All hail the summer of sport!
It was a bit of a frenetic weekend for me - a bit like when you're having your tea of a Friday night and telling your lass how nice it is to have nowt on of a weekend and she says....
"'No chance. Me mother's coming round Saturday morning, you've got to put up that lining paper under the front windows in the bedroom, then we're repainting the whole thing - I can't decide between Crushed Mango and Nightchunder Nectarine - we're babysitting for our Darren then on Sunday it's our Nicole's 35th and we're all going ice skating 'cos she loves that...."
Sometimes I swear my sofa pines for me. Only this weekend was packed sports-wise. I watched the Lions and their stirring comeback. A quintessential British (and Irish) performance of pluck, resolution and failure.
I watched Pakistan topple Sri Lanka, mainly due to one Shahid Afridi, who was clearly the star of the tournament. Twenty20 seems to suit the bloke down to the ground - 4 overs max to bowl and 15 or so to bat, that's just about as long as he can concentrate. What a player, though.
Tony Thompson in the Blue Bell reckons he's a bit of a classicist when it comes to cricket and the amount of times he yelled 'Awful flippin' shot!' as Afridi or Akmal or whoever tonked another into the upper tiers was hilarious. I reckon if Tony and Boycott opened a Twenty20 they'd be back off at innings closed with a solid 38 for nowt on the board and big smiles on their faces.
Weren't the lasses good? Well done lasses! That Brunt girl was like a female Freddie Flintoff. Try as we might, we couldn't quite get round the fact that some of our team were right decent-looking 'n' all.
Some blokes in the Bell were coming out with all sorts of innuendos about stroking through the covers and suchlike, but I rose above it and insisted we should not leer at or patronise the women - no we should congratulate them on catching that hard ball and twirling them rather heavy bats and managing to hit the ball quite far - and still managing to look so very pretty.
Now some of you may be aware that Formula 1 is not my cup of tea (in fact I'd rather drink engine oil) but the big story of the weekend was the ongoing tiff within the sport. Crikey! Is this the end of Formula 1? Not that I really give a double diffuser any road.
I know the Beeb are covering F1 now - and doing a damn fine job, too. I mean Crofty on 5 Live almost has me believing the sport is important. But as far as I'm concerned, it's still a competition that is won by technicians - a sort of grandiose Robot Wars - and it really doesn't matter that much who's driving the damn thing.
Witness the turnaround in fortunes of Button and Hamilton. Clearly they can both drive, but one's in a thoroughbred while the other's coaxing a mule around the track.
Until they can properly get circuits and cars that can overtake each other, they need to liven up the pit lane action (and not just by decorating the place with glammed up dolly-birds who think that a push-up bikini top and a fake-tan is a good way to earn a living).
I mean get the drivers to change their own tyres and fill their own cars with petrol. Be great to watch Sebastian Vettel angrily eyeing up the pillock behind the perspex who won't release the petrol for pump 15. Make 'em pick up a Ginster's pasty and one of them massive bags of Quavers as well and eat them without getting crumbs everywhere for the next five laps and you've got a true test of driving skill.
In Bethpage, the Yanks again proved that they can't cope with a bit of bad weather. Why the players weren't allowed to pick up the ball and clean it and put it back I don't know. Seems to me it's fair for all and as far as I know that's Teesside golf rules anyway, torrential rain or not.
The crowd were denied the fairytale ending that a Mickelson or a Duval win would've brought, but congratulations to Danny Glover, or whatever his name was.
And then of course there's Wimbledon. My missus loves Wimbers. Sighs and thighs, she calls it.
I hated tennis from the moment some toffee-nosed ra-ra mama lobbed me and Griff off a tennis court at the age of 10 for wearing school shoes on their precious surface. That and the swearing I suppose.
Still, last year's final clean knocked the chips off me shoulders. I can't remember a better sporting contest. Ever. And 2009 could be the year that the wait is over.
Yes, it's taken an age but maybe this time someone will stand up, step forward, and be counted.
And when that umpire finally tells Sharapova or any number of wailing ridiculous banshees to put a flaming sock in it 'cos every time you hit the ball you sound like lame auditionees for a ropey movie of dubious content, then we can all rest happy.
