Come along now R2
For those of us of a certain ilk, "Star Wars" will always be the definitive science fiction film series. Phrases like "Use the Force", "the Jedi Mind trick" and "Mind that Ewok", have become a part of our everyday consciousness. I remember way back in school, a friend of mine actually believed that the Force would really help him pass his physics test (despite doing no revision). So the very fact that we had Anthony Daniels who played C-3PO lined up to be a guest, was indeed an event.
I don't think that anybody was quite ready for the verbalised light-saber battle that took place. After all, this is a robot who has faced Darth Vader, The Emperor and Jabba the Hut. So the prospect of dealing with Russell Brandroid: SONY Gold Radio Award winner and diabled toilet misuser, was not really going to short too many of C-3PO fuses. I guess that the Force is still with him...
This Saturday we've been usurped by the evil empire of the Eurovision Song Contest. But don't worry, the Jedis will soon return....
The Science behind the Madness
Should our chromosomes atone,
For where the revolution roams?
A quick-fix of the double helix,
Now sharing "tiddle tips" with C-3PO.
Laws of motion dictate,
The energy required to change steady states,
I'm sure that Russell's remedies will eventually,
Bring a smile to Lemmy's face,
How can we compound our differing elements of exhibition?
If "H" double-dates with "O"
Water flows a new reign of Radio hedonism,
So let the Bronze, Silver and Gold all be invited down the wrong road,
Following ALL the foxholes to the homes of the Brandroid, Matt and Noel.
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Hey der darlings!
Pwoaw its hot!
A bit windy, but hot.
I wonder what youve bin up to in LA?
I am looking forward to the show tonight, as I have a mountain of ironing, washing up and laundry to do. So having you on in the kitchen, might encourage me to crack on and do it.
I,m so peed off with this new change in the law that says I have to work when my son is twelve. As a home educator they reckon I can fit my work around that. It really annoys me, because the whole reason I took litly out of the education system was to have an autonomous life. But for four hours a day i will have to leave him somewhere.
BAAAAH HUMBUG!!!!!
I,m training to do radio presenting for a local christian community radion station.
Its voluntary!
No money!
And I will undoubtably get the sack very shortly aftyer starting, due to swearing or going on about Jesus too much.
I,m gonna try to sighn up wiv the internet.
Work from home.
Its terrifying.
If I were married I would be able to stay at home and home educate. But coz I ain married and littluns got no Dad, I will get that choice taken away.
I knew we would feel the pinch of the war. Its got to be paid for and the government are starting at the bottom of the food chain to recoup their expences.
Where they think noone will notice.
Going for the vulnerable single parents and sick and incapacitated.
You know, I,ve got two friends, one who is periodically sectioned to the mental hospital. She has been diagnosed with psycosis and scitzophrenia.
She is heavily medicated,and is the shadow of the person she was, before this awful affliction. She shakes like aleaf and is fighting confusion all the time.
Her Mum is convinced that the remedy to all her problems is to go back to work and meet a nice man.
She wil have her income support stopped this year and be forced to go onto job seekers allowance.
On job seekers you have to sign on at the job centre. The most humiliating place, where you are made to feel like a pile of pony.
My other friend is severely epileptic, she had a mini stroke recently after a car crash, and a serious fall and seizure as a result of the shock. Now she is on heavy medication for both and when she made me a cup of tea the other day, half of it went on the flor as her hand was shaking so much.
She is happy to earn her living cleaning for ladies and doing their ironing. Neither of them wil go onto the sick and they are prime candidates to do so.
Changing the subject.
Jonathan Ross was on last night and he had Niel Diamond on as a guest, then to sing afterwards.
It was amazing, what a charismatic guy.
WHATA GUY!!!
Any way, I,m off. Kep on sending out good thoughts for me, so that I can get self employed and work from home, doing something fun and fulfilling.
Have a word with Mr. Hatton for me. Sighting the principles of the Lisbon Treaty, the European Constitution, that aims not to discriminate.
Valuing human rights and accepting the groups that are a minority,[ie. single parent home educators]
My local education authority are so pleased with the job I am doing with and for my son, they said,they wont have to review me until he is forteen. It wil be four years down the drain if he is forced to go back to school. But I wont let that happen. Coz I,m gonna try and sign up for broadband now, to start building a little business of some kind.
And pigs might fly.
Lok forward to hearing you tonight.
Don,t forget the revolution.
Its time to leave Iraq and concentrate on the war on poverty in GB.
We could pour our national recourses into building a better country for all.
