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Turning down Newcastle

Robbo Robson | 11:59 UK time, Monday, 10 August 2009

Hot news!

I can exclusively reveal that I have been approached to take over at St James' Park. I cannot disclose the source of this offer.

To be fair I wasn't the first person in the pub to be asked. Suffice to say that as I helped the gentleman back on to his bar stool, he seemed genuine enough. He gave me a fixed stare - well, it wasn't so much fixed as semi-detached - and said "Why don't you do it, Robbo, old son?"

"But why me? Despite my legendary status in the local area I've got no experience at the top level!"

"That makes you perfect. This won't be at the top level, not for years," he assured me.
I scanned this man closely as he necked another pint. Suspiciously non-Geordie accent, dark clouds raging above his head. Could this be serious?

"Look," he said, grabbing the lapels of me Blue Harbour polo-shirt (present from the wife), "it's you or David O'Leary, okay?"

Clearly this man was an imposter. There's no way anyone would have O'Leary as manager. No way. And all this after I'd been coming down from the elation of the Boro's first game of the season.

Doughty hard-nosed visitors, eager young kids dashing to and forth and a strike-force with as all the genuine teeth of an old folks' home. That and the manager trotting out the same old clichés. It's like we've never been anyway.

The highlight of Gareth's kindly post-match interview was the phrase "We didn't work their goalkeeper enough". Indeed, Gareth. There's enough unemployment up here already without giving their stopper a day off.

Then again, Newcastle probably can be grateful for a draw at the Baggies, even if it does come with the obligatory Joey Barton sideshow. Whispers are that there's been a training-ground bust-up. With Joey? Surely not! Given the Bar-codes are trying to save a bit of cash, can't they just offload the Scouse snapper to somewhere? Anywhere?

Joey Barton

Personally I think he should spend the winter working on one of them animal parks where they let the keepers wander around in the big cat enclosures. Mind, it'll only be days before the tigers are off to the zoo manager to ask if they can have someone less spiteful cleaning out the cage.

Any road, I've decided to turn the Newcastle job down. Not least cos I've got these fourth day Headingley tickets to flog.

Come on, it could be entertaining. Boycs will still be there late into the evening sounding off about what a shambles our lot were. Also that Geoff Miller's been sniffing around asking me about my availability for the number three batting position for the Oval. Or the number four or the number five.

Maybe the offer was on the back of my almost clairvoyant cricket blog on Thursday, when I said they shouldn't pick Bopara or Bell and that maybe they should just forget about Fred for the time being.

Mind you even Nostrodamus couldn't've predicted the batting performance of England over two and a half days at Headingley. I half-expected Brian Hanrahan to be at the bottom of the steps on Friday morning as England collapsed, saying "I counted them all out and I've counted them all back in again."

Bopara wafts his bat around like a Jubilee day pensioner with a Union Jack, Bell pokes nervously at every ball like a very junior clerk hovering in the doorway of the boss's office. You'd expect Colly to dig in, but not to be rooted to the spot.

And the bowlers were no better. Harmison had a bright start and then retreated to his default method of the last four years: big lanky knackered dollop babying short balls into the hitting zone of the opposition. The only plus has been Broad. (And Swanny with the bat of course).

Australia celebrate their win at Hedingley

So where now for the selectors?
Everyone's touting a Ramps return. It's possible. He looks good for 58-years old. Personally, I'd get Goughie in as well. Then when the Ashes are handed back at 2.30pm on the third day, they can bung some rumba on the PA and the boys can shake their booties for a bit of late entertainment.

There's some people suggesting we could press-gang Trezza into a return. The bloke has the guts to own up to a serious medical condition, but we'll ignore that and twist his arm anyway.

Seriously though, Bell and Harmison can forget about wearing even the one lion ever again. They've had their chances. Trott'll be in for the next match. They'll need another. Ramps would be fine I reckon for a one-off. This is the Ashes after all. I've heard folk say that's a bit desperate. You saw the batting at Leeds. That's desperate.

Flintoff will be playing, no doubt, if we can only find that six million dollars to rebuild him. I hear he said he was fine to play on Friday morning. But then, you know what, on the odd night when I find myself in the company of a couple of twenty-something beauties I tell anyone who'll listen how I could make a major and lasting contribution if asked. Sometimes your best friend is not the man in the mirror. (Crikey, have I just quoted Michael Jackson?)

If they need two spinners at The Oval, I'd go for the lad Rashid. As long as they promise to be nice to him if he gets clattered to all parts.

Strauss, Cook, Ramps, Trott, Colly, Prior, Flintoff, Broad, Swann, Rashid/Sidebottom, Anderson.

I have to own up to feeling a bit of pleasure for Ponting's success. It's surprised me. I don't reckon much on him as a skipper but the man has conducted himself brilliantly all series and his team deserves to be 1-1.

Comments

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  • 1. At 12:58pm on 10 Aug 2009, homeoftheshoutingmen wrote:

    Get Ramps in - I guarantee he'd take his chance to partly-ease the one cloud hanging over his career - a disappointing Test record.

