Oh no. Not Mandelson. In - out - in - out - shake the Cabinet all about.
So as I look at the waves coming in and going out I think how apt.
Palin and Biden - their much awaited "shootout" in the Show Me state of Missouri. And it was a dud seemingly. But even if one had metaphorically wiped the floor with the other - what does it really prove?
One good speech - one good battling debate? And they are made favourite to win the contest until the next verbal gaffe?
Low jab - a van had that on as it drew attention to itself just now.
"Show" me what your made of Vice Presidential Candidates - again. How long does that contest go on - almost as long as a Presidential term itself seemingly. Four years then?
Show me - the way to go home. Hang on though - is that the ice cream seller I hear? A "99" please! lol
Happy 100th Beach! I've adorned the bar with some party decorations (mainly DiY's old speedos, which I found strewn across the dunes) and left fizz and chocolate chip cookies for all and sundry.
Oh it's good to get warmed up again - it's bloomin' freezing in Aberdeen. I spotted the first wooly gloves of the season while I was there, and was wishing I had a pair, too! DIWyman, if ever you get sent there on a mission, wear the fur-lined speedos ;o)
Ah DIY (26) - I think I see your reasoning. But I'm afraid you are a bit off course. Big Sis may in fact look a bit like Jimmy Nail but she's no Geordie.
Big Sis - Just as well I know you have a sense of humour, eh? On another topic from another place, I would have you know that I hold the sole rights to be 'miffed' around here. Balearics and all that!
Although I'm not the only person to trip up their choice of readers - I seem to remember (on more than one occasion), blog posts by a (Ms) Di Wyman being read out...
Meanwhile, you might enjoy this quote, from a comment on BOFH 28 @ El Reg (author: Paul Rivers)
"I was working at big blue. My boss told me that I needed to collect records of every desk visit and people had to sign off on them.
The Incident and Defect Tracking system was born.
ID 1 T Hardware failure ID 2 T Hardware installation ID 3 T Software installation ID 4 T Software configuration ID 5 T Operating System installation ID 6 T Operating System Upgrade ID 7 T Network configuration ID 8 T Network cabling upgrade. ID 9 T User training ID 10 T User error.
Every user error tracking page signed off by a manager was taped to the wall in the lab. It took them 3 months to figure out."
Just about to dish up portions of Fearless's chicken extravaganza .. just as soon as the garlic bread's ready.
Plates warming by the BBQ, GandTs lined up on the Nick Clarke bar, and a double for Steelpulse who is taking life far too seriously over on the soapbox dune.
DIW (38) - if you're passing by this way at any time, I will gladly accept "a big pile of logs to give away to a good home!" and can exchange for a 28, 147, deep fried 34 and a bag of 19's...?!
Mrs DiY is out this eve so oi 'as to fend fur meself.
So oi'm orf to raid the freezer, oi knows she has lots of portions of 'er tasty lamb stew hidden away in thar, just a-waitin' to be bunged in the microwaveickle machine to be served up with crusty bread and the trusty ol' Lea and Perr1ns!
44. DiY: come back to reality. You aren't at home... you are on the beach, the sun is setting behind palm trees, there are cocktails laid out at the bar, Big Sis and co have a roaring bonfire, everyone is sitting around it, admiring the sunset and generally hanging out. Walk away from the lamb stew... just walk away....
Don't mind me, I'm just going to put a lot of candles around, in case we have a 5th power cut.
Now... a big bowl of sprouts is bubbling on the barbie. If we all have a good sized helping, we'll have an excellent source of methane later, which once ignited will provide a great place to light all the candles from.
Fifi 48, We have several candle lit services at the Cathedral during the year and we bring home the leftover bits by the bagful and burn them during the year in the evening.
Now them power cuts. From those serious threads, I've rigged up a turbine to convert that hot air into electricity. Will keep the fridge cool and light the bar and naughty step.
Oh, Fifi, talk of tallow always makes me wax lyrical, cos.....
(....altogether, now....)
'....All the nice girls love a candle,....'
**** L*dls, diet-free, at 20p for 2 litres. Add 5 cyclamate and saccharine tabs (10 a penny) per pint glass full. (Even cheaper at T*sco's ,but who shops there, anyway)
Stewart (64): I have yet to persuade any camel into the buff! However feel free to try.
David and Big Sister: DIY's ever-growing collection of bespoke Speedos (which he wears on his head) is an intrinsic part of the Beach. As are Sid's bullet-like sprouts. If you don't like 'em, just leave on the side of your plate!
Fifi: Each to their own! And neither speedos nor sprouts 'do' it for me, I'm afraid! But - fair doos - I'm pretty sure that Johnny Depp and Mr. Bean don't 'do' it for DiY, either ;o)
Sorry for just lurking at the moment, my fellow froggers. It's just that in RL the new job's taking up a fair amount of my energy and time. Here's a crate of Black Stump as way of an apology....
Sid? are you there? You're wanted over by the scrabble dune. ;o)
Having swithered about whether to have haggis or chicken tonight, I gave SO the casting vote.
So, the oven's warming up, the sauce is mixed, the meat is coated, and the haggis will be tomorrow night's feast. Possibly with a bit kept back to go in a risotto later.
Are David, Fearless & I the only ones tippling this early? Eeeek! For those who don't care for Black Stump or Calvados, I have an array of spirits & mixers for the aperitif (ahem!) of your choice.
There's still time to order a portion of Fearless's Fabulous Fowl, as it won't be going into the oven for a while yet.
I heard, way back in RL (well sort of RL) that there was black stump going begging? I'm over here FF! Oh and I'll have a portion of FFF from Fifi (phew!) to go with it please..... Cheers x
I hope you enjoyed your FFF as much as we did Fi (77). I tried a bit of balsamic vinegar in the sauce, as well as a splash of red wine, and ended up having to mix some more of the soy/lemon to make it go further when it came out of the oven.
Never turns out the same way twice!
Think, after my labours, and before I tackle the pans, I'll just slump in the sparkly hammock with this HUUUUUGE tumbler of The Stump...
Right then - am back, lets spread that loveliness out from the Beach.. I can't believe that Big Sis, OUR Big Sis, nearly left the frog!!!
So, to gird our loins I have brought the friendliest food I can think of - fairy cakes and butterfly buns! (low fat versions also available and savoury scones for those without a sweet tooth!)
And following on from a post about confidence....quick posture lesson!!
Stand with feet together (if a bit wobbly take them slightly apart).
Be aware of pelvis. We often stand with our bottom stuck out; think of the pelvis like a bowl full of spaghetti. Tip it too far back or forward and it will all spill out! So tuck the tail bone under a bit and use abdominal muscles to help. Then take a nice breath in, stretch the spine, roll the shoulders back and down, let the fingers hand loose. Tuck the chin in slightly to lengthen the back of the neck...and enjoy!!
Oh dear, what is the world coming to? This email just arrived from Workforce Development...
"A shop near our vets claims to sell "the best pork pies ion the world". See if you agree. I have put some on the upstairs and downstairs tambour units.
Please help yourselves.
[Name removed to protect the guilty!]
PS Probably, not suitable for vagetarians."
Workforce Development are based in a different building to us, so I can't sample them on your behalf, but we couldn't help but cringe at the email - note particularly the slightly dodgy spelling/grammar of the postscript, and the location of the butchers... "I'm sorry, we had to put Fido down. But have a pork pie on the house..."
Horse: I've never understood how you type with hooves like those.
WW: That's a really good exercise. I'm already three inches taller! I'll pass on the cakes though, thanks, though the butterfly buns remind me of my childhood parties and my dear mum (still with us, but not making butterfly buns these days).
Did anyone else (girls only need reply!) have a stickyouty party dress when they were little?
witchi - I don't do multi-tasking. Breathing and thinking is about as much as I can combine. btw, I loved the expression "if your day truly blows goats" on another thread - I've never heard that before.
Brrrrrr!! it's FREEZING in Kyle of Lochalsch (spelling?) but very lovely. Having said that, it's nice to be back on the beach. Is there a bonfire somewhere?
Just off to catch up on the news- whose done what etc.
I'll try and send my snowy scottish beach for you to see. Complete with Horses....
Not so much a sticky-out party dress, though it was fairly stiff, but it had tiny red strawberries on with little (intentional) holes...love that fabric and still kee looking for some!
Fifi - You might remember that Mrs Trellis was responsible for a large cache of Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc. The bottles were removed from Dayone Beach when we were forced to vacate. Mrs Trellis never indicated where they were secreted on our new beach. I think it is time that we organised a search party.
84 We went to see friends in RL at the weekend. They have a Wii Fit kit. SO tried it, and it told her that she had a deformed spine and a displaced pelvis. How did it know???
Hmm. Shergar, of course, is the fly in the ointment. Or is it the dog that didn't bark ...
Strangely enough, we had baked leeks with a French friend of mine at the weekend. She asked me to pass the poireaux - and I thought she'd finally flipped. 'Poirot?' I asked, puzzled ...
OK Horsey, so we have our crime, although it strikes me as a very cold case. Chilled, even.
The Mystery of the Purloined Plonk.
Which troll should we frisk first? I don't mind doing it as long as I'm allowed to wear industrial strength safety gloves with which to hold the tongs...
Just found this lovely pogo stick with which to hop from thread to thread....I'll prop it up by the bar for any who like me are having trouble keeping RL at bay for long enough to bask on the beach.
Oooooh, Anne (114), what a lovely one it is too! The fairy-lights are a nice touch. However did you really need to attach the bull-bars and searchlights as well?
