They'll Drink To Guus Hiddink
The rumour is that the door to the manager's office at Stamford Bridge has a big whiteboard on it with a damp cloth at the ready.
Some lowly youth team nobody who's destined to play his first team football at somewhere lowly like Bournemouth, or Leeds, has been busy writing the letters H-I-D-D-I-N-K on it this morning. (Given the average footballer's brain power he'll have finished that by ten this evening.)
Guus - my first choice for England boss ahead of Capello - has got his hands full at the Bridge. It's not surprising he's gone there, mind. He has a 'relationship' with Abramovich apparently, which is a bit like me saying I have a relationship with me bank manager.
But more importantly he's done very well with underdogs so Chelsea suits him very well.
I'm sorry to see Big Phil go. He never made excuses and tried to kick some backside but once teams worked out that the only threat came from the full-backs, stopping them scoring was as easy as keeping a toddler from pushing a door open.
Watching Aragones on the touchline against England was a bit like seeing the ghost of Scolari's future and there may be hope for him yet. Spain play a little like Chelsea in the middle of the park, only they move it around about ten times quicker and they have a couple of top-notch workers up the front in Villa and Torres, and a Geezer on the bench.
I bet Rafa the Gaffa watched the international friendly with his head in his hands, wailing 'But they are so tired! Nando and Xabi and Arbeloa and Pepe, they are so very tired, please stop tiring them out by making them play football!' They've got ten days off now so let's hear no more of that!
Blue Bell discussions centred around how Hiddink is going to approach his first meeting with the spoilt little workshy wastrels at the Bridge.
We reckon it'll go summat like this:
'Right, gentlemen, my name is Guus! That Guus with a 'Hrrgggggghhhhhh'. You have to pretend that you are bringing up phlegm into your mouth before schpitting, so you English boys should have no trouble pronounsching it.
'The firsht thing to shay ish that I will not put up with a divided dresshing-room sho Drogba, here'sh a big claw hammer - if you could smack a hole through those bitsh of plashterboard and then at leasht we can all shee each other. Thank you Drogba.
'Now, let me give each of you a bit of advische about what I expect from you. Peter Cech... do I call you Petta?... I think you need to lose weight. You are a heavy Petta. And lose the orange jersey. It never won anything in my time.'
'Bosingwa, my monobrowed friend. Do not leave your studmarksh in the backsh of any more opponentsh.
'Ashley, no more autobiographiesh sho we are taking your crayons away.
'JT, no more complaintsh about how bad your back feelsh or we'll let Bosingwa loose on it.
'Alex, Ivanovic, Mancienne, Carvalho... I don't rate you much, so I'm bring back Micky Droy.
'Deco... here's a Thomson's holiday brochure... read it.
'John Obi One-Kenobe... when we shay we want you to be our Makalele we mean in terms of protecting the back four and not in terms of not hitting cow's arshe with a banjo.
'Malouda... what can I say my little Cul-de-Sac King. You make Shaun Wright-Phillips look like a visionary.
'Herr Ballack... you are a quality midfielder, perhaps the most gifted all round player the Premiership has seen. There is however an obscure Dutch word for you - Ballacksadaishical. Pull your finger out.
'Lampsh, Fat Frank, in the wordsh of K.C and the ShunShine Band, pleash don't go.
'Kalou... Salomen Hasungotta Kalou... you are sho poor Middleshbrough have shown an interest in having you on loan.
'Quareshma, get your coat...
'And finally, you two. Mishter Drogba and Mishter Anelka. Are you listening to me, Nicolash? Right, take off your mittensh, take off your shlippersh, put down your cigar and get out of that armchair! Thank you.
'Now Drogba, shtop crying and give me your mobile.... what? Of course Jose won't talk to you, he'sh busy with hish new friends Luish and Zschlatan... there, there. Now who wantsh to be shentre-forward... No, you can't both be... Shtop shoving each other or I'll play Kalou upfront on his own!... ALL RIGHT EVERYONE CALM DOWN! It was just a little Dutch joke.
'Okay, here'sh what I'm going to do. The firsht person to give me twenty pressh-upsh get'sh to be my shentral shtriker.
'Oh dear. Neither of you can manage it? I heard Big Phil's training was a lidl bit gentle but this is ridiculous.'
In reality, no Joe Cole and no Essien is probably going to mean even he can't turn around this season for the stumbling wealthy ones. It was refreshing to hear Lampard talking about the players getting their own heads right before slagging off anyone else.
And if Chelsea want to get back to the top of the pile they need to invest in some lads who might make it in the long term - and do more than just buy thirty-plus millionaires who are raking in their last shekels before cosying up on a studio couch somewhere in Europe for the rest of their naturals.
Which is a criticism you could never level at Beckham, who, despite having no pace, no left foot and a rather too busy poncing about for money schedule, has always worked hard on a football and a training field and has, thank goodness got off his MLS gravy train cos he prefers working with people who can kick it to each other.
Of course Hiddink isn't anything other than good news for Blues fans. And bad news for the rest of us, at least next season.
I'm Derek Robson. People call me Robbo. Legend has it I was raised in the furnace and smog of Teesside. Some might say I took the hard road. I like to tell folk I had trials for Middlesbrough, for Hartlepool and for burglary (not guilty). I've always loved sport. My job is to say it as I see it - whether it's in the bar of the Blue Bell or on this blog. You won't find me calling a spade a soil-redistribution implement.
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~25~RS~)
Comments
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ha thats funny! but do you really mean aragones on the touchline?
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I think you mean Del Bosque
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ye you spotted it too i see....
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darnit I thought I got in first!
I enjoy your blogs Robbo - but the Guus impression was a bit long.
