The Beach.

Post categories: The Beach

Eddie Mair | 05:37 UK time, Friday, 27 February 2009

"Welcome to The Beach, a very special place on the PM Blog. The sun shines, the drinks are free, there are more than enough sun loungers and hammocks to go round, and the camels are friendly. So, take a break from your day to day stresses and strains and relax.
There are only two rules; 1) be nice to everyone, and 2) don't eat the petunias."

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1. At 06:40am on 27 Feb 2009, Fifi wrote:
Have I been here all night? Yikes!

I'll leave some porridge bubbling on the NC Bar for you sleepyheads, with orange juice, while I go off for an early swim.

...or is it early enough to count as a very late swim?

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2. At 07:00am on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Morning Feefs, love your new cozzy but surely sea water will disolve.....OH.... MY....... GOODNESS!

*quickly looks away*

Nice porridge btw!

DiY :-D

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3. At 08:29am on 27 Feb 2009, Sid wrote:
SPLASH!!!

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4. At 08:54am on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Sid! You did that deliberately didn't you!

Here you go Feefs

*holds out big fluffy towel*

Wow, nice Beaver

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5. At 08:56am on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
I am so glad the Beavers have taken to the beach!

Camels are fine but you can't beat a good Beaver for generating piles of wood for the camp fire.

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6. At 09:43am on 27 Feb 2009, MrsEffingham wrote:
Eddie - was it Isaac Newton who conceived the laws of graffiti..?

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7. At 09:46am on 27 Feb 2009, gossipmistress wrote:
DiY how comfortable is it on that Naughty Step? Because I fear you may be there for some time...... :-P

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8. At 10:29am on 27 Feb 2009, Frances O wrote:
I refer the Hon. Froggers to this song by Burnd:

http://www.online-literature.com/robert-burns/2458/

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9. At 10:29am on 27 Feb 2009, Frances O wrote:
Argh. BurnS. With an S.

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10. At 10:40am on 27 Feb 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Frances!

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11. At 10:47am on 27 Feb 2009, Frances O wrote:
Yes?

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12. At 11:03am on 27 Feb 2009, MrsEffingham wrote:
Hamas is that doggie in the window...

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13. At 11:37am on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
YooHoo...

*waves from the Naughty Step*

When it comes to lunchtime can someone get me a portion of fish and chips a can Irn Bru?

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14. At 11:50am on 27 Feb 2009, mittfh wrote:
Anyone got a snorkel handy? I fancy taking a dip to see if I can spot any Histiophryne psychedelica...

Meanwhile, IRL I'm sure I can see a strange bright yellow disc in the sky - I'm sure I've seen it before, but it's been so long I can't quite remember its name...

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15. At 12:12pm on 27 Feb 2009, Fearless Fred wrote:
MrsEff(12) Hamas: Isn't that what geordies use to bang in nails?

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16. At 12:16pm on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Nah... mittfh it is a steet light at the bottom of your road!

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17. At 12:29pm on 27 Feb 2009, U12196018 wrote:
FF (15) Talking of geordies, of Paul Gascoigne and his friend 'Five Bellies', which was Fatah?

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18. At 12:30pm on 27 Feb 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Fred Gan Canny with them accents.

Diy Does the Irn Bru can not explode in the fryer?

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19. At 12:31pm on 27 Feb 2009, gossipmistress wrote:
There you go DiY - I have your fish and Chips but there's a bit of a twist - they were prepared by the Masterch*f finalists. Hope you don't mind pan-fried jellyfish with a seaweed tuile and a side order of sea cucumber chips. Plus a can of especially selected Irish seawater (it's very like Irn Bru, I believe)

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20. At 12:31pm on 27 Feb 2009, mittfh wrote:
DIY (16) - since when were streetlights several miles high? I have a vague recollection the disc in question shares its name with a tabloid newspaper, but I can't quite place the name...

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21. At 12:32pm on 27 Feb 2009, Ed Iglehart wrote:
If you've only got a hamas, every problem is rael?

;-)
ed

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22. At 12:34pm on 27 Feb 2009, mittfh wrote:
TIH (17): Not forgetting their pronunciation of "Yee-hah!" when mounting their steeds comes across as "Ji-had!"

I'll get my coat...

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23. At 12:35pm on 27 Feb 2009, U12196018 wrote:
mittfh - You're quite right. Streetlights are sometimes attached to Daily Telegraph poles.

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24. At 12:36pm on 27 Feb 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Mittfh, Is it a Daily Mirror?

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25. At 12:37pm on 27 Feb 2009, mittfh wrote:
GM (19): Reminds me of a bottle of shower gel I bought recently said to contain "Volcanic extracts". The only ingredient I could spot that wasn't common with other gels was "Maris Aqua" (seawater). Similarly, "Sea minerals" translates as "Maris Sal" (sea salt), although puzzlingly it was listed separately from Sodium Chloride...

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26. At 12:39pm on 27 Feb 2009, mittfh wrote:
Thinking about it, I'm sure the name of this mysterious disc I can see rhymes with "Currant Bun"....

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27. At 12:53pm on 27 Feb 2009, MrsEffingham wrote:
Eddie,
The chef is showing me his speciality - I wish he wouldn't do that...!!

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28. At 1:01pm on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
mittfh is it the Daily Wail?

anyhoo, lurve the lunch gossipmistress!