    Ian Bell is the biggest pansy in sport. That picture of him modelling the new England kit with a tough stare - what a joke.

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  • 2. At 1:00pm on 10 Aug 2009, Starburst_995 wrote:

    So you've turned down the job at St James, surely the decision of a sane man there Robbo.

    'Boro hardly set the world alight with thier Championship debut, but hey, it could be worse, it could have been Norwich's comical showing in League One.

    Credit where it's due, Ponting and co have quietly got their heads down, played the game at hand and stuffed us while doing so in a calm and businesslike manner.

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  • 3. At 1:45pm on 10 Aug 2009, TrotterUSA wrote:

    " big lanky knackered dollop babying short balls into the hitting zone of the opposition" Not the only stroke of brilliance, just my personal favourite.

    Take the job Robbo, you can join The Battle for Freddie's Niece (Shepherd's).

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  • 4. At 1:46pm on 10 Aug 2009, WhitleyBayWonTheVase wrote:

    If you went back 2 years and said:

    Kevin Keegan, Joe Kinnear, Chris Hughton, Alan Shearer takes the club down, Chris Hughton, the club can't find a buyer for less than the price of a single Manchester United player, David O'Leary and then top it all off with a native geordie player calling the club a 'Joke' - you'd be laughed out of the Bigg Market.

    Oh, and Sunderland have a Geordie manager.

    To be honest Robbo, your story is completely believeable when you consider this!

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  • 5. At 2:11pm on 10 Aug 2009, lightother1 wrote:

    nice touch RE: Ponting. I dont understand the hatred shown towards him at all! sure some of it is pantomine rubbish, but why would anyone want to boo the Fellah everytime he goes out ? just shows what a classless bunch of nuggets the modern fan is

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  • 6. At 2:22pm on 10 Aug 2009, gingerboy99 wrote:

    Great blog Robbo.

    I have no idea what the answers are, we are lucky to be 1-1 I would say. What you can guarantee is this:

    If we win there will be calls for knighthoods all round, if we lose or draw then there will be calls for a clean out!

    This is what happens in this country I'm afraid.

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  • 7. At 2:24pm on 10 Aug 2009, The Blue Hatter (bring back the TMS message boards!!) wrote:

    If they pick Ramps i'll eat my keyboard!

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  • 8. At 2:30pm on 10 Aug 2009, dcrulesok wrote:

    A reasonable football blog, spoiled by inane ramblings about some gentlemans pastime. As soon as the wicket talk started, I scanned the rest to see if it ended.

    Alas.

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  • 9. At 2:39pm on 10 Aug 2009, I Am Deluded - Coloccini for the Conference (formerly adamtoon82) wrote:

    I love your blogs Robbo. But this is the first time I have been disappointed, your knowlede is usually pretty good as well. However, picking out Broad as a positive from Headingley is ridiculous. His bowling in essence was poor and he only took wickets when Australia were looking to score quick runs. His batting was also without pressure. Yes Harmy wasn't brilliant, but given the surface was pretty flat (although England's batting would make it seem otherwise) his bowling wasn't bad. For a one-off test I would go for (if Freddie is fit):

    Strauss (C)
    Cook
    Key
    Trott
    Collingwood
    Prior (W)
    Flintoff
    Broad
    Swann
    Harmy
    Anderson

    On my team though, spot on, the shambles continues unfortunately.

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  • 10. At 2:42pm on 10 Aug 2009, GazUtd wrote:


    Here's my 2 cents (Euro ones, not the American things) on what English cricket needs to do...

    Remember this is coming from someone who thinks cricket is a joke but was forced to watch it when growing up by his father who still gets out of bed in the middle of the night to see it, so I might think it's stupid but I sure know how to play it!


    1. Perhaps the most diffifult given their power but you need to do something; get rid of as many old fuddy-duddys as you possibly can from positions where they have a say on the running of the sport. This is not a call to change everything to the pyjama brigade, I happen to think test-matches can't be done without (ssshhh don't tell anyone).
    But the Brigadier Generals have never been one to move with the times and they will continue to believe that tests should be played the way they were back in the good old days when the colonies were used as target practice.

    2. Pay Botham as much money as he wants (even give him an extra Shredded Wheat if that's what it takes) and most importantly let him have the power to make decisions that can't be changed by the affore-mentioned toffs. Some aren't going to like what he might do but that will all change if you start winning.

    3. The fans: you seriously need to get a grip and stop thinking it is your divine right to win everything. You have been in a 2 horse race throughtout the Ashes and have only won it once in 20 odd years. If that doesn't tell you something is seriously wrong I don't know what will. And after that win instead of trying to build on it you go and hand out MBEs like confetti. They did their job and won, for once, so tell them well done, now keep going and maybe you will get a reward and be remembered. Comment #6 explained it nicely.


    And seeing as I have single-handedly saved English cricket can you do one thing for me? Give me a good heavy bat, lock me in a room with Boycott and don't ask any questions on what the red blubbering mess in the middle of the floor is when I come out.