Anyway - everyine thinks Guus is great. "Top 2 or 3 in the world" I think Pat Nevin said. I accept he has an ok record with International sides (Holland still underachived with him) - but at club level I wouldn't say he is world class. Yes he won titles with PSV (but that is akin to winning titles with Celtic or Rangers - you only have one other team to beat) but at Valencia, Fenerbace, Madrid, Betis....not so hot.
The only truly world class managers around are SAF, Ancelotti, Capello & Mourinho.
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Very droll Robbo.
You make Gus sound like Smiler McClaren in the team talk. I bet he speaks better English than Smiler.
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Brilliant - ROBBO is back.......
and from a Chelski fan as well.
I could never see what anyone saw in Malouda, Kalou had a little (very little) promise, but Malouda......... hopeless
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I am going to incorporate the word "Ballacksadasical" into conversation, I love it!
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Comparing Spain to Chelsea is like comparing Pele to Eboue!
The lack of width is something that Mourinho did not address, Big Felipe tried to address but couldn't do enough / wasn't given enough time to.
And they need to stop building the team around Drogba, he's going downhill fast; if anything, build the team around Lampard, he's the only one who scores the most important goals.
Signing Malouda made sense on paper, as he had a couple of blistering seasons on the wing in France, but it just didn't work out.
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Damn You Hiddink! I was rather hoping Arsenal will be the fourth team for the CL next year along with MANU, LFC and AVFC. . . . . . . not so hopeful anymore
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do we really have to read this "mind your language" style racist nonsense in 2009?
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Deco and his Thomsons holiday brochure......very good!!
Actually one of your funniest blogs for ages Robbo!!
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Another poor attempt at being funny by Robbo. I'd rather read an article written by David Pleat.
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#10 Nope you dont need to read it.. there you go.
I dont feel for Big Phil.. I think if you looked at his press conferences he looked like a man that didnt really want to be there anymore... lets not forget he turned down the England job because of the inevitable media intrusion.. good guy, good manager but maybe too used to international football.
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Malouda is an awful awful player, maybe he can phne up Faubert's agent and get a good move somewhere?
It looks like it's going to be a 1 horse race but would love to see Chelsea and Liverpool find a bit of form agian to make it a bit interesting!
Robbo, think Boro will be in the next round of the FA Cup or will Southgate be concentrating on the league?
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Classic. Had me in fits Robbo - cheers for that.
Now we just need Big Martin Jol to come in as his Assistant & we've got a proper double act!! Grolsch and a schmoke anyone??
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Dull dull dull dull. This blogger is tedious beyond words!
Can't we have a blogger from a real team? Maybe Newcastle......you know, a team where at least something happens.
The idea of a football blog from a Middlesbrough fan is like asking my Gran to blog on technology.
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good blog, very funny and a great read.
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Is adding sh to a few English funny or racist? It's probably not racist, but it doesn't strike me as especially funny or insightful. But Robbo's such a man of the people that it must be fine.
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Robbo, liked the Boro bit.
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Hiddink is a smart operator.
e will realise that the league is beyond Chelsea and in the time available to him he won't beable to make an impact.
Yet, if you like a gamble I bet Chelsea will reach the CL final again, because in two legged games Hiddink will be able to have an influence and tactically he will be able to concentrate the opposition.
Don't like Chelsea, never will because they have no class, or act with any decorum.
But they do have an amazing coach.....how fortunate
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A blogger from Newcastle? (no16) That huge team who should be in the champions league every year? That very wealthy club that have won less in the last 40 years than...well anybody (inc Middlesbrough).
If their blog was like their team it would be detached from reality, overhyped and underperforming, self aggrandising and at the end of the day hopeless.
But actually it, like the mags, would give us on the outside a good laugh so maybe it's not such a bad idea after all!
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Very funny. Well done robbo for getting the cheap dig at Leeds being a "lowly" club. Think you'll find it's Chelsea's youth players who have come from Leeds and not the other way around. See you in the Championship next season.
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waffle n a bong, schmoke n a pankake?
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Loved Deco's holiday brochure! Very good
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Can the people moaning about reading the blog just, you know, not?
And Robbo, you meant Del Bosque my man.
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'Of course Hiddink isn't anything other than good news for Blues fans. And bad news for the rest of us, at least next season.'
--------------------------------
Except for Middlesbrough, who won't have to play them in the league. Not one of your best Robbo, few decent laughs, but there' wasn't enough worthy content in there for you to work with. Better luck next time!
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I know the point was to mimick the Dutch accent, but I kept on imagining it was Sean Connery as 007.
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Robbo,
How can you get Argoness and Del Bosque mixed up, or was it your researcher......?
Yes both are Spanish, yes both have big round tummies , after this you're on your own!
Its like mixing up Yogi and Boo Boo, true both are bears, both live in the woods but one is massive and the other is a midget!
Shame on you Robbo
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"'Kalou... Salomen Hasungotta Kalou... you are sho poor Middleshbrough have shown an interest in having you on loan."
HAHA best part of the article!
Does this not give you something else to moan about, Robbo? Is he good enough for your beloved Boro?
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ha ha, loved the "jon obi one-kenobe" line.
all those that moan about this blog obviously don't have a sense of humour.
Bang on Robbo.
Spain simply outclassed an England team made up of fringe players.
SWP getting scythed down by Terry was probably Terry tears best tackle all night.
Chelski are a spent force. more new blood is needed for them and i don't mean from one of Boswinga's Jackie chan challenges either!
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Since when is Ballack the most complete all round player the premiership has ever seen? I think he is one of the most over ratted players on the planet.
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Perhaps robbo was being sarci lorus59...
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#31... Rentokil could sort that out for Ballack
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#10 Ricardovillalobos.
So have you never in your life mimicked an Irish/Scottish/French/Australian - whatever - accent ????