Can I get down off the Naughty Step now?

I wont mention Beavers again!

DiY :-)

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29. At 1:05pm on 27 Feb 2009, Wonko wrote:
What ho!

See what you miss when you're not around for a few days? A double whammy of Beach introduction and tag-line. Goodness, I may need lie down in a darkened Gin and Tonic...

;o) []

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30. At 1:08pm on 27 Feb 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Diy Someone on the book of faces place has felt teddy's (though the apostrophe was missing)

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31. At 1:12pm on 27 Feb 2009, gossipmistress wrote:
I'm sorry I shall have to leave y'all to your puns, am off fiddling (not a banking conference) have a lovely weekend and see you sunday!!

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32. At 1:49pm on 27 Feb 2009, RJMolesworth wrote:
Who nicked the sand?

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33. At 1:56pm on 27 Feb 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Mrs Edd (27) - Make sure he washes his hands.

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34. At 1:57pm on 27 Feb 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Mrs Eff - You make sure as well.

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35. At 2:27pm on 27 Feb 2009, Gillianian wrote:
Stewart M - I hope Teddy didn't mind ;o)
Did he feel a bit cold? He might have done, if he was a little bear.

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36. At 2:38pm on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Yipee I have escaped the Naughty Step!

Those Froggers that use the book of faces place know that we have two cats.

Mrs DiY has just called to say her Pussy is damp. I have told her to nip outside and let the sunshine dry it out. But if it is not dry by the time I get home there is an old towel in the garage she could use to give it a rub down.

DiY :-D

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37. At 2:51pm on 27 Feb 2009, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:
DIY (5):

Camels are fine but you can't beat a good Beaver...

Rubbish, I beat mine regularly. How else can you get them all light and fluffy?

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38. At 3:30pm on 27 Feb 2009, Mansaylo wrote:
My wife's beaver was buried in the beach and she asked me to dig it out. When I asked what was in it for me if I did her that favour, she replied "SAND"

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39. At 3:36pm on 27 Feb 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Anyone not on the naughty step?

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40. At 3:47pm on 27 Feb 2009, Septic wrote:
Dear all,
Hope you like this week picture of Glen Moar beach. Yup, it's the sunny Isle of Man again..

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41. At 3:52pm on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
TssC! Have any idea the mental image that conjours up!

And I bet the RSPB aren't too happy either!

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42. At 4:43pm on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Thanks to the earlier activity by the Beach Beavers I have now gathered enough fire wood to keep us all warm on the Naughty Step this eveing.

As Stewart M has so far remained untainted by the outrageous behaviour he can shuttle the nibbles, goodies and drinkies from NC's to us!

Good on yer Stew!

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43. At 5:13pm on 27 Feb 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Right, on my way with the nibbles (I originally had that spelt with a double p).

Apparently these beavers are edible.

So shuffle up on that step.

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44. At 5:15pm on 27 Feb 2009, SeriousSoundBiter wrote:
Gobbling everything in sight, eh?

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45. At 6:12pm on 27 Feb 2009, Lady Sue wrote:
Just thought I'd check out the beach as I'm so in need of a wind down after such an awful week BUT the naughtiness! What's got into you all? DI_Wyman at 36! Plus all this talk about beavers! Glad you are already on the naughty sand dune-step! Think you should wash your keyboard out with seaweed.

Or, perhaps we should suggest an underlap of 100 meters of the sea? That would be swimming Australian crawl, upside down.

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46. At 6:39pm on 27 Feb 2009, Gillianian wrote:
Lady-Sue.....100 meters of the sea....
I thought this Beach was powered by solar panels, not tidal energy ;o)

No wonder DIWyman takes so many dips - he has to keep putting fifty pences in!!

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47. At 6:48pm on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Roll up, Roll up, fifty p a go, rummage in DiY's Speedos and help to keep the Beach alight!

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48. At 6:50pm on 27 Feb 2009, SeriousSoundBiter wrote:
Hey, Frogs, the News Quiz has stolen your tune.

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49. At 7:12pm on 27 Feb 2009, SeriousSoundBiter wrote:
More News Quiz overspill. Almost as funny as old ISIHAC:

Round our way, there was a huge bloke with a Steptoe overcoat, an open disposition and a busted zip who used to hang out here, with his appendage doing much the same. He who used to walk the streets shouting like Dom Joly but without a mobile phone.
I phoned social services.
'What do you expect us to do about it?'
I suggested an underpants distribution but they said it wasn't in any of their briefs.

One summer a friend was working as a Park Ranger in Bristol.
A woman with a pram waved him down.

'I think I ought to tell you. A man popped out of the rhododendrons over there by the Camera Oscura, and flashed me'

'My goodness, how terrible for you, whatever did you do'

'Well, I said 'Is that all you've got to show? If my husband only had that, he'd be ashamed of himself' I hope he's all right, is all. He bunched himself back in painfully, I thought, and rushed back into the bushes'

He'd been a Downs regular but was never seen again. At least, a little less was seen of him from then on.

I think the Spike M. joke should be spiked.

Spike has his back to the camera, walking away., opening his mac to every woman whom he passes. They all run off screaming. Eventually he turns to us and flashes the full length mirror he has tied to him.