I had this gripe about the shimmering Sharapova last year and of course some of you insisted that you enjoyed the Maria moan. Well enough is enough. It's tantamount to cheating in my book. I can't imagine blocking out that sound if I was up the other end. Pack it in, pet.
Meanwhile the big question is can Murray win it? Nadal's withdrawal looks like it's made it easier but I think it'll be harder now. Everyone reckons he's a cert for the final - that's a lot of pressure.
I think he'll go before then. He'll win it one day. Just not this year. In the meantime, we've got Federer to enjoy. Smooth, elegant, sporting and - take note here you screeching harpies - silent.
I'm Derek Robson. People call me Robbo. Legend has it I was raised in the furnace and smog of Teesside. Some might say I took the hard road. I like to tell folk I had trials for Middlesbrough, for Hartlepool and for burglary (not guilty). I've always loved sport. My job is to say it as I see it - whether it's in the bar of the Blue Bell or on this blog. You won't find me calling a spade a soil-redistribution implement.
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~18~RS~)
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Great blog as usual robbo!
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Good work Robbo. The noise thing in tennis makes no sense at all. Why should the crowd have to sit there like trappist monks whilst the players scream, grunt and moan at the top of their voices?
On the subject of crowd noise, is it really essential to have complete silence to throw up a ball and hit it? Does it really take so much more concentration then say, trying to hit a cricket ball bowled at 90mph, for which silence is not required?
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Sounds like a comedy sketch in there somewhere about the screetching.
Have snooker players erupt with a primal scream just before taking a shot. A bowler yells as he releases the ball, the batter screams while taking his shot. Darts players bellowing with each throw.
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Mate
I did say at Wimbers a year or so back that 'we didn't want 90 decibel orgasms on Centre Court' and suggested that the guilty parties spent more time getting laid of an evening to satiate their wailing lusts before 1pm.........amazingly, they lost the next day and the Williams sisters reached YET another final........
Don't know if it would have happened anyway.......
Perhaps if you introduced a rule saying that all wailers had to play starkers you might sort it all out, eh?
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A top notch blog robbo, I like 20 20 but it only works if both teams are playing well, if a team is playing badly it can be a very disappointing experience, which why i think test cricket is still far better.
I agree Robbo, the shrieking really is getting on my nerves. I can understand a grunt, like Nadal or Murray because they are trying to hit the ball hard. But what the women do is just ridiculous. Since seles in the 90's they are just getting louder. For this 16 year old portugese tennis player to say that its an important part of her game is just ludicrous!
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Hey Robbo,
What do you think to Newcastle's new Yellow away shirt? Sorry, that should be Fresh Yellow. To me it looked like a lemon.
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I rather enjoy the grunts and moans.
Obviously, it must be natural (mirrored by the shot hence resulting) and not like those performing in some cheap porn production.
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#9
Obviously. You can tell the difference?
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I meant #8 of course. Even I'm not so egotistical as to respond to my own comment simultaneously.
Re #7 - I reckon some of them that went missing on the last day of the season at in Newcastle shirts should be wearing the trad bar-code strip with a yellow streak down the back.
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As Navratilova said when Seles claimed she didn't 'grunt' on purpose, 'no, but she could stop on purpose'
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Great blog as usual Robbo. Great to see some Northern logic on the BBC.
Crackin' weekend of sport and now Wimbledon too.
If the women didn't grunt and moan then there would be absolutely nothing worth discussing about women's tennis.
It's being usurped by cricket, as the number one female sport, or is this just because we're good at it.
http://sportingchameleon.wordpress.com/
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Robbo, another thrilling instalment, and undoubtedly chuckles-a-plenty sterling effort as ever mate... However...