Good blog, I chuckled out loud several times :-)
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1Charliebutler
Great call on the "Newcastle Blog" !
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Well, well, fancy that - Hiddink sounds like Sean Connery.
But even with the deployment of double U Guus, Chelsea will still look more 'schaken not schtirred'?
Ambramovich should have used his moneypenny more effectively. Defecting players were there for the taking in January. However, agents in the field weren't alerted, and Big Phil simply wasn't given licence to deal.
Clearly, all is not well within Her Majesty's M25....
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"12. At 12:11pm on 13 Feb 2009, PulpGrape wrote:
Another poor attempt at being funny by Robbo. I'd rather read an article written by David Pleat."
Surely you can't be serious?!!! No-one in their right mind would want to read an article about Florent Mandooda, Solomon Kalua and Petra Cech to name but a few...
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"'Kalou... Salomen Hasungotta Kalou... you are sho poor Middleshbrough have shown an interest in having you on loan."
probably because he always scores against them!
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no, I think it's ok to take the mickey out of the Dutch accent, they actually HAVE a sense of humour...
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Anyone who finds this funny probably has hysterical fits watching Harry Hill :(
Robbo's losing it. He was amusing once, quite some time ago.
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So it's ok to peddle some kind of Alf Garnett-esque racial stereotyping on the BBC in the name of comedy, yet it's not ok to point out that this is a desperately unamusing column and gets worse as each week goes by?
Interesting.
What next - slapping the old Kiwi on and singing 'Mamee'?
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dam i spooted that too!!
less slagging off bournemouth please we always get stitched up by the league!!
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Given the average footballer's brain power he'll have finished that by ten this evening.
...................................
hahahahahahh,
you always make my day Robbo,
I will definitely have another fabulous weekend.
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I like Robbo's articles.
But that one just wasn't funny. It's better whn you stick to jokes as opposed to mimicks in my opinion.
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Seriously starting to worry about some people on here, there must be a maniac loose who is surgically removing people's sense of humour.
How is the Dutch impression racist? Stereotypical maybe but are you saying that Dutch people DON'T sound like that? It's hardly offensive is it? Did you right a letter to Grolsch to ban their incredibly racist and stereotypical adverts? It makes me weep for humanity it really does.
You probably write to Points of View to complain when any Americans on TV impersonate an Englishman by either doing a cockney or posh accent.
Get a freaking life.
And Robbo, it was good! Though I don't appreciate the dig at Leeds, we can wallow in our own self pity without anyone's help thank you very much!
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write* even, my English teacher would be ashamed
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I was laughing so hard I nearly fell out of my chair (or ROTFLMAO in web-speak).
Funniest article in a while Robbo (unless you're a Chelsea fan, presumably).
"Rafa the Gaffer" wailing about his tired players and Hiddink's team talk were worthy of a Rory Bremner or Alistair McGowan sketch.
Thanks - you've put me in a good mood for ther rest of the day...
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It was the ghost of Aragones - just as the ghost of Mourinho still walks the touchline in front of the Chelsea bench....Doesn't Abramovich make a lovely Lady MacBeth!
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total drivel again. Schoolboy gags and amatuer journalism, especially the Aragones part. I hope you're stuck with Southgate and Alves until the end of time and sooner or later you will meet the "lowly" Bournemouth in League Two.
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#40 : Fat Clyde:
Nice comparison, considering Harry Hill was recently voted the comdeians favourite comedian. So all the people who do 'sense of humour' for a living love him and you dont.
Obviously you're right and they're wrong huh?
Can anyone ever take anything with a pinch of salt any more, or is it now the automatic reaction to feel like you have to moan about every deviation from 100% PC?
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I was also sorry to see Scolari go and thought Chelsea had made a big mistake until they secured Mr Hiddink's services.
Judging from their recent performaces, it seems obvious they are carrying far too much dead weight...players riding on their names and reputations, but who are contributing far too little.
The news of dressing room splits also speaks volumes. Either there are far too many (unjustifiable) egos clashing or the players have lost confidence in the manager.
Either way, given the choice, I'd still have got shot of the players and let Scolari build a new squad to suit his style of play.
Still, maybe Roman figured replacing the manager would be cheaper than paying off the likes of Drogba, Anelka etc.
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I remember similar articles popping up when Scolari was appointed. How the league was a forgone conclusion etc etc.
I'm not dooming Hiddink to failure but he has the exact same squad Scolari had with exactly the same problems.
If he pulls it off fair enough but i cant see it.
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Robbo, robbo, robbo...you actually made me laught out loud (well, snort out loud but 'tis almost the same, innit!): the deco then obi one-kenobe is genius. keep up the good work and brighten our blog-reading days!
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#37 Don't forget Terry Sheddingham....
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@Boshorange:
Get a sense of humour (and perspective) mate!
Bournemouth are lowly compared to Chelsea (which is what he was referring to).
If Boro do stick with Southgate, we may well end up playing you in League 1 or something, but at least the majority of Boro fans can accept the possibility - and have a laugh about it (great gallows humour us lot).
Nice to see the whingers are out in force again.
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Robbo - you've done it again "Ballackshadaisical" - pure genius, as descriptive writing goes this is up there with Dylan Thomas.
The last time i read such a perfect description of a footballer was when the Times waxed lyrical about Boksic (prior to his torn sock) when in a game for the Boro against Liverpool at Anfield the journalist commented how Boksic had "Coruscated menacingly and the Liverpool defence hadn't been able to cope"
Who needs a dictionary when writing jumps off the page like this - however on saying that i'm going to write to the OED to get this beautiful word into the next edition.
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As soon as I read this I knew it would bring out the 'don't like Robbo but must read it and have a moan' brigade.
Some way off your best Robbo but a good read on a Friday afternoon whilst we antcipate the opening overs of another debacle.
