Robbo's 2009 predictions (part 2)
It's time for Robbo to complete his predictions for 2009 (here's part one in case you missed it)!
So here comes his thoughts for the remainder of the new year...
July
Tiger Woods injures both his wrists ducking down behind a pub table in order to avoid a conversation with Nick Faldo. He bravely soldiers on with both arms in a sling (he's brilliant with one of them broom-handled putters between his teeth) and finally takes the old claret jug by a single stroke. In a moment of misplaced generosity he asks Monty to hold the trophy aloft for him. Never have Colin's teeth been so gritted.
The Wimbledon roof is in place and there's two weeks of unbroken sunshine. Federer wins back the trophy with a faultless display of naff cardigan wearing.
The Australians arrive with a bowling attack ready for the fight. England are 20-2 when KP walks out - the sight of the best South African batsman in the world turns the lot of them into pie-chuckers overnight and after a wondrous double hundred, Freddie tears into the Aussie batting. Owais Shah is unable to play in any of the first three Tests because the selectors are planks and don't pick him.
August
The World Athletics Championships arrive in Berlin and Usain Bolt startles the world by admitting his fast times in the 100 metres were due to the fact that he's found a short cut.
The Aussies go into the Headingley Test 2-0 down with two to play and with a bowling attack of Lillee, Thomson, McGrath and Warne. The Ashes are reclaimed by England after they beat Australia by 10 wickets after the England openers Panesar and Harmison put on 138 for the first wicket. (All right it's going to be a lot closer than this but you've got to have some fun while you can, haven't you?)
August ends with newly-promoted Burnley topping the table. However, the big story concerns Sir Alex, who steps down as manager of United after two defeats. The board explain that the pressure to get results is immense these days and Fergie is replaced by Harry 'I've just taken Spurs down' Redknapp. Paul Ince says Fergie's been treated badly cos he's ex-United.
September
After surgery on his shoulder problems, a Rory Delap throw-in ends up in the stands on the other side of the pitch at the Britannia Stadium. Stoke are playing away to Manchester City at the time! Delap's surgeon reveals that Rory's surgery cost six million dollars.
The Formula 1 season is heading for a tight finish with only two drivers vying for the trophy - Felipe Massa, who has been valeting his own car beautifully all season, and Lewis Hamilton who's facing a barrage of criticism for getting his car cleaned in Sainsbury's car park while he does a bit of shopping.
England play Croatia at home. It pours down with rain and Capello stands out in it in his shirt and tie, two little windscreen wipers on his groovy continental specs. England win 1-0 after Arsenal's Michael Owen scores the only goal after a through-ball from Liverpool's Gareth Barry. Anyone's-guess-who's Jermain Defoe misses a sitter in the last seconds but it's all fine and England have qualified for 2010.
October
Scotland beat Holland at home to claim a runners-up spot. Wales muster a magnificent pair of victories against Russia and Finland and they scrape into the World Cup play-offs too - to meet Scotland. Cue thousands of re-runs of that Joe Jordan handball in 77/78. You're right my friends from across the Dyke - it's up there with Maradona that one!
Arsene Wenger causes outrage when he fields a team of under-12s in the Carling Cup, but Le Professeur insists he needs to give the squad players some experience. They beat Swansea City 4-0.
The Champions League's penalty shoot-out is redesigned. Penalties will still be taken but they have to be earned first by players producing 'believable simulations'. It becomes known as the dive-off. It automatically adds ten million each to the price of Drogba, Cristiano and Stevie G. John Pantsil, however, is available on a free.
November
Olympic planners admit that the continuing recession has forced a rethink on 2012 and they unveil new plans for the various venues.
The Olympic torch - literally a torch that Seb Coe found in his car - will be turned off during the day to save battery life.
The swimming pool is to be put on Hackney Marshes and there'll be 24-hour security to prevent anyone from popping it in the night with a safety pin or summat like that.
Victoria Park duck pond is bracing itself for the regatta.
The cycle races are to be done on stationary exercise bikes although it is believed that wiring up (Sir) Chris Hoy's machine to the National Grid should actually make money. And Ben Ainslie is ready to take on the world with his new boat just as soon as he's got used to the remote controls. The badminton and table-tennis finals will take place in Mrs. Andrews' back garden. And the gymnastics has been moved to Gorilla Kingdom at London Zoo.
Meanwhile 'Enry Cooper announces he's coming out of retirement to take on George Foreman. And Harry Redknapp leaves Man Utd and goes back to Portsmouth where they've always been lovely to him. Joe Kinnear takes over at OT.
December
There's the usual huge speculation over who should win Sports Personality of the Year. Should it be KP, following his 1,000 runs against Australia? Should it be Lewis Hamilton for nicking sixth place in the final F1 race of the year and putting the name of Twingo back in the minds of petrol-heads everywhere?
