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December the 21st

Eddie Mair | 09:47 UK time, Thursday, 21 December 2006

Fearless Fred sends these pictures which reflect an incredibly festive scene at his office. Nice to know your real name, Fred!

decs.JPG

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By the way - aside from pea-souper, and "can't see my hand in front of my face", what fog cliches would you like to hear us trotting out tonight?

Comments

  1. At 10:07 AM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    You must be saving my picture till last. I took another one today and am going to send that as well in an email.

    FFred they really know how to celebrate Christmas where you work!

    Mary

  2. At 10:20 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Eddie Mair wrote:

    madmary I don't want to miss you out - could you email it again to pm@bbc.co.uk? It may be in our list of pics to go, but I'm anxious that it may not be. PLEASE resend!

  3. At 10:21 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Eddie Mair wrote:

    How odd! I just posted my comment to Mary and there was already an email from her waiting. Spooky. Must be the fog.

  4. At 10:25 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Fearless Fred wrote:

    What can I say? (Apart from the fact that I'm glad I'm not in the office today!)... In our defence, it's only a small office (8 of us permanently based there, with regular visits from others in other offices who want to use a spare desk or our meeting room). We still had fun at the christmas meal out last week :-)

    As for fog cliches, there should definitely be one along the lines of "covering the south of the UK like a blanket".

    FFred

    p.s. Eddie, I hope you've sworn the others to secrecy about my real name!

  5. At 10:31 AM on 21 Dec 2006, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    Eddie:

    You can't go wrong with the old "Channel crossings stopped by fog: Continent cut off."

    I'm sure there's also a line by Ken Dodd about "knitting fog" but that's just a blatant attempt to get people to cascade a load of Ken's jokes herebelow...

  6. At 10:42 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Vyle Hernia wrote:

    What cliches? Frankly, I haven't the foggiest. I hope this weather doesn't prevent the production of 'Vyle Hernia on a beach'.

    In case this is my last posting before next Wednesday, Happy Christmas to all froggers.

  7. At 10:44 AM on 21 Dec 2006, andycragg wrote:

    Round here you could cut the fog with a lino knife (Les Dawson, I think).

    Did you make the tree yourself Chas? :)

  8. At 10:50 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

    Happy X-mas Fearless! I loved the big blue X, it really sets the silver tree off nicely.

    Re fog, it's romantic in San Francisco, but a pain in the backside in the English countryside. Here we've got fog that's as thick as Vicky Pollard!

    Linking fog with the climate change debate on the previous link, I found the following two links:

    http://www.portfolio.mvm.ed.ac.uk/studentwebs/session4/27/greatsmog52.htm

    http://www.portfolio.mvm.ed.ac.uk/studentwebs/session4/27/londonsmog91.htm

    The second of these contains sobering information about the effects of smog for people with respiratory and heart problems.

    Let's hope you don't have smog in London today, Eddie!

  9. At 10:53 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

    Fred

    Is your name Fred Valliant, by any chance?

    I honestly don't know.

    By the way, my first name isn't really Big.

  10. At 10:55 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Humph wrote:

    Hi Ed I

    Re. your beach comment 182. There may be complaints if we start talking shop on the beach ;-).

    Thank you for the link to the PEuT blog. No I have not been following that but it looks interesting and so I will start to get into it. I was interested in your comments about not considering the hazards of carbonyl fluoride. Which part did not seem hazardous: the phosgene analogue or the fluorine part? In a previous job, I used to have to do HF digestions of silicate rocks for geochemical analysis. The number of extra precautions needed, compared with “normal” acid digestions, always used to put me off. I have always regarded F compounds as really nasty since then and tried to avoid them as much as possible.

    Yes, you are correct that the ice-core “library” can give you more than decades of old air. However, the compounds that we are interested in come mainly from the plastics or the electronics industries and so we usually only look at the recent stuff. Skimming the surface, you might say.

    Hewlett-Packard is no longer involved in the GC business. They were bought out a few years ago by a company called Agilent. The box in the center of the picture is an Agilent GC oven [other GC ovens are available, some are better! :-( ]

    H.

  11. At 10:57 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Aunt Dahlia wrote:

    Can't think of a fog cliche, but I'd pay good money to hear you croon ' A Foggy Day in London Town'
    Go on, do it now, under your breath....

    By the way, what is 'crooning'?

  12. At 10:57 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    "Like a man travelling in foggy weather, those at some distance before him on the road he sees wrapped up in the fog, as well as those behind him, and also the people in the fields on each side, but near him all appears clear, though in truth he is as much in the fog as any of them"

    - Ben Franklin

    Fogg the war!
    Houb Salaam
    ed

  13. At 11:03 AM on 21 Dec 2006, RobbieJohnDo wrote:

    SSC

    Re Eddie's request for alternatives to pea-souper I am reminded of the following (not Ken Dodd I think).

    Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup.

