Nice balance, shame about the team...
Freddie Flintoff said this week that what kept him going was the belief that in the end he would wear the three lions of England once more.
Now he's got them on he must be wondering whether he's not wearing three monkeys cos sometimes you'd think the selectors had seen no people, heard no people and spoken to no people about who to pick. Not only can you play 11 games in county cricket and be Australian and line up alongside Fred, but you can have a first-class average this season of under 9 and bat higher than him.
England were dire on the first day. You could bleat at the dismissals of KP and Vaughan but you know what, Vaughan didn't have to play and KP was lbw any road.
Funnily enough they got the balance of the team right this time, but the wrong people.
It's fast become an old chums' club that would be embarrassing enough if it were my local park team but in international colours it's a joke. Collingwood is shot right now. He may be a nice bloke and the others might have been gutted for him but hellfire Philip Schofield seems a decent sort but I wouldn't back him to get 10 against the South Africans either!
They say form is temporary but class is permanent and class is exactly where Colly needs to go, permanently, if he thinks he can KP a ball from outside off-stump through midwicket. I mean I'm all for continuity but not if it means continuing being cack.
Keeping Ambrose in is a flaming mystery n all. He can't bat as well as Prior and he can't keep as well as Foster. At the crease he's got all the command of a kitten in a dog pound. Get shot of him.
As for the skipper well I like Vaughan but the way he's been getting a bit chippy recently and implying to everyone that the Notts Aussie had nowt to do with him is a bit shoddy. He's only there cos if you look down the alternatives you realise that the rest of 'em couldn't organise a filofax.
The only almost blameless ones are Cook and Bell. KP needs to settle down but as he's batting after Vaughan he might be even edgier than usual. In fact he might as well come down the steps with the skipper with a little fold-out stool and just wait a couple of minutes.
Strauss has turned into a weird piece of beach life that clings to the crease like a desperate barnacle and only occasionally pops his tentacles out to waft at some stray particles. Watching him accumulate a score is about as entertaining as watching sloths doing rhythmic gymnastics to a Dido soundtrack. I'd sack him n all but the old boys network'll probably keep him going.
I'm not pretending that the Saffers aren't a good unit although I'm not sure the bowlers are so fantastic. Kallis looks like he saw a restaurant sign and thought it read 'All You Can Eat For a Five-For' before he turned up at Lord's. When he poached Cook at second slip the population of LA must have hunkered down for the after-shock. His trundling swingers ought not to be too bothering. Ntini is a joy to watch but he should be fodder on this track.
Morkel's a different matter entirely but somehow our batters managed to keep him wicketless and give it away to the less good ones. I've already had enough of this raging banshee Nel and his stupid alter ego Gunther. The bloke bowls like a drunk falling into a pub. He's such a nutter he must do a double take every time he see the umpires in their white coats.
Still, I understand where Nel's coming from on the subject of alter egos; in the pavilion I'm Geoffrey Boycott but when I step out on to the playing surface I become Geoffrey from Rainbow (which should still get me in the team ahead of Colly).
The most worrying thing is that this South African team was following on at Lord's not many days ago and since then learnt from it whereas our lads have one bad innings and then go out and repeat the feat! It's hard to avoid the conclusion that they're a bit thick.
Things need to change and quick. They need a replacement captain ready and raring to go cos if Vaughan's knee doesn't get him his terrible form will. I'd tell Cook to brush up on his Mike Brearley books right now. Next time they get into one of them little pre-session huddles perhaps they could bring a prayer mat with them. Plus they need to stop treating blokes like Tremlett the way they have. Rather than call up Pattinson and then Harmison in his place why don't they just send some clowns round to his house to pour custard into his sunhat before jamming it on to his head.
Here's my XI for the fourth Test: Cook, Vaughan, Bell, Pietersen, Shah, Bopara, Flintoff, Foster, Sidebottom/Anderson, Jones, Panesar (with severe reservations about the captain opening but then you might as well get him over and done with straight away).
Of course, there's a chance that by the time you read this Siders, Jimmy and Fred will have swung England right back into contention. There's also a chance that Middlesbrough will have made a decent bleeding signing. And that Peter Andre will be announced as the new Poet Laureate.
I'm Derek Robson. People call me Robbo. Legend has it I was raised in the furnace and smog of Teesside. Some might say I took the hard road. I like to tell folk I had trials for Middlesbrough, for Hartlepool and for burglary (not guilty). I've always loved sport. My job is to say it as I see it - whether it's in the bar of the Blue Bell or on this blog. You won't find me calling a spade a soil-redistribution implement.
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~38~RS~)
Comments
Sign in or register to comment.
Some good points Robbo. Absolutely no way this lot will win the ashes unless there are some big changes. Vaughn has to go. There is clearly something amiss in the dressing room. In football when the team plays badly all the focus goes on the manager, so why in cricket do we only blame the players (and the selectors for sticking with them)?
