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Robbo's Christmas presents

Robbo Robson | 15:19 PM, Monday, 22 December 2008

Christmas is a time for giving and, as it turned out for a shifty bloke at the end of our road, receiving - he's at his Majesty's pleasure now.

But it's time to dole out some Yuletide cheer to the great, the good and the grumpy of the world that is Sport.

Feel free to recommend owt else you can think of.

Arsene Wenger - an eye-patch. He only ever has a one-eyed view of his beloved team's matches so he might as well cover the other one up.

Yuvraj Singh - his own chat-show, seeing as that's how he treats Test matches.

Steve McClaren - a parasol for those sunny days on the touchline (he's very fair-skinned so it's only fair).

Alan Shearer - galoshes so he can keep his feet dry the next time he crosses the Tyne.

Roy Keane - a bottle of.... nah, damn it, just some bottle.

Chas 'n Dave make an appearance at Spurs

Harry Redknapp - this might take some arm-twisting but where oh where is the Chas 'n Dave single 'Arry's a Top Geezer'.

Kevin Pietersen - a box-set of Smiths albums so he can spend Christmas being a little negative for a change, just for the sake of balance. (Trouble is you can just hear KP putting in a call to Morrissey and saying 'Yes, for sure, you're miserable now, but you've just got to pick yourself up and get on with the job, y'know?').

Lewis Hamilton - Timo Glock's already given him his Christmas present, but maybe we could give supporters of Fernando Alonso a bucket of water and a job-lot of soap so they can wash their stupid faces and join the 21st century.

Bernie Ecclestone - a haircut cos Bernie, that look didn't suit Andy Flipping Warhol, let alone you.

Manchester City - Messi, Kaka and Dunga - all these words describe City's season so far but I think they'll end with Roque Santa Cruz and a new manager.

Cristiano Ronaldo - same thing as he gets every year off me - a year's supply of lacquer for his tresses and a snorkel and flippers. And once Cristiano hadn't opened his present he didn't tidy things away properly and stepped into the box and promptly fell over.

Ricky Ponting - some bowlers (Johnson apart)... poor Australia - struggling aren't they? Gives a silver lining to all that fog in Mohali, doesn't it?

Heurelho Gomes - a little time on the bench, courtesy of 'Arry. Redknapp tried to let him down gently by giving Gomes a cold, but the poor chump couldn't catch that either.

Evander Holyfield/George Foreman/Any other silly old duffer who should be doing something different with their lives - a Saga holidays brochure. Me Mam and Dad love 'em and it's a dignified way to grow into your later years. There's more to life than trying to tonk another old bloke in the face. The heavyweight division is looking more and more like a school reunion punch-up.

Joe Calzaghe - in the light of the above, a happy retirement.

Didier Drogba - the Chelsea captaincy so he can toss a coin in a more useful way.

Joe Kinnear and Ricky Sbragia - fortune's fools the pair of them, and yet, they've both done enough to earn the right to take it on. So Geordies and Mackems, give 'em the job.

Mike Ashley - a buyer so he can get out of there and return to a quiet life of skulling pints and flogging trainers.

Donald Trump - Forget the golf complex in the North-east of Scotland, surely you could build a nine-hole par three in the bloke's ridiculous hair.

Fabio Capello - the nation's thanks for straightening out that bunch of millionaire muppets into a team worthy of the name England.

Joey Barton - a glass of cool water and some nice meditation tapes to listen to. That's it, Joey, concentrate on the breathing son... let your mind go blank... wait, you did that a while ago...

Maria Sharapova - a gag. You sound like a seagull that's being remorselessly smacked over the head with a damp welly. For goodness sake knock it on the head, woman.

Rob Styles - Rob's not getting any pressies this year cos he doesn't believe in Santa Claus or tooth fairies or ghosts or imaginary stuff like that, which is ironic cos he's the exact opposite when you put him on a football field.

John Terry - what else? Some slippers.

And in the sitting rooms of sports stars up and down the land they'll be playing the traditional games.

Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard will be round Fabio's place playing musical chair (that's right, just the one, Fabio).

Scrabble

Harry Redknapp is accused by Jamie of cheating at Scrabble, but his Dad insists that F-R-Z-I-J-S-K-X is the new centre-back he's signing from Cluj.

Wayne and Colleen play Articulate all day long and Wazza gets one right on the stroke of midnight.

The Pompey squad are round at Tony Adams's to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey, the owners of Manchester City and Chelsea are playing Monopoly (no change there), and Arsene Wenger is not really enjoying his game of Cluedo as he keeps getting it wrong ('I think it was Howard Webb, in the six-yard box, with the yellow card').

This is me Derek Robbo Robson saying to every one of you - even the miserygutses who think all their licence fees go on my wages - Merry Christmas!