    A. Well anybody can roast beef!

  14. At 11:10 AM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    Eddie that was spooky! Nothing to do with fog though as it's beautifully sunny in Birmingham!

    I would thank you for your kind email, but some other's might get jealous. So for me please would you say a huge hello to Aperitif and tell her how much you love her. It would make her Christmas.

    And speaking of making Christmas I'm posting a list below of everyone who either hasn't posted a pressie wishlist. Apologies if you have, I lost my last list when my laptop died of imbibing too much white wine.

    If your name isn't on the list it maybe because Santa has already got you something special but feel free to post anyway in case I've missed someone. There will be special Christmas stockings for everyone!

    Hurry folks as there are only 4 more shopping days till Christmas.

    Oh and I still haven't had a wishlist from the PM team. Any ideas?

    The rules are that it can't be world peace or stuff like that, it must be truly indulgent, capable of being gift wrapped or presented as a gift voucher.

    Mary

  15. At 11:11 AM on 21 Dec 2006, RobbieJohnDo wrote:

    Eddie

    Forget the cliches and go for something original

    "It's fogging hell out there. DO wrap up"

  16. At 11:12 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

    Just heard about Jennie Murray and wanted to wish her, in a more public way, a good outcome from her surgery in the New Year. It must have been the hardest thing for her to tell her listeners.

    Re FOG: As this is the Frog, and as we've probably all heard the forecasters tripping over Fog and Frost, perhaps Eddie would like to make some allusion to the Fog and Frost Free Frog Beach?

    P.S. The froggers all seem to be heading for the hills. And I wish mobile froggers a happy Christmas, too. I, however, will be firmly rooted in my home and look forward to frolicking on the Christmas Island Beach.

  17. At 11:16 AM on 21 Dec 2006, silver-fox wrote:

    LET'S CLEAR THE AIR
    Said by the politician who believes he is a master of clarity. But after a half hour of bafflegab there is usually more fog in the air after he has cleared it.

  18. At 11:21 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Penrose wrote:

    OG!

    Ooops!
    Sorry about the F in FOG!

    - - -

    The general Fogularishnessless of the situation should be fully explored; it's amazing how a little bit of Mother Nature's whimsy can bring the whole country to a chaotic standstill, whether that be 'the wrong kind of leaves,' 8mm of snow, or 2 days of low cloud. I hope we cope better than this when the sea levels rise and we're importing potatoes from Iceland.

    - - -

    Talking of Global Warming and Carbon Trading - which we weren't - I must admit I am a bit baffled about how Airlines will actually be 'insentivised' to reduce their noxious emmissions which was in the news for a while yesterday. Am I the only one?

    Is is like the Airlines are a very fat person at a dinner party who eats all the potatoes and takes up half the table, but gets away with it by talking the thin person opposite into not having a pudding? Never mind.....

    - - -

    I would just like to join with Margaret Beckett and take this opportunity to wish Edith, Sequin, all the PM team, the bloggers, the froggers, and all and sundry a fine festualisational intermission.

    :¬)


  19. At 11:22 AM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    Oops forgot the list! See my post (14)

    Here it is! (I'm all a dither what with emails from Eddie and two posts!!!!)

    So here it is.

    andycrlucan
    Belinda
    Big Sister
    Chrissie the Trekkie
    Doctor Hackenbush
    Fiona
    james
    Jason Good
    Peter Wharton
    Roberto from Florida
    Rosalind
    Silverfox
    Stainless Steel Cat
    steve
    Stewart M
    whisht
    Vyle Hernia


    Mary

  20. At 11:25 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Helen Sparkles wrote:

    It's not often that something doesn't make any sense to me at all (10), really no need to explain though!

    madmary, 2 posts from Eddie, you can never doubt his affections now!

    Eddie, can you post both of mary's pictures, on the same day though - I love her but she still can't have someone else's day!

  21. At 11:26 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Simon Worrall wrote:

    A helicopter pilot is flying to Seattle, and hits a pea-soup thick fogbank. He becomes completely disoriented, and flies blindly around until he nearly runs into the top few floors of an office building. He recovers in time to avoid crashing, and manages to get the attention of a woman sitting at her desk.

    "Excuse me!" he yells. "Where am I?"

    "You're in a helicopter," she replies.

    "Thank you," says the pilot.

    The pilot pulls off sharply to the left, takes one or two crisp turns through the dense fog, and then does a perfect landing at the Seattle-Tacoma airport.

    "That was amazing!" says a passenger. "How did you figure out where you were?"

    "Easy," says the pilot. "Her answer, while correct, was absolutely useless. So I immediately knew I was at Microsoft's Technical Support Department."

    Si :-}

  22. At 11:27 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Lee Vitout wrote:

    To lovely Big Sister...

    A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I'm off to the hills. Bye.

  23. At 11:32 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

    Just had an alternative thought for the fog, to bring it up to date:

    Lentil Soup.

    The 21st century version of pea soup.

