Force-Fed's Fifteen
'Right' said the missus, 'You've got today, Monday and Tuesday to wallpaper the wall in the bedroom and put a lick of paint on the walls before the Ashes begin.'
That was Sunday morning. I pointed out there was the little matter of the Wimbledon men's singles final and she laughed in my face. 'That'll be over in an hour and a half!'
'What if it rains?' I was going to say. Curse that bloody roof. Any road, A-Rod and R-Fed couldn't have played it better.
Not only did they keep me pinned to the telly all afternoon, our lass was so wrapped up in it she couldn't drag herself off to the kitchen to make some healthy fat-free fajita thingamy and we made do with a take-away curry while the mixed doubles was on.
It wasn't an exhilarating match, though - not like last year when Raf 'n' Rog pushed each other to more and more feats of miraculous greatness.
That was like a swashbuckling swordfight up and down the stairs and ramparts of an old castle, swinging on the chandeliers and that. Sunday's 16-14 was more like one of them fist-fights in the mud and rain of a main street in some gritty Western, with both men dragging themselves up out of the dripping earth for one more slug at each other.
In the end Roddick swung hard, Federer ducked and Roddick did a 360 degree turn and flopped on his back a broken man. The serves were too dominant. I know it's impressive but after four hours it got a tad Roddickulous.
In fact to me, the real story was not Fed's 15th, but Roddick's desperate heroism and ultimate failure. He is truly an honorary Brit now.
The fact is that had Federer played anything like his best, Roddick would have been flat out way earlier and the missus would be celebrating a bold floral print on one wall of our bedroom. (Why are lasses so keen at the moment to put wallpaper on only one wall? All four or not at all, surely! Anything less is just faffing about).
But Roddick played his absolute best and still got beat. Everyone's banging on about what a nice chap Rog is, but by God you'd have to go a long way to beat Roddick for niceness. His loser's interview, surely the worst job a sportsman could ever be asked to do, was gracious, funny and heart-breaking.
When Sue Barker said sport was cruel and Andy replied that he was one of the lucky ones, the wife descended into a series of sobs I'd not experienced since I was present at the unveiling of a chronic bubble perm of hers in 1984. (That was the Year of the Headscarf for her).
The worst bit of the post-match chat was when Federer tried to reassure Roddick by saying he lost in a similar way last year and the American quickly reminded the champ that he'd already won five. It's like getting a divorce from a beautiful woman and being comforted by a polygamist.
Andy Murray must've been looking on in envy 'n' all. Unusually for us Brits there's been an outpouring of common-sense in the Scot's direction. The semi-final was a good effort, Roddick out-thought the bloke, there was only a couple of points in it, etc.
Me, I think he bottled it. But not in a British wild-card sort of a way. More in a not taking the game to Roddick when he could have sort of way. In the spirit of reverse psychology I would like to say categorically that I don't think Murray will ever win Wimbledon.
So OK, is Federer the greatest ever? Better than Sampras... well yes, in that Pistol Pete never made the game look as easy as Rog does. Sampras had the strange habit of lolling out his tongue like a sad and sweaty St Bernard every time he lumbered back to the baseline.
Better than Borg? Borg was great but I didn't enjoy watching him. He was too cool, the headband seemed to push his eyes closer together, and all them loopy top-spins were weird.
Folk say if he'd have kept going, just think how many titles he'd have won, but that's not relevant. I think the IceBorg could've carried on for six more years if he'd 've given himself permission to smash a few racquets once in a while.
Better than Laver? My Dad says no one's better than Laver. My Dad says Laver was the greatest freckled sportsman of all time. He was 5' 8" too, and played serve volley. Your average modern lady player would be peeling the bloke off the pimples of their giant-sized tennis shoes.
It's amazing to think that 'cos he went professional, Laver was deprived of five years of going for grand slams. That's 20 tournaments he missed while he was selfishly making a living. I reckon he'd have bagged at least one a year. That'd be 16 in all.
So Federer isn't the best, he's just the best I've ever seen. Sports fans don't usually warm to the bloke who just wins and wins and flippin' well wins.