I think Vaughn's time is up and he has to go. When was the last time he consistently put up big scores? My team would be:
Cook, Bell, Pietersen, Shah, Bopara, Flintoff, Broad, Foster, Anderson, Jones, Panesar
Broads batting at the moment deserves an inclusion to see what he could do at 7, and his bowling is good enough for a 5 man attack. Plus, he's one for the future.
On paper batting might seem a bit weak, but I'd say its only unproven. Since the series will be over, why not give these lads a chance. I'm certain Shah, Bopara and Broad would score more than Vaughn, Collingwood and Straus.
Complain about this comment
Bring In Graeme Napier lol.
But seriously , when Stuart Broad is on his game he's brilliant. I reckon he should be ahead of Flintoff , vaughn , and ambrose.
Its a joke not selecting him , bring in Bopara and Shah.
Complain about this comment
Just to compare our bowler who "looks like a drunk falling into a pub, to your amazing Freddie. Surely that comparison is daft. Amazing Freddie vs Andre Nel. Have you ever. But I will go ahead.
Player; Wickets; Average; Strike Rate
Nel; 34; 119; 31; 61
Freddie 68; 198; 32; 64
Would you agree that its 1-0.
The obvious comeback is that Freddie is an all-rounder.
To address that I offer Kallis bowling below:
Kallis 121; 198; 31; 67
Freddie is a better bowler, but does not count as an all-rounder. He averages 32 with the bat vs Kallis's massive 56.
In SA we would call Freddie a flat-track-bully. Yes he will make a quick hundred or two through his career, but an all-rounder.....hahahahaha.
I still like Freddie, but don't pretend he is something he isn't.
Complain about this comment
I think you are spot on this time Robbo.
The last time I saw batting as bad as yesterday was in the Park at the foot of Redcar Rd in South Bank ( early 60's.... ) sorry can't remember the name - at least we had the sense to chuck it in and grab a footie ball and pretend to be Cloughie!!
I agree with Mike D's selection, but feel the only way England will get a drawn series in the Ashes is for all games to be washed out - a fair possibility ( but not here in Madeira ) !!
Complain about this comment
Agree with most of what you say Robbo, well apart from chippy Vaughn being in the team. Did you hear his 'you were never good enought to play Test cricket' nonsense with Aggers? Shameful.
Get in Rob Key; class batsman; class captain. Not straight into the captaincy, but instead of Strauss; get Vaughn a bit nervous with a genuine contender breathing down his neck.
Simon Jones probably deserves a look, but not until one of the fab three - Anderson, Sidebottom or Flintoff is injured. Would prefer Broad as he's young, learning and an obvious batting talent.
Colly should be dropped - and from the one-day team (replaced by Key, no messing about there) - and mebbe Bopare given a run, but with Prior for Ambrose - and a better batting line-up - it really should be Owais Shah's turn. Epic knock in the 20/20 (tho Tredwell helped with the here-you-go-mate bowling.)
We shouldn't be fooled by the late fightback; a test team that can't make 250 is never go to win diddly.
Complain about this comment
Not sure about Bell opening in a test match MikeD Has he ever done it before?
Realistically there won't be more than 3 changes - if even that, but let's say there will be three. So out of the chief contenders, who in my view are (in batting order)
Vaughan, Collingwood, Ambrose, Sidebotton, Anderson; which three would you choose, and who would replace them?
I would think that to improve the team there (obviously) needs to be more batting consistency, more bowling firepower, and better keeping so I'd change Ambrose (Read) and Anderson (Jones) plus Collingwood (Shah).
I might also then switch Broad for Sidebottom (not really a dropping, just a reverse 'resting') and mix the batting order a bit, giving....
Cooke
Strauss
Bell
Pieterson
Shah
Vaughan (capt)
Flintoff
Broad
Read
Jones
Panesar
That would give good batting down to 8 and give Vaughan a new challenge - batting with the tail, whilst utillising Bell where he plays his best.
Complain about this comment
Although i agree with a lot of what you say here Robbo, taking other peoples quotes and material and just repeating it in a way that you believe the "average bloke" will be able to understand is not particularly clever. Im especially irked by the "old boys club" comment which nobody had mentioned in god knows how long, someone says it in passing and everyone else jumps on the band wagon. Are you hoping to become the David Cameron of BBC sport?
As for Brad77, Freddie has had a torrid time with the Bat since 2005 not helped by injuries, to claim he isnt an all rounder is naive. I see very very few "bowlers" averaging over 30 with the bat.
Complain about this comment
Freddie is a legend.
He carried the whole England team today.
Watching England cricket and feeling a bit of pride - I haven't felt that in a while....
Complain about this comment
Hey Robbo, brilliant article, one of the best written in a while.
This year I have scored- 13, 2, 0, 0, 4, 0*, 5, 7, 0** 0 0*
one star is golden duck
two stars are diamond.
thats an average of under nine, which incidentally is also my bowling average.
now, place at number 3 would do nicely, i know all the fielding positions, i know what end to hold a bat (honestly!, and i respect aggers.
which of those can/ can't vaughan do?
He's always been one of my top players, and I know in the end he'll come back to form, but for now, everyone needs a time out at some point.
Complain about this comment
It's not Gunther, it's GUNTER dammit.