David (113), I don't like picking on anybody, you should know that by now. But there's been rather too much trolling around here lately, on this and other threads.
Now, anyone spotted clues to the whereabouts of the Vino Collapso Perdito yet?
sorry oize bin knee glectin the Beach, but oize bin very busy in RL.
Have bin chasing around Suffuk these past two days getting some of me customers to 'Beta' test the latest version of our software. (LOL)
bin to Southwold, Aldeburgh and Halesworth...all trully lovelly places with lovelly peeps (and cracking fish 'n chips in the one that starts with an A).
tis bin moity 'eck tic and oi is fair pooped!
So i was thinkin that fair maidens (or Feefs and Gillianianian) could mop my heated brow and serve me flaggons of chilled Scrumpy and plates of Liver, onions 'mash n Sprouts till milking toime?
DIY, you can't imagine that a stern webmistress such as I would stoop to mopping brows and hand-feeding haggis to froggers? In THESE heels??
Good to see the Horse trying out the pogo stick behind the NCMB ... he looks rather fetching with all those dangly ornaments and the fairy lights bouncing around him.
Right, DIWyman - if you want something done, ask a busy woman! Now here's your heated scrumpy, liver on your brow, a flaggon of chilled onions and your sprouts mashed with milk. Now I'm all of a fluster - what did I forget?
Re Fifi (112) If you think that is a very cold case. Chilled, even., maybe I should not share this:
One of the oldest “unsolved” crimes has got to be Stonehenge. Rhys-Aled-Thomas-Tellwyn-Ewan-Dai Jones, for ‘twas he, was top troll in a builders’ merchants in South Wales (the old one, not the New one) and was asked to source some building bricks to build a bridge over the river Taff. “A bridge for the Taff?” thought the Troll, “That would make an excellent home for me!” And so the Troll decided that he would make the bridge the biggest bridge ever made.
Now, what do you need to make a big bridge? Big bricks, obviously! And so Troll R-A-T-T-E-D Jones decided that he would supply the biggest bricks ever. Sadly, on supply, the bricks proved too big to be used to make a bridge. “What to do? What to do? What to do?” said Troll Jones. One of the characteristics of a Troll is repeating the same stuff, as noted just now. Another is a certain lack of intelligence. If you or I had found that the bricks were too big, we would just have made them smaller. Not Troll Jones. No, the Troll decided that he needed to get rid of the bricks; and the best way to get rid of bricks was to throw them into the sea.
In those days, throwing anything into the sea in Wales was considered a crime beyond compare; and so that was not going to be an option. Troll Jones did consider swimming to Ireland, with them tied onto his back, but that seemed like too much effort. No, he would carry them to England and throw them into the English Channel!!
Troll Jones got as far as Bristol before being challenged. “Wha’ ye go’ there?” asked a Bristollian. “Jus’ me pack’ lunch, boyo!” answered Troll Jones. “Continue” responded the Bristollian, noting the Welsh accent. Eventually, he got as far as Salisbury where he was again challenged. “What’s that, ‘ennn?” inquired a Salisburian. “Jus’ me pack’ lunch, boyo!” answered Troll Jones. “Nah, them’s Welsh bricks! We don’t want them here, get rid of them!” said the Bristollian, also noting the Welsh accent.
So how does one get rid of large Welsh bricks, when throwing them into the sea is no longer an option? You find a local Plain and leave them there. Sadly, at the time, fly-tipping was one of the worst crimes known to the people of Wiltshire. However, Troll Jones managed to get away with it, and get away back to Wales again.
So how is it that this crime has gone unsolved for so long?? Troll Jones, in order to escape detection, disguised himself as a gnome on the night that he went to England. Unlike the rest of his venture, the disguise was so successful that there are some people, even to this day, who believe that Stonehenge was built by Welsh gnomes. Is that not the case, TSSCat? ;o)
There now. Isn't that just the most handsome thing you ever clapped eyes on!
...and standing NEXT to Humph [pauses to ride the laugh] is Fifi's Patent Troll Trap.
You see, the troll is enticed by the lifesize recordings of Big Sister and Horsey arguing about who'd win a fight between Germaine Greer and Shergar...
... SPLOT!!!!!!
Custard pie in the face for the troll, who exits looking extremely foolish.
Fifi contacted me about the missing case of Oyster Bay and I thought that I had better come clean. I'm afraid that the case is no more. Now I know what you are all thinking but it is not like that. I simply thought, whilst moving said case that all those bottles were quite heavy. Then it occurred to me that if I were to drink one of the bottles then logically, it would be one less to carry therefore less weight. A cunning plan I'm sure you will agree. After I had finished the bottle I continued on with the journey. I have to confess that the remaining bottles were still quite heavy and where one bottle had been removed from the case, it had made it unbalanced and awkward to carry. The obvious thing to do was to drink another bottle (purely in the interest of weight and balance. Honest) After I had completed the second bottle for some reason my balance seemed even worse and not better as I had expected it to be. Strange. I could not understand it so in the interest of gaining some insight to this problem it occurred to me that what I really needed was some form of refreshment to lubricate my thinking. My friends, I have to report that it didn't work. If anything my thinking became ever more random and my balance deserted me completely. By this time, I realised that I was now alone on the beach and would need rescuing but how could I attract attention. Then I had a marvelous idea; I could send a message in an empty bottle. Brilliant. All I needed now was an empty bottle...I think that you can see where this is leading. When I awoke in the morning I felt ashamed for my actions and could not face you all and admit the truth which is why I have been away for so long. Sorry about the wine.
I've just been on a flying visit to Room 502! How weird ... it just sort of moored itself to the top of the thread.
Anyway, GOAT essence, that's the special aroma I detected! Goat poo liberally sprinkled just inside the trapdoor should be the finishing touch (still wearing the gloves, mind).
Hey, goats, frogs and the others. We/You should count y/ourselves lucky.
Try the Peston Picks link (RHS, this page, a BBC Blog Network....well, blog) and then click on the Comments under his (RP's) latest....well, comment. Scroll down (as DMcN has taught us to), and find the 58 consecutive posts awaiting moderation.
A record or what?
So instead of being off topic here, you could be number 59 in a record breaking Q, trying to tell RP how it is. (For the moment)
As a frog blowing a goat (fifi - hie thee to the step once more, you know that's not what I meant!), I have to say that the essence of goat is above the bridge whilst that below is somewhat redolant of ..... um......t.....now, what's the name?
Ok, have tidied away the custard (now in an air-tight vat behind the dunes, ready for when it's needed). Essence of goat similarly locked away somewhere safe. But I can't seem to find any vestage (sp) of the mushed sprouts. I'm guessing the camels may have helped out there. Now time for a quick dip and I'm off to teach people how to get themselves upside down and smile at the same time!
Apparently this comment has been failed by the profanity filter!
Haggis risotto about to be rustled-up here in Fifiland. SO is in town having new contact lenses checked ... if I cook enough for 1, he'll come back and look crestfallen there's none left ... if I cook for 2, he'll airily tell me he had sandwiches.
Looks a bit choppy out beyond the reef. I think I'll do some stretching down by the dunes and see if that takes my mind off things for a bit. Give me a shout if the camels get any closer - I need a bit of time to disentangle myself from some of these positions - especially that leg split and bending thing...
Fifi - cook enough for 2, and then if SO doesn't want it, use the left-overs as a stuffing/filling in chicken breast with some whisky sauce. The marketing infants called it Chicken Balmoral....
Don't misunderstand me, DiY, there is a place for sprouts (e.g. with Christmas turkey), but in a warm place like the Beach their aroma tends to linger ..... and linger...... and linger ......
I cooked enough for 2 and will decide what happens to the 2nd instalment once SO returns home and reveals whether he's a) ravenous, b) stuffed with sarnies, c) b+a!
And now, back to work for me. (This webmistress clobber doesn't half chafe!) ;o)
A late lunch of leftover bubble and squeak eaten sitting in the sun after a morning clearing the pumpkin patch - so feeling warm and virtuous, plus a nice collection of squash to see us through the winter. Off to pod beans for drying shortly once I've washed the mud off in the shallows. Anyone fancy a paddle?
Maybe not, they don't call them platters any more do they? MP3s?
And yes I did have a stickyoutypartydress, in fact quite a few over the years (often secondhand so the fit tended to be something of concern to me - I was, and still am, a small person. But Mum had pals with older daughters who were of widely varying heights. Woe is me when the handmedown was from the one who was 4 years older, 1 foot taller, and of great girth......)
I think my favourite was the peach coloured one which I wore to a joint Christmas party held in an Hotel - as ever when I was over-excited, I had a nosebleed. Eh voila, in one fell swoosh, peach coloured, stickyouty (complete with extra petticoats) dress that looked like I'd just slaughtered a goat in the next room :o(
DI_W 190, Mr McT won't be here long if he doesn't change his name as I will complain. I don't like people making fun of my name. Either that, or I will leave.
Val ... if you start your comment with OK, you just need to type a blank space in front of the O.
It won't show up when the comment appears, which rather makes you wonder why OK at the start of a sentence is considered profane when peppering the place with them later is perfectly OK OK OK...
David McT - good on yer, mate! You look lovely, stretched out on the white lounger in that stripey wetsuit. Rather like a very long helping of toothpaste.
David McN - if you don't like the prevailing culture of rampant silliness, including about names, then perhaps you'd be happier on another thread. :o( Hope not though!
I like custard, so I am quite keen on the idea of custard pies. But how to get them?
