Thursday 3 November 2011, 17:28
Margaret Evison with Jeremy Vine
I never thought I would sit at my desk with tears rolling down my cheeks.
My colleagues are now used to the sight of me sobbing and it's one guaranteed way to get them to make you a cup of tea. It still surprised me though the first time I saw Jeremy Vine wiping a tear from under his glasses.
It was Jeremy who came up with the idea for this special series for Remembrance week. Each programme features an interview with the mother of a fallen soldier in which she tells the story of his life and his death and shares the songs he loved to listen to.
The soundtrack is an eclectic mix from rock to rap to rave. There's a football chant, a soaring school hymn, a party anthem and a beautiful piece of classical cello. The music takes the mothers back to a particular time or place and the memories that emerge paint a picture of the son she lost.
As an army wife, I knew it would be an emotional rollercoaster as the subject is very close to home. I know how it feels to wait and to worry. I also know the feeling of complete joy when my husband walks through the door after six months away.
The five mothers we met never had that homecoming hug. Two of them felt fortunate to be able to hold their son's hand as he lay seriously wounded in a hospital bed in Birmingham but for the others their reunion was at RAF Lyneham when his coffin was carried from the plane.
These are some of the intensely personal moments the mothers shared when we visited them around the country. We were welcomed into family homes in Abergavenny, Caversham, Sheffield and Dulwich and greeted warmly on a windy day out at the National Memorial Arboretum in Staffordshire.
Jeremy Vine says it has been an incredible privilege to spend time with the mothers:
"I have never in my entire career recorded interviews which have been so powerful and so moving. Sons who were only boys, who died on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan as young as 19, are missed as much today by their family as the day they left them. I doubt we will ever hear these songs the same way again."
The music has already started to follow me round. It feels like every time I turn on the TV or turn up the radio, one of the songs is playing and my thoughts turn immediately to Richard, John, Mark, Cyrus or Liam.
I will think of their brave mothers when I start moaning about the magnolia paint and floral curtains in our next army quarter.
We are all fiercely proud of a man in uniform at the centre of our lives but mine is still here and I realise now more than ever how lucky that makes me.
Jill Misson is a producer of The Songs My Son Loved which is on Radio 2 at 1.30pm next week, 7th to 11th of November.
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Comment number 1.
And7th November 2011 - 14:24
I have just listened to Cyrus's story and will be listening in for the rest of this week. Intensely moving doesn't even begin to describe it. Thank you so much for this.
My nephew by marriage got back safely from his second Afghanistan tour on Friday. On his first tour, he made the headlines when a rocket propelled grenade bounced off him without exploding. Were it not for this freakish miracle Jeremy may well have been interviewing his Mum, he would not have married my niece, and my two lovely great nieces - one born during his last tour - would not exist. I can't begin to countenance how we would all feel.
I was an Army wife during the Troubles and whilst lives were lost then, time has dimmed the memories. The coming of peace to Northern Ireland has perhaps made people uncomfortable about remembering those who lost their lives during that period. This is maybe the nature of things, but I truly hope it does not happen for those lost in Iraq and Afghanistan.
This series should be repeated each year. Those lost will never grow older and their stories should stay with us too. This is going to be hard to listen to, but mustn't be missed either.
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Comment number 2.
Karen Carrington7th November 2011 - 14:26
Never have i ran from my car into the house to finish listening to a radio show.......... i have now! This must be one of the most heartwarming and touching radio shows i have ever hear. The reading of Cyrus last letter for his family had me sitting in my kitchen in tear. The pride in his mothers voice when she was taking about her lovely son was heart wrenching.
I have nothing but pride and great admiration for the service men and woman and their families at home.
Amazing radio!
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Comment number 3.
kahlondon7th November 2011 - 15:02
I listened to this show, partly because it is remembrance week, but also because I had just had a very bad shock and I needed a fresh perspective to help me get on. Fresh perspective I got. I have an 8 year old son and I am a musician and song writer. This show made me see just what I have in my son and my music and how much I have to be grateful for. A profound and life-affirming and extremely moving testament to the power of music, friends and family. I felt honoured and humbled to hear it. Thank you BBC and thank you to the mothers and families involved. An especially big thank you to Cyrus' family for sharing that incredibly brave and private letter - it made all the difference to me today. I am now going to move on and pick up my son from school with my chin up and I'm going to give him a big big hug. He struggles with school too - I would be immensely proud should he grow up to be as fine at 19 as Cyrus obviously was. Bless you for your generosity - it really helped me today and I am sure I am not the only one who found courage within themselves after hearing this show.
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Comment number 4.
Tatty7th November 2011 - 15:56
When my 19 year old son came home from Uni this afternoon he found me sitting on the sofa in floods of tears. He immediately took me in his arms and hugged me. I am such a lucky mum to have such a caring son.
Listening to Helena talking about Cyrus and the special relationship he had with his family, the hugs they shared and the laughter, I can only wonder where she finds the strength to get though the day without him. I thank Helena and all the other mums for letting their sons go, for without them our lives would not be the same.
Thank you for sharing Cyrus' with us in his music and last letter. There is so much more I would like to say but somehow I can't find the words.
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Comment number 5.
lynzib7th November 2011 - 16:01
Cyrus's mother showed amazing strength during her interview with Jeremy Vine. The letter read out which her son left behind in the event of his death showed a loving, intelligent, thoughtful young man, wise beyond his years, a credit to his parents and two brothers
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Comments 5 of 55