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50. At 7:29pm on 27 Feb 2009, Frances O wrote:
I'm not on the Naughty Step. I've been good all day and worked hard all afternoon. So nyerrr.

Gossymrs, I hope you enjoyed having a fiddle.

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51. At 7:31pm on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
*in falsetto*

Crikey...PLEASE warm yer hands first!

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52. At 8:08pm on 27 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Ye Gods me Sprouts have shrivelled!

You all know perfectly well that come winter Spouts need TLC and keeping them in Speedos does fit the bill.

I dread to think what Sid is going to think when he sees the state of them.

DiY :-(

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53. At 8:47pm on 27 Feb 2009, Gillianian wrote:
DI_Wyman - your last comment gives a whole new meaning to the song ''I'm a little teapot'' ;o)

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54. At 10:31pm on 27 Feb 2009, Frances O wrote:
Turn me over, pour me out

Same one?

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55. At 07:15am on 28 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Sprouts!

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56. At 11:24am on 28 Feb 2009, Gillianian wrote:
Not for breakfast thanks, DI - I've brought custard brioche for elevenses ;o)

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57. At 11:33am on 28 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Thanks Gillianianianian, I was rather peckish.

Anyhoo, Chicken Flied Lice for tea this evening seeing as it is Saturday 'n all.

First, catchy Chicken.

Secondly, whip out yer wok.

*bluddy good job k is long way from g on keyboard*

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58. At 11:52am on 28 Feb 2009, Frances O wrote:
How the dickens did you manage to get the kay-letter accepted, DI?

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59. At 11:53am on 28 Feb 2009, Gillianian wrote:
Ahem! He's right here beside me..... ;o)

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60. At 12:23pm on 28 Feb 2009, Sid wrote:
For information: I have read the news about the sprouts. I am considering my response.

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61. At 1:31pm on 28 Feb 2009, Ed Iglehart wrote:
Beach reading:

On the matter of self-identity (and much more), I commend this blog, and the author's book, which I have just finished reading. Simply brilliant!
"Robin Yassin-Kassab was born in Britain to a Syrian father and English mother (and grew up partly in Scotland). He graduated from Oxford University and travelled extensively, working as a journalist in Pakistan before moving to Oman where he now teaches English."
He now lives in Scotland. Check out the blog.

Slainte!
ed
(apologies if it's not trivial enough for the beach..., but it's been an un-put-downable read) Off soon to watch the rugby... ;-)

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62. At 3:44pm on 28 Feb 2009, Fifi wrote:
Roger, can you move to your left a bit? I can't quite see the score......

SIXTEEN-THREE TO SCOTLAND???????

* faints *

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63. At 5:31pm on 28 Feb 2009, Lady Sue wrote:
Wooohaaayyyyyyyyyyyy guys! Now the Ireland vs. England rugby match just starting!

Who's in charge of the Barbie? Throw on another prawn and open the champers (hope I'm not being premature here...).

Who do I want to win? Well, I love my English friends but I do live in Ireland in RL and it will cheer everyone up a treat if the Irish team wins.

Budge up on that sand dune and all you naughties are all released (by decree) from the naughty-dune-step to come and watch.

Take your speedos off your head please, DI_Wyman...

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64. At 5:41pm on 28 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Sorry my Lady, force of habit!

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65. At 5:43pm on 28 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Look, I 'ave been there soooo long you can see an impression of me bum on the NS!

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66. At 6:21pm on 28 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Come on yoooou greys!

*I am watching the match on B and W TV*

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67. At 6:37pm on 28 Feb 2009, Fifi wrote:
Did Scotland win in the end? I was so riveted by the game that I wandered down the garden and started hacking brambles and things.

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68. At 7:24pm on 28 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
IRELAND 14, ENGALAND 13.... bu**er!

Anyhoo, anyone for a pint or two of the 'Black Stuff'?

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69. At 7:26pm on 28 Feb 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Don't know buy looks like England just lost. Curry (restaurant style) last night. Curry home made tonight. Mmmmmmm

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70. At 7:28pm on 28 Feb 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
ps I wuill happily do Home visits. But considering the aroma in the bedroom this morning you may not want me to.

Now, red wine, G&T or beer?

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71. At 7:40pm on 28 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Lady Sue....you still awantin' yer roof afixin'?

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72. At 7:42pm on 28 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Phaaaaaaaarrp, crikey Stew me ol' 'windy' Frogger!

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73. At 7:44pm on 28 Feb 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
I used to have a Johnny Fart pants T-Shirt. Always a commotion in his underwear

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74. At 8:31pm on 28 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Well! I have got a Vibrating Bum Faced Goats T-shirt.......with knobs on, so there Mr Smarty Pants!

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75. At 10:09pm on 28 Feb 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
And me Go nads are swell!

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76. At 10:14am on 01 Mar 2009, Lady Sue wrote:
(71) Yes please DI_Wyman! Place is totally falling down around ears. I could keep a dozen men here busy for six weeks. Perhaps you could visit in your guise as 'Speedoman' and do everything really fast?

Oh hang on, where am I? ... on the beach, relaxing ...

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77. At 10:30am on 01 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
I'm filling in for Little Red while he's away - there's a basketful of croissants, pain au raisins and brioches on the NC Bar.

Takes a deep breath of sea air and counts to ten.....