How about if I appear briefly, make a silly statement, wait for everyone to start to argue about whether it was silly or not, then approach this bridge-thingy waving a sign that says 'we are all foreign trolls'? Would that do?
Alternatively, does the Beach have a custard-mine?
Selky - the key to the custard mine is held by the lovely WitchiWoman. Speak nicely to her, hold your spaghetti nice and level in your bowl, and I'm quite sure she will divert some of the Beach Crude your way.
(You wouldn't like the blend we're using for bait, not if you like custard. Too goaty!)
David McT - would you like a cuppa? Having swum all the way from RL today, you must be in need of reviving.
Help......how long does it take to before I can slip past...........Messages on our boards are checked by a team of trained moderators. They are employed by the BBC to make our message boards a safe and enjoyable place to be........
DIW [post 203] the custard mine outside the catering area for Bracknell's meteorological centre used to be legendary... Custard and chips, anyone?
Fifi [post 201] Aythengkew: Beach Crude Custard sounds just the ticket. But do I have to have it with spaghetti? I was thinking of just custard, all on its own, like wot they used to put onto each table at school in a gallon-sized jug. And nobody else liked it! Yum!
Dear WitchiWoman, this over here is a washing-up-bowl-sized pudding-basin, if you could be so kind as to point that hose this way?
DIY [post 208] I think that naughty man David McNickle may have registered a complaint about David McTickle's posts since post 194. I could of course be doing DMcN an injustice, but I bet that's what it is. Come on David, 'fess up or I'll ask the octopodes to *talk* with you about it!
The easiest method is freeze distillation. The alchohol freezes last so you just pour it of the top when the water in the cider freezes. Chest freezers work best because you can get a large dish/tray etc. in it.
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....welcome to the newly polished beach. Each grain of sand cleaned, all the crumbs have been shaken out of the hammocks, NC's bar has had a coat of varnish and the Camels have had their eyelashes done.....
Re Custard mining... could this mean a drilling rig off the Beach and a pumping station on shore? When it runs out in forty years, could we be importing Russian custard??
S_P 215, PS I don't make idle threats about sending complaints, and as I use my real name here, unlike a lot of other posters, I don't need people making fun of it or using a close copy for theirs.
At the end of the custard, you realise that you have a big hole and create an industry to fill it. Sprout sequestration. People then pay you in custard to save the world from the dreaded green slim.
David McNickle at 228 (if you are still here), the only complained-about post I can see this morning is DIWyman's: what did *he* do?
It's possible that David McTickle is a tribblemaker, clearly.
The by-products of custard-mining are good for your joints, justfloating [231]. We ought to be able to sell them to every local authority in the world and keep ourselves in custard for _ever_! Or of course just use them as troll-poison, which is what they were always for before...
Tee hee! Because I was on the 'all the beaches' page and pressed 'end' by accident before I came to this beach, I have just discovered that it claims there were zero comments on any Beach before August 1st this year.
As it's National Poetry Day, I dedicate this Hilaire Belloc poem to those amongst us who are feeling put-upon.
The Frog
Be kind and tender to the Frog, And do not call him names, As 'Slimy skin' or 'Polly-Bog', Or likewise 'Ugly James', Or 'Gap-a-grin', or 'Toad-gone-wrong', Or 'Billy Bandy-Knees': The Frog is justly sensitive To epithets like these. No animal will more repay A treatment kind and fair; At least so lonely people say Who keep a Frog (and, by the way, They are extremely rare).
I'm thinking of organising some sort of beach fashion parade. I've taken the liberty of drawing up a starting list:
DiY in Speedos Fifi in WebMistress outfit Sid in sprout-related garb Witchi in custard-mining protective wear A collection of beach-goers dressed as their favourite tipple
Any volunteers for judges??
Oh, and home-made scones, butter, jam and thick Jersey cream on the bar for afternoon tea.
DiY (way back at 202) I think the pit falls with distilling is the illegality of it in the uk. Though I believe it may occur in remote areas of Northumberland. (and even remoter areas of Norfolk)
I have a flask, a condenser and a bunsen over here in the beach Chemistry lab. Bring over that scrumpy and we can try and make some Calvodos (Except it won't be 'cos it wont be french)
.... in a safe. Apparently. Saving at home is the new banking out.
DI_Wyman might still have the right idea after all. A new mattress.
Roll up, roll up to the opening of the Beach Branch of Southern Icelandic Bradfurd and Bungley Bank. Go on giv' us yer money, it safer here than anywhere else!
PmL, I think you will find all the hammocks are full and their is the gentle sound of snoring wafting from the dunes. Must be that apple brandy we made with DiY's Scrumpy.
Now the mods have modded my response to their modding of my 252.
This is utterly ridiculous.
Why on earth did you bother in the first place, mods? Cos all I did was post a very harmless message. Asking why you thought I'd repeated myself, and wondering if your data were incorrect.
Is this some silly electronic glitch?
If there's a human around - helloooo! Effin machines. D'you know what's going on? It just seems silly and might put some people off taking part.
Cameron's election call plumbs new depths of political opportunism. Not only does he blame the prime minister for the 29 years of greed, excess, cultivated industrial decline and the neglect of manufacturing that has led growth in the British economy to be based largely on the wholly unsustainable increase in property prices; but also suggests that the unedifying sight of an election, in which the Conservative Party would swim against the opinions and actions of the rest of the developed world, would inspire confidence in the British economy and that insignificant little offshore currency called sterling. Why not let this crisis be used as an opportunity to update our woefully inadequate infrastructure and begin to rebuild our industrial base while tackling some of the issues of an equitable fiscal policy and global warming. Cameron's proposals may please the greedy elite whose actions created the current crisis but the would also create poverty and social discord not seen in this country since before the industrial revolution. How irresponsible is this clown? I, along with many others would rather pay higher levels of tax than draw inadequate unemployment benefit. Cameron's ideas would lead to another privatisation of taxation as in the 80s and 90s when income tax was reduced but inflation reached 25% and interest rates (that borrowers paid) hovered around 20% and the fat cats got ever fatter.
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Morning Eddie! A Beach posted from a beach perhaps? There's dedication...
[wanders off through the dunes, doing best Roy Castle impression]
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Nice one Eric, have a glass of chilled OJ!
Coffee and crossaunts at NC's for us mortals!
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Happy 100th beach everyone (or 100 since we've been counting anyway...). Bit chilly here - scoffing Ready Brek to get a bit of a glow going.
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Gosh, 100 beaches ...
thanks for the brekkie, DI Wyman.
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Happy Birthday, Beach!
(wonder who eats the birthday cake when the recipient is a silicon-based life form?)
Chocolate birthday cake in the fridge behind the bar for later (or now if you insist).
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Sorry Anne - found fridge, ate cake. Yum!
Now who want's these 100 candles?
I took an age to blow them all out
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Not only the 100th beach, but IIRC one of the earliest...
* Eddie Mair | * 3 Oct 08, 05:36 AM
Was it even light back then? Or maybe he was East of here so it was a more reasonable time where he was sitting...
Don't suppose anyone in the office could run a reverse DNS on the IP it was posted from? :evilgrin:
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Centenary Celebratory Raspberry Jam Doughnuts for all
(well, except for the candle clutching, chocolate covered frogger!)
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mittfh - DNS, IP? So it's you wot's been messing about with our e-mail settings! Well, I've changed the passwords now, so there!.....
I have warm ciabatta style bread things, straight out of the oven. Bit unusual for breakfast, but delicious...
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For those who are confused by the acronyms in (7) & (9)...
DNS - Duelling Neat Sandcastles
(Sandcastle building competition where sloppy walls are *not* allowed)
IP - Ingesting Piñacoladas
(What spectators of DNSs are wont to do)
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TssC, on our Helldesk we use the acronym 'DNS' for Do Not Support and IP as Irritating Person!
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DIY - Do you have PEBCAKs too? Problem exists between chair and keyboard.
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Oh no. Not Mandelson. In - out - in - out - shake the Cabinet all about.
So as I look at the waves coming in and going out I think how apt.
Palin and Biden - their much awaited "shootout" in the Show Me state of Missouri. And it was a dud seemingly. But even if one had metaphorically wiped the floor with the other - what does it really prove?
One good speech - one good battling debate? And they are made favourite to win the contest until the next verbal gaffe?
Low jab - a van had that on as it drew attention to itself just now.
"Show" me what your made of Vice Presidential Candidates - again. How long does that contest go on - almost as long as a Presidential term itself seemingly. Four years then?
Show me - the way to go home. Hang on though - is that the ice cream seller I hear? A "99" please! lol
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Happy 100th Beach! I've adorned the bar with some party decorations (mainly DiY's old speedos, which I found strewn across the dunes) and left fizz and chocolate chip cookies for all and sundry.
Any chance of a sprout surprise, Sid??
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I hope DiY has some new speedos!
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Anybody seen Eddie on the beach. Thought he might turn up for a doughnut or a sight of the rejected speedos.
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Afternoon peeps, a nice cup of tea and sit down at three so we can rest before the partying starts.
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Oi, someone has gorn an' let all me Speedos out of the Insecure Speedo Trunk.
It'll take me hours to round them all up in this breeze.
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What ho!
Quick visit to Beach, very busy day (again!)
Oooo, doughnuts!
;o) []
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I did save a pair for you DiY - we don't want you to get a chill ;)
They're over on the purple hammock. Quick - get to them before the camels do!
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Oh it's good to get warmed up again - it's bloomin' freezing in Aberdeen.
I spotted the first wooly gloves of the season while I was there, and was wishing I had a pair, too!
