Hiddink in the Pink
I don't like to say I told you so but were there any other pundits out there tipping Chelsea to win the Champs League. Nah!
There's just been a lot of snorty laughter behind cupped hands - I've seen you all wiping that involuntary snot onto your closing down sale denims, boys and girls. But from the moment Hiddink arrived I've thought that Chelsea will come good and I've not been proved wrong.
Skiptoo (Malouda) looks a better player, Anelka actually managed a stint as right-winger on Tuesday night and Di-di-dums Drogba has slowly picked up all his toys since the Dutchman arrived and they all seem to be arranged in the right order now and the pram is looking well tidy. Even Hassungotta (Kalou) has looked a little less pony.
Hiddink should get all the credit for this. Has this bloke ever made a mistake in his managerial career? (Apart from the 'tache, which looked for all the world like the errant squiggle of a chimp's biro). Some people put his incredible success with South Korea in '02 down to dodgy refs and Duracell batteries, but clearly the man knows his stuff.
If you compare his short reign with his predecessors, it's hard not to be impressed. Jose left all the entertainment on the touchline once he ditched Duffman and Robben. Successful but about as pretty as an over-80s Ms Universe competition.
Avram Grant brought the dour into the press conference too, to such an extent that you half-expected the bloke to finish the interrogations with the phrase 'Now where is the family of the deceased?' Very nearly successful - and about as uplifting as the grey brassiere the missus keeps at the back of the cupboard.
Big Phil clearly couldn't keep all the frog princes in the one wheelbarrow, besides which the team had a midfield three that moved the ball from side to side like a bunch of old Etonians passing the port. Entertaining for a bit but about as credible as the Team McLaren Book of Excuses.
They're by and large still Mourinho's team, but maybe at last they've plastered over the secret recess in the home dressing room which is a shrine to the Great Churl.
But like Capello and even 'Arry will tell you, it's basic stuff sometimes: play the right players in their best positions and you get a team. A bit of confidence doesn't harm you either. Plus the wit to shackle the likes of Gerrard to the heavy anvil that is Essien in the first leg.
Mind you, it still required some Dutch fury at half-time on Tuesday night. Clearly Chelsea were hoping for some of that zonal marking to come to their aid. Now I don't know much about zonal marking, but it seems clear that marking an area of grass is what dogs, not defenders, do.
It must be easier to keep tabs on another person rather than the area into which he might stray. For the zonal marking to work, I suggest Rafa gets his team to use walky-talkies like on The Bill when they're doing a surveillance operation.
"Ste G here, like... have a visual of suspect Superserb... is coming your way, JC... over."
"Copy Ste G..."
"No, wait, suspect is gone walkabout, JC... heading for... S***!... heading for Martin!"
"Dammit, Ste G! We've been well and truly Skrtled!"
But the 4-4 was so entertaining that after Kuyt scored I was baying for the Reds to get the fifth. And that's another thing that Hiddink has brought, real entertainment to the Bridge.
And there's more coming. I watched the first half of Barca versus Bayern and by crikey Messi has to be the best player in the world right now (apart from Macheda, of course, who's been dipped in wax at Madame Tussauds as we speak - I'm familiar with this process having watched the Boro back four for two thirds of this season).
The way Messi scored his first goal was reminscent of one of them sublime middle-pocket roll-ins that Stephen Hendry mastered in his pomp. Trying to stop the lad is like trying to catch one of them sunbathing lizards on a rocky Mediterranean beach.
Henry and Eto'o - sounds less like a front pairing and more an up itself lasses' hair salon - are a mite good as well, and then you've got Xavi and the ghostly Iniesta floating around with the ball under their spell. I tell you what, it's bleeding art is what it is. Why would some berks want to watch the ballet or the opera when they could soak up this sort of stuff?
The other semi looks tasty, too. You know Wenger's confident when all he talks about is his team's youth, desire and mental strength. And just as the Blue Bell was relishing how the the United defence was becoming about as coordinated as a platoon full of Clive Dunns, back come Rio and Vidic and the job's a good 'un. Mind that was a fluky strike by Ronaldo, wasn't it?
Here's hoping Moyes's men spoil the big four party on Sunday.
And I thought the memorial service at Anfield was very moving. Losing to Chelsea put in perspective. It's not that important really, football. Not as important as honouring the people who died for the love of it.
