Alternative transfer deadline day
Of course there's always a lot of giddy gossip going on during transfer deadline day. The ghost of Jackie Milburn is often seen in Gateshead taxis.
A couple of years back, we had that Zinedine Zidane having a ploughman's in the Blue Bell at lunchtime. And only last year, rumours that Cristiano Ronaldo was seen in the Neptune Pool on Ormesby Road only seemed to be authenticated when it appeared he'd been diving off the top board, and howling in agony all the way down.
Still there's always some gossip that no one tells you about. You've got your gossip page but here's some of the things you may not have found out about the shenanigans on deadline day.
Chelsea have lined up Lionel Messi. He'll cost 120m euros and if Kalou and Malouda are thrown in as makeweights , it'll cost them 170m.
Andrei Ars-shavin could be joining Ars-ene at Ars-enal. Other rumoured purchases include Ars-enio Hall, Faustino Ars-prilla and Ars-afa Powell and, well, anyone whose name begins with A-R-S (a few players spring to mind).
Rafa Benitez is once more enraged by Harry Redknapp's indiscreet comments after the old geezer says he wouldn't mind buying Torres, Gerrard and Carragher. Rafa is quick to respond by saying: "You can't have them - no, no, no, no, no, no! Stop it! It's not fair! Wah-Wah!"
Meanwhile Keane is staying at Anfield after they put comfier cushions on the bench. The cushions were designed by Andriy Shevchenko after his uneasy career at Chelsea. That's Keane the turgid rock band by the way 'cos......Spurs make a series of last-minute signings... after Defoe and Chimbonda, Harry snaps up Robbie Keane, Taimu Tainio, Paul Robinson, Helder Postiga, Garth Crooks, Glenn Hoddle, Steve Perryman, Martin Chivers, Cyril Knowles and Danny Blanchflower.
Desperate times at Newcastle United, who go down to Lincolnshire to sign some new strikers from outside the Lindsey Power Station.
Aston Villa chairman Randy Lerner (a name that always conjures up a sixth-former in the arms of an older, wiser woman) sanctions the purchase of several vital buys: a rabbit's foot, a horseshoe and a lucky black cat. Not that they need any more good fortune this season.
No one's falling over themselves to sign Steven Taylor, so the Newcastle player seems to be making do with falling over himself in the opposition box.
Big Phil Scolari signs the Chuckle Brothers. 'They will fit in well with my other midfielders' he says. To me, to you, to you, to me.
Sir Alex Ferguson and his squad all sign extensions to their existing contracts. There's a slight hitch but the crisis soon passes 'cos, when you really want one, you can always get a pen at Old Trafford.
Arsene Wenger has signed four schoolboys from Ghana for tuppence ha'penny. No one's heard of them. They're all in the team for Saturday's clash with Cardiff and wouldn't you know it they're all blinking geniuses.
Djibril Cisse is signed by Goodyear, who intend to use his head to advertise their new tyres.
Liverpool cough up £25m for David Villa. Rafa seems pleased but tells the assembled press: "He's a top quality player but if he's rubbish when he gets here, just remember it wasn't me who bought him."
Middlesbrough manager Gareth Southgate signs Kelly Brook as their new centre-forward. "I've looked at her and I think she'll be a bit of a handful", says Gaz.
Wigan have invested in a nanny for Charles N'Zogbia. Steve Bruce is concerned that the left-sided Frenchman won't have anyone around to help him put his toys back in his pram.
Everton have signed a new coach for away games as they've gone off the one they currently park in front of the goal.
Bolton Wanderers are keen to sign a player with a pilot's licence so he can fly around above the stadium trying to keep the ball in play. Megson is keen to get an osteopath in too as the Wanderers midfield is suffering from a collective cricked neck.
Manchester City's transfer budget is reduced when their owners announce a takeover of Iceland - that's the country not the frozen food shop. West Ham are delighted.
Newcastle United announce that their new manager is to be Alan Shearer. After converting the River Tyne into the River Wine, he walks across it to sign his new contract.
Rick Parry signs Johnny Vegas and Vanessa Feltz. Rafa is outraged and storms into the Chief Exec's office to tell him 'When I said, we needed a bit of width, this wasn't what I had in mind.'
Deprived of Rory Delap for three games, Tony Pulis brings in a medieval catapult to play down the left.
Suddenly Man Utd are in the market for a player. But it's gone past the deadline and they can't get Tim Cahill now. But somehow the officials manage to find an extra 10 minutes in which to get the deal done and dusted.
I'm Derek Robson. People call me Robbo. Legend has it I was raised in the furnace and smog of Teesside. Some might say I took the hard road. I like to tell folk I had trials for Middlesbrough, for Hartlepool and for burglary (not guilty). I've always loved sport. My job is to say it as I see it - whether it's in the bar of the Blue Bell or on this blog. You won't find me calling a spade a soil-redistribution implement.