Sir Alex Ferguson was there on Sunday and you know what, you'd have had to do a lot wrong as an individual for me not to wish that you, and not him, were lifting the Premier League Trophy next May (although he's already struck a blow for the never-ending United-Liverpool war of words by having Michael Owen grinning away with a United flag held aloft.
I know Liverpool fans with Owen's face already up on the dartboard in the garage. I expect the Govan beetroot has pulled off another infuriatingly smart piece of business.
I don't know anyone who feels the same about Federer. He's so nice, decent and above all immaculate to wish him anything but success.
I just wish the match was still going on now 'cos I know I'm going to be ripping up great sheaves of this blinking wallpaper for the rest of the day!
I'm Derek Robson. People call me Robbo. Legend has it I was raised in the furnace and smog of Teesside. Some might say I took the hard road. I like to tell folk I had trials for Middlesbrough, for Hartlepool and for burglary (not guilty). I've always loved sport. My job is to say it as I see it - whether it's in the bar of the Blue Bell or on this blog. You won't find me calling a spade a soil-redistribution implement.
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~18~RS~)
Comments
Sign in or register to comment.
yawn... roll on football season..
Complain about this comment
How can you yawn at that!
Classic Robbo on song as always, particularly enjoyed the comment about the wallpaper, my own missus was on about that rubbish the other day.
Also, totally spot on regarding the nada - fed final being a gripping swordfight with skill and verve, while this year's was a fight in the mud with no finesse whatsoever.
Complain about this comment
You can't compare Laver with Federer. The game has changed too much. We'll just have to say they were the best in their 'Era'. I mean imagine Laver serving to Rog. He'd have enough tme to stick his finger in the 'Pilbury dough-man' line judges belly, sign a couple of autographs and change rackets before he had to make the return.
Complain about this comment
Brilliant blog Robbo.
Your analogy reminds me of that famous Johnny Cash song - 'a boy named Rog' - kickin' and a gougin' in the mud and the blood and the beer.
Complain about this comment
As I reminded the wife yesterday it is only 5 or 6 weeks till the football is back, and it can't come soon enough. Although by the look on her face she didn't agree.
Still, Robbo I reckon you could have had a much more interesting blog talking solely about Owen's transfer, but then I am a bit biased.
Have you noticed that big things tend to happen on the day your blog comes out, or the day after at best, so you have a few days to forget about them or try to write about old news.
Tennis was more fun when McEnroe was losing the plot and yelling at everyone including the ball boys. But you have to hand it to Federer, he wins seemingly without any exertion whatsoever. By the time I get to the top of the stairs I look more worn out than him after a 4 hour epic.
Complain about this comment
Sorry, where is my pedanticness.
It was a scarf, not a flag that Owen held aloft. And you missed a ) at the end of that sentence. But obviously that was the sub's fault.
Complain about this comment
Gaz - I am assuming you writing 'pedanticness' is a little wind-up. Can't wait to see if there are any other picky bleeders who want to point out the word you should have used is 'pedantry'.
Complain about this comment
I had actually typed "I'm wondering how many of you will pick up on pedanticness" in brackets at the end of the post but then deleted it!
Complain about this comment
Thought so - can't kid a kidder.
Complain about this comment
I can see a war of words across the Pennines shortly.
I thought Roddick deserved the title because he broke Rog's serve twice whilst he only lost his once, but that's sport I suppose.
SAF's employment of Michael Owen will depend solely on him staying fit. Proven goalscorers never forget the knack of finding the net but they can't do it from the treatment table. People are taking about an Owen/Rooney partnership but the one to watch will be the Berbatov/Owen one. Owen's movement is similar to Robbie Keane's and Berbatov's little flicks will soon find him. It's going to be interesting this season. Can't wait!!!