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  • 11. At 2:43pm on 10 Aug 2009, fivegoldstars wrote:

    Think Newcastle will be happier with their point - WBA looked to have won it in the last minute. I hear that some sections booed off the Boro boys - perhaps a little harsh, Shef Utd will be there or there abouts at the end of the season. I do think both north east teams will get their first wins this weekend though...
    http://sportales.com/soccer/english-championship-correct-score-predictions-week-2-15809/

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  • 12. At 3:08pm on 10 Aug 2009, blue_lion444 wrote:

    Name one manager who would be better than robo at newcastle?

    Didn't think so

    great blog

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  • 13. At 3:09pm on 10 Aug 2009, beardedshrimper wrote:

    Good work Robbo, though I have to disagree about Ramprakash. I was a HUGE fan of his for years, but if he couldn't do it under pressure in his prime, he ain't gonna do it under pressure at the end of his career.

    On Boro, you done alright. Solid performance, didn't fold against Sheff Utd who are a pretty decent team. Get rid of some of the rubbish players and let the youngsters shine. Sell Wheater to Southend on a free for a start. wink.

    Have to disagree VERY strongly with GazUtd. Botham is an idiot. Great player in his day, but as my dad said of Bob Willis - great player, idiot. I've heard Botham say a bloke is the saviour one day, useless the next. Like Boycott, he whinges and moans all the time without ever getting anything done. That's the last thing we need any more of. Why are they so popular? They're like the rest of us, winge and moan.

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  • 14. At 3:31pm on 10 Aug 2009, shamusmca wrote:

    Great blog as ever Robbo.

    Love the Brian Hanrahan quote - haven't heard that in years.
    Can't write anymore I'm laughing too much.

    Keep it up Robbo.

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  • 15. At 3:42pm on 10 Aug 2009, JoeDavisRoach wrote:

    The usual sad article from this irratating made up character "Robbo Robson".

    If the bbc really want some kind of no nonsense pundit or pointlessly stereotyped northerner cant they just hire a someone real instead of paying some talentless fool to make up a painfully unfunny comedic character.

    This kind of drivel belongs in a 4 inch section on the sportspages of the Sun.

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  • 16. At 3:53pm on 10 Aug 2009, gingerboy99 wrote:

    #15 What do you mean 'made up character' I thought he was a real bloke that drank in the Blue Bell!

    I suggest it would be in the interests of your health and wellbeing to not read it in the future.

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  • 17. At 3:54pm on 10 Aug 2009, bredtobered-forum troll wrote:

    AH JOEDAVISROACH!
    i know what you mean, i was reading a paper on the biodiversity of Mytilus edulis just the other day and it was the most tiresome drivel i have ever read. no jokes or witty off the cuff remarks or anything. it was all science and stuff. i couldnt believe it. Some people have suggested to me that i try to read things i'm interested in and that way i wont feel the need to complain about about it all the fork king time but i tend to ignore them because im a bit of a snobby pedant. Maybe we should meet up some time and discuss the decline of modern journalism together?

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  • 18. At 4:01pm on 10 Aug 2009, TrotterUSA wrote:

    #15 I reckon you're just jealous of his Blue Harbour polo shirt.

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  • 19. At 4:03pm on 10 Aug 2009, TheRealRedBlueArmy92 wrote:

    Top Marks as ever fella... cor, the cricket was a bleeding shambles! (well the english bit was, the australians did OK!) Ah well footballs back to ease the pain.. and as i am sure most of you are aware, the Mighty Aldershot started of with three impressive points emphatically won!

    As for the England cricket team, something does need to happen in terms of a reshuffle... Whether Ramps coming back will do it, or if Beefy being in charge will help... i do not know. Or perhaps i need to stop my stereotypical english knee jerk reaction and accept we are just not that good.

    Still all to play for?

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  • 20. At 4:35pm on 10 Aug 2009, JoeDavisRoach wrote:

    AH JOEDAVISROACH!
    i know what you mean, i was reading a paper on the biodiversity of Mytilus edulis just the other day and it was the most tiresome drivel i have ever read. no jokes or witty off the cuff remarks or anything. it was all science and stuff. i couldnt believe it. Some people have suggested to me that i try to read things i'm interested in and that way i wont feel the need to complain about about it all the fork king time but i tend to ignore them because im a bit of a snobby pedant. Maybe we should meet up some time and discuss the decline of modern journalism together?
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Why not meet in the "Blue Bell"? Im sure amongst all the witty northern journalists that reside in there we wont be out of place. We may even run into "Robbo Robson" in there, no doubt writing his next colloquial blog over a fresh pint amidst all the northern banter. Im sure we could give him a few tips. I also think "Robbo" prefers to be classified as a comedian rather than just a bog standard journalist. After all - the BBC did send up a representative to the "Blue Bell" to ask him to write a tongue in cheek blog. Lord knows how they found him.....

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  • 21. At 4:36pm on 10 Aug 2009, lanzageordie wrote:

    15
    what's your problem mate? you keep reading Robbo week in and week out, and moan every time!
    You're a sad individual with a humour bypass.