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Very funny indeed. I would love to see him do it as you have written it. Especially the bit about Deco :::)))
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Robbo, robboo robooo!!!
what head sits on your shoulders,
what brains rests in your skull.
your are so very pretty really funny! aba, if u were my countryman, we will be putting you up for a chieftancy title
now, about Kalou being so bad that Middlesborough are considering him for just a loan deal, that is the funniest remark i have ever seen in football
what more can i say, GOD BLESS YOU ROBBO!!!
since the trun of the year, i have not missed your weekend blog for a day, u re the bomb!!
ve not stopped laughing dough am still at work trying to conceal it
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I would just like to make a point to all the people who have jumped on the Racist bandwagon, which is seemingly the popular bandwagon of the week according to the British Press.
When an arguably funny Canadian Actor/Comedian (Mike Myers) does a Dutch Impression in a hollywood movie (Goldmember) it's loved by many and gets nominated for awards.
When an arguably funny English BBC Journalist (Robbo) does it, it considered racist and offensive.
Double Standards anyone? Or did you all write to New Line Cinema to complain as well?
Anyway, on behalf of all those offended, I would like to nominate Robbo for the Prince Philip award for the BBC Journalist who offends most people on a regular basis. That's if anyone can prise it away from Chick Young
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That was dull.
Would be good if you knew who the Spanish manager is.
The only similarity between the Chelsea midfield and the Spanish midfield is that Ballack and Xavi have similar coloured hair, and whilst we're on the subject, Michael Ballack is nowhere near the most talented midfielder the premiership has seen. Not by a country mile.
I look forward to seeing how Hiddinck takes over a team, without the benefit of a transfer window, suffering a catastrophic lack of form in certain positions - Cech, Terry, Ballack - an outright lack of quality in others - Kalou, Malouda, Bosingwa, and serious primadonna issues - Anelka, Drogba.
He'll be lucky to finish fourth.
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What are the Chelsea management thinking? Just because Hiddink has a big reputation, I think there is more of a problem with ego in the dressing room.
Scolari does not become a bad manager overnight and was not given the time to rebuild the squad and allow its natural transition. I also wonder what was happening with the team selection - NO Deco but Ballack playing - despite being out of contract in the summer?
Hiddink as PSV manager has a formidable record. In terms of internationals, South Korea were the hosts and had arguably favourable refereeing decisions in their favour. Australia were poor and Holland should have won a major tournament in the 90s following on from Euro 1988.
Also the formation - Hiddink likes very pacey players - too many are far too lazy at Chelsea. Hiddink very much played 4-5-1 or 4-3-3 depending on your standpoint - but the lack of wide players who are any good and injury-free at Chelsea means trouble. Hiddink may get a top 4 spot but not much else.
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yeah, and the Malouda dig that he makes SWP looks like a visionary, u re bloody right.
malouda is a very good example of what a normal chelsea player should not be. infact i think he is Jose's punishment on chelsea.
again, i say God bless you for beautifying my weekends!!!!!!!
AM STILL CHUCKLING!!!!!
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#31 - What a stunning concept! Ballack being over-ratted.......Is that ratted as in heavily intoxicated, or as in being pursued relentlessly by Cats and Terriers?
I think I prefer MB being hounded by small animals, personally. There should be a poll...
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#10 - are you for real?
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@kwinquark1:
It'd be a rather short pursuit - I mean, he can't run that fast, can he? ;-)
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I found it funny but after your little Hiddink "quotes" about the team every time I read something that had an "S" in it, in my mind I read it as "Sh" so goodness became goodnessh, quite funny though, keep up the good work!
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I'm not so good at accents, so I'd just say it was sit.
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I've clearly got this all wrong.All the way through this article I was thinking that Robbo was mocking 'Big' Stevie Mc Laren's weird Dutchglish accent.In other words,taking the rise out of an Englishman,not the Dutch.Sort of 'look! here's how a dim English bloke thinks the Dutch speak' rather than directly mocking Hiddink.Oh well...just me,I suspect! Still find it funny.
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Very nice, always a good read! as a chelsea fan, i'm quite sick of Maloser running into cul de sacs and quite frankly has to go.
on another note, as someone has mentioned you do sound McClown in the infamous interview. To be ueber pedantic, i study german and dutch and herr ballack is german not dutch. you actually mean heer ballack.
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im a LFC fan, but that was poor as heck, mr robson. seriously. just having a random dig at rafa for nothing, and for goodness sake, get your facts right, the spain manager is vicente del bosque now, not aragones. and i like a laugh at chelsea more than most, but some of these jokes were terrible... honest. you're getting worse and worse
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606OrMore,
He does it every week, just to get a rise.
To use his own comedy tools, he's a bit of a Wim Shucker.
If you know which 'Wim' I'm referring to.
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wudve been a decent blog if not for the accents. cant imagine anyone laughed because robbo wrote english with sh's in it to make it seem dutch and if they did i trully feel sorry for them
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I know it was ages ago but post number 4 saying that winning the league at Celtic or rangers is in some way devalued is just narrow minded English drivel.
Yes, it is only a two horse race but who realitically wins the premiership each year? Hmm, let me think...will it be Man U?...or chelsea?.....Man U?...or chelsea?.....Man U?...or chelsea?.....or maybe Arsenal every 5th year?
I shouldn't even get on me high horse about it, most of you support teams that will never know the mental strength and ability your team needs to win Championships and reach the knockout stages of the Champion's league. Anyway, just thought I would share me thoughts.
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
God chelsea are turning into Liverpool
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Everyone needs to get a grip and stop calling this bolg racist or whatever, it was an attempt at being amusing and it was in some places.