Complain about this comment
geez Robbinho, it's like you read my thoughts sometimes!
spot on analysis - Roddick played out of his skull, Rog played well at times, utter shame for the loser... the finish was riveting and painful to watch; akin to PKs between two likeable teams in a Cup Final - more Barca v. Arsenal than Chelski v. ManU.
on another note - Roddick has been trying for years to set an example to all athletes on how to give a proper interview. he consistently breaks all of the "rules" with his spontaneity, self-depricating humour, and avoidance of sports cliche. there should be a bloody lifetime achievement award for this, and the rest of the sporting world should bow down before him.
well done, Andy... and congrats to Rog - i hope you play the family man nearly as well as the tennis legend.
Complain about this comment
If number 10 thinks Liverpool & Manchester are separated by the Pennines then i suggest he takes a quick look at a map...
Complain about this comment
To be fair to Fed, he may be the best ever, but won this years title due to his ability to grind it out - which Andy Murray is currently unable to do in the grand slams.
Despite the fact that United have replaced the world footballer of the year and the world trier of the year with a newcastle reject, I can't wait for the football season. How many games will it take for Phil McNulty blog to about the need to "grind it out" at the top of the premiership? I predict the tipping point will be Liveprool's "disappointing" 0-0 draw at home to Burnley when Stevie G hits the bar 175 times and is baffling taken off by Rafa in the 79th minute.
Complain about this comment
#12, I was a bit lost with that too but thought perhaps that we were talking about Roddick of York and Roger of Lancaster? Roddick of York gave battle in vain.
Either way, whatever the subject matter, there's sure to be a war of words across the Pennines in the not too distant future, could be anything really, Rugby, cricket, ping pong. Perhaps the Pennines were confused with the M62?
Complain about this comment
I felt so bad for Roddick (even as a huge, huge Fed fan) -5 sets; broken once. and you still lose - what more do you have to do? But i was pleased that Fed won - hopefully he can finish a very good year for him professionally and personally with a win in Flushing Meadows again.
Totally agree with Denis - I think Roddick's demeanor is simply fantastic and a credit to him (coupled with the apparent looks, no wonder his gf's a stunner! well played son...). That's why I'll never like Murray, he's just so miserable. Can't stand the bloke.
More evidence of Roddick being fantastic in interviews/conferences is this interview following a semi final defeat against Roger (who else) in the 2007 Aussi Open. A-Rod had been mauled 6-4 6-0 6-2 in supposedly one of the greatest performances by the man:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGiSrj97txc&feature=PlayList&p=F811A8E659BF51CE&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6
Complain about this comment
Great blog Robbo again! I felt so sorry for Andy after his defeat and composed himself in his interview straight afterwards. I agree with you comparing it to last years final. But its always ging to be a unfair example as i don't think it will ever be beaten in terms of a spectacle and quality for 5 sets and one can only hope rafa can get back to his best.
Complain about this comment
Robbo, as ever a nice read on a slow Monday afternoon!
Phew... Can i just go on record as being over the moon that this annual debacle is over, and now the country can stop pretending it loves this stupid game... Granted some people do follow it and you must love this time of year (Ill be enjoying the Ashes being talked about non-stop, some people will hate it). But the way so many people are all of a sudden an absolute blinking expert on tennis, talking about strong forearm shots, controlling the base line and other terminology which to be honest sounds made up is ridiculous. People will watch any old tripe as long as its vaguely competitive, any one who has been up until silly o'clock watching the karate at the Olympics will vouch for this. Honestly film 2 men throwing stones at a row of tins on a fence, put it on telly for 8 hours a day and millions will watch and bore the absolute face of people about throwing techniques and wind factors... But to be honest if the boy Robbo does a blog on it i'll still read about it.
Anyway, this ridiculous 2 week obsession is over, the Ashes are starting this week Man City are buying everyone (well at least putting in silly offers for them) Michael Owen plays for United? (Ronald and Tevez gone Valencia and Owen in... hows the red nosed old man gonna make this work???) And weve a friendly against the second richest team in the country coming up! And to be honest I fancy our chances against QPR!
Complain about this comment
Number 12
I was referring to Robbo and Gazutd
Complain about this comment
roddickulous lol. Love it
Love your blogs robbo keep up the good work :)
Complain about this comment
Laver, Sampras, Borg and many others better qualified than me or any journo conceded Federer is the greatest ever, so it must be.
