The Beach.
Welcome to the Beach. The off topic place for froggers and peeps to be frivolous, have fun or just to chill out.
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The blog for the afternoon news and current affairs programme presented by Eddie Mair.
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What ho everyone. I'll get started on setting up the breakfast nook...
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Morning FF, tea and toast for me please, and don't spare the butter!
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Ditto!
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BTW peeps, are we having Beach Olympics?
If we are what sports and activities shall we have?
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Morning everyone. 'Erewego, 'Erewego, 'Erewego!
DI_Wyman (4) How about boxing - to include other forms of packaging??
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Morning Gladys, you off somewhere then?
How about the 50 meters - the first to break into fifty gas meters wins!
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How about Synchronised Slimming?
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here is a joke for all our loveable Lady Froggers!
Men are like …Bananas …The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like …Weather …Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like …Chocolate …Sweet, smooth and usually head for your hips.
Men are like …Commercials …You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like …Department Stores …Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Men are like …Government Bonds …They take sooooooo long to mature.
Men are like …Mascara …They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like …Popcorn …They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like …Snowstorms …You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Men are like …Lava Lamps …Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like …Parking Spaces …All the good ones are taken.
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DIY (4):
Synchronised Women?
The Long Lie?
The High Ball?
The Nutty Chocolate Bar?
Beach Trolley Ball?
(Like volley ball, but more genteel as the two teams pass the sweet trolley between them.)
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Kitty (9). Don't forget Olympic fave - Putting The Shot back in the bag.
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DI_W 4, Bonvig in bikinis.
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Underarm Javelin.
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DI_W 8, Now let's have some anti-male jokes. Or will the femmies get them deleted?
Put that joke book away or I'll quote from Boners. Well,maybe one: "Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock."
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Hello Gladys - here's a nice cup of Golden Namosa tea for you.
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D_M, 13, I'll have a hunt around!
In the mean time you carry on carrying the torch!
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Isaac and Sarah got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, Sarah immediately telephoned her mother Leah.
"Well," said Leah, "how was the honeymoon,darling?"
"Oh mum," Sarah replied, "the honeymoon was fantastic. It was so romantic, and ..and..."
Then Sarah started to cry. "Oh mum, as soon as we got back, Isaac started using terrible language. He said things I'd never hoped to hear, all those 4-letter words. Please mum, get into your car now and come and take me home."
"Calm down, darling," said Leah, "tell your mother what could be that awful. Don't be shy, tell me what 4-letter words Isaac used."
"Please mum, I'm too embarrassed to tell you, they're terrible words. Just come and take me away." said Sarah.
"But bubeleh, you must tell me, you must tell me what the 4-letter words were."
Still crying, Sarah replies, "Oh mum, he used words like WASH, COOK, IRON, DUST, ..."
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Continuing the sporting theme...
The High Jump - "If I find out you have been messing with my sister, you're for the high jump"
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Well I'll be watching the equestrian events mostly although Head the Shot and Catch the Javelin sound appealing.
I was fortunate enough to attend the Athens games 4 years ago. On the way to the stadium one morning I met a competitor who was carrying a very long pole. "Excuse me", I said, "are you a pole vaulter?"
"Nein", he said, "I am German, but how did you know my name?"
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Mrs Eff (14)
Thank you that'll go very nicely with my pignoli nut pie.
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A word of sympathy for The Beach Women's Badminton Team, for whom this year has been all shuttle and no fun at all...!
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I reckon that, by the end of the opening ceremonies, several of us including Joe_P will be on the Naughty Step!
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I went out with a female shot-putter once….
She chucked me.
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There are vacancies in the Archery squad - all you have to do is chase a lord around North Cambridgeshire.
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Are we having a Beach volley ball competition? Speedos/bikinis essential. Not sure where I'll pin the team name though.
Rolling down Sand Dunes Races are fun.
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Beach Olympics!! Inspired idea, DIY!!
Who's got that flaming torch?
I'll go for the triathalon, and possibly the discuss. Or if there is going to be a short 40 winks, count me in.
Meanwhile, elevensisis: and a pot of the finest tea!!!
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I think boxer Frankie Gavin should get a medal for being the first one home.
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I wonder if there's a nine medals or less queue at the olympics?
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
Joe P (26) I wouldn't say that to his face, he's got plenty of weight behind his punch at the moment
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Tbird (29)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
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After mistakenly posting the comment below to the box, I thought I'd better find the right home for it!
A colleague is getting ready to flog cream teas in aid of Macmillan...
...so you'll find virtual equivalents on offer at the NC bar - this lunchtime only!
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J Palooka 20, I suppose we can get away with shuttlecock here as one word.
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Tbird 22, In the bin, eh?
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Time for lunch. Is there a wheelie bin on the beach for rubbish?
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DM (34) Your'e getting such a 'telling off' on the Stamp Duty thread!
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Has the bus service to the beach ended? I note that Evan had to hitch his way to Bornemouth beach this morning.
What has happened to the Today Travel buget??
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Spent in China I guess
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That Evan feller spent his bus fare on double burgers and chips at Chieveley services (Junction 13 - M4). He's a very naughty boy! Nice shirts though.
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Mbb 35, I took care of that, you snitch.
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A far more accurate account in the Bears' house of the events on that
fateful morning...
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks
into his small bowl. It is empty.
'Who's been eating my porridge?' he
squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into
his big bowl and it is also empty.
'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?
'It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke
everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
'It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
'I HAVEN'T MADE THE PORRIDGE YET!'
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Stupid female! I mean, who walks the dog before making breakfast? :o)
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Intermittent Cow (41):
*I* used to walk the dog before making breakfast. I don't now though. Largely because I have a cat these days.
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Some mornings, by the time I get all those little 'just do this first' jobs done and am ready to make breakfast... it's already lunchtime.
And I don't even have kids to look after!
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While we are all blogging about history, sort and betting (not)......