  24. At 11:32 AM on 21 Dec 2006, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    To settle an argument, who *was* doing the old weather forecast when the first magnetic letter of the symbol fell off the map-board, leading to the sign-off, "...sorry about the f in fog."?

    Was it Dickie Davis?

  25. At 11:51 AM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    Helen, I love you too! Merry Christmas!

    Off to get the Christmas booze now.

    Mary

  26. At 11:52 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Penrose wrote:

    Dear The Stainless Steel Cat [23]

    I remember it from the opening credits of an episode of The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town. That's how old I am!

  27. At 11:57 AM on 21 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

    OOOOOh, Lee! I've come over all funny...... !

    And a merry Christmas to you, too, m'dear. Which hills, by the way? Can I come and find you for a Christmas cuddle?

    Big Sis X

  28. At 12:01 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Simon Worrall wrote:

    Penrose (18);
    ref: the Margaret Beckett link; ROFL.

    Si. :-}

  29. At 12:15 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

    Penrose:

    Lovely stuff!

  30. At 12:31 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Joe Palooka wrote:

    "A good Englishman never jokes when so serious a matter as a wager is in question," replied Phileas Fogg.

  31. At 12:40 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

    Eddie:

    Was that a REAL kiss?

  32. At 12:47 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Jason Good wrote:

    Christmas lists and fog...

    Fog first - some phraseology along the lines "can you see your way clear to", "we should pull a veil over this", "you clearly didn't see this coming". And discussion of the way all the Chavs have started driving with their front fog lights turned off...

    Christmas lists...I missed the original context. Apologies if this is off-whack.

    What I would really really love is for Lord Goldsmith to resign as Attorney General, admitting that he was pressurised into the revised advice before the invasion of Iraq; for the Met to arrest Blair and co over the cash for honours; for the SFO to take both of these events as a green light to reopen enquiries into the BAe/Saudi bungs affair; for the Conservative leadership to admit that they are just saying it all to try to win votes and reveal what they really wnat to do when in office; for the top 10% of the Lib Dems to resign en-masse for failing to manage the one opportunity they are likely to get this Century to wrestle power from the other two.

    And some rose and lemon Turkish Delight, a decent thesaurus to replace the one that I have managed to lose and a Mutley keyring.

    And a political commentary column in a Broadsheet newspaper would be nice too.

    And world peace.

    And, and...

  33. At 01:01 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Big Sister wrote:

    My Christmas wish:

    Okay, for wrapping:

    A mixed case of Sancerre, Champagne, Drambuie and best Caribbean rum. If there's space, you could also slide in some top notch Cabernet Sauvignon, please!

    For true indulgence:

    Cashmere jumpers for every day of the week.

    A gift voucher: A promise of a real kiss from Eddie some time (on the cheek will do! - nothing improper).

    However, what I'd most like is world peace, but you tell me I'm not allowed that. Sad, really.

  34. At 01:11 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    What if it had been Three Wise Women
    instead of Three Wise Men?

    They would have asked directions
    Arrived on time
    Helped deliver the baby
    Cleaned the stable
    Made a casserole, and
    Brought practical gifts!
    -- anon
    xx
    ed

  35. At 01:32 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Jason Good wrote:

    Ed (34) I am slightly concerned that there is no mention in there of them washing their hands at any point in the procedings...

    What do you need to write cutting satire? A sharp pencil.

  36. At 01:46 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Belinda wrote:

    Christmas Wish-list:

    For me: A forthcoming quiet year. This year has been absolutely horrendous for me in many ways and I just need the belief that next year will be better. Oh, and a really big bottle of Glenfiddich.

    For the world: A general sense that the entire planet isn't going down the plug-hole due to greed of various kinds. And the immediate destruction of tabloid news and newspapers would be nice.

    For the Frog: That the blog will continue to be a source of escapism and cameraderie for all of us while maintaining the wonderful atmosphere here. I also hope that Eddie, Lissa, Gillian, Richard and the llamas will go from strength to strength with their programme, thus ensuring that at least one show keeps its integrity.

  37. At 01:48 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Vyle Hernia wrote:

    Ed (34)

    The version I received also had:

    "But what would they have said as they left?

    a) Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?

    b) Want to bet how long it will be before you get your casserole dish back?

    c) That baby doesn't look a bit like Joseph.

    d) And that donkey they are riding has seen better days too.

    e), f), g) [Sorry, don't wish to promulgate].

  38. At 01:49 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Jason Good wrote:

    I've had another thought about the Christmas list and realise that I was hopelessly optimistic in my first attempt (32).

    Clearly no on will be able to arrange all of that, so instead of the Mutley keyring what I'd really like for Christmas is a Wii.

    Is 40 too young to have my prostate checked?

  39. At 01:51 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    Big Sis, I made some of the lentil soup as advertised somewhere on this blog yesterday, it was delicious and there's some left for my lunch today!