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~21~RS~)
Comments
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I should add that all of this made sense as I sat in the boozer this afternoon refraining from the ale till the Boro get to 30 points. Suffice to say I've discovered the joys of draught cider.
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Good blog, I recon Newcastle should sign Rivaldo because partnering Taylor, then they wouldn't need to dive to win penalties, just shoot the ball at their knees or their arms and the results are just as good.
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rafa on david villa..top quality but if he turns out rubbish i didnt buy him...still gigglin..read your column every week robbo..its top notch stuff and cant believe some people take your comments seriously sometimes with the comments i see here!!!
lighten up guys!! its a game!!
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Surely Keane, Defoe, and Chimbonda all moving back to Spurs within about 5-minutes of leaving in the first place is the biggest transfer deadline joke!!!!
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I hope your local is better then mine Robbo, every Sunday we get these fellas from the South sporting daft wolley hats and mustaches and talking about the quality of the local ale but not in an alcoholic manner.
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robbo, as you keep telling us, you are a Middlesbrough fan, and I'm sure you would quite like to see kelly brook up frount for you!!! she'd probably do a better job than alves.
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i like a laugh as much as the next bloke, unfortunately i am stood next to n'zogbia.
a titter could not be raised from either of us
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Always get a pen... nice one.
You're probably going to get a bashing from some Pool fans for picking out Rafa more than once!
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At least Kelly Brook would have more chance of scoring than Alves!!
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Generally dross Robbo, could actually believe you wrote this p*ssed.
On a positive note, the dig at Stoke and Rory Delap was entertaining, well timed and brought a smile to my face.
5/10. Can do better.
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You tried. I know you really tried. But it just didn't work out did it? You're not exacltly funny today. Mores the pity
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Absolutely great blog, funny and yet accurate info on teams and managers.
I just wish more people would say it how it is like this.
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'Desperate times at Newcastle United, who go down to Lincolnshire to sign some new strikers from outside the Lindsey Power Station.'
hahaha quality stuff
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The fairy tales day will soon be over Robbo. Good take on the day.
PS your prediction for the big drop WBA Stoke and ..ahem Newcastle is looking little shaky.......but J Kinnear may yet come through for you.......
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The usual crap.
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"Newcastle United announce that their new manager is to be Alan Shearer. After converting the River Tyne into the River Wine, he walks across it to sign his new contract." - That's exactly as it'll happen.
Quality as always...
Delap's replacement would be a french chap by the name: Tre Buchet.
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That was brilliant, best blog you've done in my opinion.
'Aston Villa chairman Randy Lerner (a name that always conjures up a sixth-former in the arms of an older, wiser woman)'
... ha ha ha ha.
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Quality as always Robbo. Love the way it gets more and more ridiculous.... until you add the bit about Man Utd getting 10 mins extra to end up with whatever result they want.
And that's me slammed back to reality. Shame.
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Great blog as always robbo, cheered me up on an otherwise boring working day.
Not to nit pick but it Lindsey Oil Refinery, not power station, but we knew you meant that really....
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I'm sure all the people that are calling this blog 'crap' could do so much better themselves... :/
Most people think it's funny. The minority obviously don't have a sense of humour.
Nice one Robbo.
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"Deprived of Rory Delap for three games, Tony Pulis brings in a medieval catapult to play down the left."
BRAVO. Best Mental image I've had since Kelly Brook playing up front for Boro.
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free at last
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"Deprived of Rory Delap for three games, Tony Pulis brings in a medieval catapult to play down the left."
BRAVO. Best Mental image I've had since Kelly Brook playing up front for the Boro.
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You always slam my team,but i like you,you are funny,you make my day..and if anyone slam you,they´ll answer to me..
Here is for those extra 10 mins..
The goodyear advertising contract..
the genius Ghana youngstars..
the converted River wine...
And my fav...
ARS..shavin, enal,ene anal..With a name like that Andrei should pen that sig in a dash..its a match made with enaf ARS-enal!.
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Good stuff Mr Robson, can tell you are in a very synical mood today (And whoever corrects that spelling is simply pedantic... And that one) But still its top quality stuff man. Its all absolutely rediculous, but well researched, which is a clever combination, and you cant ever help but laugh when you read it. Yourself and Chris Charles have this uncanny ability to squeeze about 15 talking points in to one blog, and make it very amusing, wheras your serious bloggers take just 1 talking point and can sometimes bore the bejesus out of us with it. Good stuff
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No.10 - Are you a school teacher? Why are you marking his blog out of 10? He hasn't written it to be marked!
Quality stuff Robbo. Let's hope Wenger does put out some unknown Ghanaian school kids against Cardiff. Mind, the way they're playing i think we've got a great chance to beat them whoever they put out..
Keep it up Robbo, may see the 'Boro down our new stadium next season!
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HA! every time my friend asks who i think Wenger will buy, i say exactly the same thing! but at this point, Ghana's probably too obvious a source for 'im - he's now only recruiting in Zanzibar and Cyprus.
good stuff Robbo - i'm sure you'll agree we could all use a good Arseshavin'.