Should it be Jonny Wilkinson who following his spiritual awakening and deep interest in quantum physics manages to convince South Africans of the unimportance of rugby in the grand scheme of things, allowing the British Lions to rack up tons of points and give the Saffers a right drubbing?
But in the end the public have their say and the final three are: Robbie Savage for his ability to eat cockroaches in the jungle; Will Greenwood, for his cha-cha-cha; and Nick Faldo, who goes on Celebrity Big Brother and loses all influence within a couple of days. (To his credit, John Terry refuses to do Dancing on Ice.)
I'm Derek Robson. People call me Robbo. Legend has it I was raised in the furnace and smog of Teesside. Some might say I took the hard road. I like to tell folk I had trials for Middlesbrough, for Hartlepool and for burglary (not guilty). I've always loved sport. My job is to say it as I see it - whether it's in the bar of the Blue Bell or on this blog. You won't find me calling a spade a soil-redistribution implement.
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~43~RS~)
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usain bolts short cut
Arsenals under 12s
the divers
possibly the best blog you've ever done
Well done sir
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Openers Panesar and Harmison?
Surely you mean Anderson and Harmison?
There is a terrific partnership just waiting to be explored...
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What about Man City?
Does George Galloway join the board after praising the new oil rich owners Indefatigability?
Will Ireland ever play for erm Ireland again?, or will he be burying his hair?
????
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good blog and everything, and sorry to be pedantic, but you mention stoke play man city when delap does a throw into the opposite stand (in september). but you did state that man city got relegated, so i dont see how that would work.
still good though
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Arsene playing under-12's - that was funny.
Good blog Robbo, loved reading part 1 & 2.
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There are only two types of people in this world.
1. Who love robbo
2. Who think he's waste of license fee.
I find myself in the first group.
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Great blog yet again, my only gripe is the fact that in your previous blog you stated that Manchester City were relegated. Therefore how can Stoke be playing them? You may have meant that it was a Carling Cup match though. Sorry for the little moan there, an otherwise excellent blog.
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Very, very, very, very, very, very, very poor.
Rather like the inhabitants of Middlesbrough, in fact.
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great blog again, loved it matched yesterdays, keep it up mate
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(To his credit, John Terry refuses to do Dancing on Ice.)
------------------------------------------------
Haha...That's A Classic!
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Actually Roy Keane takes over at OT and walks when they are 10 points clear at the top in Febuary, and have qualified for everything....after making the whole Team shave their heads, and grow beards, Ronaldo and Berbatov demand to get Sold to Madrid. but end up at QPR. Paul Ince is his successor goes after 2 matches, then Brian Robson and finally Steve Bruce oversee a great escape with a win against Liverpool on the final day. the Pool go down.
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robbie savage on i'm a celebrity. i would LOVE to see that.
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John Pantsil really ought to ask himself whether he's a man or just a little child trying to get the class swot into trouble with the teacher.
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.
Painfully and laboriously contrived.
.
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"Believable simulations!!!!" -- nice one, Robbo....but I protest you added Stevie G's name to that list.
As for comment #12 about the article being funny as cancer.... shame on you, sir....
you obviously don't have a sense of humour so stop reading the blogs if they bother you.
Love Capello in his shirt and tie (hopefully trousers too) and his designer sunglasses!
Thanks for starting off New Year's Day for me here in Toronto - Happy New Year, Robbo to you and yours.
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Haha.
Thats the only description you can give this blog.
One of your best Robbo, keep it up matey.
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Yes lets make fun of the very poor Australian cricket team because after West Indies test series win we will be hyping up the incredible Panesar as a world class spinner and we'll probably get whitewashed as the Aussies throw a googly and play some new players we've never heard of who all get runs and wickets.
Still leaving pessimism behind lets hope for some great post olympic sport success.
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Brilliant Robbo!
The only thing you missed was Middlesbrough enjoying a record 17-game unbeaten start to the season and looking well set for a top-4 finish and Champions League qualification...or is that being just a tad silly?
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@ #16 - I wondered how long it would be before someone complained about Saint Stevie G being part of the divers list.
As for #12, this blog is mildly amusing and entertaining (hence why i read them). There are plenty of blogs i don't like, so i don't read them. Simple really!
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"a Rory Delap throw-in ends up in the stands on the other side of the pitch at the Britannia Stadium."
LMAO!
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"Delap's surgeon reveals that Rory's surgery cost six million dollars."
Classic!
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good one fenriz.
I hope sky go bust in the economic crisis.