As for Chelsea, yeah it's good Guus is taking over but I really don't see them doing anything this season....I just hope they can stay in the top 4. Shame about Scolari, I thought he was quite amusing at his press conferences, and his sigining all came down to Abramovich not being able to settle for second best....remind you of Scheva anyone - what a waste of money he was!
All in all they have an older and tiring squad and have siogned players who just can't cut it in the PL like Malouda, Kalou, Ballack to name a few. They need to sell Drogba's arrogant ass and sign someone up front to play along side with Anelka, sell Malouda, Kalou and Ballack and sign some frech meat there too, then maybe next season they'll do something again but until then, my hopes are very low.
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Surely if people perceive the blog as racist, then it's racist?
After all, on the BBC's terms, if making a prank phonecall on the radio is perceived as a scandal because the great unwashed Sun reader says it is, then it's a scandal.
Can't have it both ways.
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Oh, how we love to hate Chelsea! :)
Poor Scolari - we should have given him more time and of course with that to see Chelsea drop even further down the table, out of CL etc..
That evil Chelsea owner! How could he desire success for his club??!! Seriously though, Scolari should not have been hired in the first place - so, yes, Roman takes the blame for this one. And the first man that should really have been gotten the sack is Peter Kenyon!
Robo, mate, this is one of your weakest works so far.. As a redemption, can we see you write something hilarious about Boro's relegation battle?
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Anyone who finds this racist needs to get a life. If a Dutchman read this he would probably have a chuckle. It's only white British middle-class hippies who actually go on about racism all the time. It does my head in! GET A LIFE YOU LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!
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You are aptly named 'Robbo' Robson, when are you going to return to me the time I have just been robbed of?
People crying racism every five minutes because they can't handle (actually) funny jokes makes me angry. However, what makes me more angry is the use of poor, age-old gags and lazy, mis-informed guff-chatting as a substitute for journalism.
Is it a coincidence that some of the other good blog-writers on this site aren't afraid to reply/ have a bit of a laugh with the readers who have taken the time out to criticise and comment on their blogs?
The thing with impersonations is they usually have to be heard to be funny, and I have a funny feeling yours wouldn't be. You claim that Hiddink being in charge of Chelsea is bad news for the rest of us next season, implying he'll be there next season. Correct me if I'm wrong but hasn't he already stated this won't be the case?
If you can't be funny, be informed. And if you can't be informed, write for the BBC (the journalists equivalent of a council job?).
On a plus note, taking the p**s out of Chelsea is always welcome.
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Absolute tosh, Robbo, is this what we pay our licence fees for? Go and stand in the outside loo for 3 hours.
Actually, the Dutch accent thing did go on a wee bit long; however, if people think that mimicing others' accents isn't funny, try listening to Eddie Izzard doing his James Bond translator piece.
What's the big deal about managing anyway? As has been said, if you are manager of Man U, Liverpool et al, and don't end up at least near the top of the tabel every season, you'd have to be a complete ****; what's so difficult? half of them have pretty much nothing to do with the training; that's left to someone else. You pick what you think is your best side, make substitutions, and...give a press conference. 2,3,5m a year - bring it on!
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P.s. And before anyone jumps on the 'if you don't like it, don't read it' bandwagon, how is one supposed to pre-empt the poor quality of an article before reading it?
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Haha, Robbo looks like you'll be joining Carol Thatcher!!
I think everyone crying 'racism' needs to grow up and realise there is nothing derogatory or offensive towards Dutch people there.
If there is we should string Steve McClaren up as well...
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red sam,
i bet you got upset when harry enfield did his scousers gags.
in his words "calm down, calm down"
get a grip pal!
oh by the way its not your year this year either!
if you get wound up by Robbo then surely don't bother reading it or watch your old betamax recordings of Liverpools wonder years!
nothing like sour grapes to spoil a good fruit basket!
heaven forbid anyone should take the mickey out of Liverpool but as you take the bait then carry on Robbo! every week its the same with you. i thought scousers had a sense of humour.
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84
Spot on.
as Robbo says he doesn't call a space a soil-redistribution implement.
and as for the whole "i don't pay my licence fee to read robbo.... rubbish!" i answer dont read this blog or alternatively dont pay your tv licence.
Simple really!
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sorry spade!
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87,
Racist!
;)
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#79. Pogrbnyak:
I'm sure Robbo would like to write a piece about Boro's relegation battle, but we're so bad its not even remotely funny...
...unless you're a Newcastle or Sunderland supporter...
Besides, if he did, he'd get slated for writing biased, regionally-focused articles, of no relevance to the rest of the BBC's online viewers.
At least...I think thats what'd happen...
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Haha, i was thinking the same, you need to be very careful with that word 87.
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i've just dig a big hole with that spade. it was to correct my typo from comment 86 before the pc brigade attack me!!!!
still its wasted a good couple of hours being bored at work!
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91,
You're only making it worse for yourself!
:)
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Robbo,
Is your Bank Manager a man or a woman? What sort a relationship are you having with him/her? Bankers have already got a very bad name and you're only going to make things worse for them!
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i wont mention anymore soil removal devices i swear!
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I'm sure you're still safe with "trowel" - unless there are any abusive connotations I'm not aware of.
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Racism? Since when are the Dutch a different "race" to the English? Both are from the same major (Caucasian) grouping of the human species Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Moreover, amongst Caucasians, the Dutch and English (both originating from Anglo-Saxon stock) are probably more alike biologically, ethnically and linguistically, than any other two nationalities. So to all those contributors, (some of whom apparently are so blinded by a perceived need for political correctness that they casually ignore correct usage and meaning); by accusing Robbo of being "racist", you display nothing but your ignorance: mimicking the Dutch might be considered chauvinist, ethnocentric and perhaps even xenophobic, but it is a misuse of the term to consider this as "racist"... Racism is a very serious matter, so surely it follows that accusing someone of being racist (an offence punishable by law) should not be made carelessly.