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seen Perryman,Chivers,and Ralph Coates in Farm Foods in Ormesby Satda, FACT!!!
Greavesie was in Bargain Booze said he was gonna buy Newcastle wit hthe money off his empties FACT !!
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Excellent blog Robbo great stuff :)
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Robbo,what makes you think its Tim Cahill?..why not Downing?
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Great blog Robbo
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welcome back Robbo,this was abfab-topdraw!!however I actually think we (NUFC)should have Kelly due to a reference on her home page -
More recently Kelly can be seen in School for Seduction which she filmed in Rome and Newcastle England. Kelly plays "Sophia", an Italian seductress who teaches Geordie girls the art of seduction, due for release in 2005.
she´d certainly take my eye off the game-mind you watching Ameobi and Duff have the same effect!!
JK according to his beeb interview had difficulty pronouncing NZogbia!!Charlie obviously heard wrong!!your other references especially Chelsea/Messi,ARShavin/ARSenal and needless to say Bruce/Zoggys nanny are top draw!!
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#28-should Greavesie fall short of the target,he can always give Gazza a bell !!I?d rather see them in the directors box than FB Ashley
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#26
Quite right about #10. It's a blog, mate! Not a an essay I did last night while watching my Hollyoaks DVD... As for #11, Red Sam's always blinking mardy as far as I can tell... and after Liverpool started the match with 12 on Sunday and Chelsea ended with 10, if you know what I mean.
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No robbo, what do you mean?
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Witty and well thought out as usual. All the same targets, all the same old gags.
Raffa the Gaffa who didnt ralise what a gaff in this country was until he bought keane...
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Robbo - good stuff as always mate!
Must admit Cahill would be an excellent signing for United if they had a single player who could cross under 50 years of age!! Top player can't say I have ever seen anyone disagree with that.
Loving the comment further up about Stoke's new signing - Tre Buchet? Class mate, I bow down to the mastery of your historical reference that just blew me away! And no, thats not sarcasm, its just how I write... sorry!
Glad there are no signs of Delph leaving the mighty whites, I would be tearing up my ticket in protest
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I was talking about Riley's interventions. Not that Chelsea would have won that game if they'd been allowed to have 12 to Liverpool's 10. I've questioned Rafa's judgement on players but he was absolutely right about Anelka. He was almost shy on Sunday, the workshy waster!
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#25
Spot on about the serious stuff, have you seen the Bose/Mayweather vid. Its like Parky/Ali .......not
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To everyone moaning that robbo's blog is "crap as usual" (or similar): if it's that bad, STOP READING IT. And certainly stop telling us how crap you think it is. We really don't care.
If things have got so bad that all you have to do is keep coming back to read every edition of a blog that you don't like (the "as usual" suggests you're a regular reader) AND then spend more time commenting on it, I suggest it's not Robbo's musings that are crap as usual. It's your life.
So please, for everyone's sake, SHUT UP.
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Awful, absolute bilge, didn't even raise a smile. How on earth the BBC can pay for this twaddle, I'll never know. I've a good mind to refuse to pay for my black n' white TV licence. Hang your head in shame, Robbo, and go and get a proper job.
Rafa is God. Liverpool is the centre of the Universe.
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Robbo is still waiting for his chicken parmo, the longer it doesnt arrive the more he absolutely FAAAACKING loves em
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"Everton have signed a new coach for away games as they've gone off the one they currently park in front of the goal. "
waded through the first half of the blog to find this, which was quite good, only to see it get counterbalanced by this:
"After converting the River Tyne into the River Wine"
write your blog with jokes, not around ones which have no relevance and arent particularly funny anyway.
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
#44
Jeez, mate, let's hope that snow keeps building up and up and keeps you in with your kelly brook digressions to cling to. Bless.
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....."Tony Pulis brings in a medieval catapult to play down the left...."
but will the ball boys still need to carry towels around with them to dry the ball off before inserting into the above????
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More Great Stuff Robbo,
loving the alternative transfer window, if only some of the were true?!
"Liverpool cough up £25m for David Villa. Rafa seems pleased but tells the assembled press: "He's a top quality player but if he's rubbish when he gets here, just remember it wasn't me who bought him." - how silly u look now Rafa getting rid of a player at a loss only 6months after signing him?! haha
loved the Medievil Catapult - quality stuff
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do you though?
do you love teh parmos?
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Loved your blog robbo- awesome!
Im betting on the next new talent Wenger finds is on an island yet to be discovered.
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loved the messi to chelsea bit, giving them an extra 50 mil to take malouda and kalou, quality!...absolutely love it how you spend most of it insulting Liverpool too, Liverpool fans are ridiculous...they are jokes! stop getting so worked up about it...
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~~~~~~~~~
Rory Delap .... medieval catapult to play down the left.
Man Utd ... past the deadline ... extra 10 minutes in which to get the deal done and dusted.
~~~~~~~~~
That's called ending with a flourish, Robbo! Good ones.