DIWyman, if ever you get sent there on a mission, wear the fur-lined speedos ;o)
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Perky....you are such a saviour, I owes you one.
Now to fend off the camels, they look mighty 'ornary!
Gillian, in this incarnation, oi bin up past there to Peterhead!
In a previous occupation oi was sent to Saxa Vord, now THAT was cold.
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Great excitement up the Trossachs this weekend.
Pop in if you're passing!
I'm off for a snooze in one of the hammocks before all the action starts..
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Perky, 'ere you go son.......ONE or 1 take yer pick!
(DiY, generous to a T)
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Warm up here, Gillianian, by a campfire that I lit earlier, feeling a little chilly myself.
Good to see you back. And (re 'another place') I'm feeling resigned to disappointments.
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Big Sis, out of curiosity, are you a Geordie?
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Ah DIY (26) - I think I see your reasoning. But I'm afraid you are a bit off course. Big Sis may in fact look a bit like Jimmy Nail but she's no Geordie.
Big Sis - Just as well I know you have a sense of humour, eh? On another topic from another place, I would have you know that I hold the sole rights to be 'miffed' around here. Balearics and all that!
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Wahey! I got read!
Interesting voice - then again, with a completely nonsensical nickname like mine, I can't exactly blame them...
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I rather liked my PM voice tonight, mittfh, though I admit your's was a little surprising! I guess, for me, the clue's in my name ....
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Although I'm not the only person to trip up their choice of readers - I seem to remember (on more than one occasion), blog posts by a (Ms) Di Wyman being read out...
Meanwhile, you might enjoy this quote, from a comment on BOFH 28 @ El Reg (author: Paul Rivers)
"I was working at big blue. My boss told me that I needed to collect records of every desk visit and people had to sign off on them.
The Incident and Defect Tracking system was born.
ID 1 T Hardware failure
ID 2 T Hardware installation
ID 3 T Software installation
ID 4 T Software configuration
ID 5 T Operating System installation
ID 6 T Operating System Upgrade
ID 7 T Network configuration
ID 8 T Network cabling upgrade.
ID 9 T User training
ID 10 T User error.
Every user error tracking page signed off by a manager was taped to the wall in the lab. It took them 3 months to figure out."
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Just about to dish up portions of Fearless's chicken extravaganza .. just as soon as the garlic bread's ready.
Plates warming by the BBQ, GandTs lined up on the Nick Clarke bar, and a double for Steelpulse who is taking life far too seriously over on the soapbox dune.
;o)
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ohhh... just got home after a lo-o-o-ong day and only stopped to change into my beach togs.
I could do with some relaxation!
Will read posts later; just to say
HAPPY HUNDREDTH!
And haven't they been great*, from the very first.
*Well, I think so.
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Blimey, where's the party?
Booze and soft drinkies on the bar, lovely fire crackling ready for cooking yummy food, enough speedos to keep Gok Wan* happy...
Woss wrong? Everyone got real lives, or summat?
Oh, and here's Jane Asher's gang with the cakes Eddie ordered (he's not here, so we just bunged them on his account)
* a telly-box personality type person. Mods - it's not a rude phrase.
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Cheers, F_O!!!!
what a lovely fire!!! Just so invitingly warm and crackling.....
I think a long stiff drink will go down a treat!!!!!
n-n
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Aye, you just can't beat a stiff one, n-n!
;o)
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Since I poured steelpulse his double, for instance, he's been looking much happier.
You have a lovely smile, steel.
;o)
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29
Your's, truly, yours.
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morning peeps, sorry couldn't make it to the birthday bash last eve, had a prior engagement with a chain saw!
now got a big pile of logs to give away to a good home!
coffee / T / OJ and toast at NC's for those up and about and you all have a nice day.
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Spinal tap moment;
I can get the BBC iPlayer Console really loud, by turning it up.
To its maximum.
Which is 11.
PS I think Reg Pressley was/is better than that. After all, he DID write that beautiful song with the line
'My mind's made up
By the way that I feel'
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Bibgo! I think I have done it again.
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Even bingo!
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DIW (38) - if you're passing by this way at any time, I will gladly accept "a big pile of logs to give away to a good home!" and can exchange for a 28, 147, deep fried 34 and a bag of 19's...?!
or near offer....!!!
n-n
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LOL....n-n....no problemo my little Frogging fiend, but you forgot the extra portion of 42!
Anyhoo, let's give a big round of applause for the 'hand raised' Pork Pie!
Mind you, oi ‘ave 'eard that on dark, wet and windy nights the suburbs of Melton Mowbray resound to the calls of the wild Pork Pie.
(probably related to the Wild Boar Sausages of North Herefordshire)
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Mrs DiY is out this eve so oi 'as to fend fur meself.
So oi'm orf to raid the freezer, oi knows she has lots of portions of 'er tasty lamb stew hidden away in thar, just a-waitin' to be bunged in the microwaveickle machine to be served up with crusty bread and the trusty ol' Lea and Perr1ns!
(other sauces are available)
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44. DiY: come back to reality. You aren't at home... you are on the beach, the sun is setting behind palm trees, there are cocktails laid out at the bar, Big Sis and co have a roaring bonfire, everyone is sitting around it, admiring the sunset and generally hanging out. Walk away from the lamb stew... just walk away....
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37: Absolutely right. Act in haste, repent at leisure ;o)
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Lady_Sue (45)...reet I am now, after taking off saturday Eve Speedos, 'anging out!
Wot 'appens next?
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Don't mind me, I'm just going to put a lot of candles around, in case we have a 5th power cut.
Now... a big bowl of sprouts is bubbling on the barbie. If we all have a good sized helping, we'll have an excellent source of methane later, which once ignited will provide a great place to light all the candles from.
We think of everything around here..
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Feefs, plumb me in and light me up!
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O...kay ...everybody stand back. DIY, assume the position please.
[ pause ]
BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Er. How was it for you?
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well, that was a different way to spend a Saturday evening.........I have only this minute got back to the Beach.
After Feefs ignition I must flown about 20 miles!
anyhoo, i will be sitting in the paddling pool for the rest of the day!
can someone rustle up some breakfast?
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Fifi 48, We have several candle lit services at the Cathedral during the year and we bring home the leftover bits by the bagful and burn them during the year in the evening.
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David, what a great idea! My frugal wee Scottish heart is singing.
DIY, did you forget to wear the flameproof Speedos I left out for you?
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Fifi 53, They just throw them away and some are quite long.
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54
Well, that explains the permanent 'Harrumph, harrumph', from your direction.
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Now now, PML. This is the Beach!
(passes a large glass of single malt to PML and David McN)
If whisky isn't your tipple, it'll magically transform into whatever is.
;o)
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Well thats me caught up.
Now them power cuts. From those serious threads, I've rigged up a turbine to convert that hot air into electricity. Will keep the fridge cool and light the bar and naughty step.
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57
What, cheap coke?****
Oh, Fifi, talk of tallow always makes me wax lyrical, cos.....
(....altogether, now....)
'....All the nice girls love a candle,....'
**** L*dls, diet-free, at 20p for 2 litres. Add 5 cyclamate and saccharine tabs (10 a penny) per pint glass full.
(Even cheaper at T*sco's ,but who shops there, anyway)
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PML (58) you know my 2nd-favourite song! (My 1st-fave is about a hedgehog, but for that you would have to visit the Froggers' Refuge....)
Gosh it's quiet round the campfire tonight. Who's for a game of blind man's in the buff?
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Fifi 56, Oh look, I have a glass of Calvados....and pmL probably has water.
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54: Is it the speedos that are quite long and are just thrown away?
[scratches head in bewilderment]
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BS 61, Sorry, I don't follow the speedos rubbish.
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David, neither do I (as you'll no doubt have noticed), but I did genuinely have to think several times about your 54.
(Oh, and I don't 'do' sprouts, either)
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Fifi, How about playing pin the tail on the camel in the buff?
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Stewart (64): I have yet to persuade any camel into the buff! However feel free to try.
David and Big Sister: DIY's ever-growing collection of bespoke Speedos (which he wears on his head) is an intrinsic part of the Beach. As are Sid's bullet-like sprouts. If you don't like 'em, just leave on the side of your plate!
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Fifi: Each to their own! And neither speedos nor sprouts 'do' it for me, I'm afraid! But - fair doos - I'm pretty sure that Johnny Depp and Mr. Bean don't 'do' it for DiY, either ;o)
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Sorry for just lurking at the moment, my fellow froggers. It's just that in RL the new job's taking up a fair amount of my energy and time. Here's a crate of Black Stump as way of an apology....
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Oooh yummy, Black Stump!
* fills glass to the brim *
Cheers, froggers everywhere.
Fifi ;o)
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BS 63, See 48, 52, 53, and 54. Fork handles.
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Fifi 65, Wibble...
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BS 66, I've now seen 'fair does' and 'fair doos'. I know it as 'fair dos' (fair do's).
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Fifi, So where's that Calvados?
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What, David McN (72) you've finished it already? Here's an unopened bottle of the good stuff.... hold that glass out and I'll do the necessary.
Would you like anything to eat with that? I'm feeling kinda peckish....
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Don't mock the Speedos and NEVER take Sprouts in vain!
Both are essentials to a healthy lifestyle.
Just ask my son # 3 in St Kilda, Melbourne. He does wear Speedos but is missing the Sprouts so he feels he is not a 'whole' person!
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Well, sprouts certainly do it for me. Nearly as good as syrup of figs.
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Sid? are you there? You're wanted over by the scrabble dune. ;o)
Having swithered about whether to have haggis or chicken tonight, I gave SO the casting vote.