Complain about this comment
Thanks #10, I am glad I am not the only one who thought that Roddick deserved to win, and thanks to all for saying that the final was actually not that great to watch, from the reaction on the telly I thought that I had found one of the 'great' matches boring.
As for Michael Owen, it made me smile, following all the negative headlines (one read something like, 'good news Michael, 2 clubs are interested, unfortunately they are Stoke and Hull'), that the biggest club in the country decided to take a chance on him. Then I remembered that he might rediscover his form and make them an even better team and stopped smiling. Then I remembered that if he rediscovers his form he might start banging them in for England again and the smile returned.
Life's so up and down with Michael Owen!
Complain about this comment
It would have to be a war across the Irish sea then.
And as it's the off season there is a ceasefire.
Plus with Ronaldo going I'm sure the only diver Robbo will be able to refer to next season is Mr. Gerrard so I couldn't possibly give him any stick then.
Complain about this comment
What? Ronaldo's going?
Complain about this comment
#14 TrotterUSA
'Roddick of York gave battle in vain'. That's a brilliant reply to the Pennines comment, with a sense of humour (humor) like that are you sure you're in the USA? Are you reading this on a Sinclair ZX Spectrum?
You can only admire Roddick for the way he has come back to the highest level in the sport, and how gracefully he accepted defeat yesterday. I wonder if those 4 set points in the second set tie-breaker will haunt his dreams for some time to come.
As for Michael Owen, it'll be interesting to see how effective he can be for ManU. For me it's not the injuries, it's the fact he's lost a yard of pace which gives me a reason to be sceptical.
Complain about this comment
# 15 - thanks for the link.
that should be required viewing for every professional athlete in the world.... genius.
Complain about this comment
Now now couch potato peeler, let's not upset my neighbo(u)rs. I pop home frequently to top up the accent and make a donation to William Hill's xmas party fund.
Complain about this comment
People above saying 'yawn about the tennis, roll on the football season etc.' I've been a football fan for years but I increasingly find some of our summer sports like golf, tennis and cricket put football to shame in interest, excitement and pure sport focus. Football has declined into this money orientated beast where player's constantly seek their next big buck through the agents etc. Who is going to be the next big 4 spoilt and overly powerful club to win the title, yawn, who is going to get the rich owner to buy their way to success, yawn? It's become a soap opera. Even on the pitch there is so much cheating and bad prima donna attitudes. Yes it is not all footballers, some are good guys. However football is a circus. Major international finals tournaments in football remain excellent though, roll on next summer. Will sleep through the CL and PL though. Tennis players and golfers are not perfect and yes earn big money, but the sport seems the main event still and the integrity of it too.
Complain about this comment
#17
Given Fergie's spending the money he got from the Ronaldo deal on a replacement, could it be that the old maestro has not bought the Wigan winger but the entire Valencia squad? Wages'd be cheaper than Ronaldo's too.
Complain about this comment
Funny that TrotterUSA, I'm a Wolves fan and I'm going to donate to their Xmas fund by betting we stay up next year.
With my luck and their skill, I should think William Hill can safely spend my money by Xmas.
I could go for a double on Boro coming back up as well, in which case they could probably spend it on a Bonfire Night party.
Complain about this comment
Robbo...
That would have made more sense (plus the entire Valencia squad uses a lot less hair gel)...
Complain about this comment
#29, can we have our goal posts back? Your lot took 'em home from Burnden Park back in the 70's. We had to use Sam Allardyce's old satchel and Frank Worthington's cowboy hat for the reserve game the following Tuesday.
Complain about this comment
I heard that Alex Ferguson was there looking for a winger. There was a rumour that Federer was going to enter Centre Court with one, swept up into his arms, whilst Joe Cocker belted out "Up Where We Belong".
Funny how these stories start.
Complain about this comment
#31 You'll be telling me you were at the 'White Horse final' next.
Has Frank Worthington retired yet, or is he still turning out for the reserves? Magnificent footballer in his day. More clubs than Jack Nicklaus.