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  • 22. At 4:43pm on 10 Aug 2009, JoeDavisRoach wrote:

    15
    what's your problem mate? you keep reading Robbo week in and week out, and moan every time!
    You're a sad individual with a humour bypass.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I think its fairly obvious what my problem is - this annoying Robbo Robson blog. Unfortunately for you there is a diversity of opinions that populate this planet and as such I am within my rights to comment negatively on what I think is school paper written nonsense from a comedian using this "Robbo Robson" charicature. Amazing how people give out about my negativity when most of what "Robbo" does is complaining anyway.

    This kind of stuff belongs in a school paper - not on a serious journalistic site.

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  • 23. At 5:04pm on 10 Aug 2009, GazUtd wrote:



    JoeDavisRoach - I will freely admit that at times I was Robbo's fiercest critic (he said it himself, I still have it framed on the wall) but that was because of inaccuracies in his blog, one in particular about Roy Keane which had to be changed.

    But what you seem to fail to realise is that there IS a place for humour, even on the BBC website. If the humour isn't to your taste then to be honest there is only one thing I have to say to that - tough!

    Sometimes I may not find some of Robbo's musings funny but so what, I will only rant and rave if there is a glaring inaccuracy which portrays someone in an unfair light. I suppose I could have said something when he said an England cricketer was "good" but I digress.

    I can't help but thinking that you have had a run in with Robbo in his normal guise and this has stuck in your throat somehow. So what if his character on here is "made-up", I can only assume you never watch TV or a movie then if that's a problem.

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  • 24. At 5:09pm on 10 Aug 2009, J_bee_uk wrote:

    @22

    "as such I am within my rights to comment negatively on what I think is ... nonsense"

    Indeed you are - just as the rest of us are entitled to tell you that you are a numpty and talk a load of old twaddle :P Still, you get your jollies from Robbo each week even if it is only by slagging him off. Therefore he is earning his money :)

    Personally, I quite like the humour, it's not side splitting but it often makes me smile - in exactly the same as the cartoons in the printed papers :)

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  • 25. At 5:09pm on 10 Aug 2009, DangerJones11 wrote:

    at JOEDAVISROACH

    I wish your parents had thought twice before sleeping with each other

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  • 26. At 5:16pm on 10 Aug 2009, U12451096 wrote:

    Magnanimous celebration of Ponting's success, Robbo.

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  • 27. At 5:17pm on 10 Aug 2009, JoeDavisRoach wrote:

    JoeDavisRoach - I will freely admit that at times I was Robbo's fiercest critic (he said it himself, I still have it framed on the wall) but that was because of inaccuracies in his blog, one in particular about Roy Keane which had to be changed.

    But what you seem to fail to realise is that there IS a place for humour, even on the BBC website. If the humour isn't to your taste then to be honest there is only one thing I have to say to that - tough!

    Sometimes I may not find some of Robbo's musings funny but so what, I will only rant and rave if there is a glaring inaccuracy which portrays someone in an unfair light. I suppose I could have said something when he said an England cricketer was "good" but I digress.

    I can't help but thinking that you have had a run in with Robbo in his normal guise and this has stuck in your throat somehow. So what if his character on here is "made-up", I can only assume you never watch TV or a movie then if that's a problem.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    You seemed to be missing the point of the blogs if you are going to get caught up in inaccuracies. I dont see how you could be bothered pointing out his many innaccuracies when clearly the blog isnt meant to be accurate whatsoever. The point of the blog is to be funny. It isnt. Certainly its possible to have an amusing blog but "Robbo" sure as heck aint it. The same boring cliches and stereotype rehashed every week gets staler and staler and evermore monotonous. Unbelievable that the same rubbish can be recycled on a weekly basis. Is there really a need to create this fictional character in order to write a blog? What next? A blog written by a fictional scouser with an accent? Or maybe one written in a thick Glasgow accent?


    I dont expect everyone to agree with my opiion - which is "Robbo" is boring, unfunny and stale - and has no place here. I am merely offering an opinion.

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  • 28. At 5:21pm on 10 Aug 2009, dyrewolfe (a.k.a Residual Smog) wrote:

    "This kind of stuff belongs in a school paper - not on a serious journalistic site."


    So do you, mate.

    You - along with the rest of the "arbiters of good journalism" - are clearly in a minority here. As others have already suggested, if you don't like Robbo's style of writing, don't bother reading it. Its not rocket science!

    What really baffles me is why you people keep coming back and making the same comments.




    Now onto what I really wanted to say. Great article Robbo...though I would have thought you'd be disowned by all your mates in the Blue Bell if you did take the Newcastle job.

    Loved the Joey Barton comment!

    Like you, I was slightly disappointed to see Boro (and Southgate) seem to have started the new season where they left off in the Premiership - though to be fair I would have taken a point against Sheffield United.

    As to your revamped England cricket team, I would largely go along with it, although I'd swap Cook for...well, someone else and there's a fair chance Flintoff may not be fit in time, so it'd be worth considering who you'd ahve in his place. Go for another bowler or an extra batsman?