I'm Derek Robson. People call me Robbo. Legend has it I was raised in the furnace and smog of Teesside. Some might say I took the hard road. I like to tell folk I had trials for Middlesbrough, for Hartlepool and for burglary (not guilty). I've always loved sport. My job is to say it as I see it - whether it's in the bar of the Blue Bell or on this blog. You won't find me calling a spade a soil-redistribution implement.
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~18~RS~)
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Nice one.
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Cracking.
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Yep, the Hillsborough tributes do put the football into perspective. I'm going to Hillsborough on Saturday and will be sat with the away fans in the lower tier of Lepping Lane End, which will be very eerie. I'm glad in a way to get a chance to share a minutes silence for the 96, having not been born at the time.
Good article, and yes what a game! The 4-4. I needed some valium after that one.
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Robbo! A whole article, published the day after, and not one mention of the Gelled Tumbler's (successful) attempt to emulate your sublime strike as described in the last blog? Check the server's logs, I guarantee there's been a few visits from IP addresses related to Old Trafford...
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Good Blog as usual Robbo..but sure you forgot to mention Man Utd getting Lucky for the Last 4 games and not just Cristiano "Princess"Ronaldo's flke strike!
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Nice article Robbo as per usual.
Do you think your lot have turned the corner though and will have enough to beat the drop? Another big game this weekend!
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Of course you was korrekt, as you always is!
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nice Robbinho - but how would you know about that grey brassiere, unless you fancy the occassional dress-up, eh?
i think if Boro manage to stay up, you should pull a Cleese and strut around the Blue Bell for a night - then you can replace yer cartoon pic with a proper photo!
bet the BBC would love that idea...
kah-mon Arsenal!
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What's all this Robbinho nickname nonsense, Denis? Are you calling me an expensive liability?
Any road as for the Boro, I wouldn't say I believe again after that scruffy 3-1 v Hull, but at I am at least agnostic. Hull could still go, if they don't get summat at Sunderland.
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Chuckle chuckle chuckle, thanks Robbo. Big Phil wasn't really running things was he? I reckon he left all that nitty gritty to Butch Wilkins, one of the most accomplished and prolific sideways passers in the history of football. All they needed was permission to glance up field now and then.
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...on the contrary - 'tis a term of endearment, mate!
your ability at keeping footy journalism amusing and honest compares to the ball skills of the Juninhos, Ronaldinhos, Robinhos of the world (not to mention blessed mr.Bergkamp).
would you rather i address you as "the man in the grey bra"? kinda catchy...
still think "Grey Bra night @ the Blue Bell" could be a hit - who's with me on this?!
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Good blog Robbo.
Spot on about Mr Hiddink, a class Manager who was on my short list for the England job ( tother was Capello ). As a Man United fan..... I reckon he, as Chelsea's boss will provide the stiffest test to my team ( other than themselves )in winning the P/L and IF they beat Barca, again for the C/L.
Somehow, I reckon United will just have too much for a very good Arsenal team.
Sorry to say I think Boro will be in the Championship graveyard soon, maybe good guy Managers can't make the grade in the P/L.?
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Robbo & madeiraman57
Do either of you believe that Hiddink could save 'Boro or is the players that are just, well, pants?
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What a great blog. Entertaining and accurate without the need for political correctness.
I thought when Chelsea lost the champions league final last year they would win this year. I still think that will happen, although I had my doubts until Big Phil was axed.
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Proper good blog Robbo. Good perspectives and a decent read.
Big question is....Do we lose you if Boro drop from Prem? After all, Boro v. Donny is hardly going stimulate your literary juices (or ours).
If you have to (for contractual reasons, of course) attend at a Premiership club other than Boro - Which one would you choose? The Barcodes (snigger)and Sunderland might be closest, but they may be gone as well! It can't be Man U cos ypu insult them too often as you do the other 3 of 4. Maybe we can turn you into a Toffee or a Villain, temporarily, until the Boro return. Does Stoke (Delap throws) or Bolton beckon? So which team is going to let you keep your perspective intact if the Boro of George Campsell et al depart.
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All posts are reactively moderated. What does this mean?
That this blog is better than McNulty's because he can't take the hammer his top four sycophanistism deserves.....
Sorry robbo needed to get hat off my chest! Hiddink is good, and clearly he will stay at Chelsea because in england you get pies and clearly he likes pies, but don't we all?
Well as for the 'Boro the least you can do is win at St James' and drag the barcodes down with you....a modicum of satisfaction.