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  • 1. At 09:06am on 23 Dec 2008, dhimmi wrote:

    Arsenal fans - A sense of reality and humility

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  • 2. At 09:19am on 23 Dec 2008, Whiteoutloud wrote:

    Merry Christmas Robbo and a Happy New Year.
    My teams very own Santa (well he looks the same, but scares the kids) has just made the biggest gaff in history and gifted Gary Mac his P45. So I cannot see me having a great time this Yuletide. (Thinking about digging out my old Joy Division album to brighten my mood).
    Looking forward to reading your blogs next year. Keep up the good work and keep upsetting all those very touchy fans in the Premiership.
    You know who you are!!!

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  • 3. At 09:25am on 23 Dec 2008, Samwell2804 wrote:

    And long may my license fee go on your wages Robbo !!!!! so long as you keep me entertained with great fun things like this !!!hahahaha

    Great stuff there Robbo, brilliant as per usual, back to your best indeed son?!
    I actually did burst out lauging in the middle of the office at points, maybe even a lil bit of wee popped out, best borrow some of Doris' tena ladies?! hahaha lol
    This makes it ok to be in the office even tho its nearly christmas!

    "Maria Sharapova - a gag. You sound like a seagull that's being remorselessly smacked over the head with a damp welly." - Cracking Stuff

    "John Terry - what else? Some slippers." - Genius

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  • 4. At 09:25am on 23 Dec 2008, bandanaboy wrote:

    Legend !
    happy chrimbo robbio ,till next year have a good un

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  • 5. At 09:38am on 23 Dec 2008, Samwell2804 wrote:

    Steven Gerrard - every Roy of the Rovers comic strip and annual ever printed

    or

    a Superman t-shirt for under his Liverpool shirt, (just for when they need to call on him to pull them out of the brown stuff agen)

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  • 6. At 09:43am on 23 Dec 2008, Goon-era wrote:

    more like, arsenal fans -2 centrebacks, a defensive midfielder, 2 wingers, and an injury free season. asking alot of father chrismas arent I?

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  • 7. At 09:49am on 23 Dec 2008, SugarDunkerton wrote:

    Anyone want an Aiden McGeady and Gordon Strachan for Christmas????

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  • 8. At 09:51am on 23 Dec 2008, Bangforyourbuck wrote:

    Merry Christmas Robbo.

    Few present ideas from me:

    1.) A mask, a bag or SOMETHING for Tevez PLEASE... the children are scared.

    2.) Elbow pads for Vidic, that's more for the opposition's benefit than his.

    3.) A paint by numbers set for Djibril Cisse, then he can do his hair himself.

    4.) A ruthless streak for Rafa Benitez to stop him hiding behind the couch each game.

    5.) A manager for my beloved Leeds who lasts longer than a year!

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  • 9. At 10:00am on 23 Dec 2008, yajusdonsavethose wrote:

    dreadful?.truly dreadful

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  • 10. At 10:01am on 23 Dec 2008, ZolasCheekyBackheel wrote:

    Phil Dowd - a pair of glasses; no way should Terry have got a red (yellow maybe but not red)!!

    Merry xmas Robbo!!!

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  • 11. At 10:12am on 23 Dec 2008, lachsative wrote:

    Genius blog. Usually brilliant but this ones legendary. Happy Hanukah and Merry Christmas.

    Wayne Rooney - the ability to finish a majority of his chances. The amount he wastes is embarrassing!!!

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  • 12. At 10:16am on 23 Dec 2008, mape_ventura wrote:

    To me - My licence fee back...

    Only joshing.

    Merry Christmas Robbo keep up the funnies.

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  • 13. At 10:18am on 23 Dec 2008, redboychris wrote:

    good effort your christmas joke gifts are hilarious especially the one's about wenger,terry,Barton and sharapova. Have a merry Christmas

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  • 14. At 10:22am on 23 Dec 2008, BCChris wrote:

    Wayne Rooney - Hair Transplant, he's got that whole 'hair island' thing going on, and its gonna get worse before it gets better.

    Alex Fergy - The contact details for a Mars All-Stars team to plan for the Club Galaxy Cup.

    Peter Crouch - A transfer to a team that wear red, purely for the fact i miss the chant 'Hes big, hes red, his feet hang out the bed hes Peter Crouch!'

    Speaking of Crouch, i read an amazing quote from him, he was asked what he would be if he wasnt a footballer, and he said 'Single'. Classic stuff

    Anyway Robbo mate, you and the family have a very merry Christmas and a happy passage through to the new year

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  • 15. At 10:29am on 23 Dec 2008, marcdon2 wrote:

    To every Premiership referee, a bunch of bananas. Footballers' play-acting is making monkeys out of you.

    To David Beckham, a pair of slippers and a nice glass of wine by the fire. Dave, it's time to stop hanging on and hang up your boots son.