I also laughed at the Randy Lerner bit!
Cheer up. 30 points will come soon enough so you can move off the jessie drinks!
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#48
Enough with the parmos stuff now boys. I do enjoy the occoasional parmo, yes. But it requires me to be in a certain sort of condition to thoroughly enjoy one.
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spot on as always.
As a Liverpool fan I really don't know why the others moan about the jokes about Rafa every week. they're normally true (and always funny)
Loved that guys comment about Tre Buchet...pure historically inspired genius.
And the pens and deals at United, class.
Even the little quip about West Ham needing Iceland to be bought!
Long live the Robbo Blog
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Although we're from different parts of the country I'm sure we walk the same streets or you're borrowing my glasses. Top blog as always. Keep it going Robbo.
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Robbo, what the heck is a 'parmos'? I've seen this referred to many times now and am clueless. Also, I know cider is not ale but it is still sort of in the same area of draught alcoholic beverages sold in pubs. I thought you meant you'd given up on the booze!
Tried some roast chicken on Emirates Airlines coming back from Dubai last week that had a hint of the taste of parsnips in the sauce. Disgusting - couldn't finish it. Sorry, won't try it again with or without honey and roasted as you suggested. Frankly, anytime I see the word 'roasted' or 'roasting' in an article to do with football I lose my appetite immediately.
Has there ever been a season like this one with one team buying back so many players over the course of a few months? What Spurs lost on Defoe they gained on Keane. Not sure about all the other numbers at this stage but I cannot ever remember anything like it in the past. Did Keane even get to buy a house (Sorry, mansion) in Cheshire and if so was it a good investment?
Funny blog as usual. Keep up the good work.
Cheers, Joe.
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Sorry Robbo, I know many people enjoy that drivel, but one is not amused. Didn't even chuckle once during that, maybe its because I don't have a sense of humour but it all seemed particularly low-brow, very basic comedy really. Once again, sorry for saying it but it had to be said.
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Appreciate the apologetic tone, son. Not sure it HAD to be said. Don't worry about it. You concentrate on your QI box-set, mate.
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Well I find that too high-brow so...... I'ma hard man to please.
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Joe. The parmo. Middlesbrough greatest contribution to world cuisine. It's a flat bit of meat - suspiciously like pork or chicken in some cases - that's covered in breadcrumbs and smothered in like a white sauce type stuff and then loads of cheese and put in an oven. You have it with chips unless you're up yourself.
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Eee, Wayne's Ears... My Family is it then.
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At least their wasn't any really any opinion here to express so Robbo couldn't have a poor one.
Reasonably funny and worth reading.
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Hmm. I'll call this one a blog of two halves.
First few paragraphs weren't up to much, but it looks like Robbo went and asked the Blue Bell regulars for some contributions about halfway through (either that or his half-time pint of cider refreshed those parts untouched by ale for some time now).
Boro signing Kelly Brook and Liverpool signing Johnny Vegas and Vanessa Feltz...quality!
Still puzzled by all the weirdos out there who have nothing better to do with their lives than read blogs they know they won't like and then whine about them (although the few obvious tongue-in-cheek ones were funny).
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Slayed me Robbo, really did!! I'm claiming the Randy Lerner one for myself! Cheers Robbo!
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c'mon you spurs.
Back up the table we go! good to see the likes defoe keane and co rejoining spurs shows its a good club to be at that aint a joke! liverpool fans thinking they can win the league is a joke
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Everton have signed a new coach for away games as they've gone off the one they currently park in front of the goal.
---
I liked
started a bit slow, but you got into it by the end
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For once the blog was amusing.....unlike most of them
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Made me laugh Robbo - being a Liverpool supporter you sadly aren't far from the truth with the Parry/Benítez bit (whether it was intentional or not). Rafa must have the same power as Ferguson/Wenger - then with the same funds, back up and set up as those two I will be at the front of the queue to judge Rafa's deeds. Until then no one can.
On another note, where is this £12m for Keane coming from? From what I know, and easily found on the web, Spurs offered around £13m - did Parry give them a discount?
The actual figure was settled around £15-16m if unbiased sources can be trusted and when you take what Liverpool paid for him including the contract stating that the final figure depends on appearances/success, the most he would have cost LFC would have been £19m. So was it worth the gamble? I think it was even if Rafa didn't want him in the first place.
If I can get hold of this information why can't the BBC?
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Fantastic blog as always, Robbo. Liked the "ARS- and the Scolari and "Chuckle Brother"s part, got me chuckilng away. methinks coaches should be added to the transfer market deals, first should be Mourinho back to Stamford Bridge.
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robbo you should be ashamed of yourself for attacking members of bbc 606 what makes you think you have the right to talk about someones personal life and try to mock them that is disgraceful
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with regards to number 60 and 57
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Good blog Robbo, always laugh when I read yours. Loved the bit about chelsea and the chuckle brothers! Also come down to warm somerset for some proper draught cider! its beautiful
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Haha nice blog Robbo, thank god you missed Portsmouth!