........An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.
Abe replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."
A week later, the amazed Abe called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."
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You can see Lord of the Ring, paddling in Bournemouth, on the Today Programme's web site.
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Fifi - If only females could multitask! - you might those jobs done quicker!
I mean, here I am writing this whilst simultaneously compiling a tender report, overseeing a project issue and having a cup of tea (and cake). I'd sweep the floor too, but the brush handle is too long!
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* bows deeply *
Horse (46), I am not worthy!
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Mrs DiY, is going to compete, she is a sure fire bet for gold in Tongue Lashing.
(I have the scars to prove it)
Occasional Equus caballus, best you keep your head down for a bit!
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(46) Horsey-worsey! Your tea, is it Golden Namosa??
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LOL......
News in from another thread, Feefs up for a Gold in 'Stomping off in a Huff'
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Team GB are a certain for Bronze in Surfing, they have already found eighteen new web sites to browse!
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MrsEffingham (49) - Golden Namosa by Nambarrie - been drinking it since a child. How on earth did you know that?
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DI_W 44, My brother was kicked because he was wicked in the seat of his pants.
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(52) Surely you mean a foal, horsey-worsey?
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(53) :)
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MrsEff (54) - Not really, it was more intermittent then!
DMcN (53) - Was he good elsewhere?
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Oi - Donkey detective (46) save some cake!!!
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TIH 56, Unfortunately, yes, in the fromt.
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David (58) : Do give all our best wishes to your wife from us froggers. (That is, if trying to explain where these good wishes are coming from isn't more trouble than it's worth.....!)
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Fifi 59, She knows all about the blog and my odd habits.
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;o)
Well, I for one will be raising a glass tonight to her speedy recovery!
xx
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Fifi 61, She wishes she could do that.
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D_M, to add to Feefs comments, give 'er one from me as well!
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Fish and chips all round!!!!
Ketchup, vinegar, lemon juice, brown sauce, HP, salt, pepper, mayonnaise, pickled eggs, gherkins all available on the side.
Choice of newspapers for those who (like me) yearn for that special 'nip' of vinegar seeping through newsprint again...
Pile in folks. They won't be hot forever!
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Morning Frogging Peeps, the first event today is the Buttered Toast throwing.
Extra points will be awarded for getting the toast to land buttered side up!
And points make.........
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News just in, the Tea Bag Hurling event will have to be postponed today.
We have just a phone call from the old bag that makes the tea and she doesn't want to play.
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Morning !! Such a long time everybody!!
Many things in life going on !!
Had a speed reading yesterday , with the speed of light!! LOL LOL
And when I wanted to answer the page was closed!!
Battered toast, yes please!
Di_Wyman:188-( 06-08)
Thank you!!! for your warm and thoughtful messagein Spanish, it would have been nice to be able to read it !! But it was a great effort!!
How is your foot?? better now??
212-213: loved your joke book !! LOL
Fifi : 189-190-(06-08)
Thank you!!! , too, your words and thoughts, and feelings were great!!
is not worthy to get cross, we have enough things, haven't we? lol
David-Mcnickle:192 (7-08)
well, are you now in Peking??, but you live in Ohio, where I have an uncle and aunt there!! Don't know whether in Cleveland, though!!
And 24 years lived in St.albans !!! I live in Enfield, hello my previous neighbour!!
The Opening in Beijing was really good, tradition, history, culture, nature, technology.....great!
Kettle on !
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Again me:
Fearless Fred: 196-(7-08)
You said Oxon?? well, is this the area in south east of England?
Oxfordshire?and the most important is Oxford?
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67: I've written 67, for many of you !! but MODkeep me waiting and many of you !! the delay is more than " short"
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tastymel: I am not DiYman, and my feet are fine, but I am the person who wrote to you in Spanish on post 188 (I used to live in Spain) and, though I kept the message very brief, the mods don't like anything non-English, hence its disappearance.
You've made me smile, though. Big Sis to be confused with DiY? That's funny on so many different levels.
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Mittfh: 205 (7-08)
So you are a " he" in south east of England?? quiet , green area??
Love this O L community, as everybody express their feelings !!
I am learning a lot !!
The sin: real life meeting , tell me, how was that?? Did it happen?? or you are planning one??
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70- Big Sister :
SO SORRY !!! and I am still smiling too .
so, then, thanks to you !!
It is funny , but it's because I've read many many comments in once last night!! and I wanted to answer to all of you !!
And I missed and mixed your name up! THANK YOU, AGAIN
where about in Spain?
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tastytmel.....just to confuse you even more...I have a Big Sis and a Small Sis.
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tastymel: Ibiza and Madrid, particularly the latter, for about three years. And afterwards I worked in Spain for many years 'in season' with the travel industry. It is my second home. :o)
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Yes, tastymel, some of us have met in real life (quite a few, in fact, though not always at the same time). Many, like me, have been present on this Blog since it first started. I know I'm not the only one who posted on the first day, on the first page - but under another name. As we 'grew', we took on safe names for the benefit of the Blog. We discovered that, not everybody who comes to the Blog, is always a true friend, so we are cautious.
But we have a lot of fun. And we hope you will have fun with us. Now, to avoid problems with the mods, I'm going to do this in a funny way - by means of a quiz. Find the answer to these definitions and you'll get the message. Answers to follow:
(1) Striped buzzing insect famous for its honey
(2) Japanese unit of currency
(3) Abbreviation of the word 'venerable'
(4) A necessity
(5) Meaning 'one'
(6) The god of Islam
(7) Tool for gripping things
Good luck!
All good English words, but with a special meaning for tastymel. (Hope it works - it is the best I can think of to make it acceptable to the Blog)
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And the answers to the above quiz:
(1) Bee
(2) Yen
(3) Ven
(4) need
(5) a
(6) allah
(7) plier
Now, say the answers one after the other to find the secret message! :o)
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73: Even more confusingly, I have no sisters at all!
