Russell Brand

A Green eye for Xena

• Mr Gee
• 24 Jun 08, 02:17 PM

Ok, I'm now officially jealous! For the past couple of months I've been listening to the "dynamic duo" (or in most cases, the "manic Uno") recount Hollywood tales of Limos, Demos and legs akimbo. I was cool with it, kept my poetical resolve and carried on with my own little life of launderettes, tube upsets and today's forecast? "windy and wet ".

Yet when I came in to listen to the pre-recorded show and heard that Lucy Lawless (aka Xena: Warrior Princess) was in the studio brandishing her lyrical sword, I must confess that I was envious. Of course I was imagining her wearing the full warrior regalia, arriving on horseback with Gabrielle to do the show. Actually, maybe it's a good thing that I wasn't there as my melon would've been well and truly twisted.

A Post-Pre-Recorded Echo

Past the remnants of very large stars,
Is a horizon of events viewed from near and afar,
Time's distorted, a pre-recorded echo's exported,
A pair of pips exchange quips over fridge etiquette aborted,

Of course Paul McKenna loves the "Crazy Monkey" tender,
Orang-utan mammaries expanded, melon's twisted forever,
Fleeing from bumble-bees, apologies to donkeys,
There's pizza to put yobs to sleep,
Unless mamma Lawless speaks erotically,

Oddly, Lucy's in the mine with miners,
Monk rats and cats provide the track to field to China,
Meanwhile, I'm arriving to find those in different time zones,
Gloriously marching through Hollywood and exposing my prose

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