    The kiss from Eddie I'm afraid I can't arrange, but I'm sure if he comes down to the beach on Christmas day he'll find time to give you the most modest of Christmas kisses. And one or two for Aperitif I hope.

    As for world peace the problem is there are only four shopping days to Christmas, not quite enough time for me, and I don't have sufficient wrapping paper.

    Mary

  40. At 01:55 PM on 21 Dec 2006, gossipmistress wrote:

    Ed (34) :-)! Or are you just buttering up MadMary in order to get a nice christmas pressie?

    Mary I'm not on your list ;-( (maybe I've been too naughty!) but may I tell you my wish list just in case...?

    An urgent call at 5pm today so I can avoid a rather difficult client..... or

    George W in the stocks with a large supply of wet sponges.... or

    George Clooney in the stocks with a large supply of Veuve Cliquot...... or

    Blow the large blanket of fog from Heathrow to the middle east and leave it there until they've all agreed not to kill each other ....... Ok that last one might be a litte difficult to wrap

    And Mary, what would you like?

  41. At 01:56 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Karen wrote:

    Apparently I used to describe fog as the "world being all steamed up outside," when I was little.

    My mother never fails to remind me of this.....

  42. At 02:16 PM on 21 Dec 2006, RobbieJohnDo wrote:

    Penrose(18)

    Just spotted the Margaret Beckett link. I think I could fancy Tony McNulty!

  43. At 02:20 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Jason Good wrote:

    Karen (37) ahh, parents. I used to ask why these clouds hadn't had flying lessons. Apparently.

    The PM newsletter has just landed in my in-tray. It is a while since I laughed out loud at an email...thank you, Comrade Niyazov.

  44. At 02:24 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Dr Hackenbush wrote:

    Would someone kindly tell me the context in which the Clash were mentioned/played yesterday? I missed that bit. Thank you.

    P.S. Clever newsletter.

  45. At 02:36 PM on 21 Dec 2006, RobbieJohnDo wrote:

    If all the fog suddenly went away do you think it would be mist? (sp)

  46. At 02:52 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Judith wrote:

    Jason Good (43) - Me too! I'm wondering how many words do end with the letters wats ?

  47. At 02:58 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Perky wrote:

    Eddie - the best newsletter of them all! Thanks for brightening the foggy day. I shall be careful not to bump into you on the ice at 5.

  48. At 02:59 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Stewart M wrote:

    Christmas list.

    Electronic OS maps that work on my PDA,

    Less hassle at work and more profit :-)

    A Decent Shiraz or 6.

    FOG
    When it starts to lift it becomes an American Indian Fog, i.e. A patchy Fog

  49. At 03:03 PM on 21 Dec 2006, RobbieJohnDo wrote:

    I hope everybody is getting their newsletter. Today's is the best yet!

  50. At 03:12 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    I think RJD is deliberately avoiding the wish list.

    Jason a Wii is a great present to wish for. I got myself one for my birthday, and I'm loving playing Zelda and The Twighlight Princess.

    Get your bits checked btw, takes a lot of courage but always a good idea.

    gossipmistress you weren't on the list as I already had you down for something rather nice, but I've refined it in light of your post.

    What would I like? Oh, a trip on the Orient Express across Europe with all the proper costumes (I think I could pass for Maggie Smith on a foggy day), champagne and wonderful food. The journey to go through Paris, Prague, Venice and end up in Istanbul - does it go that far? Oh and obviously it needs to stop on Christmas day somewhere very snowy with a mystery to solve.

    Failing that, a rather good Christmas lunch will do.

    Mary

  51. At 03:15 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Aunt Dahlia wrote:

    Lissa, you must be running out so :-
    New beach strapline:
    'Rarely anything but Eddiefying'

  52. At 03:20 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Stewart M wrote:


    WARNING ON BEER
    >
    After reading - don't forget to watch the video at the end!!!

    Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs
    to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many
    females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

    The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

    Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer,
    men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to
    them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something
    bad" occurred.

    At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

    Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.


    For a video to see how beer works click here:

    Beer Demo >

  53. At 03:42 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Got the excellent newsletter!

    MoreSeason's Greetings!

    xx
    Dubya.

  54. At 03:45 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Whisht wrote:

    wow - Madmary thankyou so much! a xmas mention!

    I'm really quite touched by that (I know others are rightly impressed when the Lord Mair mentions them, but I'm always touched when someone takes the time to talk to me here).

    I've put up a couple of xmas cards for you all at my Flickr space.

    As it seems most are away from the blog for a bit I guess I'll do my xmas wishes now!

    Merry xmas!!

    Also I made the mistake of emailing these into PM a day or so before the tsunami of photos were sent in, so the Production team probably didn't see them, but they're there for you to - Merry Xmas!!

