William Shatner
has been around a long time. He's in his 70s. Maybe his 90s.
As Fifi rightly observes on the "next week" thread: "What's he got to do with news....?"
And the answer is of course, nothing at all. But it's summer. And I happened to read his autobiography on holiday and it made me laugh out loud. Not always for the right reasons. I should stress, at the start of this William Shatner week here on the Blog that I bought my own copy. I am not in league with the publishers or anything like that. Though come to think of it, maybe I should get onto that.
But by his own account it's been a varied life. And he has learned to laugh at himself. The passages on his speaking style ("Shatnerian") and the killer end line to the book had me laughing our loud. And his willingness to interrupt the narrative with a plug for his websites (where you can buy films he admits were crap, as well as Star Trek action figures) were a delight.
I just want to share with you, every day, a little quote from the book. Here is today's:
"There I was, caught in the eternal triangle, with a gorilla holding on to my rapidly shrinking scrotum. Eventually, she got bored."
Welcome to Shatner week. All this week. Only on the PM Blog.
(oh and Marcus, also from the Next week thread - he deals with the Twilight Zone episodes in the book...)
Listen to PM
© MMIX~RS~q~RS~~RS~z~RS~48~RS~)
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Oh Eddie (said in a tone of disappointment), lovely though it is to have you back, I had quite set my heart on the Captain being in charge of Starship Eddieprise this week. Instead of which we have you.
Consolation prize? ;o)
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Big Sister (1):
Maybe Eddie can deliver all his chat this week in "Shatnerian"?
"...and now. Charlotte. With the. Headlinesatfivethirty."
Perhaps he can destroy a recalcitrant minister by forcing him/her to consider an insoluble logical point?
Perhaps he can train a raccoon to sit on his head for the duration of each programme?
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Cat: The last suggestion could be a bit warm in the summertime. Perhaps he should wait until January to try it out? Good suggestion, though!
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To keep the Star Trek theme going, it would be nice to hear an interview with Gordon Brown (Scotty) and demand that the engine (economy) is fixed significantly quicker that his first estimate.
Just a thought....
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Eddie - thanks for that.
"with a gorilla holding on to my rapidly shrinking scrotum"
That image is a going fester.
Shatner as Kirk justified the human race to one critical species by saying in effect that yes humankind were often inhumane but could rise about it when called on to do so. By simply saying "I will not kill today!"
I will take those Star Trek views as my watchwords - for today.
Of course if Real Madrid do come for me and my T J Hooker Love Boat - it would take Boston legal to stop me going.........lol
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It is now Eddie Mair's universe ... we just live in it.
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"And his willingness to interrupt the narrative with a plug for his websites (...) were a delight."
Why do you think we listen to PM, Eddie? It's not for the news, oh no. It's to hear you interrupt the narrative to plug the blog!
Best get those little plastic action figurines of the PM team and the studio setting into production right now. You're losing a marketing opportunity even as we speak...
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Annasee: I'm putting in a bid for Sequin the Cyclist as I write .....
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Big Sis - yes! I'm sure she'd be a top-seller.
A figure of Roger wearing his headphone on his forehead would surely look as though it had migrated from the Star Trek site anyway...
And I was wondering about sweets in the shape of microphones. In that sort of foamy highly-coloured stuff they make false-teeth sweets out of.
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Yes, Anna, those sweets sound ..... well, to be quite frank they sound Yuk! to me as I hate that kind of confectionery, but how about a Golden Joystick toffee apple?
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Can I put in a vote here for a posting from Eddie so that we can have the pleasure of seeing the Recent Post of Eddie Mair on William Shatner? Just for a larf, guv!
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Cat: Thinking about your post no. 2, I'd bid for an edition of Eddie speaking in Rumsfoldese, or failing that in Dubbleyerese ....
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Eddie, Read Shatner's book on holiday, eh?
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All together now:
# Star Trekkin', Across the Universe...
So, will Eddie ask Mr. Scott to beam an image of Mr. Shatner into the Glass Box this week?