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Just one correction for May Robbo. You missed the Boro going down - you need to score goals to win matches. How about Steve Gibson losses his fortune in the credit crunch and the Riverside is sold off as a Donkey santuary. It would skate through the planning process as there would be no change of use!
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Great blog!!!! The best you've done mate.....
Happy New Year to you and everyone else and keep on ignoring the idiots............
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Robbo doesn't get paid for these articles. He does them for love.
If life were a business we'd all be in administration.
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great article Robbo
for the record though, it's John Paintsil, not Pantsil. And despite the dive, he's class.
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Ouch! Too much vino. Part 1 was not bad, this is dreadful.
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Easiest prediction of all - journos will carry on hiding behind the anonymity of 3rd-rate 'comic' creations to have their habitual digs at Faldo.
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After a half decent part 1, I decided to read this. I now regret my decision.
F.Y.I. You said City go down pal... Oh and Gerrard ain't doing no diving in prison.
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"Funny as cancer.
How much do they pay you for this drivel?"
lighten up ebeneezer, I for one thought it was hilarious
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Did not reach the same standard than Part 1, but still okish.
Robbo should be European enough to contribute more about other european football leagues in the future, dare I say.
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A few continuity errors there Robbo, the Man City thing and Hamilton switching from an Austin Allegro to a Twingo.
However, as far as mock predictions go, I thought this was pretty funny.
Keep it up.
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Re [6] manucastle, actually there are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who dont, but anyway, wasting my time there. As is anyone who even in their wildest thinks that a big club will sign sicknote Owen. Arsenal in for Owen? please, maybe for their under 12's. Even then he'd only ever be fit for 6 games a season. He only had 1 plan of attack and is struggling with that one now he's lost his pace. I remember seeing Nigeria's Jayjay Okocha completely mark him out of the game and after that pretty much everyone at top level saw him for what he was. He was useless at Real and is too scared to go to Inter cos he'll be found desparately wanting yet again. Talk about living on your past. He scored goals when he was younger but he was never in the class of Rush, Fowler or Aldridge. Send him to Coventry, literally.
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You said Man City got relegated and Stoke didn't so how can Stoke be playing them?...
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OH look nit pickers - Delap's throw-in was cos they were playing each other in the Carling Cup. It's so obvious I didn;t think I needed to mention it.
Plus I was being a tad playful over me bottom 3 in May any road.
I'll be honest, I think we at the Boro may be leaving via the South Gate.
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Paul Ince takes over at OT, and is then sacked the same day. This, he states, is proof that ex-utd's cant even get a break at utd (but is really proof that he's just.....er.......well, crap).
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Part uno sneaked it. However, the vast inclusion of Cricket tarnished dos.
'Paul Ince says Fergie's been treated badly cos he's ex-United. ' that's hilarious!
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Best in a while, well in
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I have enjoyed Robbo's columns during the past year, but this is is really, really dire.
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For all you morons who are complaining about the Stoke - Man City comment: They don't have to be in the same league to play each other, ever heard of the Carling and FA Cups?
Nice blog Robbo, although, its quite clear from the comments that the only sport anyone cares about is football. I skipped the parts about golf, cricket and motorsports etc, because football is more exciting and interesting than all those others put together.
Happy new year.
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Meanwhile 'Enry Cooper announces he's coming out of retirement to take on George Foreman.
The only problem with this prediction is that it might happen !!!
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...dive-off! why not? it's probably more relevant in today's game than PKs.
fact: Stevie G is a great player, but has caught the diving disease.
fact: the eejits who whine about Robbo's blogs are lame, lame, lame. do you people have an actual purpose in this world?
good stuff, Robbinho - i'd buy you a pint anyday.
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It's been a long night shift, but this has certainly given me a few laughs.
To those who don't find it funny, you really can't have a sense of humour! Chill out or 2009 will be a long year for you!
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No swipe at Chelsea! Crikey has Robbo got a New Year Resolution to be nice to the mighty Blues???
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"Fergie is replaced by Harry'I-have-just-taken-spurs-down"......loved it!Being an Arsenal fan I would love to see Spurs go down.And that Delap bit was great too.Hope his throws end up more in the stands than in the Arsenal penalty box.Considering Adebayor's misses in the Pompey match,Owen might just be what we need.#11 is rilliant especially that bit about Ronaldo and Berbs.Keep up the good work!!
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Wolves open a 15 point lead at the top of the table, but they choke as usually by going on a 12-game-losing-streak. Reading over take them at the top, and Burnley just pip them on the last day and Wolves then crash out in the play-offs to next door lads Small Heath.
Mick McCarthy gets sacked, and Paul Jewell replaces him. But in mid-November he then resigns due to ?taking them as far as he can?.
Forest fighting yet another relegation battle for the 10nth time in 10 years and they get successfully relegated to League 1.
