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I had a nasty blockage

Eddie Mair | 12:04 UK time, Monday, 12 February 2007

which meant that for hours I've been unable to post a thing. I felt speechless.

Then, I think all three Beaches I tried to post appeared - but someone appears to have removed two.


Something we've been discussing in the office today - though it's unlikely to make it onto the air - is the one cheek/two cheek debate, regarding Dame Helen Mirren. When she stood up to accept an award at the BAFTAS last night, she got a peck from a female in the same row. The Dame offered one cheek and her chum seemed keen to go for the double. But the good Dame was off.

One cheek or two?


  1. At 12:18 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Fearless Fred wrote:

    I'd say one. Two would be a bit "luvvy"...

  2. At 12:19 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Stewart M wrote:

    Which cheeks?
    I missed this as my BBC freeview signal goes naff on a Sunday evening. This, BBC, is almost every sunday evening. And its only BBC, the independants are fine. I think its partly the aerial and partly BBC and its interactive services.

  3. At 12:22 PM on 12 Feb 2007, jonnie wrote:

    Well in Holland it's normally three, Italy as many as they can get -- I was always used to one, and that was on a good day

  4. At 12:58 PM on 12 Feb 2007, RJD wrote:

    Well one is enough for Lembit Opik but I could be persuaded.

  5. At 01:07 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Belinda wrote:

    Depends whose ass you're kissing, of course!

  6. At 01:21 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Ruud Fortt wrote:

    Belinda 5.

    Naughty step, NOW please.

  7. At 01:22 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Joe Palooka wrote:

    A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer, "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.

    After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

    "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does

  8. At 01:27 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Aperitif wrote:

    RJD! Belinda! Behave yourselves!

    Eric, I grew up with the one-cheeked sort. Now I do both cheeks with good friends when we are feeling ironic and post-modern. I also do two cheeks with people I suspect are affected and so will expect that sort of thing. (It's the contemporary equivalent of bunny ears behind the head, dontcha know.) With most people a handshake continues to be most appropriate. With people I really love and am pleased to see, only a big hug will do.

    These are not rules and I may change my mind tomorrow.

  9. At 02:11 PM on 12 Feb 2007, witchiwoman wrote:

    With all the luvvinessabounding I'm surprised she didn't get a proper snog!!

  10. At 02:57 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Belinda wrote:

    Appy (8): Am I allowed off the naughty step yet? It's a cold hard stone and it isn't pleasant to sit here for long period of time.

    And really, my comment was Eddie's fault, what with calling the thread "I had a nasty blockage" - it just lends itself to jokes.

  11. At 03:05 PM on 12 Feb 2007, gossipmistress wrote:

    RJD - you've kissed Lembit Opik???!!

  12. At 03:26 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Jacques wrote:

    My part of Frace we have 3 kisses. Paris has 2, and when I lived in Genevè a few years ago it was 4 kisses.

    Yesterday we had a party in the salle de fêtes (=village hall?). I had a telephone call just as I was leaving to go there, and so I arrived as the last to come. It was lovely to have nearly 60 ladies waiting to be kissed. Thankfully, the men shake hands.

  13. At 04:45 PM on 12 Feb 2007, RJD wrote:

    gossipmistress - Shhhhhhhhhh!

  14. At 05:08 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Valery p wrote:

    I go for as many as I can get :o)

  15. At 06:32 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Aperitif wrote:

    Belinda, I think you have paid your debt to society so, yes, come on in ;-)

  16. At 07:20 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Frances O wrote:

    One is enough for Lembit Opek? Do tell!

    Um - one cheek (right) for boys, one and maybe two (left - right) for girls, seems to be the way round here. But oh, that uneasy hover. Do I go in for the mwah? Or wait for her to?

    They order these things better in France.

  17. At 07:46 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Frances O wrote:

    Well, Eric dear, whoever hasd caused the bloggage should kiss both my cheeks.

  18. At 07:53 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Aperitif wrote:

    Belinda, I tried to post to say that you could come in from the cold naughty step but the moderators evidently disagree with me because it hasn't shown up. I guess it's their call. ;-)

  19. At 09:21 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Molly wrote:

    Well, I thought the FB was bad enough!

    I'm off to the Beach For some decent discussion.....


  20. At 10:02 PM on 12 Feb 2007, madmary wrote:

    A nasty blockage? I could recommend some good herbal remedy Eddie!