As for Sam, he's a Black Country lad like me so I'm not sure he would have had a satchel, probably just an old coal sack. We was all dragged up proper yes we was.
Complain about this comment
#33 If, by "White Horse Final" you mean a drop of scotch at last orders, yes, I was there.
Word is that although Frank's retired on numerous occasions, he's been filling in for Beckham at the Galaxy and currently negotiating an extension.
Complain about this comment
#34 Is that draft Worthington then?
Incidentally the goalposts had 'property of the Wanderers' written on them so you can see where the mistake arose.
As we used to say 'They'm the Bolton Wanderers, we'm the bostin' Wanderers'
Complain about this comment
2008 final was played by two of the nicest blokes alive. 2009 final was played by two of the nicest blokes alive.
Federer, Nadal, Roddick playing at the same time. A sport cant get better than that.
Greatest of all times? you betcha!
Complain about this comment
#36
"you betcha!"
So that's what Sarah Palin is doing with her spare time, who would have guessed she'd be a fan of Robbo's blog.
Complain about this comment
#37 You betcha she's a fan, ever since he did that piece on Moose hunting in Pallister Park.
Complain about this comment
Gary Pallister Park is that? Are you sure she wasn't hunting Broose?
Complain about this comment
Just watched Ronaldo's reception at the Bernabeu. He appeared to have plenty of moose on his hair, albeit not necessarily from Pallister Park.
Clever lad, though; only been in Spain a few days and already speaks the language with a fashionable Brazilian twang. However did he learn that so quickly?
Complain about this comment
"I know it's impressive but after four hours it got a tad Roddickulous." It really is just embarrassingly poor.
Complain about this comment
Go on, I'll bite, what's a broose?
Complain about this comment
Ref 41 bigpommo
It's just an 'andy pun. How ya doin'?
Complain about this comment
well im getting federer up with the poor quality of the puns.
Complain about this comment
At last! You're getting into the mood of things. You should have signed off "Roger, and out." That would have been even better. Or worse.
Complain about this comment
TrotterUSA
Gary Pallister Park - hunting the Steve Broose?
#41
'Roddickulous' is genius - just ask #19.
Complain about this comment
Real Madrid have belatedly realised (no pun - honest) that giving Ronaldo the Number 9 jersey is commercially fatal. The previous Ronaldo also wore Number 9, so the fans can buy a bang-up-to-date jersey from the charity shop for five bob.
Complain about this comment
Although, of course, the last time the first Ronaldo dribbled around a Brazilian he was with Corinthians, whereas the last time the second Ronaldo dribbled around a Brazilian he was with Paris Hilton.
Complain about this comment
Robbo, yer right, Brucie does take after a big ald moose, it's the conk that does it and who if not you deserves poetic slack?
#48, brilliant, I'll be chuckling all the way to work.
Complain about this comment
#48 - Genius
I am hoping that he was wearing scuba gear, because i can imaging it is quite the abyss down there!
#40 - i am pretty sure that Spanish and Portuguese are pretty similar, and both can be understood by the other
Michael Owen to be top scorer in the prem this season anyone?
Palace to beat Boro in the playoff final?
Nah i didnt think so either!!
Complain about this comment
18. At 3:43pm on 06 Jul 2009, Whiteoutloud wrote:
Number 12
I was referring to Robbo and Gazutd
so you thought a united fan actually lived in manchester...........
Complain about this comment
51. At 08:27am on 08 Jul 2009, bredtobered-forum troll wrote:
so you thought a united fan actually lived in manchester...........
-----
Stranger things have happened, I once saw a Man U fan buy a meat pie instead of a prawn butty.
Hey Robbo, I see half of your team haven't turned up for training yet. Obviously getting in touch with Michael Owen's Booklet publishers
Complain about this comment
#52 wrote:
Hey Robbo, I see half of your team haven't turned up for training yet.
_________________________________________________________________________
What were you expecting? Half of them didn't turn up for the fixtures last season either.
Complain about this comment
so you thought a united fan actually lived in manchester...........
-------------------------
Your point being?
Complain about this comment
great stuff...too funny...
Complain about this comment
View these comments in RSS