Or alternatively, if finding a decent but tiny image of William is hard, beam a box of cereal made from flakes of bran, since Will's been advertising it fairly recently...
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mittfh 14, When you get to be Shatner's age, bran flakes can help you live up to your name.
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miffth, only going forward, still can't find reverse!
I wish I had star treks computer, Windoze updates has made my firewall not work. Well work so that all traffic is blocked. The internal network is fine. Who was the IT guy on The Enterprise?
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Stewart M - we had the same problem. Only luckily we have 2 computers, so while the other one is still not working, we can at least use this one. Did you hear the problem featured on You and Yours the other day?
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I've been rejecting the updates for a while, since my computer became virtually unusable a while back. This was before the problem became 'known', and it was only using system restore that I managed to get back the use of the Internet. Since then, I've been rejecting the updates.
I suppose at some point they'll have the updates fully updated and all fine and dandy again but in the meantime I'm sticking to an updated system.
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Windows? Mere pebbles in the hand. I, the second greatest computer in the entire history of, er, history, doesn't have to deal with pebbles.
What about Eddie asking Gordon Brown (Scotty) about the state of the dilithium crystals?
The funniest reply I've ever heard to the question is unrepeatable on the Frog due to moderation, but it starts "They're" and one more word.
Eddie: Dare you to include a star-trek related word into PM every day this week. :-)
Also, can you fix the link between Sequin's beach and category (4), The Beach?
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Would the missing word, Deepthought, be cr*p? ;o)
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Deepthought (19):
"They're gubbed!"?
Good Scots word, that.
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Politicians: "They're life, Jim, but not as we know it!"
Now to neatly tie the two threads of conversation together:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A617735
(BBC page, so hopefully should avoid the moderation auto-kill)
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mittfh: the mods have been kind to me today in allowing the Candide link on the Beach. But - did you watch it? ;o)
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My contribaution to the William Shatner week.
William sings Common People
[Unsuitable/Broken URL removed by Moderator]
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(20), (21).
Nope. Stronger. Six letters.
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So, Deepthought, not 'pants' then? ;o)
A new game! Guess the swearword.
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Jonnie: Are you sure you are allowed to contribute anything to the Blog at the moment?
Hope you're well (and have made a full recovery)
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My guess is a technical term taught to me on my first day working at an independent radio station in Glasgow...
"Cuffed"?
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SSC (21)
come on Scotty give us all you've got !
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DT: An anagram of cufdek by any chance?
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Annasee, No I did not hear it on You and Yours. But realised a problem when a pc with Vista worked and XP did not. also the fact my mother rang me to ask fo rhelp suggested a more global problem then just me. I had been incommunicado as PC's go last week as I was being an examiner. When the exam day finishes at 6.00 and we meet for tea at 7.30 there is little time for frogging. I did get in the hotel pool though
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It seems no links are acceptable anymore?
I could explain it however - though that would take forever.
Try typing:-
william shatner voice over
into google and then click on the first item which should be:-
William Shatner Voice Session
Thanks to the moderators who make the blog so user friendly :-(
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Explain?
A moderator's job is to remove messages which break our House Rules. Messages will not be removed for any other reason. Moderators do not post messages on the boards.
.... so why was a Tiny url to a Youtube clip so naughty then ?
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Jonnie: perhaps it's tinyurl they don't like? Just a thought
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True big Sis - but I couldn't paste the direct link as there was illegal html code!!
Apart from posts appearing instantly the blog worked better in the old days.
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Jonnie: two possible reasons why it may have been auto-modded:
1) The script has been configured to block alias web addresses (quite possible, since it could potentially redirect to all manner of undesirable sites!)
2) It thinks the six character tinyurl code isn't proper English.
If this gets through, try heading to tinyurl dot com slash 6y2wgp
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Jonnie (35) I agree with you.
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To explain.
A late night "smoker" review, and for the finale, two Dons were doing a send-up of Star Trek. They got into a battle, power surges and failures all over the place, and Scotty expresses concern (with relivent accents)
Scotty: It's the dilithium crystals, Captain!
