In an exclusive interview, Stevie Burns reveals his techniques that have made him into something of a Casanova in Shieldinch. In his new book ‘Stevie Burns – A Way With The Lassies’, he shares some of his top tips for romancing the ladies this Valentine’s Day.
Ask them about their dreams
Ladies love this. I would suggest getting one of those book-thingys – it’ll pretty much tell you everything you need to know about what they mean. Some of ‘em are weird, like being in love with your mother and stuff (NEVER go with that explanation, as I learned to my cost – another story) but keep it clean, look deep and meaningfully into their eyes and the lassies will be pure melting…
Laugh at their jokes (especially the ones where they question your manhood)
Laughter is the best medicine – so why not sweeten up your potential lady with a hearty dose of the funnies! Now I’m naturally hilarious, so it comes easy to me. But if you’re needing some inspiration, why not start with simply repeating back to them what they’ve just said, and laughing as if it’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard? I’ve pulled this move over and over and it never fails. Trust me.
Insist that they in no way resemble a dug. Very important. Do reiterate several times until you’ve got yourself into a fluster.
They might be called Lassies, but in lady terms not even being compared to a perky labradoodle is considered a compliment. So under no circumstances, call them a dug. In fact, do the opposite. Insist that they’re not a dug, in no way a dug and could never be a dug. They’ll get the message eventually.
The comfort hug – allowing you to cop a feel whilst offering support and a friendly face
An oldie but a goodie. Now I’m a man known for my hugs – everyone wants a Stevie cuddle. But this technique can work for pretty much anyone. Two necessities to remember: deodorant and a strict exercise regime of 100 chin-ups a night. No-one wants moobs getting in the way of a manly hug.
The patented Stevie Burns FaceGrab™
The final step in your quest towards sweet lady-loving. And if you nail this, you won’t be disappointed. But I can’t tell you how to FaceGrab™ in words alone. In fact, your best bet is to grab a copy of my accompanying DVD – ‘Watch With Stevie – Learn to Love the Lassies’ for a step-by-step guide on the perfect FaceGrab™.
DISCLAIMER: There’s a distinct possibility these techniques ONLY work for Stevie Burns. If you lack his charm, sense of humour and heart-stopping chest, we can’t guarantee these will work for you too!
**Sadly, no such products as ‘Stevie Burns: A Way With The Lassies’ and ‘Watch With Stevie – Learn to Love the Lassies’ actually exist. We can’t have everyone turning into a Shieldinch Casanova, can we?**