    To Stephen Gerrard, a fork-lift truck, to give him a break from carrying the rest of the Liverpool team on his shoulders.

    To Luiz Felipe Scolari, a boxed set of DVDs of Chelsea's matches under Mourinho, where he can learn something about tactics and substitutions.

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  • 16. At 10:33am on 23 Dec 2008, lightother1 wrote:

    a taxi for Bill kenwright!

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  • 17. At 10:36am on 23 Dec 2008, manucastle wrote:

    What you are planning to give ronaldo, you should give out to drogba, rvp & countless others, not to forget gerrard, (Hypocrisy personified).
    Apart from that, a good one!

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  • 18. At 10:41am on 23 Dec 2008, WordsofWisdom wrote:

    Merry Christmas Robbo! Top Blog, as always!

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  • 19. At 10:43am on 23 Dec 2008, chips_in_the_queue

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 20. At 10:46am on 23 Dec 2008, SalohcinC wrote:

    Hang on a mo...
    It was all reading well until the end.
    Oih Robbo! What's all this about getting paid?

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  • 21. At 10:46am on 23 Dec 2008, ppwoods wrote:

    How about a book explaining Irony and Sarcasm for your detractors?

    Good one Robbo!

    Happy Christmas

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  • 22. At 10:50am on 23 Dec 2008, ppwoods wrote:

    To all those who whinge that Robbo picks on the same people.........

    .........who was it who said there is only one thing worse than being talked about...........that's NOT being talked about?

    I'm sure they love it.

    They are all fair game and it's all in fun, I've seen nothing offensive from Robbo..........it's called banter and it's funny!

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  • 23. At 10:52am on 23 Dec 2008, Piresistable wrote:

    Tom Daley - Steven Gerrard, a new partner for London 2012.

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  • 24. At 11:04am on 23 Dec 2008, tarquin wrote:

    How about a book on integrity by David Moyes for Arsene?

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  • 25. At 11:08am on 23 Dec 2008, MagpieRH wrote:

    his Majesty's pleasure
    --------------------------------
    Pretty sure the Queen's female, Robbo

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  • 26. At 11:17am on 23 Dec 2008, SR819 wrote:

    dhimmi, a lot of football fans from all clubs lose some perspective when looking at their own team, and believe they are better than they actually are. Why pick on Arsenal fans?

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  • 27. At 11:22am on 23 Dec 2008, Frank_Lambrose wrote:

    To #26 - because in particular Arsenal fans have been massively sucked in by Arsene Wenger's drivel that they are so hard done by and don't get any decisions etc...strange that he wasn't spouting this normal rubbish after the massively offside goal at Stamford Bridge.

    Win some, lose some mate. Wenger moans more than any manager about decisions, that's a fact, and Robbo and other are having a joke so roll with it!

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  • 28. At 11:33am on 23 Dec 2008, manucastle wrote:

    25. At 11:08am on 23 Dec 2008, MagpieRH wrote:

    his Majesty's pleasure
    --------------------------------
    Pretty sure the Queen's female, Robbo
    --------------------------------
    You are right. What with pope frowning upon trans - something, one shopuld be more careful.

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  • 29. At 11:38am on 23 Dec 2008, Worst firm in the world wrote:

    Did anybody else find post 3 a little unnerving?

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  • 30. At 11:42am on 23 Dec 2008, bandanaboy wrote:

    at chips_in_the_queue
    deriding somebody for applauding a writer they find hilarious methinks some humility under your Christmas tree could be in order.

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  • 31. At 11:51am on 23 Dec 2008, JustALitaBit wrote:

    ... and for Robbo - some better material for your jokes?

    Merry Christmas!

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  • 32. At 11:54am on 23 Dec 2008, chips_in_the_queue wrote:

    bandanaboy - applaud away, i just found your use of the word 'legend' rather over the top! i can't imagine people will be celebrating the works of 'robbo' in a hundred years! 'Legend' is one of those overused words in sport i think.

    but i'll let you off for your Shakespearian last sentence :)

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  • 33. At 12:02pm on 23 Dec 2008, Samwell2804 wrote:

    # 23 Piresistable -

    Brilliant mate, love that one, quite apt methinks

    Im also thinking............

    Rory Delap - some new arms as it seems the ones he has have given up there elasticity to throw the ball so far without lots of injections

    or maybe that shold read

    Tony Pulis - a book of football tactics as Stoke City's whole "how to score" plan has now gone out of the window with the demise of Delap's arms

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  • 34. At 12:03pm on 23 Dec 2008, sabre tooth wrote:

    Did anybody else find post 3 a little unnerving?
    --------------------------------------------------------

    Yeah, just a big bit mate.