Complain about this comment
your spot on Robbo, the old guard needs to be disbanded. All the talk about how great someone might be in the dressing room, is just ridiculous code for he's our mate so he keeps his place.
My test team would be; Cook, Key, Bell, Pietersen, Shah, Foster, Flintoff (c), Broad, Sidebottom, Anderson, Panesar.
Complain about this comment
Why aren't your articles posted on 606 anymore?
Complain about this comment
Stick to the football Robbo, although a small number of your points are valid. 4th Test XI:
1Strauss (C)
2Cook
3Bell
4Pietersen
5Bopara
6Mustard (WK)
7Flintoff
8Broad
9Sidebottom
10Harmison
11Panesar
Now you cant argue with that line-up.
Complain about this comment
I am sorry but i still just cant understand this desire to drop Ambrose. He is young and a definate prospect for the future. England need to give him a long run in the side to build his confidence.
When Gilchrist first came into the aussie side over Ian Healy he was crap, but the aussies stuck with him and look was the recieved in return.
Ambrose has talent and will be a better player if just given some time. I personally dont think that he has done too much wrong.
Complain about this comment
I'm not pretending that the Saffers aren't a good unit although I'm not sure the bowlers are so fantastic. Kallis looks like he saw a restaurant sign and thought it read 'All You Can Eat For a Five-For' before he turned up at Lord's. When he poached Cook at second slip the population of LA must have hunkered down for the after-shock. His trundling swingers ought not to be too bothering. Ntini is a joy to watch but he should be fodder on this track.
-----------------------------------------------------
Yeah right robbo, so SA aren't a good unit! BS!!!! Major BS!!!!!! Kallis took 3 wickets when england batted. Ntini is abit out of it but still definitely better than anderson and sidebotton put together. Nel has been a brilliant replacement for Steyn. Morkel is absolutely fantastic although he hasn't been able to pick up wickets. Our bowling attack at the moment is probably the best in the world at the moment, that's if u include steyn! Atleast we can bowl engkand out u dimwit!!!!! Your comments about Kallis are farcical. Compare Kallis man for man to every person in the england team, you'll see that he's better than every single player england have at the moment.
Kallis is a living legend and one of the games True Greats. U should deem it a privelege to be able to even watch such a masterful cricketer at work. Could that be siad of any english players? Not a chance!
Complain about this comment
The problem with your team is that there's only one person who can open the bowling.
Jones and Flintoff are both first change bowlers and I don't envisgae opening the bowling with a spinner.
Flintoff showed last night that real pace can upset the South Africans. Therefore pick Harmison, rather than Jones, who can do those better than anyone at his best.
Broad deserved to be dropped because he's in the team for his bowling and it's not been good enough.
Complain about this comment
Robbo, stick to footy mate!
You make a couple of valid points but SA are one the best teams in the world. That is shocking to say that about Kallis. he is one of the top players in the world!!
Do we wonder why wicket keepers have struggled.
Look at when Alec Stewart started, he was a great batsman but wasn't so hot with the gloves. But England stuck with him and he was one of the best players England ever produced.
I feel for Collingwood though, trying to find your confidence in a test match is never easy! Send him back to county cricket away from the spotlight! He will definately be back in an England shirt and rightly so!
Robbo its a test match, not 20/20 England struggle to bat for a day, so surely we need a few more 'Limpets' like Strauss to get us up to a decent score!
Complain about this comment
what has strauss done so badly, he has alaways got 20 or more this series and him and cook always seem to start of with a 50 partnership, and how can any of you drop sidebottom
Complain about this comment
Brad77 - What on earth are you on about, Nel's average is 10 and he just got his stumps ripped out of the ground 2nd ball by Ryan Sidebottom. I rest my case that Flintoff is an all rounder, Nel is clearly a bowler, not an all rounder.
Complain about this comment
I agree with Robbo that Strauss should go, I never, never, understand the call for him to be the captain. His technique keeps getting slammed but he keeps getting selected. Dump him and find Cook a decent righty partner. I'd like Vaughan but a little wary, maybe Key and make him captain.
Also Monty gets a free pass - why? Have a real look at Rashid, he can also bat AND catch.
How about this-
Cook
Key / Vaughan (C)
KP
Bell
Shah
Colly
Flintoff
Prior/Foster
Broad
Rashid
Sidebottom
Bats all the way to 10, 4 mainline bowlers plus Colly, KP and Shah.
If you don't like Colly, Bopara can be subbed.
Or Jones instead of Broad, but Broad's time will come.
Complain about this comment
The England Cricket team is getting like the football team in more ways than one.
(a) They assume to have invented the 'game' that we will always be the best.
(b) They have all manner of excuses when they are beaten more often than they win.
(c) They are all talk before a match on what they are going to do to the opposition but in most cases they do not deliver.
(d) They are very quick to retire and resign when the going gets tough.
(e) The captain seems only in command of his own interests and when he fails he is quick to blame others.
(f) The teams are being selected on the basis of how much gate money the management can get and not always on ability.
Complain about this comment
View these comments in RSS