I don't know about all this "other sport" malarkey, i mean come on man, Tennis, Rugby, and Womens bleeding Cricket (insert menstration joke at own peril)... not to mention F1, (f-off more like it) though the comparison with Robot-Wars holds very true, if they were to add chainsaws and such to the cars, we may JUST have a sport? Come on though, all the positive spin in the world is not going to change the fact that until that first ball is bowled on the 8th of July their is NO REAL SPORT! Wimbledon is not real sport, it is an event, not a sport... That silly game is played all year long, if it was a sport then you'd hear about it all year long, but you dont, its only for 2 weeks in the summer... Its a distraction and whilst at times it is often amusing (McEnroe, class act that guy!) and at times thrilling (Nadel/Federer was class) it lacks the importance and gut wrenching misery only real sport can bring you... If Murray wins it, top notch, fair dues to the lad, but if he doesnt... Its not gonna bare any great strain on mind! thats why it isn't a sport (at least, not in my eyes)...
Although the Confederation cup has raise some interest, it again lacks the crucial aspect of having some one to back... Though brazil look back to Nike Advert form, scary how they demolished the Italians... Also the under 21s are looking great and i can see them getting to the final, but for some reason that suffix of Under 21 undermines the importance of it in my rather small sport starved brain...
Oh anyway what was my point, oh yeah... the screaming ladies of womens tennis... Easy to stop it, when they come out in there short skirts just tell them they "dont really have the legs for skirts that short"... Said it to the missus on holiday last year.. Didn't make a sound for days... Bliss!
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Don't worry Robbo, you'll never have to concentrate while being up the other end when Sharapova is screaming.
Yes I know, neither will I but I did have a Russian girlfriend that looked like her once. Even those F1 cars you so despise weren't as high maintenance.
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#9: Sometimes. But lets face it, does it matter if one can tell?
Its either enjoyable or its not.
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Robbo! Can you use your contacts to find out what has happened to the 'ten to tackle' quiz?!? I've got time to kill at work and we haven't had one since early June! SORT IT OUT BBC!!!
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I was watching the 20 20 at the weekend when the missus came in to the room and asked "whats this?", I explained "its the 20 20 world cup dear", there followed a few seconds of silence before she replyed "nah, can't be, its only 2009"... bless her!!!
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All very true robbo, quality read yet again
me thinks that when it gets to a certain level of sport on the box at the weekend that they should automatically close the shops and give us all a break for escorting (taxi ing) the family around.
All weekend i was like a cat on a tin roof, just waiting to hear the immortal words...... "i think that'll do for now", just to get back and see the lions, f1, golf, cricket, etc.... bliss
More of this in a few weeks when the real open comes to town, none of this callin it off cos it's spittin, real golf, real weather... the sofas booked.
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Blinking right. One breath of wind and the pond-crossers'll be scuttling into their 5 star hotel rooms... Pah!
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Great read Robbo. All this grunting at the point of maximum exertion in sports was started by Alan "Boom-Boom" Minter, at least on our tele. Quite possibly there were others before him. They do it in footy (along with screaming, hugging and kissing) and rugger too, there's just too much other noise to notice. Now, what we need is a grunter on top of the leaderboard at the Open!
Those Texas and mid-Western US golfers enjoy a good gale and seem to manage to keep their balls low. How many 5 star hotel rooms does Turnberry have anyway?
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'I can't imagine blocking out that sound if I was up the other end.'
Classic 'Carry On' innuendo.
Nice one Robbo
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Good one Robbo! Pity your namesake got the elbow at Wimbers, but a plucky lass with a rosier future than the current crop...
Ironic isn't it: you have to wear white but can sound like a total porn star!
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Less than an hour of baseline ping-pong between a Williams and somebody else is "equal" to five hours plus of Nadal and Federer, who command two or three times as big an world-wide audience, along with associated revenues.
It's not grunts we're hearing. it's shrieks of delight. They can't believe they're getting away with it.
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And, just to emphasise the point, Robbo declares, "Still, last year's final clean knocked the chips off me shoulders".
Not "... last year's MEN'S final.."
We all understand. There only was one real final.
Here's a test of memory, Robbo.
Which Williams won last year? Much more tellingly: who was the beaten women's finalist? Here's a clue: her purse was identical to that of Federer.
Then again, her cardie was different.
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And, yes, I AM bloody annoyed about it.
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I don't think women should get equal prize money for the slams either as they play fewer sets. But no amount of moaning (or grunting) about it is going to change it. So get over it, already.
