I came across this really dodgy video on YouTube yesterday, you know that sex tape that Paris Hilton made? Well, it was nothing like that. It was this blonde bird called Vivien and a softly spoken ginger bloke who she kept calling DI(rty) Donald... Hold on a minute, could this be the infamous Shieldinch Sex Tape?! Yes indeed, River City got all Basic Instinct this week with Frances playing the Femme Fatale Sharon Stone. In a desperate attempt to prevent Lenny going to prison, Frances slept with DI Donald, recorded it and blackmailed him into dropping the charges. But it is a complicated web that Fran the Kiss-A-Scam is weaving and even she's not all that sure what her plan is now! DI Donald wants her to run away with him and help him put Lenny in jail but her terrifying mother wants her to bring Lenny to his knees and then kill him! As for Vivifran? Well she just wants to live happily ever after with Lenny whom she's now in love with - keep dreaming hen! Lenny the Mighty Murdoch is still blissfully unaware of all these goings on but I don't fancy her chances when he finds out. Let's hope he doesn't look on YouTube anytime soon...

Could Shieldinch stalwart Gina be thinking of turning to the dark side? After being told that the Oyster was in need of thousands of pounds worth of extra repairs and the grand re-opening being a bit of flop, Gina suddenly found herself in dire money straits. Mundane Murray was less than helpful with his declaration that The Oyster was a lost cause - that's just what she didn't want to hear! Will Gina struggle on until she sells up or the café goes under, or will she take the unlikely third option of going into business with Lenny?! Gina and Lenny in cahoots? Surely not!

There were plenty fun and games in the rest of Shieldinch this week with Bob and Stella's secret wedding plans. They are going to have a surprise wedding reception in the Community Centre on Valentine's day but had to think of a cunning plan to lure all their loved ones there without giving the game away. So, obviously, they have told everyone that there will be a charity Valentine's Quiz! Frances could learn a thing or two off them about running a scam I tell ye! The lie is getting a bit out of hand however; Liz has appointed herself quiz master and is planning every quiz detail meticulously! Liz (and me) will be gutted if she doesn't get to wow everyone with her quiz round eloquently titled - 'Who Was It, Said What of Whom'. I can't wait til next week to see everyone's faces when they realise that they are actually at Stella and Bob's wedding reception!

Also coming up next week, Gina takes control of her situation and Nicole gets a shock! Ooooh, intriguing! As always, I can't wait!

Quote of the Week
Lenny (on the plus points of going to prison): "I don't know, Barlinnie's not got the beaches but I hear Tommy Sheridan still got a sunbed in there."

Aaaaw, poor Stevie and Nicole! I've gotta admit, I felt a tad emotional at the end when they waved goodbye - all love letters should be written in and have a voiceover in a Scottish accent! It took me right back, in fact it reminded of the time when I was a tour guide in Glasgow, I met this bloke on an open top bus and we fell madly in love as we toured the museums of Glasgow: there was tenderness in the Transport Museum, kissing in Kelvingrove and smooching at Scotland Street. But then he had to go home to Skegness and I was utterly heartbroken... Oh hang on, that was actually Michael Brodie's story not mine! Sorry about that, I just got so wrapped up in his romantic and exciting tale of tour guides and museums...

Anyway, back to our very own Romeo and Juliet. It was a tale on par with Shakespeare, as tragic as Kate and Leo in Titanic, as devastating as when Patrick Swayze goes to the light in Ghost, it was an age old tale - stop me if you've heard it before - boy meets girl, she's a doctor's daughter, he's a recovering drug addict from the wrong side of the tracks, everyone is opposed to them but against all odds they fall in love... but then the boy breaks into a house, gives a 15 year old girl booze, has illegal underage sex with her and is arrested. Ah, such sweet romance! Actually, when you say it like that it seems quite sleazy! Aw, but you know, it might have been illegal but they genuinely were in love and I don't want Stevie to go to jail! I was as heartbroken as Nicole to see him leave Shieldinch! PLEASE COME BACK!

The course of true love didn't run smoothly elsewhere in Shieldinch this week. Frances seems to be really falling for Lenny now! Lenny arranged for the health centre to be burgled so that he could get those medical records that Dan wouldn't give him. DI(rty) Donald came sniffing around so Frances gave Lenny an alibi so that he wouldn't be arrested. However, if Frances has to go to court her true identity will be revealed, what will she do?! DI(rty) Donald really did get dirty this week, he came on to Frances and for a second he seemed like he wasn't going to take no for an answer - what more could this man be capable of? I think we'll need to keep an eye on Mr Policeman.

Scupid Scarlett decided that Dr Dan and daughter Kelly-Marie would make a perfect couple so she stuck her oar in. Her meddling ended up causing trouble and there were misunderstandings all over the place! But after all the drama, the pair realised that they might fancy each other after all! Well at least things ended well for someone! What do you all make of the new couple? Could this be the epic romance of the action man Doctor and the bird that works in the Arcade?

Next week you can look forward to more of Auld Agnes trying to make Frances do evil things to Lenny, there's trouble ahead for Murray and Gina and more wedding planning hijinks with Stella and Bob.

Quote of the Week
Conor: (about Stevie): "Why's he in jail?"
Nicole (in front of her parents): "Because me and him have been doing it ok?!"

Things were really 'hotting' up in Shieldinch this week: Gabriel and Leyla set the bedroom alight and then Gabriel battled actual fire in the subway! What a guy! And did you notice that I actually got a bit of my sought after nudity? I spotted some bare chest when Gabe had given Leyla some afternoon delight - score! But alas, the stress of sneaking around was starting to get a little bit too much for Mrs Brodie and she decided to end the affair... however the fire in the subway reignited the fire in her loins! Well actually, it was a little less sleazy than that, when Gabe rushed into the fire to save Stella it made Leyla realise how much she cared for him. Is it love? And if it's love, what the hell are they gonna do about it? I've said it before, but I love a bit of adultery!

Stevie and Nicole were also getting a bit hot n heavy, unfortunately it was in Gina and Murray's flat. But at least the flat saw some action, all it usually gets is Murray talking about hill walking! Stevie and Nicole are very sweet and I truly do love Stevie to bits, but the boy is a numpty. He talks about getting his life back on track and then decides it's a good idea to use someone else's house for sex without asking! Zinnie the Pooh, never one to miss the chance to cause mischief, called the police on Stevie and he's been arrested! It's about to get a whole lot worse for him in next week's episode - the police realise that 19 year old Stevie has been having sex with 15 year old Nicole. Eh, that's illegal dude.

In other Shieldinch news, Dr Dan was feeling a bit shaky after all his gambling antics of the past few weeks and lost faith in his doctoring skills. It didn't help that Moaning Murray had decided to sue him for the prescription mix up that had landed him in hospital. However, Michael persuaded Murray to forget about suing and Dan felt better about himself after he saved lives during the fire, Indiana Dan to the rescue as always! And could Indiana Dan of found himself a leading lady? I think we might be witnessing some romantic stirrings with Kelly-Marie! I'm looking forward to see what happens there.

I'd also like to give an honorary mention to up and coming comedy duo Conor and Adeeb! They were really making me laugh with their demands of dinner from Leyla and then Conor's very cute Burns recital. They are just typical teenage boys, very funny!
Don't forget to watch next week to find out what happens to Stevie and see what Lenny Murdoch is up to now...

Quote of the Week
Michael (to Leyla about the fire): "It's ok, it's over, nobody died." - brilliant Scots philosophy!