Baggies start their Great Escape Part II and end up finishing 8th in the league in May.
Leicester and Sheffield Wednesday meet in the FA cup final in a 4-3 thriller to the Foxes. Mark Beevers and Tommy Spurr are sold to Spurs for a combined of 18 million quid. Matty Fryatt is sold for 18 million quid on his own to Villa after scoring 76 goals for the season.
Leeds go into admin again and are docked 40 points, but they still end up in League One play-offs but lose out on Huddersfield Town in the final.
Coventry City are still bouncing between mid table mediocrity and relegation battle and their average attendance drop even lower to 11k.
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Ali-Don
If the Albion one comes true, you are granted 24 hours with my Mrs
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Kerouacbaggie
It?d be my pleasure, mate. ? - Baggies are my ?second?, if such thing exist, and I want them to do well.
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Re: CaleySaints90 (post 44). I like the way you call everyone complaining about the Stoke - Man City comment 'morons'. You make the point that they could be playing in the Carling Cup (quite possible as Robbo has already stated this is the case in post 38). You also state it could be the FA Cup, since when have Premier League or Championship sides played an FA Cup match in September.
You mor on!!!
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Re: CaleySaints90 (post 44). I like the way you call everyone complaining about the Stoke - Man City comment 'mor ons'. You make the point that they could be playing in the Carling Cup (quite possible as Robbo has already stated this is the case in post 38). You also state it could be the FA Cup, since when have Premier League or Championship sides played an FA Cup match in September.
You mor on!!!
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You are a genius, a mad G.
Believable simulation, The Tiger asking the Monty to lift trhe jud for him, Assene Wenger fielding 12 yr olds, hilarious, Robbo. You have finally outdone yrself. Cheers.
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There's a saying, Robbo, that 'you can entertain all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time'.
If this holds water, then at some point at least ONE of your blogs MUST be entertaining.
Fingers crossed it happens this year ....
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Four great big belly laughs, at least.
Thx Robbo.
My prediction: you'll keep making me larf.
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"(To his credit, John Terry refuses to do Dancing on Ice.)"
I'll bet you a pint that you're wrong Robbo.
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Alan Shearer finally takes over as Newcastle manager but unfortunately names Alan Hansen as assistant. Hanson insists that they start with one goalkeeper and ten central defenders. By 2010 they have a goal difference of 0 having conceded none, but eventually Hansen goes to Liverpool and MOTD agree to continuously show the reds first every week and praise them as gods despite their relegation.
Alan Sugar fires Kaka who only manages a shocking goal tally of 173 as City finish fourth in the Championship but lose in the playoffs to promoted Exeter City. Burnley win the Premiership for the third season running and QPR complete a FA Cup and Champions League double.
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comment 55.
So far up yours that you will not be able to blink. Happy New Year.
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Im an arsenal fan but thought that comment about arsene fielding under 12s was hilarious!! Great blog keep it up i was nearly in tears of laughter!!
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Comment 57...
If I write anything that ever makes you laugh then do let me know - I'll open me window to watch the pigs flying in front of the star in the east as the skies fall down.
And by the way if you're going to honour a hero with your online name then do big Peter the honour - and I hate to go down this route but it feels appropriate - of spelling his name right S-C-H-M-E-I-C-H-E-L.
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knight ride that comment 57!!!
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boo yar
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good blog robbo. good to see most people realising that this is meant to be a humorous blog. for those of you being a bit serious minded about it your obviously not thinking hard enough about how funny hamilton vs massa doing battle in a couple of shopping trollies would actually be. and your right robbo, villa probably will get demolished in the 4th round by united followed by boro in the 5th and arsenal's under 12's probably would beat swansea 4-0 away with a dazzling display of pass and move football.
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Arsene really has turned football upside down. Can't wait to see the under 12's in action....
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Boro?
17 games unbeaten?!
Wow... seventeen nil-nils in a row, and I bet it'd still be more entertaining to watch than Villa ;o)
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"You mention Stoke play Man City when Delap does a throw into the opposite stand (in september), but you did state that Man City got relegated, so I don't see how that would work"
Isn't it obvious? Man City bought themselves back into the Premier League.
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Should've been: "And having brought them safely back up to mid-table, Harry Redknapp leaves Man Utd and goes back to Portsmouth..."
#29: Take an aspirin ? read it again tomorrow. ;-)
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robbo, you have outdone yourself. again!!
as carlsberg would say, possibly the best blog in the world!!
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this one was great robbo.... i have condemned u a lot of times, but not this time...
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Classic comments about Fergie getting sacked and Ince's comments, very funny!
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haha...classic all-round..haha..keep it up robbo...funny...cant stop laughing.....however i hope the Fergeir part comes true....haha...
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