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The sound gives information about how it's hit, whether it's flat or just flicked. Which is why they do it of course - can't help it my arsenal. I haven't watched tennis since it all kicked off.
In table tennis, you aren't allowed to deliberately make a noise when striking the ball, and stamping the foot or anything out of the gob is classed as deliberate.
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Another top blog Robbo, even in the off season you manage to put something decent together.
Anyone else think Twenty20 is a complete joke? Hardly any skill involved in my opinion. A batsmen goes out and swings wildly, if he is lucky enough to connect with a few then he is hailed as a hero. A bowler just has to aim at the stumps and he has a reasonable chance of getting a wicket. Of course, I could just be a bitter Aussie, licking the open wounds of an embarrassing early exit from the competition. Bring on the Ashes I say.
As a man who loves his F1, I regrettably have to agree with you that it is all to do with the car and not the driver. All you have to do is look at the fortunes of Hamilton and Button this year; prior to this year Button was pants and Hamilton was world champion, a quick change of cars and Hamilton is pants while Button is killing it. Add to that the competition being in a complete mess (thanks Mr. Mosley) and I can understand why people avoid the sport like the plague.
I'm glad someone finally spoke up about the ridiculous moaning and grunting in the tennis; it was getting to the beyond a joke stage. It's cheating, end of.
Finally, I'm counting the days until Boro's fire sale. I'll give you a packet of salt & vinegar crisps for Alfonso. How about a Mars Bar for Downing?
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I really like your blog, which is one of the best on BBC Sport. However, please don't do F1 anymore, your comments are as repetitive and, sorry to say, boring as the so-called sport itself.
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Great Blog as always,
I have always thought that one way to address the issues that you raise on F1, was to turn it into a true drivers and manufacturers competition, that is before every race, the drivers draw lots to see who they are going to drive for this weekend,
Still would expect the best car to win the manufacturers championship, but we would also see a much more competitive race to see who was really the best driver, having had to drive in a number of different cars, imagine seeing Jenson in a Force India, or Sutil in a Ferrari,
Might make it more interesting and less procession like, as most of Sunday's race was,
Just a thought,
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#29
I admit to harping on in the same vein about F1, but I do feel that my ideas might just improve the sport a bit. I just keep hoping that Mosley and/or Ecclestone will cotton on to it soon.
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Great article.
For more sports opinion visit.
http://onthebreak.wordpress.com/
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Hi Robbo,
Is it just me or do your blogs get better when you don't have Boro form/football in general to whinge about?
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One of the best retorts I heard about women's cricket was I believe made by the old women's captain Rachel Flint. When asked if the women wore cricket boxes, like the men, she responded "yes, we call them man-hole covers"!
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The US Open (tennis) is the one. Spectators there couldn't care less, they want their burgers NOW and they walk up and down aisles and retrieve their seats in the middle of rallies and right in the players' eyelines too. There seems to be no spectator control there whatsoever. They are the complete opposite of what is known as a "knowledgeable crowd". Have a look. Starts September.
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#24 and #26 Dead right - equal prize money for women at Wimbledon and other Grand Slams has been a joke from the word go, even when Martina Navratilova was playing. They only get it because the men's and women's tournaments are held at the same time and the tennis authorities haven't got the guts to say no. If tennis tournaments were held separately like golf tournaments are, the women would soon get less money because far fewer spectators would come and watch them and far fewer sponsors would cough up the money for TV rights etc - fact.
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#36: So you accept its only fair that the men earn a lot more coz the organisers make a hell lot more off them?
Want fellow women beings to earn more, switch on the telly and contribute.
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Hurrah - the leggy Russina shrieker has squawked her last. She is an ex-Sharap - she has ceased to be. Hope that lass Bilko keeps going.
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Gone to meet the choir eternal, has she? They'd better watch out...
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And USA just dump Spain out of that comp down the equator.
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Good blog Robbo, very witty. Pity Sharapova isn't playing in the mixed doubles, her playing partner would have the best lob on show. Maybe Max Mosley will be looking for a new job now that he's been given the back hand from formula 1.
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#37 I don't see why women should earn the same as men because they simply don't provide the same level of entertainment (and therefore interest and therefore sponsorship and commercial deals etc etc).
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