So, the oven's warming up, the sauce is mixed, the meat is coated, and the haggis will be tomorrow night's feast. Possibly with a bit kept back to go in a risotto later.
Are David, Fearless & I the only ones tippling this early? Eeeek! For those who don't care for Black Stump or Calvados, I have an array of spirits & mixers for the aperitif (ahem!) of your choice.
There's still time to order a portion of Fearless's Fabulous Fowl, as it won't be going into the oven for a while yet.
GandT anyone?
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I heard, way back in RL (well sort of RL) that there was black stump going begging? I'm over here FF! Oh and I'll have a portion of FFF from Fifi (phew!) to go with it please.....
Cheers x
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I hope you enjoyed your FFF as much as we did Fi (77). I tried a bit of balsamic vinegar in the sauce, as well as a splash of red wine, and ended up having to mix some more of the soy/lemon to make it go further when it came out of the oven.
Never turns out the same way twice!
Think, after my labours, and before I tackle the pans, I'll just slump in the sparkly hammock with this HUUUUUGE tumbler of The Stump...
zzz...zzz...zzz...
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I took Sprouts in Vain, once......
Quoth the raven "nevermore"
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'Vain' is an indestructable and inscrutable character in the 2nd Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, a fantasy trilogy by Stephen Donaldson.
I wouldn't mess with his sprouts, believe me!!
However the description of his apparel does make me wonder about Speedos...
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I buy 6 sprouts with the last shop before Christmas, that is enough to see me through.
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Wheeeee, just whizzed down a chute from the FB and managed to catch up with this week's offerings.
Horse, don't be miffed, and have a fantastic holiday - although I'm sure we've wished you Ciao already this year haven't we?
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Right then - am back, lets spread that loveliness out from the Beach.. I can't believe that Big Sis, OUR Big Sis, nearly left the frog!!!
So, to gird our loins I have brought the friendliest food I can think of - fairy cakes and butterfly buns! (low fat versions also available and savoury scones for those without a sweet tooth!)
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And following on from a post about confidence....quick posture lesson!!
Stand with feet together (if a bit wobbly take them slightly apart).
Be aware of pelvis. We often stand with our bottom stuck out; think of the pelvis like a bowl full of spaghetti. Tip it too far back or forward and it will all spill out! So tuck the tail bone under a bit and use abdominal muscles to help. Then take a nice breath in, stretch the spine, roll the shoulders back and down, let the fingers hand loose. Tuck the chin in slightly to lengthen the back of the neck...and enjoy!!
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Oh dear, what is the world coming to? This email just arrived from Workforce Development...
"A shop near our vets claims to sell "the best pork pies ion the world". See if you agree.
I have put some on the upstairs and downstairs tambour units.
Please help yourselves.
[Name removed to protect the guilty!]
PS Probably, not suitable for vagetarians."
Workforce Development are based in a different building to us, so I can't sample them on your behalf, but we couldn't help but cringe at the email - note particularly the slightly dodgy spelling/grammar of the postscript, and the location of the butchers...
"I'm sorry, we had to put Fido down. But have a pork pie on the house..."
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witchiwoman - If I stand like that, I can't reach the keyboard!
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Horse: I've never understood how you type with hooves like those.
WW: That's a really good exercise. I'm already three inches taller! I'll pass on the cakes though, thanks, though the butterfly buns remind me of my childhood parties and my dear mum (still with us, but not making butterfly buns these days).
Did anyone else (girls only need reply!) have a stickyouty party dress when they were little?
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Horse - good!! Multi tasking isn't always a good thing!
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Big Sis - I've got a very big laptop!
witchi - I don't do multi-tasking. Breathing and thinking is about as much as I can combine. btw, I loved the expression "if your day truly blows goats" on another thread - I've never heard that before.
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Brrrrrr!!
it's FREEZING in Kyle of Lochalsch (spelling?) but very lovely. Having said that, it's nice to be back on the beach.
Is there a bonfire somewhere?
Just off to catch up on the news- whose done what etc.
I'll try and send my snowy scottish beach for you to see. Complete with Horses....
mollyxx
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BS (87) I had flares :-(
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IH: You're bragging again.
Now, guys, seeing as how it's 'Let's cheer up the troops' day, and in the spirit of ENSA, whose up for a game of
Ton on the ton?
This post should be 91, so that will leave 9 posts available for us to hit 100 on 100.
We could lay bets, if you like ....
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Stewart M: Flares are to boys what stickyouty dresses are to girls.
SB 93
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My numbers are slipping.
Fifi 94
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Big Sis - I don't trust you. I reckon you can 'fix' things. You managed to get the 1000th on the original beach if I remember correctly.
(SB 95)
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You're right Horsey... and that was probably wot broke it, poor thing.
...er, 96 (does that qualify me for the naughty step if I turn the other way?)
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Ah, is this 96...
Not so much a sticky-out party dress, though it was fairly stiff, but it had tiny red strawberries on with little (intentional) holes...love that fabric and still kee looking for some!
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oops...think I landed on Fifi!
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I'll have a large 99 please!
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100?
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BINGO!
Well done, Stewart
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I seem to remember Beach Bingo being a lot harder in the old pre-modded days.
Stewart, here's a humungous mug of builder's tea to celebrate your win.
What's the next game in the Beach Pentathlon?
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How about 'Pin the Crime on the Troll'?
RULES
1. Pick an unsolved crime
2. Pick a troll
3. Invent convincing reasons why that troll MUST have done it
;o)
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Fifi - You might remember that Mrs Trellis was responsible for a large cache of Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc. The bottles were removed from Dayone Beach when we were forced to vacate. Mrs Trellis never indicated where they were secreted on our new beach. I think it is time that we organised a search party.
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Is it a case of "Wine stain marks the spot" ?
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84
We went to see friends in RL at the weekend. They have a Wii Fit kit. SO tried it, and it told her that she had a deformed spine and a displaced pelvis. How did it know???
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Lord Lucan didn't like his nanny. Mr Postal Order likes no women. Therefore Mr PO = Lord Lucan. Convincing enough??
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Sid, I'm convinced!
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Sid - That's all very well but what did he do with Shergar?
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Hmm. Shergar, of course, is the fly in the ointment. Or is it the dog that didn't bark ...
Strangely enough, we had baked leeks with a French friend of mine at the weekend. She asked me to pass the poireaux - and I thought she'd finally flipped. 'Poirot?' I asked, puzzled ...
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Sid - It could have been worse. She could have asked you to pass the bowl so that she could take a leek.
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OK Horsey, so we have our crime, although it strikes me as a very cold case. Chilled, even.
The Mystery of the Purloined Plonk.
Which troll should we frisk first? I don't mind doing it as long as I'm allowed to wear industrial strength safety gloves with which to hold the tongs...
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Fifi 103, You are obviously a troll because you like picking on trolls.
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Just found this lovely pogo stick with which to hop from thread to thread....I'll prop it up by the bar for any who like me are having trouble keeping RL at bay for long enough to bask on the beach.
Happy holiday Horse!
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Oooooh, Anne (114), what a lovely one it is too! The fairy-lights are a nice touch. However did you really need to attach the bull-bars and searchlights as well?
David (113), I don't like picking on anybody, you should know that by now. But there's been rather too much trolling around here lately, on this and other threads.
Now, anyone spotted clues to the whereabouts of the Vino Collapso Perdito yet?
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Thank you, Anne P. It's only 4 days, but I'm looking forward to it.
Fifi - I'm pretty certain that Mrs Trellis buried the Oyster Bay. I'll bet there is a map somewhere.
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Are there any billy goats to go with the trolls? In fact does the beach have a bridge? :)
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You're sounding a bit gruff there Witchi. I do hope your cold's not coming back?
On the topic of trolls, a fellow frogger has told me off-blog that he tracked one of them down to its home address. How cool is THAT!!
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Gruff? Me? (thoughtfully strokes surprisingly soft and feminine beard, only around the chin area of course)
And really....why was fellow blogger looking?! Should I be alarmed...are we all being watched? :D
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Peeps...tis me!
sorry oize bin knee glectin the Beach, but oize bin very busy in RL.
Have bin chasing around Suffuk these past two days getting some of me customers to 'Beta' test the latest version of our software. (LOL)
bin to Southwold, Aldeburgh and Halesworth...all trully lovelly places with lovelly peeps (and cracking fish 'n chips in the one that starts with an A).
tis bin moity 'eck tic and oi is fair pooped!
So i was thinkin that fair maidens (or Feefs and Gillianianian) could mop my heated brow and serve me flaggons of chilled Scrumpy and plates of Liver, onions 'mash n Sprouts till milking toime?
Go on, you know you wants to me dears!
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If there isn't a bridge, then why do I hear that 'trip trap trip trap' noise every night?
... wait a mo' - it's all coming back to me ...
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Sid.....concentrate......THE SPROUTS!!!!!!!
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DIY, you can't imagine that a stern webmistress such as I would stoop to mopping brows and hand-feeding haggis to froggers? In THESE heels??
Good to see the Horse trying out the pogo stick behind the NCMB ... he looks rather fetching with all those dangly ornaments and the fairy lights bouncing around him.
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Well, blow me a goat!
Feefs - 'Horse' and 'dangly ornaments'? Hie thee to the naughty step at last.......
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'at last......'??? The perils of listening to the Archers at the same time as posting! Of course I mean 'at once.......'
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Fifi - They may be ornaments to you but they are much more than that to me!
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Blow me a g......... and you talk about ME being naughty, Izz?
Tsk!