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I've thrown in the "trowel" on this one! ahem!!
i think Robbo is in his office playing "blog bingo!"
it relates to the numbers complaining on here and if he gets the right numbers he shouts "bingo" and replies.
just a thought.
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97,
You don't seriously believe that 'Robbo' is anything but a construct, surely!
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Don't spoil the illusion. i mean who else can write a whole piece on chelsea and offend nearly everyone. the BBC probably use old jonny ross to ghost write the blog if robbo's not well.
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Racism can indeed be backed by offence to nationality, not only race! So, HKAussieJohn although your point is highly valid, there are concepts of racism in deeming that one nationality is 'above' the other for example and taking the 'Michael' out of it. Just a point to make you aware of.
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@56. Peterb400 wrote:
Robbo - you've done it again "Ballackshadaisical" - pure genius, as descriptive writing goes this is up there with Dylan Thomas.
_________________________
Steady on! Decent blog, but "up there with Dylan Thomas"? That, quite frankly, is a ludicrious assertion.
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Hey Robbo. I read your blog pretty much every week but this is the first time I've posted, cos I thought it was bloody funny. As ever you've managed to attract the attention of the WUMs, the humourless and the downright thick.
Bring back Micky Droy!
Rook.
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hahahaha robbo does not even know who the manager of spain is hahaha
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Jeez !!
And you get paid for that trash?
I'm glad I don't pay a license fee !!
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Robbo, that Guus Hiddink impression looks more like Steve McClaren.
:-)
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Yes, yes, all right. I am a nit. Del Bosque not Aragones. I got me balding veteran Spoanish coaches mixed up and I am ashamed of meself.
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Given the reaction to this effort I look forward to the day when I'm mildly diverting and no offence to anyone - the kind of blog equivalent to Pam Ayresh (as she's known ijn the Nederlansh).
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i cant imagine Pam Ayresh (as she's known in the Nederlandsh) coming up with Ballackshadaisical tho!
i'd imagine you more as a thora hird type as you mellow in your greyier years if we're talking ageing/dead female non threatening, non offensive personalities.
(trying now to wipe said image from mind!!!!) :{
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A chinaman, a jew and a muslim go to an indian restaurant.
What a shining example of multiculturalism in these difficult times.
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If anyone can point out which bit of this blog is "deeming that one nationality is 'above' the other" I will be fascinated...
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Can you say chinaman?
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Still waiting for the punchline Red Sam...
...or isn't there one?
By the way Robbo, I for one hope you never become mildly diverting and wholly inoffensive.
The responses from the humourless nitwits who feel compelled to post here, are almost as funny as your articles.
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Give Bournemouth a break!!
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dyrewolfe,
There isn't one - it's classic Bernard Righton.
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Ee, I know what you mean dyrewolfe. These moaning minnies are about as much use as an Antiguan groundsman. There now, I've gone and had a go at the Antiguans. Will I never learn!?
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btw robbo, aragones is now Fenerbahçe manager and the new Spain manager is Vicente del Bosque! get it right mate!
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man, i had hard today at school n this loosen me up a bit....keep it up...it was hilarious..a classic!
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I'm sick of Robbo. I could, and have, vomitted more amusing football commentary than this.
So come on BBC, WHY OH WHY OH WHY? etc.
last time I click on this.
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I've always rated Robbos blogs as they are guaranteed to bring a tear or few of laughter but this effort was a bit limp.
That said it does have its moments although I thought the ish mimicry dragged on a tad longer than necessary.
Decos away day, Obi one-kenobe and the loaner Hasungotta-kalou saved the bacon for me.
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I thought Hiddink was going to succeed Grant but then Scolari was also a decent signing. Hiddink is a genius and will whip the team back in shape in no time. All the prima donna can kiss their lazy attitudes goodbye. I bet Hiddink would have brought Arshavin to Chelsea if he had been appointed earlier in the season. That would have more than compensated for Joe Cole's absence. As for Deco he is heading out this summer.
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I em a Dutch people and must saay that this is not offensive no not at all.
And my colleague (...and lover) Ronald has he also agrees.
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Excellent, I'm being censored!
I'm not dragging out a woman's slow, painful cancer death on TV like the BBC is, but I said something bad about a football team!
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The BBC doesn't give a monkeys - if they did, shit like the R1 breakfast show wouldn't be on the air - they use the ratings as an excuse for it, discounrting the fact that 70-80% of its listeners are too young to pay a licence fee that doesn't need to be paid for listening to a BBC radio station anyway.
It's a joke, same as this.
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Why can't I type fu€k after 9pm?
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I've said it before and i'll say it again, Chelsea are the laughing stock of English football. The amount of money that has been invested in that team is phenomenal, yet they are still to win the Champions League and challenge Man Uniteds dominance in the premiership.
As for Hiddink, he grooms his public image as everyone's favourite dutch uncle, but he is all about the $$$. Sir Alex will make him eat his words come April. Challenge for the league, Chelski are challenging for the wooden spoon.
I can't wait until Roman and his dosh take a one way ticket to Moscow and the Chelski "diehards" become season ticket holders at Manchester City.
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
I read Robbo most weeks (and most other blogs) but never posted before. This 1 made me chuckle but not as much as some of the idiotic replys - are these people serious, do they have a life? Please just read it and take it as it appears to be meant - a light hearted look at the footie week. If you don't like it do us all a favour and realise its not for you and don't upset yourself reading him again!!
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sparkly,
No they'er not serious.
Yes they have a life.
It's just pish.
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For the first time I can actually relate to all the Robbo haters; that was absolute garbage.
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
"'JT, no more complaintsh about how bad your back feelsh or we'll let Bosingwa loose on it."
and
"'Malouda... what can I say my little Cul-de-Sac King. You make Shaun Wright-Phillips look like a visionary."