    Robbo, all god stuff this year my friend, although I would like to see some decent selectors for the England cricket team. SHAH IN FOR BELL!!!

    Before anyone digs into me for being biased, I'm a Somerset fan...I just happen to think that Shah is the best option for Englands number 3 at the moment.

    Other ideas - Messers Dravid, Tendulkar and Laxman...a peaceful retirement. You've been great to watch but please, please stop the torment guys! It's been pleasure and pain to watch you destroy bowling lineups around the world. Retire whilst ur on top of your game.

    Lee Evans - a lifetime of antiperspirant, should help you out in your gigs.

    The population of Ireland - bring the Dubliners back and make them all 25 again...R.I.P Ronny Drew I'm going to miss you. I have all of your albums and thank you for signing my copy of "Theres Life in the Old Dog Yet".

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  • 35. At 12:07pm on 23 Dec 2008, 0znaldo11 wrote:

    robbo, your ronaldo jokes are getting worse what is it with you..

    He's not the only person to use hair gel (eg david bentley is far worse imo) and he is not the only footballer to go down after a challenge (opposed to staying on feet, potentially losing ball and getting nothing).

    Have you ever played football if you have then you would know why its sometimes better to go down...

    P.S. - keane has got bottle which is why he was banned for the 1999 ECL Final mate

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  • 36. At 12:12pm on 23 Dec 2008, geordiecount

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 37. At 12:14pm on 23 Dec 2008, robdem wrote:

    The comment about Manchester City is inspired.

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  • 38. At 12:28pm on 23 Dec 2008, Yassin_the_assasin wrote:

    Charlton Athletic - A win

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  • 39. At 12:34pm on 23 Dec 2008, villaox wrote:

    #23 brilliant!

    # get over it mate its called sarcasm/joking. dont take comedy so seirously

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  • 40. At 12:44pm on 23 Dec 2008, UTD3inarow wrote:

    Chelsea Fans- realism, just because he is the England captain doesnt mean he cant be sent off for a high, late and overall reckless challenge

    Utd Fans- stop all this standing up for Ronaldo, he's petulent, over the top, dives too much and doesnt want to play for utd. Get rid SAF

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  • 41. At 12:59pm on 23 Dec 2008, Northern_Dancer wrote:

    Anyone see Tim Sherwood's "punditry" last night? Criticised the ref for conferring with the fourth official and then criticised him again for making a "rash" decision. I'm starting to think my Setanta money is being wasted!!

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  • 42. At 1:02pm on 23 Dec 2008, Hex Enduction Hour wrote:

    Robbo, seriously. When are you going to get over the fact that - shock, horror - Ronaldo wears gel in his hair. I mean it's not particularly interesting, as facts go, and it certainly isn't amusing in the slightest to comment on it every single week without fail.

    Shoddy

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  • 43. At 1:07pm on 23 Dec 2008, Aah, tea wrote:

    Elocution lessons for Steven Gerrard - if the media must interview him, let's at least get rid of that awful scouse whine.

    Some silver polish for Martin O'Neill, no explanation needed.

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  • 44. At 1:19pm on 23 Dec 2008, Y-I-1892man wrote:

    no.10-you must be joking!!!!not about Howdy Dowdy and bins-howay man,a clear cut RED CARD!!!being from the smog,you obviously can´t see properly!!
    TOP DRAW ROBBO-would like to wish you a CHERRY MRISMASH AND YAPPY HEW NEAR-keep ´em coming

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  • 45. At 1:23pm on 23 Dec 2008, DennyCraneWHU

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 46. At 1:34pm on 23 Dec 2008, King-Dion wrote:

    Great seasonal blog Robbo - thanks. As for gift ideas - how about some extra warm mittens for the Arsenal players when the sun isn't shining in London? the poor loves certainly seem to feel the cold!

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  • 47. At 1:40pm on 23 Dec 2008, Standupifyou'veseenOwen wrote:

    Heard most of these already this Christmas Robbo. You can do better and what no jokes about the Smog Monsters?

    Happy Christmas anyway - I pity your poor lass putting up with you for an extended period.

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  • 48. At 1:41pm on 23 Dec 2008, collie21 wrote:

    Best of the festive season to you all. IT's been interesting reading the opinions. For Robbo a present this year is a) Premerhip of 20 teams all from Middlesborough all called middlesborough, with no relegation possible. B) A bar where everyone hangs on his every word and agrees with him even if he contradicts himself.
    C) The ability to question why a guy walking from one club lacks bottle but a guy who jumps ship every two years to a differnt club seems so bloody brilliant!
    Have a great time one and all :-)

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  • 49. At 1:54pm on 23 Dec 2008, Arsenal wrote:

    Your right Arsenal fans should strive to remain humble, but it's hard when your watching God's football being played by God's football team

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  • 50. At 1:55pm on 23 Dec 2008, collie21 wrote:

    1. John Terry : His own personalised red card.
    2. Ronaldo: A diving board on a empty swimming pool.
    3. Drogba a cheque book, so he can't hurt anyone when he gives to charity
    4. Howard Web: A fifth offical to play cards with while the match takes place. he doesn't watch the football anyway.
    5. Robbie Keane, 10 more gaulstones for his boss and a season of fixtures against arsenal.
    6. Roy Keane, A team who will, well defenders who will, well.....anyone who will.....oh just another dog, that is all who listens to him.
    7. Paul Ince a Mirror!
    10. Leeds utd a new chairman.