* flounces as far as the bar *
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re Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc
Does anyone know if we are recycling bottles?! Or taking them to the bottle bank?
Cos if we aren't, and there is a HUGE stash somewhere, then I wont admit to anything.....
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Right, DIWyman - if you want something done, ask a busy woman!
Now here's your heated scrumpy, liver on your brow, a flaggon of chilled onions and your sprouts mashed with milk.
Now I'm all of a fluster - what did I forget?
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There's a bottle bank floating just off the Carrie Gracie Fish Quay, didn't you see it n-n?
Why, what have YOU been doing with all your bottles then??
Moving swiftly on, I would like to reveal my latest weapon in the Anti-Troll Revolt....
Can you tell what it is yet?
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Re Fifi (112) If you think that is a very cold case. Chilled, even., maybe I should not share this:
One of the oldest “unsolved” crimes has got to be Stonehenge. Rhys-Aled-Thomas-Tellwyn-Ewan-Dai Jones, for ‘twas he, was top troll in a builders’ merchants in South Wales (the old one, not the New one) and was asked to source some building bricks to build a bridge over the river Taff. “A bridge for the Taff?” thought the Troll, “That would make an excellent home for me!” And so the Troll decided that he would make the bridge the biggest bridge ever made.
Now, what do you need to make a big bridge? Big bricks, obviously! And so Troll R-A-T-T-E-D Jones decided that he would supply the biggest bricks ever. Sadly, on supply, the bricks proved too big to be used to make a bridge. “What to do? What to do? What to do?” said Troll Jones. One of the characteristics of a Troll is repeating the same stuff, as noted just now. Another is a certain lack of intelligence. If you or I had found that the bricks were too big, we would just have made them smaller. Not Troll Jones. No, the Troll decided that he needed to get rid of the bricks; and the best way to get rid of bricks was to throw them into the sea.
In those days, throwing anything into the sea in Wales was considered a crime beyond compare; and so that was not going to be an option. Troll Jones did consider swimming to Ireland, with them tied onto his back, but that seemed like too much effort. No, he would carry them to England and throw them into the English Channel!!
Troll Jones got as far as Bristol before being challenged. “Wha’ ye go’ there?” asked a Bristollian. “Jus’ me pack’ lunch, boyo!” answered Troll Jones. “Continue” responded the Bristollian, noting the Welsh accent. Eventually, he got as far as Salisbury where he was again challenged. “What’s that, ‘ennn?” inquired a Salisburian. “Jus’ me pack’ lunch, boyo!” answered Troll Jones. “Nah, them’s Welsh bricks! We don’t want them here, get rid of them!” said the Bristollian, also noting the Welsh accent.
So how does one get rid of large Welsh bricks, when throwing them into the sea is no longer an option? You find a local Plain and leave them there. Sadly, at the time, fly-tipping was one of the worst crimes known to the people of Wiltshire. However, Troll Jones managed to get away with it, and get away back to Wales again.
So how is it that this crime has gone unsolved for so long?? Troll Jones, in order to escape detection, disguised himself as a gnome on the night that he went to England. Unlike the rest of his venture, the disguise was so successful that there are some people, even to this day, who believe that Stonehenge was built by Welsh gnomes. Is that not the case, TSSCat? ;o)
H.
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* sweeps aside velvet cloak *
Ta-daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
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There now. Isn't that just the most handsome thing you ever clapped eyes on!
...and standing NEXT to Humph [pauses to ride the laugh] is Fifi's Patent Troll Trap.
You see, the troll is enticed by the lifesize recordings of Big Sister and Horsey arguing about who'd win a fight between Germaine Greer and Shergar...
... SPLOT!!!!!!
Custard pie in the face for the troll, who exits looking extremely foolish.
They hate that. ;o)
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oh Feefs - you are wonder! I never knew you had such a constructional bent.
And it really is quite wonderful. I've a vat of Witchi's Patented Trollsome Custard a-bubbling in the beach cauldron.
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Gillianianian (129)....I never wear Speedos that have not been ironed....get a grip will yer.
Humph (131), best not take the surname Jones in vain...thar are more than one or two of us u know!
Feefs (132)...thats roight tasty tha' tis, but does Mr Feefs know you have nicked his Ferret Worrying Cloak?
Feefs (133)....seems an orefull waste of a damn tasty Custard Pie, can we knot use Sid's mashed Sprouts peelings?
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Of course that's the trouble with Troll Traps.
You set one up, bait it, prime it, and then the trolls stay away!
That custard smells revolting, Witchi. Must be the mushed sprout peelings. I'm just starting to worry that a troll would LIKE that........
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Fifi contacted me about the missing case of Oyster Bay and I thought that I had better come clean. I'm afraid that the case is no more. Now I know what you are all thinking but it is not like that. I simply thought, whilst moving said case that all those bottles were quite heavy. Then it occurred to me that if I were to drink one of the bottles then logically, it would be one less to carry therefore less weight. A cunning plan I'm sure you will agree. After I had finished the bottle I continued on with the journey. I have to confess that the remaining bottles were still quite heavy and where one bottle had been removed from the case, it had made it unbalanced and awkward to carry. The obvious thing to do was to drink another bottle (purely in the interest of weight and balance. Honest) After I had completed the second bottle for some reason my balance seemed even worse and not better as I had expected it to be. Strange. I could not understand it so in the interest of gaining some insight to this problem it occurred to me that what I really needed was some form of refreshment to lubricate my thinking. My friends, I have to report that it didn't work. If anything my thinking became ever more random and my balance deserted me completely. By this time, I realised that I was now alone on the beach and would need rescuing but how could I attract attention. Then I had a marvelous idea; I could send a message in an empty bottle. Brilliant. All I needed now was an empty bottle...I think that you can see where this is leading. When I awoke in the morning I felt ashamed for my actions and could not face you all and admit the truth which is why I have been away for so long. Sorry about the wine.
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Feefs - it's the essence of goat that you have to avoid, we'd have to beat them off with a stick.
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I've just been on a flying visit to Room 502! How weird ... it just sort of moored itself to the top of the thread.
Anyway, GOAT essence, that's the special aroma I detected! Goat poo liberally sprinkled just inside the trapdoor should be the finishing touch (still wearing the gloves, mind).
We are a resourceful lot aren't we? ;o)
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ww and feefs, - oooh, name that perfume!!! Essence of goat!! It'll market well in Trollland I am sure....
"Eau de mutton"??!! I'll stay well clear, if you don't mind!
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Humph - why so many questions??!!
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Ughhhh! What's this on m'boots......?
Smells pretty ....mmmm.....it's growing on me
is it ''goatee no 5'' by chance?
Well, who wants a tam ó''shanter just like I'm wearing....
Does it make my b-- look big?
Be honest!
Humph?
Mollyxx
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I see not all has been as rosy on other threads here today.
The sun will be shining tomorrow for us all I hope.
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Jonnie (aka Annie) - I'm sorry darling, but that blonde curly wig does nothing for you ;o)
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On tomorrow's To Do List:
* listen to friend's answerphone to decypher garbled message
* visit vicar with a tape of self singing Ye Banks And Braes... I forget why ;o)
* email a quote to a client in New Zealand, who'll be sound asleep when it arrives
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Hey, goats, frogs and the others. We/You should count y/ourselves lucky.
Try the Peston Picks link (RHS, this page, a BBC Blog Network....well, blog) and then click on the Comments under his (RP's) latest....well, comment.
Scroll down (as DMcN has taught us to), and find the 58 consecutive posts awaiting moderation.
A record or what?
So instead of being off topic here, you could be number 59 in a record breaking Q, trying to tell RP how it is. (For the moment)
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As a frog blowing a goat (fifi - hie thee to the step once more, you know that's not what I meant!), I have to say that the essence of goat is above the bridge whilst that below is somewhat redolant of ..... um......t.....now, what's the name?
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* looks innocent *
Izzy (147) whatever can you mean? And you 'admit' you blew a g.......?
* faints, rather pink-cheeked *
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phew.....what a pong!
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Second attempt...
Ok, have tidied away the custard (now in an air-tight vat behind the dunes, ready for when it's needed). Essence of goat similarly locked away somewhere safe. But I can't seem to find any vestage (sp) of the mushed sprouts. I'm guessing the camels may have helped out there. Now time for a quick dip and I'm off to teach people how to get themselves upside down and smile at the same time!
Apparently this comment has been failed by the profanity filter!
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It's the 'OK' it doesn't like ...
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Morning all, glad to see the offshore breeze has blown the whiff of mashed sprouts away for the moment.
Fresh tea and Java on the bar with toast and home-made marmalade.
Off to tidy the allotment this morning in RL since I can't seem to type straight.
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Pleeeeeease, can we make the Beach a sprout-free zone? It is supposed to be a place for relaxation, and the smell is very offputting!
Lovely coffee, Anne, thanks! And I'll add some home made apricot compote for those who fancy it.
Have fun on the allotment! Grand day for it.
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Help! something very weird has happened to the display - has the beach been crunched?
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Pheew - that was odd - the display suddenly lost all its formatting. Seems to have recovered now.
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froggers, peeps and frogging peeps....raspberry jam filled doughnuts for elevenses..
Only 6 1/2 hours of RL work and then i am on holiday for two weeks!
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Doughnuts - Yaaaaay!!! Thanks DiY. I really needed a sugar injection. I'll just have one and then I'm off for a swim to work off the calories.
Where are you gong on holiday, btw - a beach??? Will we finally see pictures of you in your speedos??
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Mmmm. Doughnuts. Lovely.
