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Alas Gallas!

Robbo Robson | 13:04 UK time, Monday, 24 November 2008

Not long ago I was busy buttering Arsene Wenger's parsnips after his team of international children turned over Man U at the Emirates. It was all an Arsene side should be: swift, neat, attractive... and it looked as though the crisis was over.

But there was a serious oversight in my analysis. I forgot that William Gallas was still skipper. If Wenger made one serious error this season it was retaining that fella as captain.

I can't think of any other person who's ever been given the armband shooting his mouth off with quite such a high level of plain stupidity as William.

Some people may have sympathy with his opinion that Arsenal are a little bit too flimsy when push comes to shove. The evidence at Eastlands would suggest that's true - taking candy from a baby would have been a Herculean task in comparison.

And it's pretty clear that Wenger watches these games with one eye closed. "It was a tight game"? About as tight as John Sergeant's undies on Cheryl Cole.

Mind, I happen to think that the greatest betrayal in football is when a player or manager goes public about the people he's working with and slags them all off. Hoddle's stupid World Cup '98 book was bloody scandalous and entirely selfish.

David O'Leary's opportunism in releasing Leeds United on Trial was so obvious it was the managerial equivalent of goal-hanging. Gallas has put himself in the same boat and for a lot less cash.
William Gallas
I always feel uncomfortable when footballers talk about needing to be 'soldiers'. By all means spend the close-season in battle fatigues in the wilds of Afghanistan if you want to, William. I think it's a damn sight harder than losing 2-1 at Stoke City.

Also, there's summat right juvenile about saying that he won't reveal the name of a disruptive player but "I'm 31, the player is six years younger than me". Ooo, William, you're such a tease!

It's hard to know how you can moan about bad influences in the dressing-room when you are the one who's blabbing to the press about it. A case of Monsieur Le Pot et Monsieur le cafetiere if you ask me (the French don't have kettles, do they?)

His behaviour at St Andrew's last year was a joke. There's a lad with his leg virtually snapped in two on his way to the hospital and he's stropping on the half-way line like a lass. If he was my son I would have clipped him round the ears and grounded him.

The incident with the ciggie is a fuss about nowt, frankly. As long as he's not passing round the ready-rubbed at half-time, who cares?

I'd be more worried by the laughable accusation that Wild Willie threatened to score own goals at Chelsea if they didn't let him go actually had a grain of truth in it. He wasn't backward at telling the world that he hated being left-back too. Mind you, on £90k a week most of us would, I dunno, just cope somehow.

When I'm fit - which at the mo is about as frequently as Michael Owen - I'm skipper of me pub side The Blue Bells. (Currently I'm struggling with an upper thigh injury sustained whilst watching Strictly Come Dancing - ermm, don't ask! Suffice to say if the wife sees Rachel Stevens attempt another rumba she swears she's going to throw the HD wide-screen on the tip and scoop out my greedy little eyes with a teaspoon).

Still you never catch me talking out of school about the lads just 'cos we've had a dodgy run of results.

If I did I could go on all night about what a blinking flapper Terry 'Gomes' Thompson is in goal and how our creative midfielder Zorba goes missing more often a packet of Bourbons at a Slimmers' Club coffee morning. And don't get me started on the whingeing winger Armstrong - he works for the Post Office which probably accounts for his bloody awful delivery.

The most disruptive player in the Blue Bells however is... no I couldn't say... You can't force it out of me... what? There's a packet of Superkings and a Rachel Stevens DVD in it for us and I won't have to play left-back again?... OK, his name's ....(deleted for legal reasons - Ed).

As I've said before, I don't think Wenger's position could possibly be under threat. He's done the right thing by stripping Gallas of the captaincy and giving it to his best player, Fabregas - even if it's way too late in the day. I'd kick him out full stop, me. Trouble is, he's a top defender, if he can keep his gob shut.

In the meantime, Wenger could do with his team butching up a bit for Tuesday. I reckon Gallas'll play - even if he thinks that the young lads are too chicken for Kiev.

And you mark my words, I've got a feeling that somehow, from somewhere, Wenger might just chivvy his little lads along to another Champs League final next year. At least, I'm more confident of that happening than Alas Gallas.


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