That's better ;o)

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78. At 1:14pm on 01 Mar 2009, Fifi wrote:
I'm looking at the lovely sunny afternoon and thinking:

'..gardening .. Bond .. gardening .. Bond ..'

Whatever's a girl to do?

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79. At 1:43pm on 01 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
Do some Bonding in the garden, perhaps?

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80. At 2:23pm on 01 Mar 2009, Fifi wrote:
My other half has just come up with an innovative 'do something funny for money' idea:

Torture a banker, till he gives all HIS money to Comic Relief!

I think it needs a little work, not the least that the 'torture' might need to be made suitable for family viewing - such as tickling, or being made to listen to Barry Manilow records.

If enough froggers support this idea I will put it forward...

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81. At 7:13pm on 01 Mar 2009, Lady Sue wrote:
(80) Fifi: just loving your/your other half idea.

BTW: have you heard... in RL the final of Uni Challenge is being "disqualified" (potentially) because one of the winning team had already graduated.

Thinking: joy of joys... perhaps a re-match with a replacement on the "Human Google's" team, beginning way back at quarter final stage.

What are your thoughts, my sand-baked friends?

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82. At 9:46pm on 01 Mar 2009, gossipmistress wrote:
My brother in law burnt his sprouts the other night. Just thought I'd mention it.

Fifi - I think your other half's on to a winner!

Lady Sue - yes I heard it on the news when I was driving back from RL earlier. I wonder if they'll add up all that person's points and see if it made a difference?

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83. At 11:09pm on 01 Mar 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
I wonder if the Universally Challenged problem has happened before? But as the tabloids seem to have a thing against "clever" people they just have to pursue it.

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84. At 08:54am on 02 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Morning Peeps, another RL Monday to be spent on the Hell Desk bah!

Anyhoo, the coffee is ready.

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85. At 12:12pm on 02 Mar 2009, Mansaylo wrote:
Anybody about, it's nearly lunchtime and I'm starving. I'll make some sarnies and soup. Ready in 15 minutes.

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86. At 1:59pm on 02 Mar 2009, Ed Iglehart wrote:
Psychedelic Frogfish Found at Ocean's Bottom

Marine biologists haven't seen anything like it “since the sixties.”

;-)
ed

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87. At 2:44pm on 02 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Ed I , 'spose it beats licking toads

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88. At 3:40pm on 02 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
gossipmistress 82. re inhumane treatment of small spherical green veggies.

Have you contacted the RSPBS and it would be best if we kept Sid in the dark about this. You know it will only upset him.

DiY :-(

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89. At 6:31pm on 02 Mar 2009, nikki noodle wrote:
cripes !!! A bit of a lean ol' day on the Beach, so I am going to russle up a fine selection of pasties and chips, with loads of side orders, followed by Jam Roly Poly pud and custard, peaches and cream, followed off with a delicate tier of patisserie.....

:-)

tuck in!!!!

n-n
xx

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90. At 8:01pm on 02 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
*sings*

A frogger would a -scoffing go
Hey ho! Jam Roly
A frogger would a-scoffing go,
Whether his mother would let him or no.
With sprouts, a pastry, peaches and custard,
Heigh ho! for Jam Roly Poly

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91. At 8:05pm on 02 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Gillianianianian, don't give up yer day job!

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92. At 8:07pm on 02 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
Which one, DIWyman??

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93. At 9:56pm on 02 Mar 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Optician Reprimanded for performing insufficiently wierd eye examination

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94. At 10:04pm on 02 Mar 2009, Izzy_Tme wrote:
Watch and learn, Stew, watch and learn!

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95. At 10:40pm on 02 Mar 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Also an article on personalised Personalised Postcodes

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96. At 11:21pm on 02 Mar 2009, mittfh wrote:
Truth can be stranger than fiction...

According to the EU, wine can only be called wine if it contains at least 9% alcohol. Below that, you cannot call it wine - and if you do, you'll face having it withdrawn by the Food Standards Agency, as a company called Sovio have found out...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/youandyours/items/06/2009_09_mon.shtml

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97. At 11:30pm on 02 Mar 2009, mittfh wrote:
And courtesy of El Reg, one rich American businessman at least has banned his children from owning an iPod or iPhone...William Henry Gates III, of course :)

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/03/02/gates_kids_iphoneless/

Unfortunately, what the article doesn't say is their rooms will instead be probably stuffed full of gadgets bearing a logo resembling a certain four coloured flag...

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98. At 00:59am on 03 Mar 2009, FitheFixer wrote:
It seems Fifi is no longer able to be just Fifi.

Booooooooooooooo!

*throws rattle out of pram *

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99. At 01:39am on 03 Mar 2009, SeriousSoundBiter wrote:
99
You're not listening to what Uncle Ed is telling you.
Click on his Archer's link at post 36 on last Friday's GB and do what you have to do there (Details, change nickname)

Sadly I know no more, but have theories.

The problems may be closer to hand than FitheFixer could believe.

Moderated + Removed seems to cause some users problems.

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100. At 01:43am on 03 Mar 2009, SeriousSoundBiter wrote:
98

Though you may have to be re-moderated.

I can just hear you saying

'Moderated, moi?'

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101. At 01:44am on 03 Mar 2009, SeriousSoundBiter wrote:
98

Something I've found out in this game of soldiers....