    Whisht

  55. At 04:00 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Confused of East Sussex wrote:

    Umm - there isn't any fog down here ..... Does anyone know if there's much at Gatwick? My lovely daughter is due to fly in tomorrow night. (If it's foggy tomorrow I shall have to change my name to Neurotic of East Sussex)

  56. At 04:06 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Roberto Carlos Alvarez-Galloso,CPUR wrote:

    Happy Christmas to BBC PM.

  57. At 04:22 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Mark Intime wrote:

    MadMary I am obviously not one of the Christmas List elite so I've added my meglomaniac festive wishes probably from the Shrub and sung to the twelve days of Christmas.

    12 Nato Allies
    11 Armies marching
    10General quarters
    9 Armoured convoys
    8 Long range missiles
    7 helicopters
    6 soldiers laying
    5 minefields
    4 Atomic bombs
    3 G Is
    2 Win the war
    And a world dominated by ME!

    That's for anyone who asked for World peace!

  58. At 04:29 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Jason Good wrote:

    Madmary (50) I am reliably informed that when you turn red with embarassment at your poor performance it is known as "flushing after you've Wii'd"... And never ask a man to put the game in for you - he'll leave the lid up.

  59. At 04:33 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Fifi wrote:

    Well, Eddie, I am deeply disappointed. Verging on 'gutted' actually.

    Just after 10am I sent you a hilarious (other opinions are available) posting re. topical cliches for the prog.

    Perhaps it got lost in the fog....

    Anyway I can't remember any of it now and am off in the huff.

    Simon says I'm a national treasure, and I'm going to take comfort in that for the rest of the afternoon.

    Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrumph.

    :o[

    Mumph-Fi

  60. At 04:53 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    Following on from yesterday's Gavin Essler's joke I offer the following version (just so it's fair and there can be no suggestion of partiality between the sexes)

    Dear IT Support

    Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from drinking Mates 4.2 which I'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6.1.

    Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware beta-program, Party Girl 2.1 which I tried had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

    Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Fiancé 1.0 only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, which I reluctantly agreed to because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2000.

    Shortly after this upgrade however, I then discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgot about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-mail porn filter, and can, without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip! These latter products have no help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself. Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express, which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources.

    It also conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation.

    When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT program it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called mother-in-law, which can't be turned off. Recently I've attempted to try Mistress 2000, but there could be problems. A friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2000 it tends to delete all my MS Money files before un-installing itself.

    Any ideas?

    Mary

  61. At 04:54 PM on 21 Dec 2006, gossipmistress wrote:

    Teeheehee very funny newsletter today!

    And it managed to find its way in the fog! GMx

  62. At 04:54 PM on 21 Dec 2006, RobbieJohnDo wrote:

    MadMary(50)

    I was avoiding it, but as you have me cornered I have two wishes.

    For myself - the smallest, highest quality portable digital radio.

    For the blog - I reiterate your plea to Eddie to say Hello to Aperitif and make her Christmas.

  63. At 04:54 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Jason Good wrote:

    Fifi (57)...the national treasure line is traditionally followed by speculation about where you were dug up...

    This isn't helping you feel better, is it...?

  64. At 04:55 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Fifi wrote:

    Confused of East Sussex (55) : Oh I'm sure you do have fog, really.

    You just can't see it............

    (Still in the huff though.)

    :o[

  65. At 04:55 PM on 21 Dec 2006, tomi wrote:

    Re 10 (nasty F compounds).
    Not even fluoride toothpaste?

  66. At 04:58 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Peter Wharton wrote:

    PM clears the fog of the day!
    Happy Christmas one and all, let's hope we are all here next year.

  67. At 04:59 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Aunt Dahlia wrote:

    Fifi
    Fog has caused delays on the blog, with some postings cancelled, others rerouted and some land eventually at their right spot, long after the access pod has moved on.
    I know all this, I've got an(utterly out of date) ILS certificate.
    xx
    tell them again...

  68. At 05:09 PM on 21 Dec 2006, stewart M wrote:

    Beer link

    /staticarchive/53a3022bb055a6d9ac44c187d5d029fd8909384e.swf

    and arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhh!!!
    Work is just stupidly hectic for no reason. I think I need to sit on the beach.

  69. At 05:24 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    Mark Intime, Santa has already got your present. Tricky to wrap but may bring about world peace by avoiding giving you anything from that list!

    Mary

  70. At 05:35 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Fifi wrote:

    Roberto (56) : And festive greetings to you and yours in (I hope) sunny Florida! Have a great time over the holidays.

    Aunt Dahlia (60) : I honestly can't remember it all any more -- and besides, the sell by date has definitely passed! But thank you for the kind thought.

    Nice to have you back here, by the way. You were missed!

    Fifi :o} (slightly less miffed)

  71. At 05:50 PM on 21 Dec 2006, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    Madmary (14): Christmas wishlist... a nice idea.

    To be honest though, all I'm wishing for this year is good health for my mum, who's been in and out of hospital a couple of times in recent weeks and - touch wood - seems to be doing OK just now.