Starting from the bottom.
CUMON BABY YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!
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I thought I,d show you what I wrote on the "they work for you" webpage, about MPs.
I sent it to Gordy Brown to;
Yeah..........if you ,ve got time free you can read it ,but it might be quite boring.
SORRY.......
XXXXXXXXXXXX
I love ya
Today I recieved a letter from my local MP, with the above message, on this page from Stephen Timms.
I am of the firm belief that the government no understanding of the nature of home education. Sadly, they seem to clarify it, in societies eyes and frown upon it.
Although a major movement in this country, people simply seem unable to have the concept of what in envolves to be a family that home educates.
It has been given patchy coverage as it seems to conflict with peoples ideas of what fits in.
Most people don't know anything about it and dismiss it before they have even had a chance to think about its advantages.
I don't know if we,LONE PARENTS, are regarded as "families", because we are "single" parents.
We are bieng fleeced of constitutional rights.
We are somehow bieng frowned upon as undeserving of such status.
At some point it has become the consensus that single parents, are not as viable to be considered compident as opposed to the two parental support, constituted as ok.
That it would not be apropriate, but would somehow seem undesirable, for single parents to continue such an undertaking.
We are, fighting to swimm and stay afloat, in a minority and are not bieng taken seriously.
Formal education is provided by the government and they see this provision as sufficient to meet the needs of all.
We are no longer bieng awarded the badge of common decency in the modern world of freedom and equality with those families able to keep a mother at home, to give her children what they need, in this case home schooling.
To suggest that we are flexible in our time with home ed is on one hand, correct.
We give the child the opportunity to find the best times to work on what he or she is processing, conquering and concieving into their minds and beings.
We make a daily plan to take in, all the cycles of a childs attention span and spectrum of learning.
This has tragicaly been misunderstood, in a heinous way, as a result it is suggested that it is " free" time to fit in work, at a suggested sixteen hours a week.
The lone parent is at a standstill, as far as family support is concerned.
Asuming he\she has no spouse or parents.
Which, is the situation of many.
He \she is doing a commendable job, that is in danger of bieng discriminated against because of sweeping shallow judgements.
There is racism, sexism, ageism, homaphobia ect.
There needs to be a new awarenes of attitudes towards single parentism. A new bracket of society, that faces discrimination.
The parties, given the task of changing the law, have done the minimum research and are throwing it back at us, as an excuse, to say that we can fit work around the flexible hours of our home ed.
I was reading the Lisbon Treaty, European Constitution and it said that it aims to protect from discrimination, small groups who hold a religious belief, enabling them to live their lives in accordance with it.
To home educators, the path they have chosen is for the welfare of their children and to make a better future, which is not institutionalized.
Broadening their horizons in a hands on, constructive way.
Bringing up children, personally shouldering the cost of tuition, with the help of personal "income support" at one hundred pounds a week, it is a squeeze and barely enough to buy books, computer equipment, art resourses, pay for outings, to learn and meet other children.
Both the time and money are imminently threatened by Mr Hattons suggestion to tar us all with the same brush.
We are bieng forced back to work and forced to stop the wonderful home education process.
My thoughts and distress, are being neatly disregarded as irrelevent. Home education for me and lone parents is bieng disregarded as irrelevent.
Bieng committed to invest time and provide the level of attention needed in hone ed is all consuming.
It is a full time job, my child is always in my care, I have chosen to preserve that right as I chose the right to Home ed.
The whole idea behind home education, is that you do not pass on the responsibility of your precious, impressionable young,to others.
I am a Christian and want my son the see, learn and live a life that has integrity, honesty and value.
There is not, as suggested by the report, a slot at which time you can work independently from the child for four hours in the day.
Excluding the entire home ed process, in order to earn the minimum wage. As demanded by the proposed new law.
Bieng available to answer questions and offer advice, to an excellent level of understanding, of society, as seen through the eyes of an environment that is niot indoctrinated.
To come along side your child and unwrap the world, learn to steadily work through the concepts required by the National curriculum, is exhausting and truly liberating and a labour of love.
But thanks to the law that enables us to home educate we are able to make the choice to live our lives in the way that we see best, for our children.
Safe from the dangers we have removed by home edding.
I hope those envolved take a deeper look at the caring aspect of home ed, and see that there should be an exemption, so that is can be preserved.
I have home edded my son for four years. My local LEA, said in their report, that it is clear that he is thriving.
They expressed a great deal of good supportive feedback, which I am very happy to share with the government as they consider us.