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  • 51. At 2:08pm on 23 Dec 2008, CroftKid wrote:

    Don't forget a nice thank you at Christmas for Mike Riley, seeing as he gives out the most cards.

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  • 52. At 2:36pm on 23 Dec 2008, dodiesmith wrote:

    Post number 3 not just unnerving....but in incredible poor taste. He has written before about his urinary problem....enough already!!!

    Loved the one about Fab Capello.... he truly has distinguished himself this past year, he definitely is a man of class and a sense of real purpose. We are blessed to have him.

    Talking of which, Robbo, you can't please all the people all of the time, but you bring a smile - so what if the Ronaldo hair gel thingie is always mentioned....THAT is exactly what Ronaldo does it for....silly boy, he is always going to be easy on the eye, hair gel or not. He'll get over it. So long as he doesn't shave his head like a thug....
    Why not just enjoy his football...I do.
    All the complaints about his style, who wouldn't want him playing for their own team.....

    Happy Christmas, Robbo....
    and best to you and yours.



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  • 53. At 3:31pm on 23 Dec 2008, kikisays wrote:

    Thanks for all those hilarious moments in the year Robbo. Your blogs have been a welcome respite from hours of punching figures into excel sheets.

    I sincerely hope Arsene Wenger reads your blog and thinks seriously about getting an eye patch.

    And how about a Christmas present for Calderon from Sir Alex ferguson. You can be sure it wont be a virus.

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  • 54. At 3:38pm on 23 Dec 2008, Thanks A lot BBC7 wrote:

    I wish Robbo an even lighter touch to make his jokes and word games sound less laboured and thought out. I realise the chances are slim.

    Question: Will Robbo continue the column if Boro departs to Barnsley and Co?

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  • 55. At 3:57pm on 23 Dec 2008, ZEUSFC wrote:

    ...he didn't tidy things away properly and stepped into the box and promptly fell over.

    -------------------------------------------------------
    finally! after a year of reading "Robbo", a ronaldo joke that made me LoL!


    have a good christmas matey...

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  • 56. At 4:00pm on 23 Dec 2008, SummersIron wrote:

    Marouane Fellaini - A gift voucher for Toni & Guy, or at the very least, a pair of garden shears so he can cut his hair himself.

    Nicolas Anelka/Andy Johnson/other bald players - Wigs fashioned out of Fellaini's discarded hair (waste not, want not!).

    Phil Dowd - A big box of chocolates from Sir Alex Ferguson.

    John Terry - His red card rescinded by the FA when Chelsea inevitably appeal. SAF then regrets sending aforementioned chocolates to Phil Dowd as a consequence.

    Vinnie Jones - A decent barrister.

    Claudio Ranieri - Some players under the age of 35.

    Dimitar Berbatov - Some Red Bull so that he can stay awake during what he obviously feels are extremely tedious 90 minute periods of his life.

    Dean Windass - A start for Hull City.

    Martin O'Neil - A dose of Phil Brown's cheerful optimism.
    +
    Phil Brown - A dose of Martin O'Neil's miserable pessimism. Hopefully both managers will then have the correct degree of both.

    Merry Christmas,
    from SummersIron.

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  • 57. At 4:22pm on 23 Dec 2008, RedDaveDon wrote:

    Comment #3 - was that written by Bryn from Gavin and Stacey? 'Cracking Stuff'

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  • 58. At 4:48pm on 23 Dec 2008, Mikenham wrote:

    for #50 ... some counting lessons?

    good blog, although i think the Gomes jokes are going to run dry now Robbo, get with the times, try watching the latest spurs v man u!

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  • 59. At 5:00pm on 23 Dec 2008, R.Ferdinand wrote:

    Great stuff Robbo !

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  • 60. At 5:30pm on 23 Dec 2008, The_Toonster wrote:

    Brilliant Robbo! Merry Christmas!

    My gift for the prem is simple.... more refs who can do their job properly and in an unbiased fashion. I know people make mistakes and I've always been first to say that in the past... but it's getting beyond a joke.

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  • 61. At 5:43pm on 23 Dec 2008, weallknow wrote:

    Rafa-an electron so you can go from being negative to being positive..