    That's going to be a bit difficult to wrap...

  72. At 05:52 PM on 21 Dec 2006, RobbieJohnDo wrote:

    Fifi

    Simon may say that you are a national treasure. The rest of us know that you are a national treasure but we don't like to say it out loud in case somebody steals you.

  73. At 06:04 PM on 21 Dec 2006, andycrLucan wrote:

    Its nice to be on the Froggers Prezzie list! Here is my wishlist (not to be confused with wisht), all postable ...

    1) Tickets for UK International Dance championships (ballroom/latin) in Bournemouth
    2) Tickets for any Formula 1 race anywhere in the world.
    3) Record tokens from the best record shop in the world - Square Records in Wimborne (other best record shops in the world are available).
    4) Any French Merlot.
    5) Any Rioja more than 5 years old.
    6) A recording contract, preferably from kompakt or any other obscure German techno record label.
    7) A book on how to be a proper am-dram actor
    8) Lots of acrylic paints and silky paint brushes
    9) A proper job.

    Well, number 9 has come in already! So I might be even more elusive next year. Or not ...

    Is this a boring list? Ah well, I thought I'd try to come across all-complex and interestingly diverse. Other froggers have more interesting lives methinks!

  74. At 06:16 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Belinda wrote:

    Excellent newsletter and first half of the programme Eddie. I say first half as my radio reception cut out at around 5.30 so missed the second half of the show. I blame it on the fog, it appears to be being blamed for everything at the moment (to great sighs of relief by Tony Blair no doubt).

  75. At 06:28 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Gillian wrote:

    Brilliant newsletter.....predicted exactly what was going to happen during the programme. Of course only those of us ''in the know'' knew it was all deliberate!

  76. At 06:29 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Fifi wrote:

    Aperitif, are you there?

    I have just emailed some corny straplines to PM, complimented Eddie on handling the BBC's abject failure to interview people outside of the studio ... and reminded him of his obligations with regard to certain adoring froggers he has been shamefully neglecting.

    Let's see if me putting on my stern tone works. I kept my face straight just long enough to type it!

    Now, where did I put my glass?

    ;o)

  77. At 06:33 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    Belinda, that may not have been your radio! Most of the second half of the progremme kept getting cut off, but it was all good fun!

    Mary

  78. At 06:54 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    whisht (56) you forgot to post your list!

    Mary

  79. At 07:00 PM on 21 Dec 2006, gossipmistress wrote:

    Madmary (50) Oh dear, if 'nice' is 'refined' does that make it 'not nice' (oh no!) or maybe 'naughty' (yes please!). Not sure about the Orient Express but maybe we can find you a lovely snowy christmas somewhere......

  80. At 07:10 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Dr Hackenbush wrote:

    I’m starting to get irritated now. Don’t make me repeat myself again.

  81. At 07:16 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    I think I should be congratulated for not gloating about the chaos at Heathrow....oh.

  82. At 07:28 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    gossipmistress, definitely naughty! ;)

    Mary

  83. At 07:31 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    Dr H! I don't remember the Clash thing.

    I'll listen again for you but it will have to be tomorrow. In the meantime calm down, have a sherry and tell Mary Christmas what you would like for Christmas.

    Mary

  84. At 07:38 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Eddie,

    I hear on the programme that The Israelis deny that it's the wall keeping folk away from Bethlehem.

    They say it's the violence, but neglect to acknowledge that the vast bulk of the violence is committed by THEM.

    Is that irony? Being American, I can't say.
    Houb Salaam
    ed

  85. At 07:57 PM on 21 Dec 2006, admin annie wrote:

    andycrlucan - why not specify the Spa GP and make it 2 tickets. I'll come with you and we can do a rain dance the night before.

  86. At 08:03 PM on 21 Dec 2006, andycrLucan wrote:

    Where's wisht's wishlist?

  87. At 08:05 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Dr Hackenbush wrote:

    Mary - no need to listen again for my benefit. I could do that myself, but I thought that people here would have been listening so that I could shortcut the process.

    What do I want? A world in which nobody thinks alcohol is worth bothering with. No sherry, ta.

    Thanks for responding.

  88. At 08:11 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Mark Intime wrote:

    Aw shucks Mary. All I really wanted was the destructivisation and disenstabilisation of any country that wouldn't recognasize my presidentialship of the World!

  89. At 08:14 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    Dr H. I didn't mean to offend. Have a hot chocolate instead.

    I can't wrap your gift for you, though. I want you to treat yourself, for once. Go on make my Christmas!

    Mary

  90. At 08:17 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Mark Intime wrote:

    Dear Santa Mair,
    Pleeeese could you arrange a photo of Lissa as a Christmas - oops! sorry - winter festival present to all the Froggers?

  91. At 08:25 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    Oh all right then Mark Intime, I'll see what I can do.

