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Gut Vibrations

Stuart Bailie | 11:30 UK time, Monday, 25 February 2013

So a friend wants to set up a Belfast café with a local music theme. Some menu ideas were suggested. It might feature a bit of word play on bands and song titles. Well, that was me off.

Working at the the NME in the Nineties was the like serving in the Harlem Globetrotters of pun. Every song title was an invitation for mischief and linguistic mirth. A great idea was bounced around by a series of other sharp minds until there were puns on top of puns and many layers of absurdity.

I'm no longer a grand-master of pun rock. But a bit of that skill has endured, and so I responded to the local café idea.

Might we call it Two Door Cinnamon Club? Spam The Man?

And what to serve? Some of the dishes might include:

Stiff Little Fish Fingers.
And So I Watch You From A Farl.
Chasing Carrots.
Sloe Patrol, featuring Jonny Quince.
Shining Rice.
Flan Morrison.
Alternative Ulster Fry.
And So I Weight Watch You From Afar.

While she's not an artist from Northern Ireland, our favourite fried food might be represented by Pastie Kensitt. I for one, could not resist that calorific charm.

For pudding, the following came to mind:

Teenage Twix (so hard to beat).
Angel Cake Interceptor.
Andy Curns.
Girl From Mars Bar.
Tart Together.
Jelly Hooley.
All finished of with a National Expresso. Just be careful though. Too much of the above and you might be turning into The Goutcasts. Go ahead puns, make my day.

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