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  • 62. At 6:43pm on 23 Dec 2008, aconlon - Feed The Yak... wrote:

    i can see how this appeals and its slightly humourous but "genius"??? really?? u must be thick to make robbo a genius

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  • 63. At 6:47pm on 23 Dec 2008, randalthor1812 wrote:

    Good stuff Robbo as a city fan the comments :-
    Manchester City - Messi, Kaka and Dunga - all these words describe City's season so far but I think they'll end with Roque Santa Cruz and a new manager.

    made me chuckle but i think Hughes will be ok , there again i said same about Frank Clark and he hasn't managed a club since...

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  • 64. At 7:00pm on 23 Dec 2008, NEARPOSTHEADER wrote:

    For Carlton Cole - an eye test and a pair of shooting boots (or perhaps he has his on the wrong feet).
    West Ham - a slice of luck (not bad)
    Sir Alex - another coat; the black one with the zip must be wearing out now
    Jose Mourinho - a new black scarf and a greater challenge than winning the Scudetto
    La Liga - a team to challenge Barca
    Prem players - a paycut
    The FA - common sense
    Diving, playacting, holding-hands-to-face players - a sense of honour
    'Arry Redknapp - a sheepskin n' trilby
    West Ham - a slice of lu...whoops, said that one already

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  • 65. At 7:15pm on 23 Dec 2008, ozman01 wrote:

    I have noticed that many of your more savage critics are unable to spell, eg #62 "humourous" and #19 "formular". These same people, having ably demonstrated their own shortcomings, are also comfortable suggesting that "u must be thick". Is this the blogging equivalent of an own goal?

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  • 66. At 7:21pm on 23 Dec 2008, rob_LFC_fairbairn wrote:

    these are usually crap but the line about wenger playing cluedo was genius

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  • 67. At 7:28pm on 23 Dec 2008, Hod's Takin Le Tiss wrote:

    It was good robbo, but i personally think maria sharapova's screaming is sexy.

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  • 68. At 7:52pm on 23 Dec 2008, DoubleDragBack wrote:

    Careful Robbo, almost as many cliches as the much maligned Chick Young. Note I said almost!

    Anyway, that's my Scrooge moment out the way. Happy Xmas Y'all!

    May the pointless yet entertaining merry-go-round, the fickle and ocassionally fun mistress that is football continue unabated.

    Now THAT'S cliche-ing at it's best!

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  • 69. At 7:53pm on 23 Dec 2008, tottenhamboi wrote:

    Do you ever come up with decent material?

    Gomes has been error free for 7 games..mug

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  • 70. At 8:05pm on 23 Dec 2008, WeHave18LeaguesNow_OohAh Cantona!!!

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 71. At 8:27pm on 23 Dec 2008, Scousejay23 wrote:

    gomes is crap! end of story!

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  • 72. At 11:25pm on 23 Dec 2008, Benlor wrote:

    For #65,

    http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/humourous

    It's pedantic, but the previous poster could be an antiquarian english speaker. It's still an acceptable spelling though.

    I'm gifting Everton a run of home victories and I hope that everyone has a lovely yuletide.

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  • 73. At 00:42am on 24 Dec 2008, chips_in_the_queue wrote:

    re: ozman01

    "I have noticed that many of your more savage critics are unable to spell, eg #19 "formular"."

    What an own-goal, i spelt a word incorrectly! A blogging own-goal of truly Wayne Hatswell proportions. My original post has no credibility whatsoever now :). In fairness, it is just a footy blog, i don't regard proofing as a major issue.

    Having said that, to prove that even some of Robbo's most ardent fans have 'shortcomings' as you put it, you have mis-spelt 'lived', 'rewrite', 'references' and 'immaturity' in recent posts.

    Anyway, spelling mistakes aside (you started it!), i'm not sure i deserve to be called a 'savage critic'... i did say that his blogs are amusing at times. If you think that qualifies as 'savage' then i think you'd be a nervous wreck if you went in to football management!

    Also, i didn't suggest that 'Robbo' was thick - he's probably the brightest person with a flat-cap i know - it's just he is prone to using the same jokes about the same easy targets, that's all.

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  • 74. At 09:14am on 24 Dec 2008, Whiteoutloud

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.

  • 75. At 11:14am on 24 Dec 2008, Bangforyourbuck wrote:

    Whiteoutloud - Seconded!

    Or, maybe it should be arranged that he starts out the year with a £250,000 defecit in his bank account, then he has 9 months to turn that into a decent positive amount before he is declared bankrupt.