    Mary

  92. At 09:00 PM on 21 Dec 2006, andycrLucan wrote:

    admin annie : it'd be my luck to get Silverstone, wouldn't have to do any dancing there.

    Dancing the night before sounds good though anyway ;)

  93. At 09:07 PM on 21 Dec 2006, andycrLucan wrote:

    Mark Intime : I googled Lissa Cook and found her naked!

    This is going to get totally moderated, but just in case it gets through : the link was of an artwork called "Naked" by a Lissa Cook at the Missoula Art Museum in Montana.

    Very likely not the same Lissa, or does she dabble in the arts too?

  94. At 09:26 PM on 21 Dec 2006, admin annie wrote:


    well Andy my son and I always say Spa is a better race in the rain.

    One day I'm actually going to go to a grand prix but I want to wait until Mclaren are on a winning streak again, - so no rush then.

  95. At 09:50 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Dr Hackenbush wrote:

    I went to Spa for the ’96 GP.

    Any advance on the Clash?

  96. At 09:58 PM on 21 Dec 2006, andycrLucan wrote:

    addie annie : yes, well I knew that of course (my SO is the expert, I just like the drama, drama, drama as Murray used to say).

    I'm a Williams man meself, although anything that overtakes a Ferrari will do (other red cars are available, and silver ones too, which is confusing).

    I did some work for Williams back in the late seventies (soldering comms circuit boards for a pound a time), but never got to deliver them in person. Pity, some of that glamour might have rubbed off ...

    McLaren might do it this year, you never know, they do have a World Champion doing the pedalling!

  97. At 10:05 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    What is your interest in The Clash Dr H?

    Mary

  98. At 10:54 PM on 21 Dec 2006, gossipmistress wrote:

    Mary (82) how exciting! I shall go all-out to find you that snowy christmas.....

  99. At 10:59 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Helen Sparkles wrote:

    Love the funny posts madmary & the one about beer, thanks.

    Dr. H, I have really no idea what the reference to the Clash was all about, but don't want you to feel ignored! The Cheeky Girls were referenced on that broadcast, & I suspect the Europop tag was theirs, but somehow the sentence included the Clash as well. Therefore, someone quite rightly pointed out the Clash could not be described as Euro anything. Only Eddie can reveal all, if he can remember.

  100. At 11:10 PM on 21 Dec 2006, whisht wrote:

    Madmary (78) I am so sorry,

    today got manic and I haven't had chance to post anything till now. A wishlist huh? wow, very indulgent! I'm actually rubbish at indulging myself so i guess I should get vouchers for a massage. A really good one (massage that is the voucher can be cardboard for all i care..)

    Now, to be serious what do I really want...? erm...

    ok, my whishtlist:

    i) one beautiful intelligent funny woman who fancies me;

    ii) a.... erm......er.......

    iii) ....errrrrmm.........


    no..... my mind's a blank.... can't think of anything else......


    iv) ooh.... a weekend for two at a swanky hotel;

    ah, now I'm getting the hang of this...
    v) a small amount of exquisite food;
    vi) a massage;
    vii) another weekend away;

    erm... no.... now my mind's a blank again.....


    viii) her sister;
    oh, no, hold on, no, that's not right..... hm, what do I really want.....

    ix) a night off;


    can't think what I really want...

    oh, I know,

    x) a womble

    oh, hold on.....

  101. At 11:26 PM on 21 Dec 2006, madmary wrote:

    whisht, your whisht is my command!

    Very funny post. Made me laugh out loud.

    Still a bit short on one or two ideas for pressies. And nothing from the PM team as yet. Anyone got any ideas what we can get them?

    Night night froggers.

    Mary

  102. At 11:31 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Aunt Dahlia wrote:

    Mmmm, a womble? I've never wombled......

    yet

  103. At 11:38 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    Hello everyone,

    Being a form of alcohol I gather that I'm not entirely welcome but I shan't force myself on anyone, so think I should be OK.

    Thanks for remembering me to Eddie, Mary and Fifi, you are too kind.

    However, as you know, I have designs on many other chaps (sshh! Don't tell Eric!), and a special soft spot for The Lovely Whisht... Where can I get me a womble costume?...

  104. At 11:43 PM on 21 Dec 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    P.S. Fearless, your photos have made me feel very sad. Please be more festive immediately! Thank you.

  105. At 12:27 AM on 22 Dec 2006, Annasee wrote:

    Pressies for the PM team? Well, some vouchers for free eye tests at "Specs R Us" or similar, would probably be a good idea after all the screen- gazing during the WoYW photo saga.

    A new & festive litter tray for Mr Knibbs. A box of special turkey & mince-pie flavoured cat food pouches for Christmas Day. (I was going to say "a few pouches" but looking at him, I don't think that would be enough.Definitely a box.)

    Some soothing scented candles for Lissa to
    a) take away the smell of the cat food
    b)take away the memory of WoYW photos still waiting for her back at the office...