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just like to ask....
theres a huge stereotype of liverpool fans not liking the jokes about 'pool.
I for one find them hilarious- even more so because they're spot on.
Just how many pool fans have complained about this article??
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Good blog Robbo,
Shame Boro never signed Kelly Brook, you might have got a crowd at the riverside. I hear Gibson is thinking of doig a special offer to get the stadium full. Buy one home ticket get two season tickets free.
I particularly liked your comment about Rafa, your jokes on the situation are like the Royle Family....Funny because it is true.
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Are you being serious gunner_erm_down?
Its his light-hearted view on things, you don't have to like it!! It's there to be read not to be marked and judged!!
I personally thought it was quality!! Randy Lerner? superb!!
The people who failed to find this funny should try the recent Mihir Bose blog, that's funny for the wrong reasons
Keep it up Robbo, you never know Ravanelli might come back!
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What a waste of time, total non-sense. Usually your column has some kind of point but where is it? And it's not even funny! I'm quite convinced this may have been written by your kid mate
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The number of people who read Robbo's blog, knowing they won't like it, then take the time to comment is hilarious; there are loads of things on the web I know I don't like, so, I don't read them. I know this is a revolutionary way to view things, but, hey, I've always been a rebel!
Great blog, Robbo - you always make me laugh!
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As a Liverpool fan I can't say I find the jokes about Rafa that funny as the mickey taking is far too deserved for my liking.
BTW for the uninitiated, there are WUMS here like NEARPOSTHEADER (41), who is just a Liverpool basher.
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69/70:
Have you ever heard of the right of reply? 606ers are not sacred cows.
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And oh, good blog, Robbo! That Messi dig was hilarious!
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I generally like Robbo's blogs. But I disagree that people should not criticise them. All that praise might just make our Robbo a bit too big for his boots, and it also provides a balance. Besides he is thick skinned enough to take it, and dish it out, when needed. This is in contrast to the severe moderation (is that an oxy) practised not too far away on other blogs.
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I can't beleive that some people think their opinions are valued enough to be written on here. The bloke is doing his job, he's a lucky man, leave him be.
Keep going on the Liverpool attack, I need as much ammunition as possible!!!
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I've only gotten as far as:
"Andrei Ars-shavin could be joining Ars-ene at Ars-enal. Other rumoured purchases include Ars-enio Hall, Faustino Ars-prilla and Ars-afa Powell and, well, anyone whose name begins with A-R-S (a few players spring to mind)."
But I'm going to have to stop reading or risk getting fired as it's becoming quite clear that what I'm doing isn't work.
2/3
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81 - people are free to criticise - but the mind does boggle at the number of people who give Robbo a slating week after week. And moan about it wasting their time, the licence fee, etc. Quite ironic when half of them are presumably at work.
Talking of which, I have a fascinating report to write...
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i dont read 606 to find people arguing especially a robo arguing with people just because they dont like his article. i never said i didnt like the article i said i didnt like robo arguing with people its pathetic for a man of his age to be arguing and insulting people just because they dont like his article.
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If you like Robbo's blog, how about joining the Facebook gorup?
http://en-gb.facebook.com/group.php?gid=47427024123
Don't worry robbo, last plug for a while i promise! Don't wanna be deemed a spammer :)
Good blog btw.
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#85
Ey up son, I wasn't insulting him I was suggesting that he should avoid my lowbrowisms in favour of summat that's more his cup of tea. All right - suggesting that he might like My Family is a tad low but crikey if you think that's insulting you must be a blinking nun. Btw I'm not actually calling you a nun, just in case you think that that was insulting.
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Very funny - i read the blog for a laugh but even funnier are the comments - especially the critiques - and the advice on how to make it funnier, i really do think that some of them are genuine! never fails to bring a smile!
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Hilarious as always Robbo!
It's a shame about the gormless brigade on here who can't understand something lighthearted and funny. One mention of their precious club and they go all PMT on us.
Especially the Liverpool fans who've obviously had a stick up their ARS-havin since circa 1990.
I agree though, that would make anyone miserable.
I'm off for a pint of cider to see if I get similar inspiration!
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I promised to let you know, Robbo, if your blog ever made me laugh.
Therefore, I must admit that the pic of the Chuckle Brothers (legends!) brought a smile to my face.
Sadly, everything else was - as ever - dross.
Hey ho.
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@90: Good to know. At least Robbo can sleep peacefully at night now!
Plank!!!
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to everyone complaining about people posting that they dont enjoy robbo's blog- surely they have as much right to comment on it as you do?
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Robbo,
Good blog as always.
Thank you for the recipe for a PARMO. sounds classy and will try it later today.
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Robbo!
Like wine, you are getting better with time.
Sometimes, it drives me mad when you call Ronaldo "Gelled Tumbler". But I know, you also acknowledge other culprits like Drogba, Gerrard etc.