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Bienvenida a la playa ...
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Big Sis.......
(1) The SI derived unit used to measure power, equal to one joule of energy.
(2) Female sheep
(3) Opposite of off
(4) what a sailing dingy does when it changes course
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Aha ... got rid of the funny queries in diamond boxes by opting for text encoding: Western (ISO Latin 1).
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Sid...have a gold star!
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Big sister 75-76
Brilliant !!! a lot of work!! was reading and reading !! made me smile !
Sid:
Good guess !! and MOD accepted it!
80- don't know the meaning of that!
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gracias a todos ! thanks to all of you !
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DI_W 66, Can we substitute shin kicking instead? See SKAB.
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time for elevenses......coffee an doughnuts at NC's!
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D_M, so many good things come out of Gloucestershire but that's at the top of the tree so far!
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tastymel (68) Yes, that's Oxon as in Oxfordshire, with Oxford sort of in the centre :-)
Now, who wants some of these croissants I found in the crate that washed up onto the shoreline overnight?
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Now that's simply not fair! When I wrote what Sid wrote, I was modded, hence the quiz.
Sid, are you living dangerously, perchance?
tastymel: I hope the mods let your post stand. After all, it is not fair to expect a Spanish speaker not to use their own language here (and I seem to remember that Roberto from Florida got away with some Spanish, too).
I could feel persecuted, couldn't I? ;o)
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DiY: I got as far a"s What you on", but my sailing lingo escapes me for the rest of the message.
The only thing I'm on today is The Blog - and I shouldn't be, by the way. Too much to do in RL.
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Big Sis.....LOL.....a dingy goes about when changing tack. But not to worry, young Sid did the business for me!
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Big Sis - look forward to seeing it!
I think the last one is 'tack'
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Yitzhak and Freda go out to see Fiddler on the Roof on stage. This is the most sold out show of the year.
Somehow, they've been lucky and manage to get best seats in the front row. But they notice that there's an empty seat in the row behind them. When intermission comes and no one has sat in that seat, Freda turns to the woman sitting next to the empty seat and asks, "Pardon me, but as this is such a sold out show and in such demand, we were wondering why that seat is empty."
The woman says, "That's my late husband's seat."
Freda is horrified and apologises for being so insensitive. But a few minutes later, she turns around again.
"Without meaning to be rude or anything, this is an incredibly hard show to get into. Surely you must have a friend or a relative who would have wanted to come and see the show?"
The woman nods, but explains, "They're all at the funeral."
tah dah
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'eres anuver....A Sunday League football team is desperate for players. So desperate in fact that one Sunday they are forced to play a chicken in their team.
Rather surprisingly, the chicken has a brilliant first half. One minute it's clearing off its own line, the next its threading the perfect through ball, the next putting in a perfect cross.
At half time all its team-mates are very pleased and everyone runs back onto the pitch for the second half. On the way back, the referee starts chatting with the chicken.
"Great first half mate, you must be really fit".
"Thanks," said the chicken, "I try to keep myself fit but its difficult finding the time so I try to do an hour in the gym each morning before work".
"What do you do then?" asked the referee.
"I'm a chartered accountant" replies the chicken. At which point the referee immediately brandishes the red card and sends the chicken off. The concerned team-mates gather round the ref. and start complaining......
"Sorry lads", says the ref.,...... "I had no choice - Professional Fowl"
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Well, Frances, 'tack' was what came to my mind, but I didn't think of 'changing tack', as DiY intended - which does make sense!
Changing tack? Moi? Unlikely.
Frances: What are you looking forward to seeing? The results of my diy, perhaps? Well, so am I. It seems to go on for ever and ever and ever ......
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Just one more before I have to start cooking a Beef Vindaloo for tea tonight.....
Gordon Brown was on holiday. He was walking along a beach one morning when he stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and a Genie appeared.
Gordy asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope, not these days. I'm only giving out one wish. So...what'll it be?"
Gordy didn't hesitate. He said, "See this map? I want Israel and the Palestinians to stop fighting with each other and start loving each other instead."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Are you crazy??? These people have been at war for years! I'm good, but I'm not that good. I don't think it can be done. So make another wish."
Gordy thought for a minute and said, "You know, for some minor reason, a lot of people are beginning not to trust me. It would be terrific if you would make everyone trust me more. That's my wish."
The Genie thought for a minute and said, "Hmmmmm. Let me see that map again..."
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DI_W 95, I usually cook my beef in the kitchen, not in the loo.
All the crew were taken into custardy.
The shop windows looked very gay (old usage) ; lump sugar, granulated, and castor were arranged in different colored bowls according to their sex.
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D_M, so that's where I have been going wrong. Mind you the washing up is dead easy.
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Big Sis, your diary; can't find the post, but I thought you said that that was the only frogging you were going to do today... hmmm...
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Nonononooooo, Frances! I just *should* be doing other things, diying in fact, but the weather is interfering at the moment.
As to what I said about the diary, it was something to the effect that I'd already made my entry and now had to put it into action ;o). It was a joke.
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Oh, good, the sand bags left over from flood defense will come in handy in the Civilian Bombing and Anti-Personel events.
Don't cross your fingers for the Russians though, the Germans, the Brits and the Yanks have so much historical tradition on their side
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Afternoon all.
Who's leading in the becah olympics?
I'm way behind with everything -- life, work, becah posts...
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Hiya, Appy, lovely to see you here.
I think the lads are all off watching the ladies' beach volleyball event. Personally, I'm happy having a brief rest here away from the dreary weather in RL and sipping a welcome glass of chilled lemonade. Care to join me?
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Ooh yes, lovely. While we're drinking could you please teach me to spell "becah" properly?...
Cheers.
A, x.
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Big Sis (99), 'joke'? What is 'joke'?
I was going to post a funny speedo sign for DI but it contains 'invalid http', apparently...