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  • 29. At 5:23pm on 10 Aug 2009, TrotterUSA wrote:

    Robbo, those that want you off here are really working for Mike Ashley, they want you to dedicate yourself to their vacant managerial opportunity and the immediate and considerable rise in value of the club should you sign on the dotted line.

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  • 30. At 5:24pm on 10 Aug 2009, JoeDavisRoach wrote:

    What really baffles me is why you people keep coming back and making the same comments.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The same reason it baffles me that people like you come on to tell "Robbo" how great he is. He isnt. Hes not even real. I may watch fictional tv programs - but I dont start talking to the tv.

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  • 31. At 5:26pm on 10 Aug 2009, CanadianBlues wrote:

    It really does not matter if Robbo is real or not, so long as we get one or two blogs each week under the Robson banner.

    This is the most entertaining bit of banter on the website, which I look forward to as a brief escape from work and all the other pressing matters we have each day.

    This is, after all, part of the entertainment business, and this blog always draws an audience (the negative entries actually help the Robbo cause as it beefs up the numbers and keeps the volume of responses high... sustained interest in the blog will keep it up and running, so detractors are welcome)

    As my fictitious name implies, I hail from Canada, have lived in the UK for a number of years, and now write this entry from Bandung, Indonesia. Who I really am has no bearing at all on the content of this response, or the reactions it may or may not generate.

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  • 32. At 5:29pm on 10 Aug 2009, DangerJones11 wrote:

    JOEDAVISROACH

    you keep saying "robbo" is not real, well i think your not real, cos it has to be impossible for a "real" person to voluntarily make a complete and utter bell of themselves. Now save yourself some time and do one sunshine, nobody cares for your opinions

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  • 33. At 5:30pm on 10 Aug 2009, Brandyrecovery wrote:

    JoeDavis,

    The BBC has a range of material onsight. There's plenty to choose from. I don't like big brother / I'm a celebrity so don't bother watching them.

    Fair enough, I might complain to my friends that there isn't enough choice on TV when I'm chatting with them, but I don't join the big brother website to tell everyone I don't like it.

    The opposite of love is not hate...it's indifference! But ur obviously short of attention in ur life, so that explains it.

    ======================================================================
    The Ramps situation is an interesting one. I actually think that if he played, there wouldn't be very much pressure on him as he has very little to lose. But what if he scored a ton? Should he be considered for the S.Africa tour?

    I therefore think it would be a backwards step - I'd prefer to blood a youngster (give Joe Denly a go)

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  • 34. At 5:32pm on 10 Aug 2009, JoeDavisRoach wrote:

    JOEDAVISROACH

    you keep saying "robbo" is not real, well i think your not real, cos it has to be impossible for a "real" person to voluntarily make a complete and utter bell of themselves. Now save yourself some time and do one sunshine, nobody cares for your opinions
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Er ye, good one there. I can see wh "Robbo" amuses you so much now. Do you honestly think anyone cares for your opinion?

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  • 35. At 5:34pm on 10 Aug 2009, GazUtd wrote:



    Are we to assume then that Joe Davis Roach is actually his real name? Has anyone got a phone book to find the address? I'm guessing it's somewhere posh, right-wing and religious.

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  • 36. At 5:35pm on 10 Aug 2009, JoeDavisRoach wrote:

    The opposite of love is not hate...it's indifference! But ur obviously short of attention in ur life, so that explains it.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Not at all - I am merely voicing my opinion that this blog is no good. However continue to get offended dont share your love of Robbo. It doesnt bother me in the slightest.

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  • 37. At 5:46pm on 10 Aug 2009, dyrewolfe (a.k.a Residual Smog) wrote:

    @JoeDavisRoach:

    Have you really got nothing better to do than spend your time here, being made fun of by everyone else?

    If so, I truly pity you.

    I'm off home now...have a nice evening squire! ;)

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  • 38. At 5:55pm on 10 Aug 2009, Thorpao wrote:

    Joe Davis Roach:

    Please rearrange the wording of the phrase below and follow it's instructions -

    Away Go.

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  • 39. At 6:17pm on 10 Aug 2009, Spitfire wrote:

    Be manager of Newcastle and blow his cover (and fuse)?

    Robbo might be an angry old man but he aint that crazy!

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  • 40. At 6:46pm on 10 Aug 2009, swebennett123 wrote:

    With regards to the whole booing Ponting scenario, where is the problem?!? Firstly he's Australian and they are always saying how mentall tough they are, so surely he can cope!

    He's also said he has no problem with the booing and loves the barmy army and they way they are!!

    Surely therefore there is no issue!

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  • 41. At 7:31pm on 10 Aug 2009, Riggadon wrote:

    "The same boring cliches and stereotype rehashed every week gets staler and staler and evermore monotonous. Unbelievable that the same rubbish can be recycled on a weekly basis."

    So you decided to "fight back" by doing everything you listed yourself. So really, you are no better than what you say Robbo is. The one big difference being that Robbo is mildly entertaining with it. And he gets paid for it. I'll bet that gets right up your nose!