I'm sorry there's no optimism here, but I cant see you saving yourselves
At least you've made everton win the cup, the stats say the last four teams to knock the 'Boro out have gone on to win the Cup.......
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Robbo's line of the week :-
And I thought the memorial service at Anfield was very moving. Losing to Chelsea put in perspective. It's not that important really, football. Not as important as honouring the people who died for the love of it.
Need I say more, I am old enough to remember it, as I am Bradford and Heysel. May it never happen again.
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Mr Blueburns.
The players are'nt very good sorry to say and even the 'Special One' couldn't save them now !!( or Shearer...... ).
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excellent. very amusing
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Well and true that Dutch Hiddink's got sommit under his grey head but mind you again, a Special Portugese called Jose still can't stop laughing at the Chelsea defense nowadays
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I do hope Hiddink will stay... Unlikely but I remain hopeful.
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don't get too out your tree Robbo, chelsea have won nothing yet. If they beat Liverpool, Barca and man u then gloat away but till then lets keep it shut
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'Now where is the family of the deceased?'
Fantastic, laugh out loud funny. I even forgive you for the recycled Malouda and Kalou jokes (they were good the first time) because the rest was too good.
I have to agree with aussieferret. I actually recall you saying Chelsea will sneak the Champions League so good call there, but they aint won it yet. There is the little matter of Barcelona twice then either Arsenal or United again.
That zonal marking thing is a load of garbage. Alonso was man-marking Ivanovic for the first, Ivanovic just beat him (and two other Liverpool players) to the ball. Great run to the front post, solid header, great goal. The second was poor marking but another good header. Just a bit sick of Liverpool fans making excuses as to why we beat them, that's all.
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Chelsea have not won the CL yet. And they will not. And Robbo, this is the first blog in 10 days... I expected one on monday.. but awesome blog as always mate. You rock!!
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#23
To be fair, I'm not recycling Skiptoo and Hassungotta so much as trying to firmly establish them in the mind of the reader.
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Robbo! These blogs keep me sane on the long dark days of work! I'm a Stoke City Lady and know your pain of will we/wont me, I dare not hope that we'll stay up as it'd be too painful if we go down. I fancy our chances though!
Anyway just thought I'd add my view that your blogs are excellent and those who criticise, obviously have no understanding of good writing
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WHAT A BLOG! every week, i have discovered this over last week and read all blogs so far. this one didnt come up in the bbc football pager though and had to search for it on google. bit annoying as best blog by mile.
how do you think of the stuff? as i jounalist myself i cant think of some of the comical metaphors you seem to splurt. 10/10, love it. to make someone laugh by reading something is a true art.
the best one is the dog zonal marking commnet, priceless!
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Sorry Robbo, but this is just too laboured and your blogs are getting repetitive and tiresome. You just get the feeling that with every sentence your trying just a bit too hard to come up a funny reference.
This zonal marking thing is a bit of a joke though, its funny how Liverpool have only conceded 8 goals at home (least in the league), 21 in total yet there isnt a big fuss made about their zonal marking then. Chelsea had a good day, Liverpool had a bad one, its as simple as that. Chelsea will get beat by Barca (as Liverpool probably would have) and win nothing anyway so lets not get too excited. Lets hope that for once in a while, the best team in the competition win it....Barca, obviously.
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20 years ago me and some mates went to Parkhead for a Cup Semi Final. There was a crush, gates were opened and chants of "we want an ambulance" from the Rangers fans. We all thought we had been treated worse than cattle again. Then we went home and saw the tv pictures of the people dying,crushed against Sheffield steel barriers that buckled and tore.
My god.
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Robbo - Got to agree, football is a simple game and every now and again a return to basic principles is required. A perfect example was last night at Eastlands. The telling stats were offsides Hamburg - 1, Man City - 12 (Caiceda - 10). It's not rocket science, look along the line and stay a yard on the right side. If you are attacking, and the attack breaks down, don't wander aimlessly around bemoaning your lack of touch/incisive pass. Get onside and prepare for the next wave. How much do these idiots get paid?
Nice thoughts on Hillsborough, I also spared a thought for all the Forest fans who witnessed it all first hand, a memory that will never be forgotten. STILL WAITING FOR JUSTICE FOR THE 96!!!
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Correct me if i'm wrong Robbo but wasn't it you who said that Chelsea would win nought this season, in fact you said this season would be (let's see if i can remember correctly) 'slightly worse than the last one with nothing to show for it at the end'
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