Ho, hum.
Let's hope http gets well soon.
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Given the weather, I think it's time we played Becah Waterpolo!
;o)
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Oh Frances, don't be grumpy - Come and join Appy and me with this lovely, freshly squeezed, lemonade. Or, if you prefer, there's orange juice behind the bar. If you need a little extra oomph, I'm sure you'll find something with which to spice it up.
Ah ha, and Feefs is just in time to join us as well. Time for a bit of goss, girls? Or should we start a Depp/Bean/McAllan hunt? :o)
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magic idea Feefs, I fetch me pony.....
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Waterpolo.
Shouldn't we alert TIH to this development? Would he be prepared to act in a supporting role on this occasion, do you think?
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...sorry I meant pyno!
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now there is a picture to conjour with...... Big Sister astride The Intermittent Horse!
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Volunteers, anyone, for what Big Sister is suggesting??
(stands aside with hands behind her back!)
... oh dear, I have failed the profanity filter. I'll keep re-posting; see who's the first to guess what I did wrong the first time!!!
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DiY - I don't need TIH, I have a pony of my own, thank you - but he may be of service to others. But he may prefer to play solo (solo polo - geddit?!)
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tea, anyone?!!
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Big Sis (106), moi? I'm not grumpy. A bit fed up with the rain and with 'listen live' not letting me listen, but really quite cheerful.
Goss, Depp-hunt, water-mint-with-a-hole, I'm up for 'em!
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DI (109), are you a pynomaniac?
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Frances - Perhaps we could revive the old art of joke telling, while we're at it? :o)
You've made a good start with your 115
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I'm still smirking because the mods think I'm profane.
What's so rude about horseback riding anyway??
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Lionel and Judith had just returned home from a party.
Judith said, “Do you realise what you did tonight, Lionel?”
“No I don’t,” Lionel replied, “but I'll admit I was wrong. What did I do?”
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here is a good one.....
Daniel and Naomi, who had never before met, are travelling on the same overnight sleeper train from London to Edinburgh. The train was packed and they end up in the same sleeping carriage. Daniel has the top bunk and Naomi has the bottom bunk. After some initial embarrassment, they both get to sleep.
At 1am in the morning, Daniel leans over and says to Naomi, "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm really very cold. Could you please pass me another blanket?"
Naomi looks up at him and says, sexily, "I've got a much better idea – why don’t we pretend we're married."
"Why not?" says Daniel, "that’s a marvellous idea."
"Good," Naomi replies. "Go get your own blanket, then."
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What goes '99 bonk'?
Alternative answers, anyone...??
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Fifi 117, Ask Thelwell. Oh,he's dead.
DI_W 118, Louis XVI was gelinated during the French Revolution.
They gave William IV a lovely funeral. It took six men to carry the beer.
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Ummmmmm ..........A randy icecream salesman?
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Centipede with a wooden leg?
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A randy bingo caller?
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Big Sis - me, living dangerously? Well, if anyone tells me I can't do something, I just have to have a go ...
tastymel - if I may introduce myself: I'm a he, from near Southend ... widely thought to be one of the most intelligent and good-looking frequenters of the beach ... go on, ask anybody.
Let's open another bottle of Rioja!
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I was sitting here playing solitaire and there was Eddie watching me. I had to quit. Can't do anything in private.
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tastymel....Sid is indeed a 'he' from near Southend-on-Sea.
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Did anyone hear Jonnie on the preview of next week's iPM a few mins ago?
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MMMMMmmmmmmmmmm....no. Wotz he done now?
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Anyone except DI_Wyman, that is ...
More Rioja?
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tastymel, you have to get used to our unusual customs where we shorten names......
So for Richard, we have Dick.
For Fiona we have Feefs.
For Elizabeth we have Liz (or Lizzy).
For Simona we have Sid.
'ere darlin' 'ave a glass of Scrumpy to go with that Vindaloo!
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Just on my way out to a rock gig, raising dosh for the village playing field improvements.
It's in a tent in a field!
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And anything starting 'mit' is likely to be me...although you might find people reverting to my real name, a slightly easier to pronounce "Ben"...
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Oh, dear!
Just walked down Nostalgia Lane. Played the YouTube version of 'Handle With Care'.
Mused how good George looked and sounded on the track, as I listened to Ringo looking like George Micheal and singing 'I call your name' with all the raw energy taken out of the song.
So, looked up George, for the craich, on Wikipedia and checked his lead vocals and song credits for the Beatles.
I feel I owe the bloke an apology. He did SO MUCH!!!
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(Scans through all today's messages)
Phew!
There have been three "FrogFest"s so far (weekends where some of us get together, drink far too much, sing far too loudly and out of tune, and generally have far too much fun!) - two last year and one this.
As for my location, I'm in Kenilworth - about 3 miles South of Coventry (the city just to the right of the Birmingham motorway box).
If you're mad enough to use Facebook, you'll find the usual suspects hanging out there as well...
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DMcN (124) - Leaving aside the fact that Bingo only goes to 90 - Ha ha ha ha!
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Frances_O, 120, ( and I've been trying really hard with this one ) an eneninda-ennea-philiac ??!
I did hear young Jonnie, Feefs, 128, and he sounded rather reticent!!! I am looking forward to hearing more next Saturday!!!
Sid, I seem to have found the only bottle of rioja with a hole in the bottom .... eh?!!...... really????!!!.... gosh!
ahem.
I'll be under the hammock, then....
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TIH 136, Only 75 in the US. Double ha ha ha ha! I was being ironic, sarcastic, sardonic.
Too many pedants on the beach. Anybody got a can of PEDANT OFF?
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Fifi 132, All rock gigs should be in a tent in a field. In the middle of Kansas.
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Morning D_M, 'ere we go, put your arms up.....PPPssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst.
That is one good squirt of PEDANT OFF!
Now, let us take breakfast at NC's.