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102. At 01:45am on 03 Mar 2009, SeriousSoundBiter wrote:
..by close observation of others of course....

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103. At 01:46am on 03 Mar 2009, SeriousSoundBiter wrote:
..that it's sheer numbers of posts that clears the initial Moderation hurdle.

Nite.

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104. At 08:55am on 03 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Morning all, coffee is ready and the tea is brewing.

Has anyone seen the toaster?

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105. At 09:00am on 03 Mar 2009, Mansaylo wrote:
Morning froggers. Coffee's on, toast and marmalade on the bar. SS (99-103) don't you ever sleep??

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106. At 09:25am on 03 Mar 2009, FitheFixer wrote:
I don't care about being modded, SSB - happens all the time, to me as to anyone else.

What annoys me is the name change, as I thought I had made clear. I've been 'Fifi' since 2006 and there's now a whole squad of people who now call me that in RL as well.

I don't change identities as readily as some around here. And if I do have to, then I would appreciate the courtesy of an explanation from those who're insisting that I do.

Now... where's that rattle? ... never around when you want one... mumph, grumph, grizzle...

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107. At 09:30am on 03 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Mansaylo (105) - Can I have my marmalade on my toast rather than on the bar?

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108. At 10:34am on 03 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
I'm not, I'm just testing something for her ... ;)

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109. At 10:39am on 03 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
Hmmm, well that didn't work, dang, sorry Feefs!

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110. At 10:56am on 03 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Intermittent or Occasional?

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111. At 11:19am on 03 Mar 2009, FitheFixer wrote:
(108) abd (110) : I think you are changing your nicknames for the purposes of using message boards, not blogs.

And by the way, I can't do that EITHER!

Same problem: doesn't start with 'Your nickname is...' and the offer to change it.

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112. At 11:27am on 03 Mar 2009, Fifi wrote:
What alchemy is this?

Am I really Fifi again?????

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113. At 11:30am on 03 Mar 2009, Big Sister wrote:
Imposter! ;o)

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114. At 11:30am on 03 Mar 2009, Fifi wrote:
Phew.

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115. At 11:31am on 03 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Yep - and all you previous posts are available under 'Fifi'.

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116. At 11:32am on 03 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
Welcome back!

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117. At 11:36am on 03 Mar 2009, Fifi wrote:
Yippee, I'm Fifi again, safe and sound!

* skips about inelegantly in sand *

I can feel a celebrational garlicky risotto coming on. Anyone fancy some? Vegetarian version available with mushrooms, sweetcorn and peas. Carnivorous version features chorizo and ham in addition. All cooked with orange juice.

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118. At 11:41am on 03 Mar 2009, SeriousSoundBiter wrote:
Where's the serious contemporaneous place on this bog?

Long run serious = FB

Short run fun = Beach

Expressing horror at the cricket coach tragedy, where's that thread?

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119. At 11:50am on 03 Mar 2009, MrsEffingham wrote:
Fifi, your little jig reminded me that I went to see U-2 playing on the roof of Broadcasting House... what great reunion dances those German submarine crews have...

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120. At 12:40pm on 03 Mar 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Fit/fifi. As both names are still on the list that suggests you now have two personas.

see (111 and 112) or fit is not fifi.

Lunch anyone?

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121. At 12:42pm on 03 Mar 2009, Ed Iglehart wrote:
Fifi and Fixer, a rare example of mitosis (or is it meiosis?) in a fully developed organism.

Will the terrible twins be rivals or comrades? Who can say?

Know the strength of man,
But keep a woman's care!
Be the stream of the universe!
Being the stream of the universe,
Ever true and unswerving,
Become as a little child once more.

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122. At 12:54pm on 03 Mar 2009, Fifi wrote:
SSB (118) - Usual practice seems to be the most recent Glass Box. When the new Glass Box is created, you can re-post there if you wish.

Ed (121) - I have no intention of messing about with identities... it's too hard, too time consuming and I'm not funny enough for it to be worth the effort!

However, if the blog suddenly requires me to sign in again for no reason, at least now I have the correct ID stored away where I should be able to find it again.

;o)

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123. At 1:09pm on 03 Mar 2009, Ed Iglehart wrote:
Fifi,

Out of curiosity, had you cleaned out your computer's cookie jar? Or perhaps it had happened 'involuntarily' (still on windoze)?

I'm with Nelson
ed

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124. At 1:23pm on 03 Mar 2009, mittfh wrote:
More nickname fun and games...

I normally sign in as mittfh2 (when DNA was first introduced, it wouldn't allow me to use mittfh)...

...But then, a few months back, I accidentally managed to sign in as mittfh instead...

...So I now have two different accounts that resolve to the same nickname...

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125. At 1:24pm on 03 Mar 2009, mittfh wrote:
So although this comment and post 124 appear to come from the same nickname, if you investigate you'll notice the U numbers are different...

Ho hum...

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126. At 1:28pm on 03 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
Cookies, mmmm!

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127. At 1:47pm on 03 Mar 2009, Fifi wrote:
Ed (123) : I rarely visit the cookie jar, not being a person with a sweet tooth.

But I do take your point, and no, I haven't done anything that would have swept away those settings.

Thanks for the thought!

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128. At 1:56pm on 03 Mar 2009, BrendanButterpudding wrote:
Noice!

