content. We have the time and the love to give without any pressures,
I hope this lady enjoys her child as much as we have, yoou are never too old,
Kind regards
Judy aged 61+ years
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I personally don't have any problems with it, my wife when I met her thought she couldn't concieve, we now have 2 girls 5&2. The only problem was when the eldest went to school and the teacher thought my wife was actually her gran, she was only 44 at the time.
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I'm sure I know what people are thinking and that is the childs wellfare of when the child gets left with out a parent at a very young age.but in my view even young parents pass on you coup get runover by a bus tommrow, anny one at any age! Thank you Tina from Kent x
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When I was born my mother was 41 and my father 50. I never had a real father because he died when I was 16 and had been in bad health all of my life. My mother lived for another 10 yrs only, so although I loved my parents, they weren't really there for me when I needed them
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In answer to Johnny Ball's question, the Lyons waitress was known as a Nippy.
I know this because my mother-in-law was one years ago in Plymouth.
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OK by me
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I too was a "Late" baby.They were 44. I had no problem when I was in my junior school. However, when I attended senior school, that was a different matter altogether. I am now embarressed to say, I was ashamed and their age, so much so I never told them when Parents Evenings were happening. All other children, to my mind, had young parents. Not me, they were old.
Once I came to my senses, not until long after I left school did I give them the respect they deserved. Now however my children and their children are missing out. We miss them terribly.
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to grooverjudethedude
Was it IVF or did you conceive naturally?
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In answer to Johnny Baal's question the Lyons waitress was known as a 'Nippy'
My mother-in-Law was one here in Plymouth
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think of it this way- when the baby is 10 the mum will be 76
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Nature puts women through menopause for a reason. Therefore it is against nature for women to produce babies in their later years. I have greatest sympathy for the women who, for one reason or another, did not become mothers in their fruitful years. They have every right to seek scientific help before menopause but not after. It may not seem fair that men, god bless them, can become fathers late in life. But that is the way of our reproductive life cycle.
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My Husband was born when his mum was 43 and spent most of his teenage years looking after his parents, he feels that he was born in the wrong generation, and has a sense of responsibility that kept him from making the most of his 20's. Being a parent over the age of natural reproduction strikes me as an un-fair burden to place on a child.
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When this lady's child is 20, and in the prime of their life, their mum will be 86.
Todays lifestyle means everything is constantly changing at a fast pace, and a 20 year olds perception, will conflict with an 86 year olds perception of life.
I'm in my 30's now, and my parents are in their 70's. Our lives and how we grew up, could not be more worlds apart, which includes our view of life and everything included in it.
Not only will her child be 'living' as such from a different era of life, but they will also be forced to think about their mum possibly passing away in the next few years, and how they will cope on their own at such a young age.
This is tremendous pressure, and a very psychologically & physically disturbing thing to go through at that age.
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I'm a child of an older parent so I know exactly how this feels. My mother had me when she was 47, so even younger than these women! Her doctor thought at first she was on the 'change'!
From my perspective, I think it is wrong for someone of this age to deliberately become pregnant. It is irrisponsible and selfish. I have a memories of how it was when I was small, how once I was out with my mother and we went to an ice-cream van. A stranger started talking to us in the queue and innocently asked 'Ahhh, is Nanny getting you an ice-cream?'. I was very upset and started crying, saying 'That's my Mummy, not my Nanny!'. I will always remember the feelings I had whenever this happened. I grew up always terrified that my Mum was going to die and not be there for me once I realised just how old she was.
My Mum died 8 years ago at the age of 79. I miss her everyday. She never got to meet her last grandchild. I was not old enough to be left without her.
These women that choose to have late pregnancies should do well to remember that they may not be around for the milestones in their childrens lives. In 20 years time, will they still be alive? Will they need care? It is selfish. If they knew how they were going to make their children feel, I'm not so sure that they would do this.
tRaCeY
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I'm a student and have got older parents and I'm so, so glad that they are. They have so much more experience of life and give me better advice than my friends get from their younger parents about all sorts of problems. All my friends love my parents because they're so much more reasonable and calm than theirs! I've never felt disadvantaged by my parents being older compared to my friends parents, I've always felt it's an advantage. I think that Ms Adeney should be able to have children if she wants and that there is a good chance that they will eventually benefit from her extensive experience of countless problems.
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I was born when my mother was 40 and my father 50. My father died when I was 16, after many years with debilitating illness and my mother when I was 26. Consequently, although I loved them both, they were really never there for me when I needed them.
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I agree with punchesmisses that there are SO many children in the already overpopulated country and world that need loving secure families to adopt/foster them and this could have been a better answer to this womans desperation to love and bring up a child?