  21. At 10:35 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Charles Hatton wrote:

    RJD (4)


  22. At 10:40 PM on 12 Feb 2007, Annasee wrote:


    I hope the nasty blockage you've been experiencing has no connection with your being left in charge of the blog while Marc's away. Or has it???
    Surely not. He's only been gone five minutes. The blu-tac can't have given way already!

  23. At 12:02 AM on 13 Feb 2007, gossipmistress wrote:

    RJD (13) so it was a proper snog then?

  24. At 12:50 AM on 13 Feb 2007, RJD wrote:

    Charles (21) - Well I do try, but with the blog the way it is at the moment I'm not sure it is worth the effort.

  25. At 01:32 AM on 13 Feb 2007, Aperitif wrote:

    Gossipmistress, :-)

  26. At 09:44 AM on 13 Feb 2007, Molly wrote:

    RJD (24)

    Do keep trying- we need you!


  27. At 10:28 AM on 13 Feb 2007, RJD wrote:


    Lembit and I shared an interest in the possibility of the planet being hit by a large near earth body. Unfortunately he has recently been pre-occupied with a different heavenly body. I've been left with the asteroids.

    Now, where's that cream . . .?

  28. At 10:32 AM on 13 Feb 2007, Aunt Dahlia wrote:

    RJD - you are a joy!

  29. At 12:14 PM on 13 Feb 2007, Valery p wrote:

    RJD - You're on fine form today surely?

  30. At 12:41 PM on 13 Feb 2007, RJD wrote:

    Val P & Aunt D - It's the new medication!

    Aunt D - Were you replying to my (27) with your (28). That's only 4 minutes - not possible, is it?

  31. At 01:08 PM on 13 Feb 2007, Valery p wrote:

    RJD - Nah - she just thinks you're a joy..... She obviously needs her medication changed too :o)

  32. At 01:30 PM on 13 Feb 2007, Aperitif wrote:

    "RobbieDo & the Asteroids" -- sounds like a 50s rock'n'roll band! You taking up a new pursuit RJD?

  33. At 01:54 PM on 13 Feb 2007, RJD wrote:

    Val - That almost hurt!

    On another topic entirely - do Hearts do anything special for Valentine's Day?

  34. At 02:30 PM on 13 Feb 2007, RJD wrote:

    Appy - My musical talent has to be seen and heard to be believed!

    No, I still think the Asteroids sounds more like a condition than a backing group.

  35. At 04:26 PM on 13 Feb 2007, Aperitif wrote:

    And there was me picturing you in a space suit RJD! Here's some cream for your asteroids.

  36. At 05:06 PM on 13 Feb 2007, Deepthought (John W) wrote:

    The Asteroids, a Canadian group formed in 1957 - follow the link.

    Also, the Asteroids - a Brisbane based group, July 2002 - August 2003. Their web site has since been taken down.

  37. At 05:41 PM on 13 Feb 2007, Humph wrote:

    RJD (34)

    If we see it, and hear it, will we still believe it to be musical talent? ;-).


  38. At 06:29 PM on 13 Feb 2007, RJD wrote:

    Humph (37)

    You can only hope that you never have the opportunity. On a scale of 0 - 100, my musical talent doesn't reach double figures.

    Having said that, Mrs RJD tells me that I can really humm occasionally.

  39. At 06:50 PM on 13 Feb 2007, gossipmistress wrote:

    Could the music be a result of you putting cream on your asteroids RJD?

  40. At 09:30 PM on 13 Feb 2007, Aperitif wrote:

    Deep John, I knew it was a 50s thing!

  41. At 11:55 PM on 13 Feb 2007, Aperitif wrote:

    Blimey Deep (36), Big Sister gets everywhere, doesn't she???

  42. At 01:28 PM on 14 Feb 2007, Mikes the PIkes wrote:

    Up north we do one. When I meet someone from the south I go for two and it always seems to be what they are expecting. There's a grey area in the south midlands where you just don't know whether they want one or two and that usually leaves me looking a mite foolish.

    BTW - nice to see I can post here even if I don't seem to be able to make it on The Beach, he said, just prior to clicking on the "Submit your comment" button.

  43. At 10:47 AM on 15 Feb 2007, Aperitif wrote:

    Mikes, I understood the expression "do one" to be of Liverpudlian origin, rather than 'the north' in general. And what has that to do with kissing?

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