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129. At 3:23pm on 03 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Welcome back Fifi, celebratory Doughnuts all round!

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130. At 4:34pm on 03 Mar 2009, Frances O wrote:
Yes, Fifi, welcome back! I tried posting about this in FB a while ago when Perky had the same prob. Don't know whether it ever appeared.

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131. At 8:41pm on 03 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
Who stole the cookies from the cookies jar?.........

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132. At 9:49pm on 03 Mar 2009, Molly wrote:
Fifi- what an adventure!
Easily done, this name thingey going wrong.

Mollyxx

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133. At 10:00pm on 03 Mar 2009, SeriousSoundBiter wrote:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

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134. At 10:52pm on 03 Mar 2009, mittfh wrote:
*Points to the Naughty Step*

Go on, SSB, you know where you belong...

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135. At 10:55pm on 03 Mar 2009, mittfh wrote:
Been a while since we had a batch of jokes...
*Rummages around behind the bar*
*Finds the Jester's Hat*
*Grins insanely*

A selection of musical jokes - apologies to FB'ers, you've already been 'treated' to these...

Two men were sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day. The prison warden asked the first man: "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," he said. "Could you play me 'The Birdie Song' one last time?"
"Sure," said the warden. Then he turned to the second man and said:
"And what's your final request?"
"I'd like to go first."

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine?
A flat minor

What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major

What happens if you play country music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get of out prison.

What is the difference between a duet and a duel?
None - there is no difference.

How do you get a lead guitarist to stop playing?
Put sheet music in front of him.

What's the definition of an optimist?
A folk musician with a mortgage.

What's the difference between a pizza and a drummer?
A pizza can feed a family of four.

What's the difference between a drum kit and a lawnmower?
The neighbours are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.

A movie director was testing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classical composers.
The director said to Stallone: "Who do you fancy playing, Sly?"
Stallone looked down the list of characters and said: "I'd like to play Mozart."
Then the director turned to Schwarzenegger. Arnie said simply...

(Go on, guess it!)

"I'll be Bach."

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136. At 08:50am on 04 Mar 2009, Mansaylo wrote:
mittfh. The jester's hat doesn't suit you. Don't give up the day job. Meanwhile, coffee's on, bacon butties nearly ready. Where is everybody - still kipping in the hammocks?

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137. At 09:00am on 04 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Morning Mansaylo, thanks for the coffee. I have brought some fresh eggs if anyone wants to top off their bacon sarnies.

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138. At 09:26am on 04 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
a joke..

Air Traffic Control to: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions?"

Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating."

ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years..."

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139. At 09:58am on 04 Mar 2009, Molly wrote:
Someone's been rocking my hammock...
Is it safe to come out yet?

Save me some butties and coffee.I'm just off for a dip before it gets too cold.
Or hot.

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140. At 12:01pm on 04 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
If someone could help me down from this high horse, I'll make a start on lunch.
Are omelettes okay?

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141. At 12:02pm on 04 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Get off Gillianian!

And omelettes are fine, thanks.

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142. At 12:09pm on 04 Mar 2009, Sid wrote:
Omelettes - absolutely fine, Gillianianian. Mushrooms and bacon, please.

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143. At 12:14pm on 04 Mar 2009, nikki noodle wrote:
ooooh I'd love a slice of omelette, please!!!

And I was just thinking what a fine figure you looked up there on that horse, over on another thread....mind you don't trip on the molehills, Gillianian!!!!

I, sadly, will be missing PM most evenings this week, so will recline gracefully on the beach.
n-n

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144. At 12:32pm on 04 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
n-n.......you know, I could have just summarised everything I said over there in two words, using the motto of this Beach..... ;o)

I love your Venus pose, nikki! That's a clever thing you've done with your towel ;o)

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145. At 2:20pm on 04 Mar 2009, Molly wrote:
Now, now Gillianian- you're making nikki-n blush....

Don't trip on that big shell ,n-n....

oh! hide your eyes, Gillianian!!!!
Quick- where's my coat....?

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146. At 3:13pm on 04 Mar 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
NN, how do you get the towel to do that! ?

I think its time for a Fat Rascal. (other large scones avaialable). though I shall be having a biscuit courtesy of a patient.

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147. At 4:30pm on 04 Mar 2009, mittfh wrote:
DIY (138): And here's the naval equivalent...

Canadians:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans:
Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians:
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

Americans:
This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians:
No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP
IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE
DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH,OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians:
This is a lighthouse. Your call.

-oOo-

Apparently the joke has been told numerous times over the years - apparently first surfacing in a navy magazine in the 1940s. Needless to say, the US Navy deny the incident is true...and unfortunately their version is backed up by Snopes :(

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148. At 4:41pm on 04 Mar 2009, mittfh wrote:
As for towels, I've got a nice big one here (60cm x 90cm) with the words "Don't Panic!" inscribed in large, friendly letters...

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149. At 5:25pm on 04 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes his chute is broken. He doesn't know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down.

The wind is ripping past his face, he's dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, "Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!"

The guy flying up looks down and yells, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!"

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150. At 5:28pm on 04 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
You will love this one...

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
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"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

See!

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151. At 8:13pm on 04 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Anyone seen David of St Albans?

I was going to treat the old boy to a pint of Scrumpy and a Pastie!

