« Previous | Main | Next »

Plot: Do I Not Like Orange

Post categories:

The One That Doesn't Speak The One That Doesn't Speak | 15:04 UK time, Friday, 5 June 2009

Charles has come up with this mysterious tale. Please send us your ideas scott.mills@bbc.co.uk


Do I Not Like Orange by Charles off of London

We open on a shadowy figure lurking downstage. This is our narrator, and though we don't realise who he is, he seems to have an amarzin knowledge of Scott's life.  Slowly, though the medium of song and dance, a story is revealed of a man in search of the perfect tan. Scott's theme, "Do I Not Like Orange!", is a haunting ballad listing previous self-tanning experiences and "Brown as Gravy" is a rousing, anthemic treatise on the perfect skin pigmentation.

Interwoven with this searching theme is the love triangle that is Chappers, Scott's mum and the Posh Lady off of Radio 4.  "Posh or Totty" graphically

demonstrates the state of mind of Chappers as he is torn between the two great loves of his life.  Meanwhile Becky has to decide between the Scott Mills Show and another radio station, the mysterious owner of which has been making advances to our heroine.  "If You Only Knew" and "You're Mysterious, Should I Trust You?" are songs which will live with the audience long after the show has closed.

As the show reaches its climactic peak, Chappers learns from Scott's mum that Scott is one of non-identical twins, the other of which was mislaid at the maternity hospital.  He discusses this with Becky and they discover a horrific truth. They rush to the Chestnut Brown Tanning Salon, but are too late.  The narrator, Scott's Flatmate, has trapped Scott in a tanning booth and is revealing to the world the truth that Chappers and Becky have only recently discovered - he is Scott's non-identical twin, jealous of Scott's fame and success, who is now exacting a terrible revenge.  "Shove Your Scottcam" is a vitriolic diatribe of jealousy and hatred, which ends as the authorities storm the Salon and free Scott from his irradiated tomb.  "Tanned to a Crisp" ends the show on a somewhat sombre note, which also rules out any sequel.

I hope you like it.

Love ya,




BBC © 2014 The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read more.

This page is best viewed in an up-to-date web browser with style sheets (CSS) enabled. While you will be able to view the content of this page in your current browser, you will not be able to get the full visual experience. Please consider upgrading your browser software or enabling style sheets (CSS) if you are able to do so.