    Is there really a need to create this fictional character in order to write a blog? What next? A blog written by a fictional scouser with an accent? Or maybe one written in a thick Glasgow accent?

    No, maybe we can just have the same 606'er pop up every week to hash the same post over and over again. Oh, my mistake.

    I dont expect everyone to agree with my opiion - which is "Robbo" is boring, unfunny and stale - and has no place here. I am merely offering an opinion.

    Yhea, we get it. You keep telling us. Again, and again, and again, and again, and again. The most poignant points are the ones that are understated. I dont expect you to understand what that means so I'll break it down for you. The more you go on about it, the less people listen. In the end, you'll be a total waste of bandwidth, rather than just the distraction you are at the moment. Next you'll be telling me that I dont have to read your comments and can skip them if I choose. If that case should arise, I would ask you to follow your own advice.

    A simple email to the bosses at the BBC to vent your spleen would be far more efficient a way to complain, but instead I have to wade past your drivel every week to get to the really interesting comments. I would'nt mind, but its the same every week. Maybe I should stalk you to remind you of that every week, in the same way you've attached yourself to robbo.

    It would'nt be so bad if...

    1) You said something different every week.
    2) You did'nt then camp in the comments section

    You sir, are the classic troll by definition. You hang your little rod and line out every week and scan the blog comments to inspect your yield.

    It's quite sad.

    And the BBC should put a stop to it.

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  • 42. At 7:39pm on 10 Aug 2009, Zootmac wrote:

    If Joey Barton enters the tiger enclosure on all fours, wearing the away strip, he'll readily be accepted as one of theirs.

    Thanks for the tip about the Blue Harbour polo-shirt with lapels. I've been kitting myself out in Blue Harbour since the demise of Dunn and Company, but I'd never heard of that particular garment. Jazzy, or what?I'm there! I'll tell you, I'll be doing some pulling on the Saga cruise this year.

    Instead of recommending Beefy for an England cricket post, what about the Newcastle manager's job? He played eleven times for Scunthorpe in the early '80s, so he's more qualified than some of the names I'm hearing.

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  • 43. At 8:22pm on 10 Aug 2009, Starburst_995 wrote:

    Keep it up JoeDavisRoach, I find your rants amusing as you make an @rse of yourself.

    Not nearly as funny as Robbo's musings, mind ... You've got a long way to go yet.

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  • 44. At 8:59pm on 10 Aug 2009, Tractorspur wrote:

    Joedavisroach, a question for you. If you find Robbo's blogs so unfunny, week in, week out, then why do you continue to read them? Wouldn't you be better of spending your time doing something you enjoy? Just a thought.

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  • 45. At 9:56pm on 10 Aug 2009, TrotterUSA wrote:

    Zoot, your cruise sounds great but I'm surprised you're not off on a caravan trip after all last week's ramblings on the merits of same. There's a nice caravan park in North Wales in fact, it's name is James Caravan Park and I think this is perhaps the outfit that was offering Robbo a job. This is just another example of the confusion and ambiguity that pervades discussion after a few pints. Besides that, you'll have more room in a caravan for all those birds tryin' to rip your new shirt off.

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  • 46. At 10:04pm on 10 Aug 2009, SalohcinC wrote:

    Actually Robbo, this is one of the best you have written, possibly because at least half of it is on cricket: a far more serious sport than football! Also, have you considered giving half your beer money to Joedavisroach? Some of the comments he has excited are as good as your article (20.)

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  • 47. At 10:07pm on 10 Aug 2009, Faustino wrote:

    Call me naive ("Hi, Naive!") ("Thank you!"), but I've always thought that RR was a real person, one I originally found very irritating but have learned to enjoy. I've never heard of Niall Ashdown, and Googling doesn't bring up much info other than shows performed in/things written. There's so little, in fact, for someone who's so often been on tv, that I suspect Robbo Robson masquerades as Ashdown because it sounds more literary, like. I used to have several Boro/Stockton friends (lost contact after years in Oz, very make-believe compared to Tesside), Robbo certainly comes over like them. But maybe its just Ashdown having a Paddy.

    Anyway, my 2009-10 forecast is "Newcastle for the Cup!" Not the FA, alas, but a chipped, stained old one left behind in the dressing room. Tea hee, so to speak. 7.08 in Brisbane and heating up.

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  • 48. At 10:30pm on 10 Aug 2009, Zootmac wrote:

    Speculation that Robbo is, in fact, someone called "Niall Ashdown" is fanciful at best. Much more feasable is that JoeDavisRoach is a Glaswegian tribute band to Jade Goody, enraged that their heroine is currently attaining less BBC coverage than a Teeside wag. Don't think that I haven't noticed that "JoeDavisRoach is an anagram of "Jade is oor chav".

    Conspiracy theories? I'm your man.

    Rock on, Joe.