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152. At 8:43pm on 04 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Quick, mittfh, I know it's not Thursday but we need to get these six pints of beer drunk PDQ!!

DiY [:-)8

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153. At 10:34pm on 04 Mar 2009, annasee wrote:
Hi All! Just celebrating the fact I can still remember my (new ) password and logged in on Mum's computer. Dial up connection's a bit slow though. Clear blue skies here, lovely temps in the 20's. Been to the local swimming baths - for bargain price of $9. 50 (about £4 stg.) me and mpb enjoyed an aqua fit class, use of the huge pool after the class, and use of a water play pool and the spa pool. About 5 other people using the swimming pool with us. That's what I call a bargain!

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154. At 11:32pm on 04 Mar 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Annasee, sounds better than the beach. And how come we are allowed $ signs but not £ (pound) signs?

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155. At 11:32pm on 04 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Annasee - The temp on my car reading today was 2.5 degrees, I had 8 boring hours in the office, I haven't had a swim in ages and I don't think I like you anymore. :o)

Enjoy the rest of your trip!

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156. At 07:41am on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Morning all.

Coffee is ready, tea is brewing and the toaster is standing by.

annasee, with the pool that crowded I would have asked for my money back.

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157. At 08:20am on 05 Mar 2009, gossipmistress wrote:
Annassee I'm very jealous! And you're missing more snow! Well, to be honest it was only a few flakes in the Northwest but there was a little. Glad to hear you're having a good time.

DiY thanks for the tea, I've brought some marmalade to go with the toast, my Mum's homemade chunky. Actually it's nice in porridge too!

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158. At 09:51am on 05 Mar 2009, Harold-Bissonette wrote:
Hello love.

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159. At 10:43am on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Hi Harrold!

How are Amelia, Norman and Mildred?

DiY ;-)

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160. At 12:46pm on 05 Mar 2009, Harold-Bissonette wrote:
Kumquats anyone..?

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161. At 1:03pm on 05 Mar 2009, gossipmistress wrote:
harold - are you a very small hooved mammal?

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162. At 1:39pm on 05 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
What are you trying to light the flower for, Harold?

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163. At 1:55pm on 05 Mar 2009, Harold-Bissonette wrote:
I don't know Carl LaFong - Capital L, small a, Capital F, small o, small n, small g. And if I did know Carl LaFong, I wouldn't admit it!

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164. At 2:06pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
a joke....

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.

Bob had always want to go flying. The desire grew each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.

Bob would always ask, and Sue would always say, "No way boy, ten dollars is ten dollars."

The years went by, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch.

And once he got there the feeling become real strong and Sue and Bob started an arguement.

The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.

So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.

Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the air port.

"I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"

"Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but heck, ten dollars is ten dollars."

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165. At 2:11pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Mrs DiY says it's time for me to let her whippet out!

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166. At 2:59pm on 05 Mar 2009, Molly wrote:
I AM A TWERP!

I've only gone and posted some straplines on an ancient 'page'....

How did I do that?

I shall never show my face here again....I'm sooooooo ebarassed!!!!

Sorry!

Byeeeeee....

mxx
ps don't you dare pinch my ideas- I know you lot......

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167. At 3:39pm on 05 Mar 2009, Anne P. wrote:
"Twerp" - now there's a word I haven't heard in yonks!

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168. At 3:40pm on 05 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Molly - Don't worry nobody will find them.

Anyway you are supposed to email them to pm@bbc.co.uk with the word STRAPLINES in the Subject line

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169. At 3:51pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Molly, if you have lost them, then go here to see them again.

DiY, always a help. :-D

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170. At 4:22pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
a joke

A young guy in an F-14 fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

The veteran bomber pilot just answered, "Try this hot-shot." The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level for the next 10 minutes.

Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"

"Well, I just engaged auto pilot, visited the mens room, had a chat with the navigator and grabbed a cup of coffee.

So, could you do that?"

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171. At 4:25pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
..there's more..

The student in his primary trainer was flying a solo cross-country. He lost his way and before he finally ran out of fuel he decided to put it down on a road. With hardly any cars on the road he managed to coast his aircraft into a petrol station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!"

The attendant just looked at the pilot.

"I bet you don't get too many airplanes asking for a refuel," said the pilot.

The attendant replied "Very true, most pilots use that airport over there."

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172. At 4:38pm on 05 Mar 2009, Wonko wrote:
What ho!

Goodness March already? And I haven't got the sprouts on the boil for Crimbo yet!

Seriously, apologies for not being around since... erm... last week? RL has been hectic to say the least. Early mornings, late nights, and sometimes I've gone to work as well! ;o)

Now judging by my watch it 40 minutes past Pimms O'Clock! I've made some of the No.3 Winter mixture, mulled with apple juice and some ginger ale, with a few slices of orange floating on top. Who's for a glug or two?

;o) []

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173. At 4:45pm on 05 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Two please!

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174. At 5:21pm on 05 Mar 2009, Wonko wrote:
Sorry for the delay my equine friend, here you go.

Anyone else?

;o) []

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175. At 5:24pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Hi Wonko, we all enjoyed the Wonko.jpg!

Can I reserve a Pimms for later?

I am stuck on the IT HellDesk till 5.30 and then I have 12 mile drive back to home to the warming Mrs DiY embrace.