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that was a treat, DIW!!! - and the countdown is still ticking!!!
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How odd, I've just had a lovely W*rose doughnut in real life. Art imitates life imitates art.
Or something.
a x
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5 hours and 9 mins.....not that i am counting..
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Haggis risotto about to be rustled-up here in Fifiland. SO is in town having new contact lenses checked ... if I cook enough for 1, he'll come back and look crestfallen there's none left ... if I cook for 2, he'll airily tell me he had sandwiches.
What's a girl to dooooooo?
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Looks a bit choppy out beyond the reef. I think I'll do some stretching down by the dunes and see if that takes my mind off things for a bit. Give me a shout if the camels get any closer - I need a bit of time to disentangle myself from some of these positions - especially that leg split and bending thing...
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Feefs - cook enough for two and then eat it all. That's what I'd do! And, of course, it's why I shouldn't have had that doughnut!!
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Fifi - cook enough for 2, and then if SO doesn't want it, use the left-overs as a stuffing/filling in chicken breast with some whisky sauce. The marketing infants called it Chicken Balmoral....
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Feefs, cook enough for four and freeze the lot complaing that "you didn't take me out to lunch"
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4 hours and 6 minutes.........
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Big Sis@153: So presumably you wouldn't want anyone to bring chicken kievs onto the Beach for fear of the smell of garlic? :)
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How can you possibly compare garlic with sprouts, mittfh?
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Big Sis, this isGarlic and these are Sprouts, just to avoid any confusion.
Oh and these are Speedos!!
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Don't misunderstand me, DiY, there is a place for sprouts (e.g. with Christmas turkey), but in a warm place like the Beach their aroma tends to linger ..... and linger...... and linger ......
As for Speedos - give me boxer shorts any day ;o)
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Thank you all for your sound advice.
I cooked enough for 2 and will decide what happens to the 2nd instalment once SO returns home and reveals whether he's a) ravenous, b) stuffed with sarnies, c) b+a!
And now, back to work for me. (This webmistress clobber doesn't half chafe!) ;o)
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I thought Speedos were for swimming. I had no idea they had anything to do with piercings! Whereabouts is your's DiY?
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UtT......LOL......that is a state secret!
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A late lunch of leftover bubble and squeak eaten sitting in the sun after a morning clearing the pumpkin patch - so feeling warm and virtuous, plus a nice collection of squash to see us through the winter. Off to pod beans for drying shortly once I've washed the mud off in the shallows. Anyone fancy a paddle?
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Good afternoon, a dear close friend has told me this a place of refuge from the stress of life in the city!
I do hope it is true!
Is there a rule book?
Or does anything go?
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Nah, had one earlier.....oh, sorry you said PADDLE!!
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Okay Witchi - I've got my spaghetti balanced in my bowl, and I'm balanced on my gym ball, now what?
Hey, I was just failed by the profanity filter - must have been that freudian insertion at the start, I'll just modify it a bit...
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How odd was that then? What on earth makes that profane? Acceptable spelled in the long version, but not otherwise.
Does this apply to all 2 letter words?
BO
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AH - it appears not...
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SO there was ME thinking IT was a kind OF positive agreeable thing TO say.
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You sound like a Radio 1 DJ ValP!
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LOL....andy..ValeryP, the new DJ VP?
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I want to be your friend!
So, for the Ladies I bring flowers and chocolates.
For the Gentlemen I bring a Lamb Vindaloo Curry and chilled Lager!
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1 hour 9 minutes.......
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DJ VP, I like it andy, DIY!
Smoothtalking, fastwalking, kneecracking, platterspinning VP!
Maybe not, they don't call them platters any more do they? MP3s?
And yes I did have a stickyoutypartydress, in fact quite a few over the years (often secondhand so the fit tended to be something of concern to me - I was, and still am, a small person. But Mum had pals with older daughters who were of widely varying heights. Woe is me when the handmedown was from the one who was 4 years older, 1 foot taller, and of great girth......)
I think my favourite was the peach coloured one which I wore to a joint Christmas party held in an Hotel - as ever when I was over-excited, I had a nosebleed. Eh voila, in one fell swoosh, peach coloured, stickyouty (complete with extra petticoats) dress that looked like I'd just slaughtered a goat in the next room
:o(
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I now have a vision of a 4 foot Val in a bloodstained peach coloured party dress!
I need to lie down!
.....35 minutes to go...
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3 foot, more like DIY! - I'm only 5 foot now!
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DMcT (194) Why thank you, sir!
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FF, I second that!
Uncanny really as I had a couple of Onion Bhajis for lunch.
Thanks Mr McTickle, and welcome to the Beach.
No set rules, just be nice to one and all and keep bringing gifts.
if there is no one here (unlikely) you can leave them at the Nick Clarke (Memorial) bar. This is also known as NC's.
There are hammocks of all shades and colours to laze about in, some peeps will even share one.
We have a 'Naughty Step' for when you have been naughty.
There is even a herd of camels!
Gradually you will learn of everyones foibles and habits!
So pull up a lounger and relax.
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Fearless - have you taken to reading the future?
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I notice under RECENT COMMENTS it says Valery P on The Beach. Shame on her!
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Och - I have no shame, didn't you know?
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DMcT 176, You are in big trouble if you don't change your name. I will report you the mods if you don't.
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DI_W 190, Mr McT won't be here long if he doesn't change his name as I will complain. I don't like people making fun of my name. Either that, or I will leave.
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I'm on Holiday! sorry didn't mean to wake anyone up!
But it was March the last time I had a holiday break from RL!
To celebrate there be jugs of Scrumpy to go with Davids Vindaloo. Sup and enjoy.
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Oh..listen to her "I don't like people making fun of my name. Either that, or I will leave."..calm down dear it's only a name!
Here David_McNickle, 'ave a glass of my best Narfolk Scrumpy.
DmcT, just ignore him, he probably had a bad day in RL!
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Val ... if you start your comment with OK, you just need to type a blank space in front of the O.
It won't show up when the comment appears, which rather makes you wonder why OK at the start of a sentence is considered profane when peppering the place with them later is perfectly OK OK OK...
David McT - good on yer, mate! You look lovely, stretched out on the white lounger in that stripey wetsuit. Rather like a very long helping of toothpaste.
David McN - if you don't like the prevailing culture of rampant silliness, including about names, then perhaps you'd be happier on another thread. :o( Hope not though!
Am I the only one here who's SERIOUSLY hungry??
Btw the SO solution was (c)!
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Um
I like custard, so I am quite keen on the idea of custard pies. But how to get them?
How about if I appear briefly, make a silly statement, wait for everyone to start to argue about whether it was silly or not, then approach this bridge-thingy waving a sign that says 'we are all foreign trolls'? Would that do?
Alternatively, does the Beach have a custard-mine?
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froggers...I have bin doing me Facebrook up and preparing a large portion of TaggyLeTelly as well.
Heaps for everyone.......tuck in.
Has anyone got any house red?
David_McTickle, we often take turns in knocking something up and sharing, so feel free to indulge us.
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Selky - the key to the custard mine is held by the lovely WitchiWoman. Speak nicely to her, hold your spaghetti nice and level in your bowl, and I'm quite sure she will divert some of the Beach Crude your way.
(You wouldn't like the blend we're using for bait, not if you like custard. Too goaty!)
David McT - would you like a cuppa? Having swum all the way from RL today, you must be in need of reviving.
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Thanks Fifi, a good old British cup of tea would go down real swell.
I don't understand all the posts about goats, custard, sprouts and Speedos...
Is it some sort of secret code?
LOL and do GCHQ know about it?
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Custard Mine? is that an offshoot of the Soup Mine on the Clangers?
Dontcha just miss them, the Clangers, Noggin the Nog and Captain Pugwash?
Feefs if yer a-brewing, make mine Builders tea, strong and 6 sugars!
tah.....
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Help......how long does it take to before I can slip past...........Messages on our boards are checked by a team of trained moderators. They are employed by the BBC to make our message boards a safe and enjoyable place to be........
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Coming right up, DIY. (passes huge mugful)
Question: how come David McT's first greeting got through, but the 2nd one is awaiting modding?
Anyway, time for me to look out some toys for the weekend's festivities:
* boules - check!
* bats and foam balls - check!
* 2 sledges - check!
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Phew, what a trek to get here. This haversack (what are they called these days?) weighs a ton. I'll just unpack it.....
Champers and glasses for all to celebrate not losing my Icesave funds.
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RJM...magic!... chink..chink...there is something to be said for the old under the mattress savings after all!
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Feefs..just what ARE the festivities you are going too?
Is it going to snow...do you have an insider at the Met Office?
I think David of McTickle is still being modded beacuse he is the new boy on the block!
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It is a bit slow...this blog isn't it!
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Feefs..... re Speedo wearing son # 3 in Oz, hopefully there will soon be pics on Facebrook!
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DIW [post 203] the custard mine outside the catering area for Bracknell's meteorological centre used to be legendary... Custard and chips, anyone?
Fifi [post 201] Aythengkew: Beach Crude Custard sounds just the ticket. But do I have to have it with spaghetti? I was thinking of just custard, all on its own, like wot they used to put onto each table at school in a gallon-sized jug. And nobody else liked it! Yum!
Dear WitchiWoman, this over here is a washing-up-bowl-sized pudding-basin, if you could be so kind as to point that hose this way?
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My good Scrumpy producing friend has just rung me and has suggested we should try distilling some of it as an experiment!
Has anyone ever tried anything similar and what are the pit falls?