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My dad was 67 when he had me, my mum was 37. My dad died when I was 4 however they both grew up with what i would call "old parents". I never met any of my grandparents and there is over 40 years between my dad's eldest child and myself which is really hard to explain to people. I always miss my dad but i wouldn't change my life as it has made me who I am today.
But like "radio639" i would NOT ever have children that late in my life because i would never want my children to go through what i did.
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I agree with many of the previous comments. i feel that parents need to think about the child and the future they are going to have. idealy children need their parents or parent to be around until they themselves are adults and not have to look after aged parents which very often they have to do. My parents were in their 40's when i was born, I loved them very much and they gave me a very happy childhood. I just wish they were still here to enjoy my children as they grow up.
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re older mothers
it really is unfair all we ever hear about is these older women do not have any right to have children at a later age ......what about the men in this world to name but a few , david jason, des o'connor and then the countless unknown men who would be patted on the back and said "good on you" i understand that they may not see them grow up however there are many sad cases where children for one reason or another dont have a parent or parents due to circumstances
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I totally believe that 66 is too old to be having a baby, especially as it's been demonstrated it's for her own want as she never had a child sooner. Does this lead to the question that she'd of attempted it at the age of 80 to get the baby she so apparently wants!
I can understand that maybe she is capable and healthy at her current age but has never been mentioned what she's planning to do when she's old. Is she planning on her child being a full time carer for her.
will the child grow through there childhood and early years wondering not if, but when my mom will die. and how will they cope with that before they've been able to create there own family to help through a difficult time at any age.
I was born to parents aged 40, which is young in comparision and as I was young It didn't effect me so much, But now at the age of 23 I often wonder how much of my life my parents will get to enjoy. Will I have my mom around to see my children grow and be the help to me that all new moms need. All these thoughts have made me grow up quicker and want to get married and have kids earlier then maybe I would of done if they were younger. But least there's good chance they will still be around. This child will be to concerned with fitting in the time to visit her in a nursing home or even her grave.
There only selfish reasons for this and the child should of been put first, instead she's got a life of fear and responsibility from day one.
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I was born when my parents were both in their late forties and I always envied my friends who had younger parents. At school I was always asked why my grandparents collected me each night, which hurt and at five I found very hard to explain that they were my parents and not my grandparents. They are both now dead and are dearly missed especially at all milestone occasions.
I get very angry when all these elderly people decide to have children they have no idea of the impact on the child, and yes I do mean elderly.
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i also believe if the baby was born to an older mother naturally this would be seen as more acceptable.
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why do members of the public believe they know better than this woman. Assuming that she is having her child for the right reasons, she should prove to be just as good a mother, if not better, than traditionally younger mums. How many grandmothers, through no choice of their own, throughout the UK and around the world, are bringing up their grandchildren. How many times have we come accross stories of child abuse and neglect at the hand of grandparents in contrast to abuse from younger parents. These grandmothers, though often exhausted because of their age, absolutely delight in taking part in their grandchildren's upbringing. They are more prepared to make sacrifices and have more life experience and usually a wider circle of friends than a younger couple, from whom to seek help. Dare I say it, they are no longer ambitiously climbing their career ladder, nor devoted to building a new relationship with their partner/husband, so they have more time to devote to their child's development.
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My dad was 58 having me, and 59 having my younger brother. He already had 3 children from a previous marriage, and two of them had children too. I see no problem with older people having children, it juemans instead of having siblings my age, i have second cousins, neices and nephews. I would much rather have my dad (74 now) for a short time than not know my dad at all, or not even be here. My dad is the person I'm closest to in the world, and he's like my best friend too (sounds cheesy i know), but I would so much rather know him for a short while (i know he doesnt have ages left in him!) than not know him at all. To me he's the most fantastic person on earth and i feel privileged to call him my dad, and to have the relationship i do with him. He retired the day i was born to pour all his attention and love into me - how many younger parents can do that? i know he wont be around when i get married or have children (i'm only 16 now), but i will never forget what he means to me and i have so many happy memories. my mum too is nearly 50, and she's successful in her work and a great role model - i think my parents are so much better, and lvoe my lifestyle and think it is great compared to having young parents, who may be around for a lot longer, but don't set a positive example and dont actually act like parents. i really couldnt ask for bettter parents and i am glad that my dad had me at nearly 60. it just makes you appreciate the important things in life :)
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I had my daughter aged 33 years. Due to severe postnatal depression, my mother living and dying from cancer with our family. Death of our baby boy due to heart failure,and a miscarriage. We had a baby boy born by emergency caesarean section at 34 weeks gestation aged 41 years. I need to add that pregnancy and myself have always decided to try out every complication of pregnancy going. Due to a spinal anaesthesia that resuted in severe nerve damage (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome )that affects my mobility severly down my right side, and a son with several problems due to this. I have to say that I feel it was worth it, it motivates me to always do my best whatever I feel like, whatever pain I am in my children are very special. My only regret is that I ended up disabled. My children (age difference 8 years) get on famously. One dominant comment though is the older you get the harder it is to get up in the middle of the night. I know this from having to get up most nights with my son.
