First of all, apologies for not having updated the blog but I’ve been ill in bed, it’s all legit! I did manage to drag my sorry backside to Radio 1 in order to review last week’s films, which included Diana and it was so terrible that it got me thinking about other films that got through to the production stage, when they definitely shouldn’t have… This list is definitely going to get longer, I can tell but here are four to start off. Other suggestions welcome @BBCR1Rhianna.
As well as being a poor interpretation of Princess Diana’s last years, Diana includes some classic gems such as “If you can’t smell the fragrance, don’t come into the garden of love”. Does that make you shudder reading it as much as it made me cringe watching it? There is just absolutely no point to this film except to embarrass Diana’s children and anyone portrayed in this film. Naomi Watts has done herself absolutely no favours by starring in Diana and I don’t think she’ll ever be allowed to forget that she did. It was a petulant and amateur performance and weirdly, the camera couldn’t get enough of watching her walk. A documentary of Diana’s life would have still, I suspect, been in poor taste but it would have been so much better than this atrocity.
I wish this Postman Pat trailer was real but sadly, it’s not (I wish it was). But they are making an actual Postman Pat film, starring my favourite Stephen Mangan as the voice of the eponymous postie alongside Rupert Grint, David Tennant and Jim Broadbent. I didn’t think kids really cared about Postman Pat anymore which makes me think that this film is aimed at the more nostalgic amongst us, who remember kids TV before it was ruined by terrible animation. Worryingly, it’s called Postman Pat – You Know You’re The One. Who’s ‘The One’? Mrs Goggins? Ted? JESS?! Rumour has it that the movie involves Pat getting embroiled in a reality TV show. I have just one comment. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT RUINING POSTMAN PAT FOR US!
Release date: May 2014
They’ve made a film about Paul Potts called One Chance. No word of a lie. And James Cordon is in it. As Paul. I can’t tell if he’s massively taking the mick or this is a straight, serious, proper acting role for him. It’s got some other big names too, Julie Walters anybody? It’s such a bizarre concept, to make a film about a guy who won a UK talent show, 6 years ago. Is this a plug for Britain’s Got Talent or are audiences desperate to hear Paul’s story? I’m assuming they’re not but you never know. Would you pay money to see this?
Release date: 25th October 2013
Release date: Out now
The Harry Hill Movie
I don’t think there’s a trailer yet and I’ll admit that I’ve posted better videos in the past but here’s a “teaser” for the new Harry Hill Movie. Well, a random person videoed where they were filming. Weirdly, this film also has both Julie Walters and Jim Broadbent in… you’d think they’d be a little more discerning, right? Why does the world need a Harry Hill movie? I can barely watch him on TV, let alone on a huge screen. I’ve never understood turning something that’s not film quality, into a film, combining real life and fiction. Unless it’s Spice World, that totally worked for me. Apparently the plot is about Harry going on a road trip with his Gran (Walters) after learning that his hamster only has a week to live. Whoop de doop. Who is this even aimed at? Puh-lease!
Release date: 6th December 2013