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Gillianianian, have fun at the Fringe with your new fringe!
And I hope you get your tickets OK.
DiY:)
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DI_W 140, Up early to feed cats, birds, and squirrels. With wifey in hospital I have to do everything. I already had breakfast. Toast with butter and T*sc*'s yeast extract, better than M*rm*t* and cheaper, and tea. Off to the Cathedral for lunch. Think I'm doing much cooking?
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Morning. Just limbering up for todays beach olympic events. Egg and spoon qualifiers. followed by Tidy up the Kids mess semi-finals.
I think I may enter the speed BBQ lighting competition also. (Though I do use performance enhancing gas here)
Coffee brewing. That catering expresso machine again. I'll read whats been happening and come back later
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D-M, yeast extract, now that is a good idea!
I have a sort of curry furry tongue this morn so need something to cut through it!
Morning Stewart, you look in good shape!
Way too windy here for BBQ, lovelly blue sky though.
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I agree with that T_s_o yeast extract is nicer than moremite (That wont look right will it)
DIy, Your curry should not leave a tongue furry.
But my shape will be better once I get this corset on. Now what can I put in my dairy entry for yesterday.
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Stewart M 145, Un*l*v*r ruined M*rm*t* when they changed it to put it in a squeezy bottle. Our daughter worked for B*st F**ds before Un*l*v*r took it over and M*rm*t* was OK then. The best thing we got out of the takeover was our daughter's computer. Too many people and computers, so we got hers. It was the computer I learned on.
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Thanks for the early breakfast! I'm off to Edinburgh, to get some Kulcha. Bye xxxxxxxxxxx
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Stewart, it woz the Cider wot did it!
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Maurice Goldblatt was showing off. He said to his friend Sam, "I bought a hearing aid yesterday. It cost me £2,000.
Sam said, "That’s expensive, isn’t it? "
Maurice replied, "Yes, but it is state of the art."
"What kind is it?" Sam asked.
"A quarter to twelve," said Maurice.
i fank you......
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They get worse diy.
Two deaf old ladies
"Isn't it Windy Today"
"No It's not Its Thursday"
"So am I, Let's have a cup of tea"
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DiY, having been to the Dear Diary page, I have to ask. Why you don't have a cat flap. My cats (now in the great cattery in the sky) had keys to their cat flap. Meant we did not get the Neighbours cats visiting.
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Stewart M.....we do have a cat flap into the conservatory, but Rosie is one biscuit short of a full packet. She will go out via said feline entrance but will not come in via that route.
I think it's because she hasn't got the hang of dragging live prey in through it for a snack.......unlike Stella.
The neighbours cats do not dare venture anywhere near our place. As Jeff, our vet, said after the second visit by Stella for a dew claw infection and she had sunk her fangs into him "huntress is she?".
Bit of an understatement that, she is very, very territorial.
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Breakfast remains? Lovely!
Concert was just great. Band were excellent, turnout superb, atmosphere tremendous.
And in a short while, I shall be traipsing out in the rain again to do my stint on the Tombola at the country fair.
xx
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Fifi 153, Our Dean did a similar thing at a fete in the Cathedral. He sat with two other people and picked an orange, an apple, or a banana out of a paper bag, like a fruit machine. You paid 20p for a chance and if you got three of a kind, you got a prize. I asked him how I knew they all didn't have one kind of fruit. Can you imagine a Dean cheating?
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D_M......The Dean of St Alban's? cheating, how very dare you!
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DI_W 155, Are saying our Dean is gay?
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Waaaaa-hoooooooo!
Back from a hard day's fundraising at the country fair ... the weather was blowy but mostly sunny ... the crowds ... er ... but a good time was had by all.
The one thing I didn't do much of was the Tombola, which I'd thought was to be my job. Instead I was called away to take the pitch fees from the stallholders, sell raffle tickets, and basically run about doing any low-skill stuff that involved getting people to part with money. Funny how I can do it for charity but not in real life isn't it?
Anyone got any hearty, savoury, protein rich nosh for a tired footsore frogger? I'm pleased to report that I already have the g+t situation in hand...
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I asked my balding friend why he had little tattoos of rabbits all over his head.
"From a distance, they look like hares," he said.
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D-M, never!
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Hello!
Just back from Cornwall, am awash with fantastic music and rain. And I discover I missed Annasee on iPM! However I did get to listen to it just now and she's brilliant - I just wonder if she killed the lady with the lamb chops...
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Feefs, well, I hd some pasta and poached salmon with dill (39p, down from over 3 quid from $@in$bury'$) for late lunch, but I'm afraid it's all gone.
Glad yesterday went well.
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DI_W 159, I hope not, his partner wouldn't like is.
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F_O 161, So, you buy those S**nsb*rys specials as well.
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Anyone for a game of beach blanket bingo?
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How many blankets do we need?
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Well I've got half a beech hedge attacked before the rains came.
Also been to see Kung Fu Panda in IMAX today. Feeling very Kung Fu now!!
And DIY I understand Cats that don't always use flaps. My (now long dead) ginger puss chased torch beams!
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Fifi I have some pork loin chops marinating in a Natural yoghurt and cajun spice. To be gentle grilled after the kids are in bed. Looks like another late tea for me.
I see the French have beaten us at archery. ;-(
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"beach blanket bingo"
Swingers on our beach..... Fantastic!
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Stewart (167) That should sort out your thrush
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Stewart (167) your chops in a yogurt and cajun thingummy sound gorgeous...
* holds out plate *
Mmmmmmm!
All I need now is Fearless and his everlasting supply of rioja and I'm in Froggy heaven!
Thank you all SOOOOO much xxxxx
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Some chicken left from an extravagent roast dinner - hic! No yorkshire puds, but some very indulgent creamy mashed spuds....
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Fifi about 10 mins to tea. Doing corn on the cob with them.