Kirk: What's wrong?
Scotty: They're (and miffth got it right).
Given that this was the only swear word in the entire evening of a very funny review, it brought the house down.
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Sorry for the typo, mittfh!
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DT: No problem.
Meanwhile, it appears the "accepted" pronounciation of my nickname is something like...mitt-fuh
Perhaps I should go for something like "mgfh" (Mad Geek...), as "emm gee eff aitch" can be said quite quickly and sounds a little better than "muguff". But then again, as I've used "mittfh" for nearly 8 years, and it's only now people have attempted to pronounce it, I'll probably stick at it...
I wouldn't be tempted to go for something completely different like "Qwerty" (hardly original), or even mbsofh (looks awful, sounds awful. BSO is acronym for my job title).
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Deepthought (19) what an excellent idea - new Star Trek word on PM each day. Go on Eddie!
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I'm confused -- I've just read the newsletter and came here looking for an announcement about the death of someone called Maggie. However, it seems we only have the death of Eddie's status of cool as he admits to his holiday reading material... What's going on???
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It's a story in the Mail Appy :-
Lady Thatcher to be honoured with State funeral, but Palace fears there might not be enough troops to line streets of London.
I thinks she's fine at the moment though.
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Are the troops to protect her cortege? And if so, from her fans, or from her foes?
I think we should be told.
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Big Sister - the troops will probably be needed to stop Blair throwing himself at her coffin - distraught that his idol is dead!
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Mitt, I've always mentally pronounced you as mitt'f, nut mittfuh is kule by me.
jonnie, I've been bewildered by what the automods (they surely can't be human) let us type.
On the beach, today. Which led to much scuffing of sand, as there were no 7-stone geeklings to kick at.
Off to look at FAQ in case it explains.
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If Stevie Nicks were to marry William Shatner, would that be Stevie Shatner-Nicks?
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However, I can only blame myself for 'nut' in the above; I claim that title for myself. I meant 'but', of course.
Right, back to work.
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Space...
There's nothing between his ears,
These are the voyages of his lordship
Eddiemayeyes,
his 30 minute mission
to explore strange new people,
to seek out their new wives,
new civil lies lotions,
to baldly go
where no right minded man / woman or indeterminate would go...
#sing
Pee-em trekking
across the old air waves,
Trying not to repeat yourself,
wi'out missing all your faves.
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To pay homage to the all powerful Star Trek. It would be fun to have unknown guest presenters on PM and have them killed off during the weather.
PM, boldly going where Today would be in bed too early for
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jonnie, they can give anyone they like a state funeral, especially if that means an extra day off for me!. With Lady Diana they had the funeral on a Saturday as it was a none state funeral!! I was working that morning and by heck the streets up here in Yorkshireland were empty!
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Sacrublue1, What about Viz and its famous people on the toilet.
No 71 William Shatner
"Captains Log"
No 75 Harold Chamberlian
"I have in my hand a piece of paper"
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Just make sure you're not wearing a red shirt, Eddie! (cf 50)
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Or that you are not the fifth man on the transporter pad...
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Thinking of Jonnie's linking problems and Francis (46)...
"We are Automods of Borg. Your link will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."
Oh yes, the Borg. Who reminded us that as there is no atmosphere in space, you don't need to make your vessel aerodynamic (unless you want to land it on a planet's surface, that is).
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I am still sniggering about the Stevie Nicks joke...
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Captains Log! (52)
That's made my day.
I shall a-bed happy in the knowledge that humour surpasses even the most tedious of days and in wonderment at how pathetically easy it was to give my face this 10 year old's smirk for the whole evening.
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Who *was* Captain Zlog anyway?
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I think it's essential that at some point Eddie sings something in the style of William Shatner, since it seems we won't get the man himself.
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You mean if I go on BBC's radio show this is how many pounds they will pay me? How much is that in real money?
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Stewart and others,
Show Windoze the door.
;-)
ed
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SSC 58, Related to Mork from Ork.
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David (62):
Nanu nanu!
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SSC 62, And Klatu Berata Nickto to you.
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