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  • 76. At 1:24pm on 24 Dec 2008, Richard wrote:

    Mido - a diet
    Alan Green - a P45
    Lawrenson - see Alan Green
    Gerrard - seeing as he's been such a good boy this year, he gets 2 presents:
    1) A ref's kit; he can send opposing players off, rather than ordering the actual ref to
    2) A diving board
    Chelsea - a proper midfield
    Fowler & Savage - 1 way tickets to Dubai
    Steve Claridge - an England cap
    Clattenberg - public execution (at Anfield)
    Aston Villa - a reality check
    Owen - transfer to LA Galaxy

    and of course
    Port Vale - a bye into the CL final and an easy win v whoever (we ain't fussed)

    Messy Xmas Robbo

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  • 77. At 2:00pm on 24 Dec 2008, SirDjimiTraore wrote:

    Absolutely top knotch.

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  • 78. At 2:13pm on 24 Dec 2008, InterestingClint wrote:

    Maybe for Xmas Vale-daft Robbie Williams could donate some of his wealth to his "beloved" cash-strapped club.....

    If I could, I would give Vladimir Romanov:

    - a basic education

    - a basic grasp of the English language

    - some very basic communication skills

    - a heart

    - a conscience

    - a book about football

    - some money that actually exists and isn't just talked about

    ...for Christmas.

    I wish I was Santa



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  • 79. At 2:23pm on 24 Dec 2008, ...and on that bombshell, its time to end the show. Good night. wrote:

    Ricky Sbragia - The Sunderland hot seat

    Aston Villa and Hull - Top 4 finish

    Pompey - Relegation

    And for my 2 beloved teams:

    Southampton - A new chairman, and a kick up the backside!!!!!!!!!

    Inverness - Top half finish and a bit of cash injection for new signings and renewing player contracts!!

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  • 80. At 2:51pm on 24 Dec 2008, Rovers Return - "HKR AWAY DAYS" wrote:

    I read this thinking it was a serious blog, only to find it was funny and tongue in cheek.

    Complaint logged.

    Very good, Robbo - Merry Xmas pal.

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  • 81. At 3:33pm on 24 Dec 2008, loudLovelyrita wrote:

    For all the Beckham bashers,a life,and for all the referees,a free eye test at Specsavers.MERRY XMAS!

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  • 82. At 4:27pm on 24 Dec 2008, diggsgiggs wrote:

    For Portsmouth- the return unharmed of Harry Redknapp and nothing else will matter

    For Aston Villa- nothing thanks,Christmas came early this year

    For Man U- another trophy, cos God knows SAF doesn't have enough of them

    For Arsenal- one of the gifts the three wise men brought- Fabregas, gold and myrhh

    For Chelsea- For Mourinho to finally take Drogba back on account we're so sick of the two lovelorn lads pining for each other

    For Manchester City a return to the good old days- when they won a few football games before they were zillionaires

    For Stoke- a shotgun ("just shoot me now")

    For Liverpool- an oxygen mask - they're not used to being so high up the table and are starting to feel feint

    Merry Christmas!




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  • 83. At 4:47pm on 24 Dec 2008, rush-onenil wrote:

    Robbo, you're still the only service one can rely on to deliver for christmas. Please add:

    My boys (LFC) - cosmic time warp to end of May without any further footie played

    Boxing - who really gives a ***k; you've sold us all out to pay per view

    Tennis - Murray getting hammered in the 1st round of Wimbledon again. Try the Scottish open (and see who cares) you whinging jock

    Jamie Carragher - an explanation of the home and away goal end principle

    Lewis Hamilton - vast areas of bankrupt Spain to spend your trillions of quid buying up

    Bernie Eccleston - heels

    Mottie - retirement







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  • 84. At 5:57pm on 24 Dec 2008, leicester - the sporting capital of england(gosh) wrote:

    Another fantastic blog Robbo.

    For my beloved teams

    Leicester - Promotion without Pearson leaving

    Tottenham - A new GK

    Shrewsbury - Promotion

    InterestingClint your bieng far to generous. If Santa gave a dunce like that all of that he wouldn't be able to afford presents for anyone else lol

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  • 85. At 5:58pm on 24 Dec 2008, Venez Tiger wrote:

    Hull City, some respect from all you doubters ! "Come on you 'Ull"

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  • 86. At 6:38pm on 24 Dec 2008, aries22 wrote:

    Never mind fans of Fernando Alonso joining the 21st century, they need to join the human race first.

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  • 87. At 9:22pm on 24 Dec 2008, Thanks A lot BBC7 wrote:

    Test, test. Can we write what we want on this blog, as nobody is going to check tonight, being the 24th? I think so. Test:


    Robbo - why is Boro just so awful?

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  • 88. At 9:25pm on 24 Dec 2008, Thanks A lot BBC7 wrote:

    Test No.2:

    Robbo - where do your blog ideas originate, do you employ a team of 9 year olds to help you coming up with those great word games and dialects?