My son is extreemly distressed at the prospect of his whole educational support bieng removed.
He will have to fend for himself for four hours aday.
A long time for a twelve year old.
The idea of returning to school made all of his eczema return, and his stress levels wereso severe, his hair started thinning as he was pulling it out. At school he developed a stammer and it has been lovely watching him recover from the ordeals he endured at school.
All of the progress will be severely impeded if an exception is not made.
I am raching my brains and in a state of disbelief at the new proposals. They are devastating to our little two person family. We try really hard to get on in life, as its hard when theres only two. Work would just antagonise my situation.
I hope we are not viewed as irresponsible for having children out of wedlock.
Europe recognises the rights of its citizens. There are plenty of things said in the Lisbon treaty to defend us.
I beg, anyone out there to quantify the point at which this change in the law is wrong for us. Thus bringing an exception
Please fight for us.
We are without hope at the moment.
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Hi Boys,
Hope the show went ok last night my radio would`nt let me tune and listen!!!
Sorry if I was a bit brutal with my comments last week my friend seemed quite disappointed at some of the comments that were made, but she obviously was`nt that bothered as she`s listening to you guys tonight, I was just concerned that you may loose respect from your loyal fans!!! It`s your journey babe your a man of intergrity im sure you know what your doing, I just thought you might need pointing in the right direction as there are many people out there with hidden agendas who may be sabotaging things for you honey bun!!!!!! Im half tempted to go and see your film today but think il wait to it comes out on DVD so I can savour you at my own pleasure !!
In reply to the above blog, I agree in some ways that the Gouverment are being quite unfair on the whole `getting back into work process` I work in mental health and for some of my clients it would be totally unrealistic to expect them to get back into the work system as they are having to deal with the demons of their own illness, getting through the day is an acomplashment in itself.
I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue and depression a few years ago, I could have claimed incapacity but it was my choice to work not having a family of my own work gives me a sense of purpose and stucture in my life, if i had a child maybe things would be different. Obviously there are alot of people on benefits, and unfortunately there are many people who are `milking the system, and this tars alot of lone parent with the same brush. Home educating a child is a big responsiblity and takes alot of commitment. The Education Authority do not provide any extra income for the costs of equipment, books ect, so in fact home edders are saving the schools having to pay out quite alot of money annually. If a person is able to justify that are contributing in some way to society whether it be voluntary work, caring for a relative or home educating your child then I do believe the law on sending a person back to work should be looked at closely. Raising a child and educating them is a massive contribution to society, moulding a chlild and teaching them good morales, values and intergrity is a full time job in itself. Its about choice and fairness, some people thrive at work, others find it a real struggle with the contradictions and hyprocisy that can excist in the workplace. Im very lucky that I do a job that gives me such rewards, not from the high arachcy but from the dear clients that I support who give me what I want from a job, passion, hope and faith.
Hopefully I will be able to tune in next week.
Take care Guys.
K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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It seems like an AGE since you were on......
I forgot about the eurovision last week!
What a liberty!
Are you prerecording tonight?
Is Mat still in LA?
I just saw a thing in the Guardian, of how a fan, has become a stalker of Walliams.
All very sordid. She broke her injunction and was caught harrassing David.
I do hope we arn't in that catagory!
Peskilly posting blogs.
It dont mean to be harrassment.
A friend of mine shouted at me for posting my dissaproval of some of the conversations on the show, between Russ, Mat and Noelly Gallagher.
She asked me, when I had become the police of what was NORMAL.
I was duelly ashamed.
Me and my boy keep getting shouted at by people these days.
Littly, for not owning up and apologizing when he is in the wrong.
He broke, or was incriminated by playing with, the friends daughters beloved rocket, when it broke.
I think he did break it, as he was firing it at close range, in the bus, and into the tent, when there was someone in it.
Then he broke the tent, after bieng told time and again, to be careful.There was a loud crack as it broke, with his leg on it,then he claimed innocence. My friend let rip at him.
I felt so bad, for my friend and for him. I know what its like when another kid breaks your toys.
Its a shame, my boys inherited my genes.
As I,m clumsy and a bit ignorant.
I remember so vividly,as a kid, going to a neighbours house and accidentally breaking her mini globe.
The older kid, from the other side of the Close, bit my finger so hard, I ran out of the house crying.
As I sat on my Dads knee, bieng comforted, they all stood at the top of the drive, with their bikes,asking me to come out to play.
Needless to say... I didnt go.
That older kid was so spiteful. One time when I was riding round the close on my bike, she threw a bottle of water at me.