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I had my daughter aged 33 years. Due to severe postnatal depression, my mother living and dying from cancer with our family. Death of our baby boy due to heart failure,and a miscarriage. We had a baby boy born by emergency caesarean section at 34 weeks gestation aged 41 years. I need to add that pregnancy and myself have always decided to try out every complication of pregnancy going. Due to a spinal anaesthesia that resuted in severe nerve damage (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome )that affects my mobility severly down my right side, and a son with several problems due to this. I have to say that I feel it was worth it, it motivates me to always do my best whatever I feel like, whatever pain I am in my children are very special. My only regret is that I ended up disabled. My children (age difference 8 years) get on famously. One dominant comment though is the older you get the harder it is to get up in the middle of the night. I know this from having to get up most nights with my son.My parents were young when they had me,but both are dead now, as is a sister, you make life what you want it to be. I do think that 66 is too old though.
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We hear a lot from the eldery parents justifying why they see them selves fit and able to give birth to children way past their 40's and 50's. However not a lot is said from the childrens point of view. My parents were both in their 40's when I was born and while they were caring and loving parents and did keep 'up' with me while I was growing up my father died when I was in my 20's, and I was in my early 30's when my darling mum passed away. The emotional loss of losing your parents at a young age is hard to describe, and have missed them both so much while in my early adult hood. I know that children can loose parents when they are young but having a mother who is in her 60's or God forbid 70's when they are born makes this more of a certainty. Have these mothers and fathers thought about how their offspring will cope emotionally when they die? The parents only seem to me to be concerned about how they 'need' a child now and not concerned about the childs future when their parents are in their 80's and 90's.
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reading earlier comments, particularly those who suggest she should have adopted. Do you know of a childrens agency that places children with anyone over the age of 40 let alone 60.
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Britain's oldest Mam? ha! Mine is 73.....
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Well, i must say this is not new at all i had my second child at the age of 45 after trying so hard for fifteen years until God finally heard my prayer and gave me a child. I do not believe that the lady is too old every woman has the right to be a mother (when matured) at any time, she should enjoy her child while it lasts and God will give her long life to raise her child. We were all sent into the world to multiply and Gods time is the best no matter how late we do it, as long as both mother and child are healthy. Even at the age of 100 years old God blessed Sarah and Abraham with a child, every child is a gift from God especially if you do not have and desperately want one of your own flesh and blood. There is nothing like having your own baby, infact if i were her i will quickly have one more so that the child will not be lonely he'll have a brother or sister. She is blessed.
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I don't know how she has the energy at 66, up all night with the teething, changing nappies, loads of washing every day, she should have thought about having the baby 20yrs ago, why now!!
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My mother had me when she was 48, she died of cancer at age 76 and I was only 28 years old. My brothers are many years older than me so my mum and I were very close. I had children who were only 7 and 8 years of age and they do not remember her that well, my mum adored them but she never saw her grandchildren grow up or see them have their own families or see how their life progressed. She would have been so proud. I have never got over it as I am sure most people don't. Even though I knew mum was old you never think they are going to do. When I was at primary school mum always used to say that I was to say she was my grandma, I didn't of course but I did get teased about having an older mother, this was back in the 60's, she died in 1986. Although she was quite able bodied she was never able to do the things with me that younger mothers could.
My mother was 48 but to have a baby in your 60's, what life is there for the child, it might be quality life and of course no one knows when you are going to die but you know in the best case scenario that the child will be a fairly young adult when this happens, what about the feelings of the child. You might want a child later on in life but I think it is very selfish to do this due to the consequences and to have special treatment to try to make you pregnant seems a step too far so late in life.
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Hi Adrian and Christine,
I became an older single mum at 42. He was my first and sadly my last. I brought him up by myself and he's now a very handsome and wonderful 24 year old. Love him to bits - he was the best mistake I ever made.
If you want to become an older mum go for it. It's no one's business but yours.
Love the programme.