Too funny lol
and agree totally
Guus - my first choice for England boss ahead of Capello,
-------------------------------------------------------
However, Guus is famous for his work rate requirement. Here is the problem: Chelsea got few too many pair of aging legs.
Personally,
Bernd Stanges - my first choice for Chelsea and he is used to working for dictator too.
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*Jumps on the bandwagon*
I always read Robbo's blogs, and most of them are funny and it is refreshing to see comedy from the BBC, however, this one was below standard and didn't make me laugh like some in the past have.
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Really good laugh from top to bottom. Of course from an Evertonian point of view fragment about 'Rafa the Gaffa' was most hilarious! :)
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Good blog Robbo, your stuff makes my day, great Yorkshire humour.
Right on # 60 , the ' Politically Correct Brigade' have totally ruined the UK. Racist, they don't know the meaning of the word !
Does anyone really believe that the French, Germans, Dutch , Canucks or any other nation don't have a laugh it the Brits.
Get a life.!
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Red Sam's contributions get more more furious by the week. I hope you get out a bit and unwind, mate. Rafa and you both.
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im dutch and a chelsea fan (that makes me orange and blue doesnt it) but i did not feel offended at all. you did take the piss out of my team as you always do, but this time they deserved it. chelsea showed how much they need hiddink when they played against hull. great humor, definitly not racism, definitly taking the piss out of chelsea
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Don't speak too soon Robbo! I remember when people were waxing lyrical about Scoalri.
There's no question Hiddink is an exceptional manager, but I'm still failing to see what Scolari did that was so wrong in the pitiful eight months he was given at Chelsea.
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re #111 "Why aye man - china"
Until I read this blog, I thought a racist was someone who entered the 100 metres and could therefore run. That would seem to rule out most of the Chelski players ...
Off topic - but as Englishman living in Scotland on Valentine's Day, here is the word of the day.
Nascent - Glaswegian who couldn't find perfume for his wife.
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Robbo - what is it with these clowns who think you have to be Shakespeare to write for the bbc?
Keep up the good work fella
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This was not one of Robbos best attempts, but was still decent and amusing.
As for complaining about wasting the licence fee on Robbo that is stupid. There are far more worthy targets such as the entire TV department. More than 95% of the output is average at best and usually rubbish. The only good shows in recent years have been Life on Mars and its spin off and I have heard good things about Spooks.
You just need to look at that Robin hood show. It was truly atrocious, not good enough for any channel, but made primetime. Radio 1 also deserves a good kicking.
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"somewhere lowly like Bournemouth" - Do you wanna be any ruder !? ..... cory
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Glad you finally realised what what a asset Beckham is for English football.
The man has so much money he could be spending the MFL closed season sunning his backside anywhere in the world, but instead chooses to go and play in Italy simply because he wants to play for England. Not many English players would be interested in doing that.
Beckham thoroughly deserves to equal Bobby Moores record.
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#125
Stabesy, you sound like a "die-hard" Manure fan.. :))) the real deal..
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i actually liked this blog robbo, congratulations.
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Chelsea beat Watford
So what
Lets be honest nobody will be quaking over that result.
Frank Lampard man of the match again apart from Anelka
Big Deal When has he ever have a good game against the BIG sides
He goes missing ....not the sign of a so called world class player and nobody will convince me otherwise
Football is a game of opinions and that is mine
Sorry Frank you are an overated overpaid primadonna.
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This is terrible.
Really, really bad.
It manages to suck in so many ways, and on so many levels that it is actually some kind of achievement. But an achievement like having the world's floppiest teeth (ie one the makes you wonder why you bothered).
I just read it again, I'm going to cry.
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I cannot believe this robbo bloke is given such a forum in which to write such drivel. I cannot recall reading such poorly written, hideously unfunny rubbish. Here, an example of the sort of cutting, witty analogies employed by this cretin:
"stopping them scoring was as easy as keeping a toddler from pushing a door open."
Mind bogglingly awful.
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Quite possibly the most disgraceful artical I've ever read.
Robbo, your're clueless.
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Seriously unentertaining, I didn't find this funny at all. Is this man really paid money to make one dimensional analysis of football in a "humourous" style? I am flabbergasted!
And can we stop the racist discussion. This is not racist, he was merely taking the mickey out of the way Guus Hiddink speaks. Goodness!
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When did England play Fenerbahce? Must've been tough on ol' Colin Kazim Kazim...
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Clueless, #148, but I can spell 'article'. Not the hardest ask that particular word, son.
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Haha, typical Robbo, another cheap shot.
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robbo...alwayz a pleasure...u should rite something about football before money took complete control of the game n when players were seen in pubs after the games....it would be nice for a change...
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I don't get it, it's Robbo. You know before you read it its going to be humorous and not at all serious. If you want a serious article I suggest you get of Robbo's blog and find someone else's.
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#154
"If you want a serious article I suggest you get of Robbo's blog and find someone else's".
Is that not an insult?
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this is really funny btw!!! ^_^
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#152/148
It may have been a cheap shot, but it was an easy one set up by you.
Personally I reckon it's a legitimate comment from Robbo
If you call Robbo's blog the most disgraceful artical (sic) that you have ever read, you should be able to take criticism when you appear not to have proof read your own post properly
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#118 Jabbjoo
You probably won't read this but "Thank you".
I never understand those people who say that they keep reading this blog and they never find it amusing
What are they expecting, did they never listen to Robbo when he used to appear on 5 live on a Saturday morning, just before lunch, not that I can remember what the programme was called!