I,ll never forget it..
Scarred for life I was!!!
Maybe this set a president, because on another occasion, I was round the other side of the Close, [far away from home] when I came upon a coupla small kids playing in their drive.
I sat, as if on a steed, [on my bike]
and proclaimed that one of the kids, STILL HAD STABLIZERS!
Then proceeded to knock them off their bike!
When their Mum came out and shouted at me I shot home at breakneck speed. The woman had threatened to come to my house and report the deed to my mother, a fate worse than death, if it had happened.
When I got in, my Mum asked me why I was so out of breath and ruddy cheeked.
I just shook her off by saying that it was really cold outside.
PHEW!
Its hard beig little, I sometimes forget the perils of having an immature mind.
You sort of think you're invinsible don't you.
When the ice cream van came round ,singing its hypnotic song of sweet pleasure, I forgot myself.
I stealthily took my Mums big red purse from the kitchen drawer, and made for the garage door, through the garden, round the back of the house.
I was prepared to approach the van,[wicked ,child tormenter]
Imagining , boldly ordering whatever icecream I wanted and having the ready cash to make the transaction.
To my uttermost regret, my Mum spotted me as I ran past the lounge window and set in persuit, she caught up, within seconds.
Wrangled her purse back instantly and gave me a good hiding,then dragged me back in the house screaming. The sound of the primeval bellowing coming from a deep place within my soul, still rings in my ears, as if it were yesterday.
I was always in trouble, and remember thinking that the neighbours, must,ve been so sick of my endless screaming and crying.
They never called the police or came round. They should have...to tell my Mum off!
Poor Mum.
She always used to say, 'I hope you have achild like you!'
Another most memorable time, which I am ashamed to relay. An anecdote prpobable best left un repeated. Best left to stay in the recess of my memeory hiding in shame.
Well, at this time, when bathroom doors were unlocked, as you proceeded to undertake , dodgy experiments of a more private nature, I was carried away in one such experiment.
My Mum came in, mid flow, catching me starkers, doing a wee over the loo, standing like a Man. I was in shock as I was dragged down the stairs, through the kitchen door, out into the garden in all my glory.
To the the reception of amusement from my brother and his friend. My Mum shut me out there, only to recoup my self amid the humiliation, I dont really know how I coped with the trauma.
Thankfully, she didnt realize and clock that I was weeing into a little clear plastic recepticle. Can't for the life of me remember why now, as it was so many years ago, but I,m sure I had my reasons.
Now that all thats out in the open I feel that we are a lot closer!
Or rightly, you might think that I,m a freak.
The only difference between you and me is that I..... got caught!!!
So don,t judge!!
Well,
where do you go from here?
Mmmm Il agree, we,d better cal it a day.
Maybe one day, I will follow of the footsteps of my ald soul mate and do me own SHAME tour.
So much in common but so little time to explore, to make it interesting....to some.
God bless my luverlies.
Beccaratta!!
xxxxx
xxx
x
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Evening Chaps!!!
I managed to catch the last half hour of your show last night, I was well chuffed as I have`nt been able to listen to the show in a very long time due to a dodgy old digi-box and an even dodgier radio!! I have a state of the art digi box now so i can pick you guys up vey well!!!!!!!
I nearly wet the bed when I heard Noel Fielding`s answer phone message, he`s such a tonic, Im a bit in love with Mr Fielding I love his vibe, I think he has a good influence on you Russell you just shine when your with him.(your both gorgeous lovely men!)
Im finding myself looking at utterly inapproriate men at the moment, i am deprived of male attention at the moment, I found myself eyeing up a traveller in tescos the other day, (nothing against travellers its just this one looked like he would attack at any moment!!) I went on a works do the other night had to dress totally over the top in the hope of flirting around lots of lovely young men. The guys at work must have sensed my desperate vibe and gave me a wide bearth!!! I ended up talking to bit of a nutter who told me he had a twin brother who was `very dangerous` and has done time for numerous terrible crimes!!! I had my homer head on and was only interested in this guy coz i wanted to get into the club next door. I had to listen to this creep bangin on about how hard he was when i had `dancing clowns in my head` and nobody else wanted to go to this club. Alas we didnt make it to the club next door i didnt realise how late it was and the bouncers took great pleasure in telling me that there was no way in hell i was going to get in (why do bouncers all have the same look, is it in their job discription to be great lumps of lard with the intelligance of an ape??) The pysco creep got dumped at the door there was no way i was listening to any more stories of a deprived and criminal mind of his brother!!!!