And T bird, The cajun spices probably will undo any benefit from the yoghurt!
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Oh, an abundance! (Thank you so much for not making me have to cook after a whole day on me pins!)
And now, since we are round ye campfire... a quandary for the pixies. Are we all ready for our trek to the naughy step? (Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin..)
Last week, we took some friends out to a restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well', he explained, ‘the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes.
After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.'
I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had strings hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly’ Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned Arthur Anderson also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 percent.'
I asked: 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon'.
xx
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Stewart M 165, 166. Ask the man who made the movie. Of course, being made in 1965, he might be dead.
We had a Persian cat who went nuts trying to catch the red beam from one of those laser lights. Of course, I had to be careful about his eyes.
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Fifi 173, So what did the female waiters (waitresses) use the spoon for? To insert.....naw....
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Izit lunchtime yet?
RL is really dragging today! Trying to do some software testing but keep getting distracted.
At least D_M is wheely having a fun day!
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D_Mc
If I remember rightly, you said a couple of threads ago:
"Call that a"(wheeely bin)"??!! Back in the States, we have bins This Big:"
Still, 10 out of 10 for dalek manoeverablity. And I hope your wife's knee is back on the mend, so you can soon eat at home....!
noodle
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nn 177, That must have been another D_Mc. I spell it wheelie.
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nn 177, I was going to eat up the street, but I was afraid I would get asphalt between my teeth.
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I can just about drag myself towards the hammocks tonight....
...and then I shall have a quick doze, or dozette, in case anyone was thinking about possibly cracking open a bottle a little bit later on...?!!
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Why, I wonder, is the noodle looking so pleased with himself? Look at him, snoring gently in the spangly hammock, picture of happiness!
I'll be back after I've done a bit more work... I'm leaving a bowl of brambles on the bar, just picked from my garden before the rain finally came on. They're yummmmm!
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Morning Feefs, thanks for the bramble berries, there seems to be a bumper crop this year. I was going to go and pick some at lunchtime today but winter has set in!
I too wonder what n_n has been up to as well.
Anyhoo, coffee is brewing and software testing continues v v slowly.
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Any coffee left? I'll have a pint please, if there is ...
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A Pedant speaks:
I was half-watching 'You've Got Mail' the other night ... did anyone else notice Meg Ryan misspell 'Streatfield'? Normally it wouldn't have mattered - but the whole point of the scene was that the young oaf working in Tom Hanks' store knew nothing about the value of books etc, whereas Meg knew lots.
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Sid, fresh brew on the go!
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Oops, gotta go. My wife is coming home between two and three. Have to sweep up the sand and get rid of the beach bunnies.
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D-Mc, and don't forget to take the empties down to the recycle centre!
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Oh, and D_Mc, best get a bunch flowers as well.
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Actually D_Mc, perhaps forget the bunch of flowers, she will only think you have been up to no good and have something to hide!
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DI_W 187, We get our bottles collected from a box provided by the council. A bit like my wheelie bin.
Too late for flowers. I took some to the hospital. My problem is that I worked for a florist off and on for 15 years and got sick of seeing them.
Must get rid of the neighbor woman, though.
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"We get our bottles collected from a box provided by the council"
Blimey, you royalty or wot. Our council won't touch glass, waaaaayyy too dangerous for their operatives!
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n-n has been out collecting wood again!!
I got an Enormous pile of it last night, and dragged bitsandpieces over there - and this morning I have been using EdI's eco-friendly low-carbon-footprint stainless-steel razor-sharp high-tech laser-guided chopping device (a hatchet)...
And now lunch; and then the hammock
n-n
xx
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Great Stropline, Frances_O!!
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n-n, with all this rain about my guess yo' is building an Ark?
If that is the case, can I be in charge of the Unicorns, we don't want a repeat of the last time do we!
DiY:)
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More Us for Mr McNickle:
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
A, x.
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DIW - doing software again today?! How about practicing our syncronised diving??
How it works is like this, you and me dive off a 10m board and then one of us slags the other off saying that a 56lb sack of spuds could dive better....
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Noodle - will you and DIY wear synchronised Speedos for this event? Were they knitted by Gillianianian and AnneP, or have you invested in new laser-designed supertight ones?
Ah.... yes, I see. No need to ask, really.
*hands a large fluffy towel to each competitor*
;o)
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Ap (195) - Your use of English is appalling.
" More Us for Mr McNickle" - really!
Surely you mean: 'We, supporters of Mr McNickle, outnumber his detractors'
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Why thank you, young noodle (193)
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Horse (198) I think you are confusing my "More Us for Mr McNickle" with "More us for Mr McNickle", which means something entirely different. I'm all for Mr McNickle, of course...
Will you be my pony for the beach polo?
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Ap (200) - It would be my pleasure.
Do I get extra oats?
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n-n...call that a dive?
synchro means the same time as each other, not to impress all the dolly birds watching.
Now try again.....on tip toes, 1.......2.......3 and hup!
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splash / plop.
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oh....eeeeeees fallen in de water!
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DI_W 191, We is high class. We live in a Cathedral city.
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nn 192, I collect wood. From skips and everywhere. I don't mean that 'I collect wood'. It is to cut up and burn in the fireplace. I'm odd, but not that odd.
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Maybe it is 'More US for Mr McNickle'. pmLeader would like that..
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D_Mc (204), i thought that was a brand of cheese!
Aaaaaaannd another thing, "It is to cut up and burn in the fireplace" you going for really big carbon footprints then.
DiY:)
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n-n, sorry about that, next time I promise I won't hang on to your Speedos, honest!
Good thing Feefs was handy with the fluffy towel wasn't it?
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crumbs, call me a sack of spuds - "plop"?????!!!!! Really???? How embarassing.....!!!
Right.
Just a couple of points.
This time, DIW, we either Both face frontwards, or both face back....!!!!
And we go on 'three' - what's all this 'hup' business???!!! Are you auditioning for the Navy Seals??!!!