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176. At 5:26pm on 05 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
Yes please Wonko, that's very kind, a glug would be great after the slightly dull, dull, deadly dull day I've had.

Bottoms Up!

A x

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177. At 5:37pm on 05 Mar 2009, Sid wrote:
Yes please Wonko ... glug, glug, glug, please ...

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178. At 5:56pm on 05 Mar 2009, Molly wrote:
TIH (168)

Do you really, really think so?

In spite of DIY's bean- spill?

I'm not coming out yet. Just in case ....

Mxx

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179. At 6:05pm on 05 Mar 2009, Wonko wrote:
Well I hope everyone's suitably imbibed, do continue to help yourselves.

I'm off to brave London's public transport system!

;o) []

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180. At 6:55pm on 05 Mar 2009, Froggersfroat wrote:
DiW....are you enjoying Mrs. DiW's warm Brace yet???

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181. At 7:44pm on 05 Mar 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
Ladies don't forget Mr Bean on Beach Channel 4 at 9.00 pm.

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182. At 7:52pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Froggersfroat 180, yep! Now all I can taste is fish!
.
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.

.
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we had smoked Mackerel, Mashed spuds and carrots and last years (frozen) broadbeans with a horseradish sauce for our tea.

Wot were you thinking!

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183. At 7:57pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
LOL...I have just been listening again to the song about how to bu$$er a Hedgehog!

I just hope that a Frogger in the East Midlands can live with herself!

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184. At 7:59pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

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185. At 8:00pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

easy peasy!

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186. At 8:00pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Test

ing

1

2

3

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187. At 8:02pm on 05 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
And it's a full house for Mr DIWyman ;o)

The prize is the key to the Recent Comments box!

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188. At 8:29pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
LOL..Gillianianian...I woz playing, as one does, and found there is a way to actually to generate an empty post.

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189. At 8:30pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

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190. At 8:30pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
See!

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191. At 8:37pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
but!

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192. At 8:38pm on 05 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:

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193. At 8:38pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
you need to remember how many you have used so far!

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194. At 8:39pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:

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195. At 8:39pm on 05 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
Mine seems to be even emptier than yours ;o)

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196. At 8:40pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
see!

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197. At 8:41pm on 05 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
AND it covers three comment boxes, apparently! (192-195)

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198. At 8:43pm on 05 Mar 2009, Gillianian wrote:
Oh! There you are... everything went blank for a minute or two ;o)

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199. At 8:47pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Crikey...!

*backs off, not messin' with this willy ol' gal*

anyhoo, that young Billy Connolly will be on TV in while and I need to adjust the blood / alcohol level!

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200. At 9:17pm on 05 Mar 2009, Anne P. wrote:
OK you two - how about letting the rest of us in on it?

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201. At 9:18pm on 05 Mar 2009, Anne P. wrote:

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202. At 9:23pm on 05 Mar 2009, Anne P. wrote:
Feels rather like creating a wormhole in space - just hope no-one falls in!

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203. At 10:12pm on 05 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
..now look wot you have done! Everyone and his sister is in on the act!

see!

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204. At 10:35pm on 05 Mar 2009, Frances O wrote:

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205. At 10:35pm on 05 Mar 2009, Frances O wrote:

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206. At 10:38pm on 05 Mar 2009, Frances O wrote:
Nope...

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207. At 10:39pm on 05 Mar 2009, Frances O wrote:
Oh! Yep!

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208. At 11:15pm on 05 Mar 2009, Stewart_M wrote:

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209. At 11:16pm on 05 Mar 2009, Stewart_M wrote:
No I can't be that simple. And DIY is it not alcohol/blood levels?

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210. At 09:55am on 06 Mar 2009, Frances O wrote:
I'm sure you're not, Stewart!

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211. At 12:38pm on 06 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
212. At 1:16pm on 06 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:
what?

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213. At 1:20pm on 06 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:

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214. At 1:33pm on 06 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
Ah that's better, sorry for upsetting the blog, I'm not sure how I did it. Too clever with the emboldenments, probably.

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215. At 1:41pm on 06 Mar 2009, Ed Iglehart wrote:
But AM I STILL BANNED?

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216. At 1:56pm on 06 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Andy - I 'complained' about your comment and asked them to remove it to see if it cured the problem. Seems it has.

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217. At 2:03pm on 06 Mar 2009, Ed Iglehart wrote:
TIH, But if they follow form, the Mods (who are as Gods) will deliberate and decide it doesn't break house rules and reinstate it....

;-)
ed

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218. At 2:06pm on 06 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
Thanks TIH, I should have complained about my own comment really, but I'm glad its fixed now! Good jobby there's another Beach ...

Ed - nooooo!!! Glad you're not banned, then.

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219. At 2:52pm on 06 Mar 2009, U12196018 wrote:
Ed (217) - No, they won't. I told them all sorts of lies about Andy. I'll be surprised if they don't hold a case conference and ban him altogrether!

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220. At 3:09pm on 06 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
TIH (219) : Well nothing they won't have heard before, and they haven't banned me yet ...

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221. At 3:15pm on 06 Mar 2009, DI_Wyman wrote:
Fight the "The Final Countdown", I need your support!

Please go here

DiY ;-)

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222. At 4:35pm on 06 Mar 2009, andycroak wrote:
Apparently - a enboldened blank space "constitutes spam" ;)

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