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Selkius_Piscinus (211), thanks, Bracknell has so much to be thankful for.
And...I loved school custard as well!
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If there is custard going.....can I have a bowl as well?
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DIY [post 208] I think that naughty man David McNickle may have registered a complaint about David McTickle's posts since post 194. I could of course be doing DMcN an injustice, but I bet that's what it is. Come on David, 'fess up or I'll ask the octopodes to *talk* with you about it!
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wot was that stuff called that looked like Toads Eyes?
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Selkius_Piscinus, surely not. It is way too early for the eaters of goats to be out and abaht!
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DI_Wyman...what is an eater of goats?
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Mrs DiY says it was Tapeohka?
wotever, I was the only one in my class that liked that as well!
David_McTickle.....LOL.....it comes from the nurs'y rhyme about Trolls!
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DIY @212
The easiest method is freeze distillation. The alchohol freezes last so you just pour it of the top when the water in the cider freezes. Chest freezers work best because you can get a large dish/tray etc. in it.
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RJMolesworth, thanks, will give it a go.
Have just been looking at a design using copper pipe, a pressure cooker, and glass marbles in a copper cylinder.
Looks awfully James Watt to me!!
I will keep you all posted, if nothing else I can always run me car on it!
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RJM - now that is one expt I have always wanted to run!!!
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Ho hum, a recycled FFred strapline today...
Hopefully it won't be too long before all our suggestions from the other day are added to the database...
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Comments
The comment service has been closed temporarily for maintenance. It will return shortly.
....welcome to the newly polished beach. Each grain of sand cleaned, all the crumbs have been shaken out of the hammocks, NC's bar has had a coat of varnish and the Camels have had their eyelashes done.....
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Day one of my holiday and I am off to do some decorating for a family member that has liver cancer.
He was in remission but it has returned and we want to get their place redecorated before he starts chemotherapy again.
But before that I need refuelling. Who fancies a bowl of porridge?
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Right, off I go.
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Ooh, a strapline of mine :-) *beams with pride* I don't know if it's recycled or not, but I still like it....
Ah well, back to RL and work I go....
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S_P 215, I managed to get a complaint through this morning and am gone until I get a result.
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Re Custard mining... could this mean a drilling rig off the Beach and a pumping station on shore? When it runs out in forty years, could we be importing Russian custard??
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S_P 215, PS I don't make idle threats about sending complaints, and as I use my real name here, unlike a lot of other posters, I don't need people making fun of it or using a close copy for theirs.
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At the end of the custard, you realise that you have a big hole and create an industry to fill it. Sprout sequestration.
People then pay you in custard to save the world from the dreaded green slim.
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'green slim' ? (213) Is this some new fangled diet ?
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218
I'd call a goat-eater an aegophage, myself ...
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David McNickle at 228 (if you are still here), the only complained-about post I can see this morning is DIWyman's: what did *he* do?
It's possible that David McTickle is a tribblemaker, clearly.
The by-products of custard-mining are good for your joints, justfloating [231]. We ought to be able to sell them to every local authority in the world and keep ourselves in custard for _ever_! Or of course just use them as troll-poison, which is what they were always for before...
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* hand up, waving *
Porridge over here please, DIY!
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Tee hee! Because I was on the 'all the beaches' page and pressed 'end' by accident before I came to this beach, I have just discovered that it claims there were zero comments on any Beach before August 1st this year.
Gosh, what a silent lot we all seem to be!
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As it's National Poetry Day, I dedicate this Hilaire Belloc poem to those amongst us who are feeling put-upon.
The Frog
Be kind and tender to the Frog,
And do not call him names,
As 'Slimy skin' or 'Polly-Bog',
Or likewise 'Ugly James',
Or 'Gap-a-grin', or 'Toad-gone-wrong',
Or 'Billy Bandy-Knees':
The Frog is justly sensitive
To epithets like these.
No animal will more repay
A treatment kind and fair;
At least so lonely people say
Who keep a Frog (and, by the way,
They are extremely rare).
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'Polly-Bog' is a substitution, as the original phrase was censored by the profanity filter ;o)
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I'm thinking of organising some sort of beach fashion parade. I've taken the liberty of drawing up a starting list:
DiY in Speedos
Fifi in WebMistress outfit
Sid in sprout-related garb
Witchi in custard-mining protective wear
A collection of beach-goers dressed as their favourite tipple
Any volunteers for judges??
Oh, and home-made scones, butter, jam and thick Jersey cream on the bar for afternoon tea.
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Perky....think carefully, do you REALLY want to see me in Speedos?
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Good afternoon all, I am slowly getting to the bottom of my in tray!
But with all the problems in the City I am unable to contribute as much to the Beach as I would like.
So until things quieten down, I have popped some Double Chocolate Muffins for all at the NC bar as compensation.
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Sorry Feefs, I will post pics of son #3 in OZ soon!
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DiY (way back at 202) I think the pit falls with distilling is the illegality of it in the uk. Though I believe it may occur in remote areas of Northumberland. (and even remoter areas of Norfolk)
I have a flask, a condenser and a bunsen over here in the beach Chemistry lab. Bring over that scrumpy and we can try and make some Calvodos (Except it won't be 'cos it wont be french)
I take it you are ON HOLIDAY!
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Stewart M....yes I am on holiday until the 23rd!
Here try distilling this sample of our vintage 2003!
Best to wear latex gloves when handing it though!
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Isn't distilled scrumpy what used to be called 'cyder' and Charles II said it was his favourite drink, or something?
And is it the one called 'applejack' on the other side of the Pond?
French calvados doesn't travel. Lucky if it gets as far as the ferry home, *I* reckon. :-)
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
Your money is safe...
Sequin 9 Oct 08, 10:15 AM
.... in a safe. Apparently. Saving at home is the new banking out.
DI_Wyman might still have the right idea after all. A new mattress.
Roll up, roll up to the opening of the Beach Branch of Southern Icelandic Bradfurd and Bungley Bank. Go on giv' us yer money, it safer here than anywhere else!
You deposit it, we run off with it!
You know it makes sence.
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pmLeader.......Mr Tickle?
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DIY, you should first ask if I have a latex allergy. Now what a chat up line that would be :-0.
Ow! I've singed my eyebrows on the bunsen.
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Hey, where is everybody (except good old faithful DIYman)?
Are they all on a 'limited places social networking site', cooking up a real policy for the crisis?
Or making sure the blog is regarded as theirs? Even though
'Lately you've started to stutter
As though you have nothing to say'
Ah, don't tell me
'The best lack all conviction'
Hey, why not e-mail Eddie? Ask him what to do.
'He'll give you back your faith....... in a plain Brown envelope'
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PmL, I think you will find all the hammocks are full and their is the gentle sound of snoring wafting from the dunes. Must be that apple brandy we made with DiY's Scrumpy.
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Gillianian, is it really National Poetry Day?
Thanks for yours.
Hello, what'd going on? Apparently "I just said that at Comment 250".
Well, bollix.
This is a new level of crud the mods have invented.
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Was cross. I tried to post first 2 pars. And got that utterly ridiculous message.
I think even the most novice of mods might discern the difference.
I didn't even post the letter pronounced 'kay', or try to use a phrase which, though originally French, is now acceptable in common parlance.
Good flipping grief!
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pmLeader: Please stop drinking that distilled scrumpy, it's going to your head.
Frances - don't get cross, get even! (or something like that)
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Mmmm... if it's a choice between getting cross or getting even*....
I might do neither. Getting bored with these silly messages, more like.
Well, I've emailed the bods at PM to let them know about this funny glitch, so if anyone else gets it just let 'em know.
As for mods, getting round 'em seems the thing cos
* there's no point in trying to get even. They seem to think we get odd.
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Oh, flarts, I meant to preview and I posted. But it's bed time and I cannae be faffed, frankly. It may have been unedited, but I hope it made sense.
I've put the solar-heated urn on for coffee tomorrow; hope it's ready by half eight.
There's room for croissants on the left of Nick's, and anyone who'd like to make porridge (yummmmm) has the rest of the bar, so far.
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No, wait a minute.
Now the mods have modded my response to their modding of my 252.
This is utterly ridiculous.
Why on earth did you bother in the first place, mods? Cos all I did was post a very harmless message. Asking why you thought I'd repeated myself, and wondering if your data were incorrect.
Is this some silly electronic glitch?
If there's a human around - helloooo! Effin machines. D'you know what's going on? It just seems silly and might put some people off taking part.
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There, there Frances. All restored. The gods may not be smiling but it seems the mods are.
;o)
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Cameron's election call plumbs new depths of political opportunism. Not only does he blame the prime minister for the 29 years of greed, excess, cultivated industrial decline and the neglect of manufacturing that has led growth in the British economy to be based largely on the wholly unsustainable increase in property prices; but also suggests that the unedifying sight of an election, in which the Conservative Party would swim against the opinions and actions of the rest of the developed world, would inspire confidence in the British economy and that insignificant little offshore currency called sterling.
Why not let this crisis be used as an opportunity to update our woefully inadequate infrastructure and begin to rebuild our industrial base while tackling some of the issues of an equitable fiscal policy and global warming. Cameron's proposals may please the greedy elite whose actions created the current crisis but the would also create poverty and social discord not seen in this country since before the industrial revolution. How irresponsible is this clown? I, along with many others would rather pay higher levels of tax than draw inadequate unemployment benefit. Cameron's ideas would lead to another privatisation of taxation as in the 80s and 90s when income tax was reduced but inflation reached 25% and interest rates (that borrowers paid) hovered around 20% and the fat cats got ever fatter.
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