Those who take offence, why they ever read the blog? Robbo, it will be better you don't answer them. Ignorance is best insult.
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Extraordinary how many people have taken time to tell you, Robbo, how funny or unfunny your blog is. (I'm in the former category). You sem to attract more comments of that type than any other blogger on the BBC. I suspect you aren't seeking praise or damnation, but just trying to raise a smile while earning a crust (in your local - lucky man).
Must say, Robbo, I will take your post-Keegan-at-St James-Park-arrival blog to the grave. Can't remember laughing as much at anything before or since.
Sorry if I'm missing something obvious (I'm easily baffled), but how does one access your archive of blogs?
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I see twitcher Redknapp is trying to buy any player he thinks can kick a ball.
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Robbo, class as ever
Are we missing something here though? Seems Mr Moyes is going for anyone with a mad haircut, Fellaini now Jo. Expect Carlos Valderama, David James, Jibby Sissy, Rene Higuita et al to be on the radar come the summer.
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Quality as always Robbo -Ars-havin love it .
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fellainisbarnet:
you forgot about Peanuts and manny Fernandez last season.
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gunner-erm-down
......................................................................
i don't pay my licence fee to pay for moderators to check your posts before i have to read this sort of crap...
take it in the spirit it was written
robbo, i'd like to shake you by the hand for a great, topical blog, but no doubt there's a beer in it!
incidently, tip for wenger...
Andreas Constantinou, (Anorthosis Famagusta) just been voted top Cypriot footballer by the Cyprus sports writers union...
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#99 DragonEyes106
My point exactly. Forget Arse-Shavin, the Toffees need a serious round of head shaving. I wanna see 11 Tommy G Mad Dog lookalikes for tomorrow night! That'll tip Rafa over the edge and off to the room with the soft walls!
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Whilst the blog is generally good and some of the comments are amusing, is there any need for Robbo to respond every other comment? Feeling insecure?
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Funny blog. I heard Randy Lerner wanted to get his hands on Kelly Brook.
But...
"Suddenly Man Utd are in the market for a player. But it's gone past the deadline but somehow the officials manage to find an extra 10 minutes in which to get the deal done and dusted."
Yeah, yeah, very funny, but I was at the match in 93 (fifteen years ago!) v Sheffield Wednesday when Steve Bruce headed home in the sixth minute of stoppage time. It makes me laugh when people use this as evidence of corrupt officials, bending the rules to help united at all costs. In the second half of that match, even THE REFEREE got injured and there was a delay for at least four minutes before he was carried off! Add to that the subs and other injuries and it comfortably came to at least eight minutes.
Plus, since the advent of the fourth official holding up the injury time board, United haven't scored a single goal outside the alloted time.
Sorry to dispel the myth.
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fellainisbarnet,
Given the weather you are more likely to see the team run out in wigs copying Fallaini. At least then they would be warm and might score while the RS pee themselves laughing.
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*94
'Those who take offence, why they ever read the blog? Robbo, it will be better you don't answer them. Ignorance is best insult'
How the fudgecake are u supposed to use 'ignorance' as an insult??
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I'm thinking if setting up a forum on people like schmeichelknight's jobs, so we can all comment on how well they do them, even if we have no knowledge about what they do.
Let's say he's a street cleaner. "Good effort son. You missed a bit there though. Like usual. I promise to let you know if I ever find a really clean street you've worked on. Doubt it though. Muppet."
See how ridiculous it is? Right...
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To Number 92 (Tisaru):
yes, people have the right to post, criticising this blog, but others have just as much right to call them complete spuds for doing so (especially the serial whingers).
On a completely different subject, is there any chance of Boro getting Arsenal's youth team on loan for the rest of the season?
I think thats the only thing that will keep us up.
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No doubting it funniest Robbo blog yet, I'm emailing it to my mates.
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#103
Now that AIG have crashed and burned, Hublot watches are about to step in with the big bucks for Man U. Guess that means an Alex Ferguson special edition watch with a 55 minute countdown.
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By the way - does anyone else think Robbo should change his nickname to "Marmite", since people seem to either love him or hate him?
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Quality stuff Robbo. Best you've written in quite a while. Rafa comments hilarious, cheered me up no end 'cos I was really disappointed about losing Keane.
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#102
I get stick if I say nowt, I get stick if I say too much. It comes with the territory. Most people don't mind me chipping in a bit.
#111
Cheers, mate. Yes, Keane going was a bit of a strange one. That's 8million you'll never see again.
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Made me day yet again Robbo - keep it up mate.
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Ooh! Hark at elstrup.
That time of the month again, is it?
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Great blog. One of your best
Chelsea have lined up Lionel Messi. He'll cost 120m euros and if Kalou and Malouda are thrown in as makeweights , it'll cost them 170m.