So, apart from that, I think it went well.....
can I have my Speedo's back now?
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Ready?
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1....2....3!!
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a perfik 10 I think, wot do the girls think?
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n-n, can I take my rubber ring off now please?
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That was rather good n-n and DIY.
Just one question:
Weren't you meant to jump at the same time....?
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we did! exactly at 5:46, but...................... are in different time zones!
see i isn't as daft as i look!
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Feefs...n-n is in the 21st century and I am in Norfolk!
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right, I'm off for a Chinese TA, who wants wot?
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ooooooo a bag of prawn crackers, please!!!!
oh go on then, and them mini spring roll things....
....and number 147, (is that roast duck in plum sauce???) with fried rice...
....and some of those pancakes, what number are they??? crispy peaking duck...
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
hahahahaha!!!!
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DIY (213), If you take it off won't it hurt to sit down? :-)
Impressive diving by the way boys. I do like a man who dives well.
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This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the House Rules.
Horse (201), You mean you haven't had enough oats yet?
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It's a well known fact Appy (223) that a fella can never have enough oats. Even intermittently. ;o)
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DIY what are you up to? Two moderations in an hour. Best Chinese meals I had were in Malaysia.
Is Horse wearing a snorkel for the water polo?
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Ap (221 & 223) - It is my experience that oats are always much more enjoyable after a bit of exercise - diving particularly.
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Stewart (225) - I've been told that the next time I'm seen displaying my snorkel, I'll be sent off the beach
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Gosh it's quiet around here. Think I'll just pitch into the nearest hammock and......
Oh, I do beg your pardon! Didn't realise there was anybody in there already.
How embarrassing.
(gets over it)
Budge up a bit will ya? zzz.... zzz....
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Stewart (225)
219....it seems the number between 68 and 70 is unmentionable, even if it is on a Chinese TA menu.
222....it is not advisable to use the word that describes short tube made of fur or other warm material into which the hands are placed for warmth when talking about diving.
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DIY (229_222) - There is a Co. Donegal border village of that very name. Aaaaand (sorry DMcN) they have a Diving Club!
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Dear Dr......I wonder how many 'members' they have?
DiY:)
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Ding Dong....it's time for elevenses, coffee and jam doughnuts at NC's.
(other doughnuts are available)
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Heaps of wonderfully rich and locally-made dark pate (can't do the accent), strong cheddar cheese and crusty bread available for early lunch. I'm just going to help myself -
ramphhll ooooh smurrhp mmmm ooo mmmm. smurrrphh . . . . . . . .
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TiH, you really should take that snorkel out before eating, you are blowing crumbs and bits of paté everywhere.
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cheers horse - an irresistable lunch!!!
Am just going to pop this crusty slice under the grill for 40 seconds to warm....
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DIWyman - A foul slur! I don't even know a Pat!
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Which accent can you not do, Horse (233)? De Oirish one, bee jamous?
;o)
H.
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TiH (236), it's not wot you think. I was trying to be clever and use 'e' with the AltGrrrrrrr key hence the é.
Hi Humph, I like your accent, to be sure, to be sure!
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Anyone know what the weather's going to be like in Derbyshire this weekend? Should I be packing shorts or water wings?
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DiY, before the diving with the furry hand warmer did you remove the snorkel??
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Feefs don't be silly. The word or should have not been used. You will need both and some sun cream, insect repellant, a pac-a-mac, a sense of humour and a parachute. (well you can never be too careful)
Ah Stewart, that’s where I have been going wrong!
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The Beach Limpicks event for this afternoon is the Discuss.
Judges are looking for silly topics. Extra points can be earned by drinking a glass of water at the same time.
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"I heard that over-zealous security checks meant that weapons were banned from the 30-foot water-chute.."
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DI_W 207, That is not St Albans Cathedral on the wrapper. Our daughter works for the company that distributes it, so I should know.
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D_Mc, you have my sympathy.
DiY:)
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Right, I am doing a Chicken Korma for dinner tonight, should be ready 'bout eightish. Will leave a big potfull at NC's, bring your own rice!
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DI_W 245, Strong Cathedral City cheddar (no this isn't a plug) is very nice. (They do take plugs out of cheese for tasting, don't they?)
I see you managed to get a post past the mods. Nothing to scandalous about Chicken Korma.
Try doing 'told' or 'tokl' with - between the letters.
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I'm making tomato lentil soup with some home frozen ham stock ... should be ready in time for starters before DIY's korma.
Just have to see to the seasoning and herbs first.
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Feffs, I have bunches and bunches of Basil if youz wants some.
(chucks big bunch towards East Midlands)
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Oooh, lovely thanks DIY. Give it 5 mins to cook through, then I'll be dishing out bowls by the BBQ.
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Re 246/248. I am doing/making a puddle in the entrance to my flat having mis-timed getting off the bus home tonight - as far as the showers/monsoons were concerned.
:o(
H.
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My SO's car had to go to a garage in the next village for service and MoT yesterday. Plan was, for me to follow him there and bring him back while the mechanics found unnecessary things to mess about with on his car.
Bad enough that the rain poured down just as we had to leave. But his car then required a jump start! :o(
Today, between the sunny spells, it bucketed down when we went back to fetch his car again. I think he is the common factor in all this!
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I've just got back friom checking the livestock, having found a couple of kilos of chanterelles and a kilo or so of big field mushrooms... dive into 'em while they last.
Yum!
ed
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EI 253, Livestock-mushrooms, any connection? Wash them well.
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Fifi Is your SO a reincarnation of a rain god?
That would be in keeping with this Blog software roots i.e. Douglas Adams.
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Stewart (255) : I certainly think highly of him. But I think even I would stop short of 'god' status!
;o)
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Dave,
A bit of dung'll do ye nae harm!
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(whispers)
I'll leave these cold cuts under a silver dome for the morning, along with cherry tomatoes.