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  • 89. At 9:26pm on 24 Dec 2008, Thanks A lot BBC7 wrote:

    Test No.3:

    Robbo - is there any sport you are actually good at yourself, as in active playing?

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  • 90. At 10:18pm on 24 Dec 2008, Robbo Robson wrote:

    Ah Thanks a lot BBC7 - it's just you and me on this Christmas Eve.

    Answer 1 - do you mean the team or the town? Boro the town is situated in one of the smoggiest parts of twon and hence the football team's creativity is stifled by lack of oxygen.

    Answer 2 - Most people in this country employ, at least indirectly, a bunch of 9 year olds to stitch their three for five quid T-shirts from major outlets. Me I think up me own hilarious quips which still means that naysayers like yourself protest that they've heard them all before.

    Answer 3 - I am an excellent footballer, the best armchair snooker player in the business and as for bore-baiting - top-notch, as your three enquiries have proved.
    Merry Christmas, ingrate.

    R

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  • 91. At 11:08am on 25 Dec 2008, Thanks A lot BBC7 wrote:

    Hi Robbo:

    Great work ethic, checking your blog on Christmas eve, well done, they must pay you handsomely.

    Thanks for explaining why the team Boro is so aweful.

    Thanks for also taking responsibility for your unique jokes.

    Have a greater 2009!

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  • 92. At 11:19am on 25 Dec 2008, IAM-always-ARSENAL wrote:

    Happy Christmass to all Gooners!!!

    everything will change,we never give up!!!

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  • 93. At 12:09pm on 25 Dec 2008, rajiv wrote:

    Perhaps we should all try watching and talking less, and playing more.

    http://fiofafi.wordpress.com/2008/12/25/seasons-greetings/

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  • 94. At 2:01pm on 25 Dec 2008, Just1keano wrote:

    Great stuff as usual Robbo! My house mates got worried about my bursts of loud laughter...
    I hope your New Year resolution will be to let the "gelled tumbler" be. Honestly, we've had enough...
    BCChris at #14, Crouch's reply was actually "A Virgin", but you're right, classic stuff...
    Wishing you a great Christmas Robbo, or whatever it was that Y-I-1892man at #44 wished you...

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  • 95. At 9:29pm on 25 Dec 2008, Marty7 wrote:

    Very good blog, but you really need to get over the Ronaldo dive against Boro last season.

    And Gomes has been very good since the Fulam-clanger. I talked to ManU fans who were comparing him to Cech after the 0-0 game.

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  • 96. At 12:11pm on 27 Dec 2008, jacksofbuxton wrote:

    for roy hodgson,2 r's.one being respect for his job at fulham and the other for his slight speech impediment

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  • 97. At 5:51pm on 27 Dec 2008, jazza0707 wrote:

    Robbo, are you actually Harry Redknapp? Because if you stuck your head any further up his backside...

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  • 98. At 10:13pm on 27 Dec 2008, U13729521 wrote:

    Ashley Cole, Aaron Lennon, Theo Walcott, Giles Barnes, Scott Sinclair, Jermaine Pennant, Jermaine Jenas, Fraizer Campbell, Danny Simpson, Glen Johnson, Ryan Bertrand, Curtis Davies, Gabby Agbonlahor, Luke Moore, Lewis McGugan, Liam Rosenior, Kieran Richardson, Kieran Gibbs, James Vaughan, Jermain Defoe, Ashley Young, Nathan Delfouneso, Manuel Fernandes, Robinho, Kelvin Wilson

    ALL SEXY

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  • 99. At 5:47pm on 28 Dec 2008, Rangaman wrote:

    Robbo Robson - A P45 (Well I live in hope...)

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  • 100. At 6:43pm on 28 Dec 2008, Parag wrote:

    i would ask wins in remaining 18 premier league and upcoming champions league matches for Arsenal...

    i know its a bit too much, but all the Champions League wins would be more than enough for the moment

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  • 101. At 3:33pm on 30 Dec 2008, vicweir wrote:

    Robbo - are all Fernando Alonso fans racist? Or just all those who are not Lewis Hamilton fans who are racist?

    I only ask as the parent of a mixed race child, born in the mists of the 20th century, who has been a Fernando Alonso supporter since 2004 and seen no good reason to change their opinion upon the arrival of Lewis Hamilton on the F1 scene.

    Oh, I see - it's a joke! Very good!

    But we always saw ourselves as despising racism. Now we have to worry whether we are, in fact, racists, or indeed human beings (86), AND born in the wrong century!
    That's no sort of Christmas present, thank you.

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  • 102. At 00:24am on 31 Dec 2008, speakeasy_fc wrote:

    "Manchester City - Messi, Kaka and Dunga - all these words describe City's season so far"

    Classic Robbo.

    Look forward to more pearls in the new year mate.

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