Best wishes,
Frankie White
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Although I really wanted children, because of my christian beliefs I waited until I was married at the age of 44 to start trying for a baby. My husband is 8 years younger than me but there were problems on both sides and, to cut a long story short, we started ivf when I was 49 and on our third and final try I kept the baby I was carrying. My beautiful daughter was born 2 weeks after my 51st birthday and she is now nine years old. As a junior school teacher who taught 30+ children each day, I was surprised how many people thought I was too old to cope and that I wouldn't have the energy needed. I am a young 60 now, and although officially retired, I still work as a supply teacher. I have enough energy and time to teach other people's children, AND enough left to spend on her, enjoying every minute of motherhood. I feel I have had more time for her and more imput than the average young working mother. We tightened our financial belts and looked after her between us instead of nursery, enjoying her "firsts" ourselves. We have lots of fun as mother and daughter, with lots of laughs. She is a well-balanced child with a kind heart and a desire to do well. We are very blessed to have her. We have planned ahead for her future, including choosing close chrisian friends who are a generation younger than us to be her god parents. No, I was NOT too old to have her. No one knows when it is their time to die and a young mum or dad can be sadly lost too. It is a personal choice which was taken with lots of prayer and consideration and we have absolutely no regrets. When she says to me "You're the best mummy in all the world" I reply..."I'm the best mummy in the world for you"....and I totally believe it.
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Our daughter is nearly a year old, born last year when I was 55. We had tried for 14 years without success and then a donor very kindly came forward to donate some eggs for us. If she wasn't meant to have been born then the procedure wouldn't have worked. If it hadn't worked we would have gone ahead with adoption or fostering.
We know that we won't be in her lives for as long as our parents have been (and still are) in ours, but we will prepare her for that as best as we can.
We're both fit and active and healthy, have interests that we hope she will also enjoy as she grows older, but if she wants to do other things that's fine too.
We've made financial plans so that she won't be supporting us when she starts college or university or work.
As I watch her grow and see how much she loves life, I know that it was right to give her life. I believe that she was meant to be in this world and that's why we had to wait so long for her - we weren't meant to have A baby; we were meant to have THIS baby. I can't imagine this world without her in it and her being deprived of the chance to exist.
We love her so much and she will be brought up to know that we do.
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not if the parents are fit, healthy, have a good home and can provide financially and energetically for the child/children.
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Its so rare for a woman in her sixties to have a baby, that when it does happen the media goes a bit mad. I was incredibly lucky to conceive my children quickly and easily. How can we understand the anguish of people who long for children and have trouble having them? as for the whole men/women double standards issue - aagghhh. wondermummy makes some good points here if you're interested: http://tiny.cc/oldermums
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yes is the simple answer. 66 is too old for anyone to have a child. This lady obviously didnt think of the child and what effects her age will have on it. At school it will get bullied for having an old mum and their is a possibilty that the child could end up in care before its 16 yrs old because one it will be an orphan and two its mum might not be fit enough to look after it seeing as she will be in her 70s before it starts school.
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I am in my early 40's and my husband and I have been trying to start a family for the past 8 years. We have been diagnosed with a condition which means we will never have our own children. I have received no support from my family, the ones that know anyway hence difficulty in adopting. This condition has many symptoms and has caused a split in my marriage. For some of us, not being able to have children is the hardest thing in the world to accept but congratulations if you have managed to have a child one way or another. You will never have to endure the pain I have been going through these last 2 years as my marriage falls apart and I have nobody to turn to.
If this child has a supportive family around them and is raised in a loving family environment (unlike my childhood) then I don't see the problem. As some of the blogs mention, there is no issue when the man is older, just the woman!!
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I think to be a 1st time Mum at 66 is really Cruel and selfish, A 66 year old becoming a Mum is much more likely to die before the Child is school age and as by definition the Child will have no Older Brothers and sisters to look after him or her he or she will probably end up in Care as anyone the Parents know to leave the child with are likely to be the same age as the parents, It is selfish enoug if the child had Much older Brothewrs or Sisters who would have to look after the child but in this case an only Child wouldn't and the Child would end up in care.
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Yes, 66 is too old to have a baby. I gave up my job at the age of 50 to take care oif my grandchild. I thought it would be easy, but I was absolutely shattered by the end of the day. The child also has to be considered. A baby is cute and cuddly for about one year; after that it is very hard work. The teen years are even harder especially in these days of drugs and goodness knows what. Just imagine having a teenager to cope with at the age of 80. How embarassing for the child to have a mother of that age. My youngest son told me that he was always embarrassed when his father went to school sports days etc because he was so much older than other fathers, and my husband was then only in his fifties. Another aspect is the fact that we may not live to 80 years old and then you are creating a possible orphan at their most vulnerable time of life.
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i think that it is just free will to have a baby at that age... i like it old is the new you.
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Why do women go through the menapause, thats right because the selection process says you are to old to have children. think of the children they are often insecureand get ridiculed at school for havong older parents think of your children not yourselves!!!!!
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I think 66 is far to old to have a baby . I would be ashamed to walk down the road with her and then everyone thinking that shes your grandma .!
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i think this woman is ver selfish, a child at 66, my name just hit 70 when i had my eldest so she was a great nan!
why do us women go through the menopause. I think there should be a law set up to prevent this from happening.
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