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  • 49. At 10:44pm on 10 Aug 2009, GazUtd wrote:


    Zoot is there no end to your talents! An endless knowledge of Scottish football and now an annagramist. And it only took you 3 hours to figure that Jade Goody thing out too, I am truly impressed. (Seriously, that's not sarcasm.) (Honestly, that wasn't being sarcastic about sarcasm either.)

    However, now we will no doubt have a Breaking News special on Sky News demanding the BBC are taken to task regarding their disgraceful disgusting talk about poor brave Jade. If the skynews.com comment people come over here I am blaming you!!

    Note to Daily Mail journalists (we know you read this), you will probably be getting a late night call from your editor about the above scandal so prepare yourselves for an onslaught!

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  • 50. At 11:03pm on 10 Aug 2009, Robbo Robson wrote:

    15. At 3:42pm on 10 Aug 2009, JoeDavisRoach wrote:
    The usual sad article from this irratating made up character "Robbo Robson".

    If the bbc really want some kind of no nonsense pundit or pointlessly stereotyped northerner cant they just hire a someone real instead of paying some talentless fool to make up a painfully unfunny comedic character.

    This kind of drivel belongs in a 4 inch section on the sportspages of the Sun.

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    _________________________________________________________________________

    Mate, stop having a pop. You hate this blog but you're still here every week, reading it and having a charmless moan. Why put yourself through such pain, son?

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  • 51. At 11:03pm on 10 Aug 2009, artillery_john-TW14.... Joan at the weekend wrote:

    Please, no cricket, its rubbish!

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  • 52. At 11:12pm on 10 Aug 2009, Robbo Robson wrote:

    WEll it was at Headingley, yes. Footy's started so no more need to fret.

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  • 53. At 11:21pm on 10 Aug 2009, GazUtd wrote:



    Robbo are you suggesting that there have been 'charming moans' on here in the past? I thought that only happened when the wife got excited, you know like when she buys new shoes or something.

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  • 54. At 10:03am on 11 Aug 2009, TheRealRedBlueArmy92 wrote:

    JoeDavisRoach... i want to say thank you! Sincerely... every time the Robbo blog is posted some one comes along and berates it, which sparks debate and leads to many comical comments (Zoots, i am campaigning for your own blog! truly a legend you are, although if Zootmac is not your real name i will be unable to enjoy your blog, this is how blogs work i am told). Anyway JDR, you keep up the good work as people like you really add to the value of the blog... in kind of the same way that the nazis add value to a history lesson!

    Your tops in my book! Keep on shining you crazy diamond!

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  • 55. At 10:21am on 11 Aug 2009, Chip it like Vela wrote:

    I just can't understand this whole hue and cry to get Ramps back in the team... or even Rob Key...Yes, England are on the verge of losing the Ashes but you either stick to your principles and place faith in emerging talent - players who have a future with the set up (and by that, I mean sticking with Bopara or bringing in someone like Shah or Trott) - or you might as well go whole hog and bring in Udal & Croft to replace Monty & Swann...C'mon Miller and Co:, show some spine. Its time for changes but not desperation...

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  • 56. At 10:47am on 11 Aug 2009, Robbo Robson wrote:

    Why stick with players whose confidence is shot? Only a twerp would do that. Ramps is the best English batter in the country according to the stats. Better than Bopara, Bell, etc. Flintoff's hardly one for the future is he? Shall we drop him n all?
    I advocated Rashid (not Monty). I'm not for going backwards, that's why I don't want Bell or Bopara anywhere near the team. (Bopara will return, anyway, I'm sure when they realise he's a No. 5).
    A bit of pragmatism along with your ambition for the future would help.

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  • 57. At 11:23am on 11 Aug 2009, Chip it like Vela wrote:

    How easy has it become for people outside the camp to comment so loosely on whether a player's confidence has been shot or not? Most pundits were calling for Mitchell Johnson to be dropped after his abysmal performance in the first 3 tests as they believed his confidence was very low - fact remains that Nielsen, Ponting and the team were probably the only ppl who knew how he felt and how he was doing in the nets...and look, how well he repaid their faith at Headingley. Bringing in reinforcements who have been in international wilderness for 7 years hardly seems a pragmatic approach to take.

    Many a times it is about getting your mind right....sometimes one needs to go back to the county scene, score a hundred to boost confidence and come back... and sometimes all one needs is just a lucky break when you're selected not based on your form but on your class. I personally think Bopara deserves his chance at Oval (whether at no: 3 or 5 is debatable). My personal opinion is also that Bell should be dumped but not for Key or Ramps but for Trott, Shah or even a Denly. On the bowling front, while Harmison has been really disappointing the TINA factor means I'd rather take 12 fiery overs from Harmison over 5 days than 30 pedestrian ones from Sidebottom.