    For Eddie - (after a quick skim thru "Listen again" tonight, to hear what all the fuss was about), I think some updated, absolutely fail-safe technology for interviews by phone. It's 2 tin cans & a long piece of string.

    And finally, for all the team, a set of coffee mugs printed with the words "I'm a National Treasure". Just in case you ever forget !

  106. At 01:20 AM on 22 Dec 2006, valery p (Tumbleflump Holly-Hippoface) wrote:

    andycrLucan - what great news! Tell me all about it sometime? The coo says "Mooo - kneoo yoo cood doo it!"

    whisht - I snorted through your 99 (oops, that doesn't sound good - other confections are of course available)

    What an entertaining thread again tonight - they are taking me so long to read and I have so much to say every night, but by the time I get to the end I've forgotten. Anyway, love to all, world peace too, and thanks for being there.

  107. At 09:50 AM on 22 Dec 2006, Belinda wrote:

    (all the early 90s posts): Due to the insistance of my husband, I went to the Donington GP in about 1993 (was it?), Ayrton Senna won (driving a MacLaren!) after an absolutely stunning first lap where he overtook everyone from about 5th on the grid in the rain.

    Never thought I would hear myself talk sport on here, but ah well.

  108. At 10:05 AM on 22 Dec 2006, Fearless Fred wrote:

    If we're talking motorsport, I can only lay claim to the fact that I drive past the Williams F1 centre every day going to & from work, the shops, etc. Apart from that, I'm afraid to say it doesn't grab my attention. Now rugby is a different matter :-)

  109. At 11:01 AM on 22 Dec 2006, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Ffred,

    I thank my stars I only arrived here at thirty, else I'd have lost my front teeth and perhaps an eye,
    as some fellow enthusiasts have. As it is, I have had the most wonderful and engaging spectator experiences from the only sport which can have me jumping up and shouting at the TV. (other modes of experience are available, including the odd attendance at Murrayfield)

    The wee Jack Russells start barking as, while watching, they notice my body tensing and twisting involuntarily - sheer vicarious engagement!

    Friends have noted that my shoulders also lean and twitch while watching buzzards, etc. It seems I'm pretty suggestible, and certainly I'm right up there, flying with(in) them....God knows how I appear while watching squirrels.

    xx
    ed

  110. At 11:34 AM on 22 Dec 2006, Dr Hackenbush wrote:

    No offense taken, guys - Mary.

    The Clash: Only one of the best groups in modern popular music. And Joe Strummer a top man.

    Belinda - right in every particular, apart from the spelling of McLaren.

  111. At 12:59 PM on 22 Dec 2006, John H. wrote:

    whisht (99) - hilarious!

    Are those sequential? I just note that you want a night off after the sister.

  112. At 05:22 PM on 22 Dec 2006, Whisht wrote:

    ooh eck.. I think I'm now in trouble...

    and Aunt Dahlia and Aperitif, although I'm blushing, you're both too kind to an undeserving soul... and really, although it sounds like backtracking, I don't think the womble costume really is going to do it for me (sorry)

  113. At 01:43 AM on 23 Dec 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    Well, Whisht! I've been and hired one now!... ;-)

    JH, where've you been??!!

  114. At 06:53 PM on 23 Dec 2006, whisht wrote:

    oh really Aperitif?

    I'm sorry.... oh well, it'd be a shame to go to waste...

    which one did you pick...?

    M
    Mme Cholet?


    Tomsk??!!??

  115. At 07:26 PM on 23 Dec 2006, Valery P wrote:

    Merry Christmas John H if you're still out there!

    Of course, it might be a good time to wish a Merry Christmas to all fellow froggers as well, but I think I'd better check in to the beach for that. have a good one anyway, one and all!

  116. At 02:55 PM on 24 Dec 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    Whisht, Uncle Bulgaria -- whaddya think?... ;-)

    Have a lovely holiday,

    A, x.

  117. At 07:47 PM on 24 Dec 2006, whisht wrote:

    hmmmm..... I'm thinking "whiskers"....

    mind you - they all had whiskers (including Mme Cholet!!)

    mind you, he was wise..... had a tartan hat.... pretty compelling....

    have a great xmas Aperitif!
    x

  118. At 08:33 AM on 25 Dec 2006, John H. wrote:

    What a lovely, bizarre exchange! It looks like you'll get your womble whisht - which just goes to show the value of a good Christmas list! (How am I wishing I'd put Eva Green on mine?! Well - you never know....)

    Drinks - just been short of things to say - you know how it is sometimes?

    Many thanks Valery P - Merry Christmas to you too! And Merry Christmas to everyone else as well.

  119. At 10:20 PM on 27 Dec 2006, Aperitif wrote:

    Whisht, same to you. xx.

    JH, Surely not?! xx.

    Everyone, hope it was all good, xx.

  120. At 11:51 AM on 04 Mar 2007, junhua wrote:

    i want to study english well ,can you help me?

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