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Tom's Top Tales week of 23 Aug.

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Tom Morton Tom Morton | 14:01 UK time, Thursday, 26 August 2010

This is an interesting one... but I can't for the life of me remember how we got onto the subject of school shows in the first place. Anyway, regular correspondent Paul Feeney of Kirkintilloch (who recently had an encounter with a moth which resulted in a visit to the hospital for it to be extracted from his ear. Seriously) sent in this email:

"There are not many incidents in life that will remain with me longer than my recent visit to Stobhill A&E (Did u get my text last Monday?) however, my introduction to Scotland's finest Blue eyed soul boy, one Patrick Mark Kane still rankles despite 30 years of life in spate flowing under the bridge.


St Ambrose High circa (no pun intended) [Note from Tom - this is a REALLY obscure muso pun. Hue and Cry's record label at one point was called Circa] 1979 I was cast as Bernardo in the school musical, West Side Story. In order that I look as cool as George Chakiris my big brother Jim allowed me to wear the finest collar-free brown bomber jacket known to christendom.

Come the dress rehearsal with the panstick plastered on and my bumfluff moustache mascara'ed to within an inch of its life things were going swimmingly until a wee curly heided member of the chorus approached the director suggesting that he and I swap jaikits as his grey number would ensure that Bernardo would stand out more on stage... as if a 6ft 1inch blonde haired centre forward for the fitba team could have stood out any more!

Sadly, the director accepted wee Pat's advice and so instead of looking as cool as an arctic cupcake, my acting mojo was well and truly stymied by the imposition of a large pointy collared (think Harry Hill here), plastic grey bomber bearing the label "What Every Man Wants" on the collar. What a flippin` oxymoron that was!

Til this day, I seethe and bristle at the very thought! Me.....bear a grudge? Perish the thought. I`m just jealous some of his tunes are better than mine!"

I contacted the said Mr Kane, and asked if he remembered being in West Side Story. It was all rather different, he thinks:

"My 70's dress sense has a thick veil of memory drawn over it... and all I remember about that musical is that I wanted both of the macho lead singing parts, and they got taken by rather fey gentlemen with steady tenor voices... I was the lumpy guy who Natalie Wood didn't want to marry, without a song to sing. My finest moment was when I brandished a pop gun, shouted 'You keeled my braather'.. and the gun would, as often as not, simply refuse to make a noise. Until repeated clicking made it so. Mortifying. But clearly good practice for a rowdy night at Motherwell Civic Centre."

You can hear Tom Morton's daily top tales on the Tom Morton show, Monday-Friday 1400-1600.

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