Robbo, keep it going. I may be in the majority but I enjoy your blogs
Regards
Ged
PS I did mean majority btw
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#157
It doesn't matter how things are spelt so long as the message gets across, especially on a blog. In fact, you can write a whole paragraph and spell all the words wrong but still be able to read it if the first and last letters of all the words are correct, anyway, of course the cheap shot was set-up by me - it was my post!
The point is Robbo never does anything else but take cheap shots.
"you should be able to take criticism when you appear not to have proof" - you've lost me here, please elaborate...
"read your own post properly"...sorry Sir I didn't realise I was going for a Booker prize.
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Had to laugh at some of the pretend complainers. Red Sam was particularly amusing, especially when he also took the mickey out of the Dutch (or was it our neighbours to the North) with his comment at 128. Nice one!
Actually, can I say mickey? Oh, yes, 'cos it refers cockney rhyming slang, not the Irish.
Keep it up Robbo, its fun watching the whingers get wound up, even though both sides are just out to get a rise out of the other.
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#21: I would like to call you my friend... haha.... What is in the water in Newcastle? Must be LSD! That is why they keep halucinating that they are a "big club, big club, big club"... Change the record!!
Good Blog robbo, and yes adding -sch to most words is genius and funny or at least i laughed but then i was reminded of Steve McLaren!
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I tell you what, the blog was a very highly entertaining read, but the comments afterwards, they are worthy of a rating on their own. I find it so funny reading some of the comments.
Redsam and BlueTGH, i would say give up, give it a rest, but your pointless nitpicking and general misdirected negativity is down right hillareous. I love it, and i love the quick witted put downs by Robbo aswell, even if they are sometimes cheap and easy digs, those are the funniest.
Anyway Robbo, great stuff man, how do you do it
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#159
You have done yourself again BlueTGH, because the first and last letters were not the same... article ends an e not an l... I know the look similar....... *cough*..... but no!
This blog has way too many haters..........
WHERE IS THE LOVE PEOPLE???
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#163
They were 2 seperate points - one being the fact that spelling means jack sh!t so long as the words can be read & understood - especially on a blog, and the other being the fact that you can write a whole paragraph, not one word, but a whole paragraph in the way I've outlined above and it will still be readable, look I'll prove it...
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid! Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt...
Oh, and I take it you meant to say 'I know THEY look similar'?
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Robbo you are a total pratt. I've read a few of your blogs now and never once have I found them to be funny, insightful or anything other than mindless drivel. If I want opinions like yours I'll just go and listen to all the other mindless pillocks down at my local who harp on about how "Football aint waht it used to be" and how "money has ruined the game" oh and whilst they are at it "...all the blimming immigrants ruining our country..and it's a shame women got the vote..". Bore off you mug.
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What a load of utter drivell. Cheap, cheap shot at Leeds, whiteboards dont need damp cloths and the 'dutch' accent drags on far too long!
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#164
I reiterate "Where is the love?"
These comments really are becoming less of a footballing discussion and more of a hate filled abuse page based on geography, grammar and anything else people can rib from the previous post.....
........it's hilarious. Thanks BBC!
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#159 (BLUE TGH), I think you have misinterpreted what I wrote.
I was trying to say that it seemed that you did not proof read your post properly
If I had been asking you, firstly for proof and then secondly, to read your own post properly I would have used a comma between proof and read.
Hopefully that clarifies that point, although thinking about it, using "proof-read" instead would have probably been better
Whilst I agree that getting your message across is important I disagree that spelling does not matter. Poor spelling could weaken your case for occupying the "intellectual high ground" (for want of a better phrase).
I would also say that in relation to the Booker Prize, I agree, it does not look as if you are going for it either
Kind regards
Ged
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its really disgusting to read you trying to sound like a dutch. but am sorry robbo u sound like a duck. meanwhile i dont agree with ur coment that ballack is one of the best midfielder in in englad. you are totally wrong with that comment. for the past few games i've seen him played this season ballack is growing worse ever since mourinho left chelsea. he keeps giving the defensive midfielder toomany to think about. he's alway loosing focus and causes confusion in his team.
well, am not amazed bigphil was sacked because the guy is not good at crisis management. he's always panicking whenever he's not scoring or his team is a goal down... a typical example is portugal vs Germany
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I prefer Dave Pundit.
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"Some lowly youth team nobody who's destined to play his first team football at somewhere lowly like Bournemouth"
Lay off Bournemouth Robbo, we've got enough problems...
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Robbo does reflect the average man from NE England.
Not much culture, sense or sense of humour.
Come on mate right something that is actually funny and not something of the level of a 8 year old schoolboy.
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Robbo does reflect the average man from NE England.
Not much culture, sense or sense of humour.
Come on mate write something that is actually funny and not something of the level of a 8 year old schoolboy.
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
funny
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funny!
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funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no
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#168
I don't think I need to reply at length to that mate...dear me.
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#178 BlueTGH
No problem, mate
Believe it or not I am interested in what you thought , but if you choose not to reply then that's up to you
Regards
Ged
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Is Guus impersonating Sean Connery in your blog?
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Far too many quality one liners to stop me laughing out loud.
Luckily working from home today so not getting the normal raised eyebrows and tut's from around the room.
Lowly waster clubs like Leeds. Love it
I still do not understand how some readers who obviously don't get it still read your blog week in/out and moan on and on. Goto the Newsnight blog instead girls
They must all be masochists (or Leeds fans)
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There seems to be some debate going on about the use of the fake Dutch accent - I should like to say I'm a Dutch citizen and I thought it was rather funny! Especially the phlegm-reference was hilarious.
As for Hiddink: part of me hopes he does well. God knows Dutch football in its current state can use all the PR boosts it can get. But the trouble is I don't like Chelsea very much...
I'll flip a coin. Headsh shaysh I shupport Hiddink, tailsh shaysh I don't.
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Hilarious Robbo lol
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