    My 11 for the Oval would therefore be

    Cook, Strauss, O Shah (Bopara), Collingwood, Bopara (Trott), Prior, Flintoff, Swann, Broad
    Anderson, Harmison (Rashid)

    Just my opinion :-)

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  • 58. At 11:54am on 11 Aug 2009, dai-jones79 wrote:

    I'm not a footie fan, but I can understand it, I spent years shivering in the Dell with me Dad watching a bit of Matt Le Tiss and Colin Clark. It's August for Pete's sake, why bother with footie til its dark and cold? Just an opinion..
    Bring on April 2010 and the start of the new cricket season, when all our woes regarding yet another convincing Aussie Ashes win are a distant memory, and we can go back to teaching some other old colonials a jolly good lesson in sub-zeo temperatures!! (I truly hope this scenario won't be played out!)
    I agree with post no.10 GazUtd (or at least some of it), time for a serious change of personnel in the cricketing hierarchy, give our players a gritty, winning mentality like the Spartans or summin by sending them off to the wilderness somewhere with Bare Girls (or whatever his name is) so we can compete with the Aussies and the South Africans. No-one's place should be a given. Then we can stare down Smiley Johnson and tonk him back over his head for a 6 or twenty.
    That said, it's 1-1 in the series and the fat lady has been put on standby by Mr Flintoff for a rendition of Colonel Bogie, Jerusalem and God save the Queen for when he scores a double ton and takes a ten-fer..marvellous.

    I don't think the side really matters, (apart from dropping Bopara to 5 and bring in Colly at 3 and playing 1 or 2 spinners dependent on the pitch) we just need to man-up a bit and compete.

    Great blog Robbo, ignore the piffling nonsense from your detractors, they don't have to read your blog if they don't like it. (I don't like Edam, so I don't buy it).

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  • 59. At 1:01pm on 11 Aug 2009, TrotterUSA wrote:

    55
    We're as much on the verge of winning the ashes as we're on the verge of losing them! Talk about confidence!

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  • 60. At 5:56pm on 11 Aug 2009, KJDerbyRule wrote:

    1. Strauss
    2. Key
    3. Ramps
    4. Trott
    5. Collingwood
    6. Prior
    7. Flintoff
    8. Broad
    9. Anderson
    10. Sidebottom
    11. Onions

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  • 61. At 12:22pm on 12 Aug 2009, Feel_The_Magic wrote:

    15 - sorry to burst your bubble mate, about Robbo being 'made up' etc., (and correct me if I'm wrong Robbo), but your supposed fictional character used to pop up and do a 5 minute slot on Saturday morning BBC radio, with genuine Teesside accent and all. Same routine - being asked for a view on the week's sporting events, and given your own opinion, with a few wisecracks thrown in. Generally it was pretty funny, and occasionally a real gem would have the guy in the studio having to compose himself before carrying on. (Who was it you worked with Robbo?)
    Anyhow - that was years ago. Much simpler then - if you didn't like it, you simply didn't tune in the following week.
    Trot on son, and find a more worthy cause to get wound up over.

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  • 62. At 2:09pm on 12 Aug 2009, englandbill40 wrote:

    Tres,Strauss,Cook,Ramps,Colly,Flint,Prior,Broad,Swann,Sidebottom, Anderson.

    Simples.

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  • 63. At 01:13am on 13 Aug 2009, Roonaldezov wrote:

    JoeDavisRoach

    You crack me up mate. Seeing you and the Robbo brigade have this pointless arguement is class.

    You certainly are entitled to your opinion and i agree sometimes "Robbo" is pretty lame and seems to recycle things a lot, but it's definitely worth a read if you have 5 minutes spare.

    If you dont like it, just dont read it! Save yourself the hassle!

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  • 64. At 11:34am on 13 Aug 2009, stuartdm wrote:

    Test team

    1 G Boycott
    2 G Boycott's gran
    3 G Boycott's mother in law
    4 G Boycott's gran's dog
    No one else needed!

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  • 65. At 11:51am on 13 Aug 2009, Zootmac wrote:

    Roonaldezov

    "Pointless arguement" with Joe, and his ilk, fit in perfectly with the calculated idiocy which is such an essential feature of the Robbo blog, and the postings which it attracts.

    Part of the hilarity of the Joes lies in their belief that Robbo fans are universally duped by the Robbo persona. We're not. Any clown with access to Google can work the whole thing out in two minutes. I know the colour of Robbo's eyes and the name of his wife. I've seen a photograph of him. I know about the origins of the character. So what?

    I very much enjoy the various footy blogs on the beeb. There are "serious" blogs and "comic" blogs. We read what we wish, respond if we wish, ignore if we wish. Tirades, such as Joe's, and responses to them, are part of the comedy.

    McNulty always produces a decent "serious" blog, and it's there for people to argue and debate "serious" points about the Premier League. I sometimes post there, albeit less and less; the relentless top four "my team's better than yours and you lot only win because you cheat" wears a bit thin after a while.

    Robbo fans greatly enjoy his blog, and we rather like courteous Chris Charles as well. The blogs are very well written and clearly invite attempts at humourous response. I enjoy reading the comments as much as reading the blog, and participate as well as I can. There's often some clever, funny stuff around - although clearly not everyone thinks so.

    Not only is there no harm in it; for many of us, it greatly adds to the interest of the beeb footy blog site, and the pleasure to be gained from it.

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