So i made my way home in a taxi were i proceeded to throw up in the back of the car (i do that quite alot i have a weak stomach!!!)
The cab driver didnt charge me though i think he felt sorry for me!!!!!!!
The next day my gay friend turned up in his really flashy car and took me for a ride to windsor with the roof pulled down, i should have felt like marilyn monroe, but i looked like ken dodd as the wind was blowing my hair into a ridiculous hairstyle!!! My gay friend is as fit as a fiddle ive always had a crush on him he has such a cute boat race, ive overcome that crush now i think of him as more of a brother now. We drove past my local pub my ex was standing outside with his travisty of a girlfriend, I childeshly put my fingers up at them, it was just attention seeking as I wanted him to see me with my fit friend in a flashy car!!!! Anywaguys gonna wrap this up, hope you all have a fab week.
K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Hello my cookies!
R u all in LA now.
I reckon you think you can get away with murdur out there. Proof in the puddin, re. Matts silver jacket....WELL WELL
MMmmm leaving it in LA was a bit telling.
I donno, struttin around like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever!
Collar up.
Fonz style!!
EHY!
Fangool! its Sandra Dee!
Magine paradin round Camden lookin loik that!
U,d luk more in keepin in Soho as an eighties pimp.
I like it!
I like that you can take on a different personna out there.
Sayin comments like, "Sick with me kid, I,ll show you how to catch the ladies eyes!"
Or somethin to that effect, but in Matts dialect.
Alwoit, I ,ll sho you ow to get a bit a stuff.
Ow to pull
Lil Matts found his alter ego in LA.
Theres LA MAT and
Heavy Metal shy Mat in Londinium.
Hows the weather been out there?
I bet its blue sky 24 7.
Its been breezy here with floating clouds.
I went for a swim in the sea today.
It was very brasing!
I kept goin in up to me legs then running out again, flapping my hands involuntarily, due to the shock.
When I was fuully submurged, my internal organs did shut down momentarily, I went into cardiac arrest and there after was plain sailing, or... swimming.
I feel so jealous of all the young people in Bournemouth tonight, as they have a fancy dress ball, to mark the end of the university summer term.
Every where there are people dressed up as all sorts of charecters.
I saw Chewbacca, tin man, Jesus, a KKK member ect.
They are all barbequeing, before they set off.
Snot fair.
Why can,t I be young again.
When I went to college, we never had any thing like that.
The new big brother has started ere.
Say goodbye to your summer!
Byeee summa!
As the contestants entered the new house it was hillarious.
There was a gorgeous laddio,
american,
albino,
called DARNELL.
As he met his new house mates they asked his name in mid stream of the introduction embrace.
He said clearly, "my name's, Darnell,"
right into their ears.
They turned, face to face, nodding, saying,"Daniel!"
He said Darnell!
Then they said,"Oh, right ,Darnielle. Pleased to meet you!
The next man, hugged him, asked his name and he pronounced his name, Darnell.
He looked confused, and asked Darnell to repeat his name.
Then paused and nodded, saying," pleased to meet you Donald!"
Poor guy.
I am looking forward to your show tonight.
I suppose it'll be miday there to our 9 oclock.
You are so lucky to have a pool.
I bet Matt lays about in it, with a drink , on a lilo, sunglasses reflecting the heat and haze, like Benjamine from the graduate!
I wish!
Will you all be back mid June?
Russ going on the road, gigging when you get back.
Its going to be great.
Matt hows the writing going for the new film?
If you need a hand, I,m looking for employment!
I know,you,re not interested in that kind of job.
Russ, Love you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
au revoir
arrive diecci
salute
vie gierdes
sionarra
CIOA
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The show was hillarious!
Very good indeed.
It was great to hear about the carryon in the LA mansion.
Mat jumpin in the pool with his clothes on.
Russ lost when he,s not working and having to control all movements, to secure a sense if wellbieng.
Mat being rebellious with the lemons.
I loved the story about Ashton Cucher. It was so cringy. Matt you poor thing.
You seem to be living the dream out there.
I dunno whats going on with Walliams feeding Babs ice cream over Russells lap!
The swine!
Weather here is very good.
Blue skies and hot.
Probably comparible to LA
Anyway, just to say the show was great.
I cant write for long as these library computers seem to go wrong. I just wrote a lovely comment, and a box came up saying 'errror' ,'send report'
Then the side shuts down. So while the goings good I,ll say.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE
luv yoooooooooooooo
!xxxx
Behave!
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