I nearly wet myself
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robo i dont have a problem with you replying on here i think its great its just that you have said a few things that have annoyed me such as saying that the guy who did not like your article must be a my family fan are you trying to insult the guy by saying he just watches budget shows or are you insulting my family calling it bad. but worst of all was your statement that you took an hour to write this blog whilst you was watching hollyoaks. yes i know you were joking but people pay good money for you to write for the bbc and to even suggest you dont take it serious is an insult
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Robbo...you are the Gadge
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As has been said already, pretty average Robbo. Not very funny, but the effort is there, so automatically becomes a 3/10.
Middlesbrough going down down down! Rubbish side mate. Unlucky.
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I can confirm by the way that we did NOT lose anywhere near £8m smackaroonies on the Keane deal.
We only paid around 10 of the supposed 19 million. Add to that the other 8 that is actually true, and we've had a £2.5m loss.
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Same cack as always. Still miles better than Mihar Bose but far far off McNulty and a universe off Vickery. But you do try to entertain, I guess.
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Post 117 - are you for real? Go find a life!
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
123 - I don't always enjoy his jokes but it is always a mildly enough entertaining read to be worthwhile and I think a lot of people will read such blogs again even if they do not like it once or twice, especially when it is about something like transfer day - and they are allowed to vent their opinion just like those who love it. But some people are needlessly nasty.
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At 3:59pm on 03 Feb 2009, HeavensChimney wrote:
Same cack as always. Still miles better than Mihar Bose but far far off McNulty and a universe off Vickery. But you do try to entertain, I guess.
Only an idiot would compare Robbo's writing to McNulty and Vickery, since the aim of the articles is clearly completely different. I like Robbo's articles - I don't find it all funny but then you can't please everyone. To the people who say they're 'insulted' by references to Hollyoaks or My Family, you are just what is wrong with the nanny state this country has become.
ps Robbo pleeeaaase lay off Liverpool
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Transfer Deadline day gags and you only mention Citeh once.... Although to be fair their entire transfer program seems to be a joke and picking on poor rafa... TWICE! Shame on you, his shrewd moves in the transfer market have seen him still relying on Gerrard and no better off than the team he inherited from Gerard in 2005... didnt those rejects who were shipped out and replaced by true rafa quality win something that year??!!
Try harder Robbo, although it was nice to see the words Transfer Window in an article and Roque Santa Cruz no where near it!!
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127 - only an idiot would claim that my comparison is idiotic! I didn't compare their writing styles, subject matter or approach, only ranked them by which I liked and which I didn't! Silly kid.
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You get paid by the BBC to write this Blog? Its dire unfunny and a rather pathetic waste of tax payers money.
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Hey-ho. You're all entitled to your opinions, folks. And I'm entitled to defend myself. And I am trying to lay off Liverpool, mate, it's just you keep making yourself the biggest story. I have a feeling though that you might be replaced in the next three of four weeks by others near the bottom of the Premiership pile. Mr. Adams and, much as I don't want to see it, Mr. Southgate might be walking off into the snowy hills before too long.
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Tony Adams could he be officially the worst Manager of all time.... Wycombe fans feel free in joing me in laughing at Pompey's rapid decline!
And sorry Robbo after watching your sorry lot defy all known logic by picking up a point against us at the weekend i have to agree that old miss-a-penalty... may have managed one of his last games for the boro.
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Your spot on there Robbo mate,
all these Liverpool fans keep moaning that you are getting at their team and your always picking on them and its not fair?! waaaah wwaaaahh
but as you say they only have theirselves to blame as they keep making themselves the 'Big' story!!!
I mean afterall Liverpool and Steven Gerrard, in colaberation with Gola are releasing even more merchandise to aid their cause
http://www.retrotogo.com/2009/01/gola-limited-edition-roy-of-the-rovers-sports-bags.html
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No Liverpool fan is to be without one and all shall buy one to show their faith and thanks and gratitude to 'Roy' for always coming to save the day, at the last possible minute, when Liverpool are struggling and need somebody to pull them out of the brown stuff?!
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127 - only an idiot would claim that my comparison is idiotic! I didn't compare their writing styles, subject matter or approach, only ranked them by which I liked and which I didn't! Silly kid.
Looking back not quite sure why I picked up on your comment, there are many worse...but lets be fair, you said McNulty is better than Robbo, which doesn't make sense as a comparison because they are both trying to achieve something completely different with their articles. If you had said 'I get more out of reading McNulty/Vickery' then fair enough. And please don't call me a kid, I work 40 hours/week and pay my own rent and bills.
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Cheers Robbo - thanks for a great blog - cheered me up no end - keep up the good work!
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Even better than the blog is when you lay in a bit to the other commentators. Studs up Robbo, studs up!
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Studs up, maybe, unless Mike Riley is moderating, son.
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usually garbage but couldnt stop laughing today, well done. must say though, bit about redknapp wanting torres and co, and rafa complaining was completely over my head
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Robbo,
I live not 20 miles from you.
Fancy a drink and a good old barney about football?
Would be funny, textualised,
(Good word, if I say so mesel')
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It'll be a sad day for football if Gareth Southgate gets the boot. How great would it have been to see him manage the Boro to just one piece of silverware, and finally kill the ghost of THAT day in 1996? Still, if he aint producing the goods after several seasons, perhaps he never will...