Night......
(creeps away)
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EI 257, My grandmother said that you have to eat a peck of dirt to kill you. Hillbillies!
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I must get home - the Jehovah's Witnesses are in the area, & I want to be in...
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Humph (251) are you anything to do with the monsson season arriving in Norwich yesterday. Seein' as you is not long back from the jungle?
DiY:)
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....blsat this psell checker.
MONSOON!
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Big local wedding here Saturday - so it's bound to be cats and dogs.
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n-n, best make sure that Feefs 'SO' and Humph are not in the area and you may get away with it!
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me? I am sitting in the boat all night....can't be too careful....
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For sale, Three large conurbations in the north of england. Ideal for undevelopment into Farm land.
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Stewart_M...ha ha, you bin here then?
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"..I will NOT pack my pink shorts.."
"..I will NOT pack my pink shorts.."
"..I will NOT pack my pink shorts.."
The lovely shorts I bought while flatsitting are worse than a rain dance for affecting the weather. So....
"..I will NOT pack my pink shorts.."
"..I will NOT .." etc
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It is a really quiet day here in software test central. Can't test anymore untill programmer compiles a new exe for me.
So with no hell desk calls coming in and time on my hands a troll through the wierd wide web has found this Cracker
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An un-cracked cracker
As English as David Niven.
;-)
ed
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DIY That was on Today on Monday or Tuesday.
Criminal look alikes, Great idea.
Try Ship of fools Web site for Religous look alikes.
No time to mess with html. px just turned up.
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http://shipoffools.com/borntwice/index.html
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Oooh, recent comments, look! (Hope my SO isn't looking!!!)
;oP
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Ed (270)
re David Niven, and I may be missing the point here, his father was a Scot and his mother was French. So hardly English
diy:-)
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DIY,
You're not missing the point, but re-inforcing it.
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Doh.....LOL....I have just re read the 'wanted' poster!
Thanks Ed!
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right, this afternoons event in the Beach Limpicks is Fencing.
Judges will be looking for straightness and level placement of the panels.
Extra points can be earned if Shiplap panels are used and if a trellis is added along the top. Points will be deducted if anyone uses a 'nailgun'.
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....a further announcement re Fencing.
There will be a 45 minute delay as we wait for the field events to finish with the Hammer.
...carry on....
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Din dinns tonight is left overs plundered from the depths of our deep freeze, this will be a cunning mixture of Spag Bol and Lasagne!
I doubt there will be enough to share so I will pop couple of french sticks and some garlic butter on the bar for nibbling on.
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DI_W 279, That's odd, I'm making, as we say in the US, spaghetti tonight as well. I'm throwing in a bit of leftover monsterini (as I call it) from lunch. Whats a bit more pasta here or there.
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DI_W 279 Add a ' and a ? in the appropriate places.
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I've been cooking for our weekend away camping ... and it all looks so yummy I want to eat it NOW!!!
Sample halloumi/pepper/tomato/ mushroom kebabs, and roast pepper with capers salsa are next to DIY's garlic bread on the bar.
"..I will NOT pack my pink shorts.."
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Aaaannnnnnddddd anuver thing, it'z a Beach....like, where we jus' chill out!
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Feefs, have fun camping in Derbyshire.
I have fond memories of the High Peaks as 'our' RAF Coltishall Scout Troop won the annual Hiking Competitions there, year, after year, after year, after year. a real credit to our 'founding Leader' Sir Douglas Bader!
Aaaaand not bad for a group from 'flat' Norfolk.
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Ah, thanks DIY! I'm looking forward to a complete break, some very loud and terrible music, and to NOT wearing any pink shorts...
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Wheeeeeeeee thank you froggers -- I've had a good old giggle at this thread :-)
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Psssst, guv'. O'er 'ere. Jus' look at these 'ere luverly can'all sticks. True, gen-you-wine pure gold. They's going at a barr-gin thousand nikker each . . .but to you, guv', I'll do 1500 for a pair an'
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wozzat? That ain't what he meant by Fencing (277)?? Yu nea' saw me, reyete guv?
[Quickly closes battered suitcase and heads off, along the beach, going away from where there appears to be a flashing blue light on the other side of the dunes]
H.
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H....you are a world class Frogger!
Mind, you I still blame you for the Norwich monsoon yesterday!
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Humph (287) : I want the real Humph back immediately!
* hides behind sofa *
Meet my demands or I will put on the PINK SHORTS!!!!!
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I thought you already packed them, fi?!!
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Has it rained (here) today, noodle (290)? It has NOT. Ergo, not packed!
Not easy to resist though. They are rather gorgeous!
"I will NOT pack the pink shorts..."
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Hello, lovely lovelies! Me waiter, me just found you again - you pretties hide behind hedge so as not to hurt my feelings!
Good news: wifey recovers from heart attack!
Bad news: daughter flattened by tractor.
Pleez give more than 5 dinari for next tip, my good, good friends.
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Blimey, have a busy day and frog late-ish and I find all heaven has broken out in my absence!
Feefs - pink shorts, ooh, I wish I dared.
It's the umbrella/sunglasses syndrome. You know the one: leave the umbrella behind and it'll rain; leave the sunglasses behind and it'll be a scorcher.
Best thing is to take both - sunshine and showers.
I dread to think what would happen if the sunglasses and umbrella were both left behind. Solar flares and tornados, probably.
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*I am NOT taking the pink shorts to bed! *
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Good lord, young lady; and who would?
(answers, if you really have to, on a pointless postcard to: Eric Muir, BBC PM thingie, oh, come on, postie, you've seen enough of these to know where now, London W12)
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On a real beach today.
Changed effortlessly into swimming kit.
My advice won't help these days, though, 'cos nobody wears shirts or vests any more.
But if they did, it would be 'Use your shirt as a skirt and let your vest do the rest'.
Diagrams available on request.
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