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Always have to have a pop at Manchester United in some way don't you! Sad very sad.
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I normally enjoy your posting but I do feel that you are a hyprocritical racist this time. You have your usual bash at Ronaldo diving, excuse me but didn't a certain England hero wearing the number 8 red shirt of Liverpool get booked for diving and yet again avoided another red. No mention of th enumber of times he has dived in to save Liverpool.
The media, you included pounce on Ronaldo everytime blaming foreigners for diving, funny how Gerard is never included in this witch hunt.
I'd like to receive a reply from you an dnot the usual me racist no, some of my best friends etc etc .
Bhupinder, Herts
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Fantastic blog.
I'm still laughing at the Chuckle Brothers signing for the Chelsea midfield "to me, to you, to you, to me" !
And I'm a Chelsea fan.
Thank you Robbo.
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#143
Bhupinder. Nothing racist or hypocritical in me having a dig at Ronaldo - the lad goes down pretty easily and I point it out. I have referred to Gerrard's tumbling too but the Liverpool fans think my prejudice is purely centred on Anfield - which isn't true either. But I confess that Ronaldo is the poster boy for thrwoing himself into a horizontal position, although Drogba's not much better and Michael Owen has his moments. But in the spirit of balance, perhaps you didn't notice me having a pop at Steven Taylor for his useless but successful collapse against Sunderland in the same column?
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I'm going to have a word about getting you on QI
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Good Blog Robbo, I don't get why people feel the need to complain, Your humour is typical teesside irony, do these people all come from the god old usa or possibly down south ?????
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First time reader Robbo but loved it, especially the Delap gag. I think there is a bit more about Stoke, especially with the signings of Etherington and Beattie.
Got to be honest mate, even without Delap (which we won't be), I don't think Boro will be looking forward to visiting our place next month. Pity I can't make it as I sat in the sunshine at one of Saddam's palaces in Baghdad - ho hum!
Keep up the good work - very funny.
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First time reader Robbo but loved it, especially the Delap gag. I think there is a bit more about Stoke, especially with the signings of Etherington and Beattie.
Got to be honest mate, even without Delap (which we won't be), I don't think Boro will be looking forward to visiting our place next month. Pity I can't make it as I sit in the sunshine at one of Saddam's palaces in Baghdad - ho hum!
Keep up the good work - very funny.
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#147...
from Africa my friend.
why do you think everyone has to come from usa/down-south/ ........
anyway, we always enjoy your blog Robbo,
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Boro already have a pair of tits up front.
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Just a general observation after spending several months reading Robbo's drivel (tongue firmly in cheek there!) ...
Some are good, some are bad, some funny, some not-so but I don't feel the need to whinge and whine, nor do I feel the need to lick his arse-nal and tell him how funny he has been (although that Chuckle brothers dig was top-drawer Robbo!)
Also, I'd like to add yet more weight to try and dispell the myth that all us LFC supporters are a whingeing bunch who won't have a bad word said about "Ar' Rafa" ... we are not all like that ... "you should be able to laugh at yourself before you laugh at others" ... and in that spirit, Liverpool have done about as much as any team to warrant having the proverbial extracted from us. Board-room unrest, our illustrious US owners, Keano, Rafa, Gerrard diving - bet he wishes he'd dived in a certain Southport bar now :o) Take it on the chin, and then join in the laughing at the Mancs (or whoever else it is that puts themselves up there to be laughed at).
Finally ... if you don't like it, don't read it. If you can't take a joke, go and watch Countryfile (or My Family - although personally I used to find the program funny). If you can't accept that your team/manager/player has done something that someone, somewhere will take great pleasure in "Taking the p**s out of" then maybe the CBeebies website would be more up your street ;-)
Have fun people :)
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Great blog as always.
Let it be known that Aston Villa don't have that much luck, just a side more than happy to work for each other and the guys in charge!
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Been reading these blogs for some weeks now, first comment though. I always find something interesting in your writing and love the way you let the words flow. This one is simply brilliant, I am still laughing at some of the jokes. And comment 152 you are spot on.
cheers.
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Liverpool cough up £25m for David Villa. Rafa seems pleased but tells the assembled press: "He's a top quality player but if he's rubbish when he gets here, just remember it wasn't me who bought him."
Classic mate, absolute classic.
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Peppered with gems. Got some strange looks from some miserable looking people on the NYC subway as I kept laughing out loud. But then for a Yank, a Randy Lerner sounds as bland as a Gordon Brown.
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Top blog, as usual!!
Surely you can't mention Kelly Brook without mentioning 'cup' games? Plus the fact the entire crowd would get neck-ache when she swaps shirts at the end.
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This is spot on. Love the reference to that inept bloke they call a manager.... Rafa Benitez. Gotta say the Chuckle Brothers at the Bridge would be a vast improvement on current proceedings that's for sure!
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